F48
Meaningless sex? Good or bad?
November 18 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
Meaningless sex has its place. A one night stand, a booty call, they all have uses, and different people use them differently. We've never had one night stands or booty calls, it's always been in a relationship for us. I suppose if you really wanted to, you could go out way on a limb and do the whole slut thing. It's 2009, after all, and no-one should judge you for doing that if you felt that it was something you really had to do. Both meaningless sex and relationship sex can heal, but only you can be the judge of that. It may just be a temporary fix, but that temporary fix might last long enough for you to go out and get a more permanent fix. Does that make any sense? Personally, sex in general, especially in the aftermath of the death of someone close to you, is greatly healing, since it is a celebration of life - and what is more comforting than celebrating life in defiance of one's mortality? Ironic, really, since orgasm is also le petit morte, the little death, but I digress ... I really feel for you. The missus and I have just been through (consecutively) pretty hard periods, whereby our jobs were uncertain, our direction was undefined, and to cap it off, my grandmother passed away a week ago, so it was a lot of rush to book flights home and take part in the wake and funeral. Whichever path you choose, I wish it be a healing path for you. Do take care of yourself.
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RHP User
16 years ago
after leaving my wife, i always thought it would be really easy to have casual sex with just any woman, yanno, lots of one night stands etc, etc...but as i started to chatting to some women, i very quickly realized that i was wrong...there is no way i could just meet someone and just f**k...For me, there has to be a connection, normally of spirit, soul or mind, i can see that is how i am...i did once just meet someone in a motel...omg...what a total and utter disaster...couldn't even get the old boy up...very embarrassing at the time, but taught me a valuable lesson...there just has to be that mental connection!!Sex is always just fun for me...to be had with someone whose company i enjoy...the main reason is that you can explore the other person...it's not just a wham, bam, thank you mam...but a journey of spirit...a sharing...a time to be at peace...i hope that makes sense...showing ya another side of me......so flirt away...ya is so cheeky and saucy...mmm-mmmm....blows ya kisses and sends ya great big hugs......hehe...and what time did ya wanna meet?...giggles...>>>...me finks i need a good spanking...and gee lovebitten...i wish i had a big bandaid i could give ya...or take some of that hurt away...how about i give ya a lovely delicious head massage...now, please would you kindly remove all of your clothes.........cheersjose....i
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RHP User
16 years ago
Anonymous casual meaningless sensual sexual activity with numerous people concurrently or consequetively is my way of packing away my troubles. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
Very much appreciated. Gaz...your post does not surprise me...whenever I pass the local gym I think of you and your bottom and, now, the way you just bonk all your troubles away....bliss xxxxxx Jose...can I have that bandaid..I have a big hurtie...it was nice to read you post and see that I am not the only one that feels less that stellar sometimes, and that a connection is needed xxxxxx Trishy...thanks for your kind words and snuggles and cuddles and my inbox message too. I know you have your own troubles lately but you are always around giving advice and making me giggle (blush sometimes too, with all your carrot references!!) xxxxxx blowing kisses to you all...as i think things out... lovebittenxoxoxox
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey lovebitten... Sad to hear. Stay strong. I've been through some tough times myself and I've been involved in various communities for many years... it was through the strength of one community I was in at the time that helped me get through my tough times a few years back. My tough times don't need to be repeated here, but I did learn that the strength of individuals in a given community can really help those in need when they need it most. The tribe can help if you let it. Have faith in the people around you and just relax. Things will happen when they are ready, don't force it. Wayne x
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RHP User
16 years ago
Where to start?!?!?!? Let's just say, when I met my extremely close and great friend all was starting to look up - divorce was almost finalised, I was settling well, my son was relaxed and happy - then BAM - shite hit fan, I had meltdown and new friend almost ran for the hills. Luckily, he stayed - he has been my rock, my support, my ear as I have to him. My ex put the pressure on "his" friends, suffice to say, I lost a LOT of support here in Melbourne. Hang in there, my view is don't go for the meaningless - find someone you click with, can be friends with and who can support you through this most vulnerable of times. Guys don't realise we women hide an awful lot, we shield our pain from them, we retreat into our corners to lick our wounds. Some come out great, others struggle. I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel thanks to my caring friend. You will too, just be strong, be realistic and don't throw it all away on a maybe. Hugsxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Lovebitten...I can't even begin to imagine what you are going through at the moment. Please let me know if there is ever anything I can do for you...a coffee, a friendly ear...anything. I understand completely how comforting & steadying sex can be when times get tough, but to be honest with you, I don't think having meaningless and emotionless sex will leave you feeling anything other than used and even more alone in the morning because the type of guys who would be happy with a one night stand type situation are really only in it for themselves and can't offer you what you really need right now. On the flipside, I also understand how you would love to just go out, forget your troubles and just have a purely physical release and if you can get your head around (ummm....trying to find an eloquent way of saying this)....being in complete control and just 'using' a guy knowing that is just a purely physical release, then I don't think that's a bad thing either. Somehow though, if you're anything like me, I don't think that will come easily to you no matter how hard you try to convince yourself otherwise. Kisses and squishes xoxox
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi Lovebitten, sorry to hear wot you are going thru..my thoughts are with you. I agree with Jose, while having casual, meaningless sex when i was younger, I now find that i need a connection with someone before sleeping with them..When my husband and i split, all i wanted was to have some one to have sex with, in some ways to reassure me that i was still desirable but found i couldnt do it..ended up sleeping with my ex(before my husband) which was familiar and hot(even after 8 years), but if you think it could be your release then go for it. And as for flirting, nothing wrong with that..go for it. I wish you love and luck in what is ahead for you and your children... M XXXXXXXXXX
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi Lovebitten....Hmm casual hookups and quickies even have a place..in the scheme of things...for mebut for casual hook ups...one has to be in the right head space ,in order to get what one wants out of it.(.benefits one)otherwise i feel....its only going to be a vicious cycle..with you feeling worse..(.expecially if your not into casual sexin the first place)...then comfort sex even with someone, one knows....i again feel that one has to be in the right head space...otherwise it could / can cause complications...as in mixed emotions. i went through it when youger and have know people who have been through the same predictament.hang in there sweety.stay strong..all will get brighter..and easier..ya not onya ownxoxoxheymumma
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RHP User
16 years ago
Lovebitten I just wanna give you a hug Leesa
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yes' I feel for you and what you're saying. Many many years ago I was in a terrible state after the collapse of my marriage and family breakdown. Becoming a single man again was abit strange' all of a sudden girls who were long time friends' suddenly started to show some attention I was not expecting. Now' I was always the type of guy who always thought the 2 people you should never screw around with were your mates wives or girlfriends ... to this day' I still feel the same. Back then ' I was a little vunerable' and the girls told me they were not in serious relationships. So' I thought I would just enjoy the attention and the sex that came with it. Some were great and some were good' none were really bad... but what this done for my sense of well being in hard times was almost the only tonic I needed. Interaction with another person although only temporary was enough to see me through a very hard period of my life. The thing that got me through most of all' was some tender meaningfull moments with a wonderfull girl who was later to become my wife and still is after many years. So what do I think ? I think you should follow your instincts' if its takes you away from any hurtfull reality for even a short time... It cant be a bad thing. Just be carefull wolves... Mr JJ
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RHP User
16 years ago
in my opinion I dont think u shud resort to casual sex to help urself heal, from my experience it will only make u feel less good about urself .. if u r doing it with a regular partner who is at least sumwat a frnd and u guys both respect each other then that cud be fine also coz from by the sounds of things it sounds like u need a frnd more then anything im sorry to hear that ur going thru all that must be horrible!
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RHP User
16 years ago
I know this is a "sex" site but there are so many wise and beautiful people on this site that it astounds me sometimes. Hugs to you all and I will keep smiling and positive so long as all you other RHPers do! Thanks again lovebittenxoxoxo
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RHP User
16 years ago
I know where you're at here, been there before and felt the ache that comes from it... The sex can be good, it may be a temporary salve to your ego when you're at a low point, but it can become hollow - it won't heal, it will distract to some extent while it lasts, but the fundamental problem still needs to be addressed - and that can only be done by you over time, at least that's my experience. Before I came to understand that there is a difference between sex for love and sex for fun and as an expression of physical attraction, (and it did more harm than good), I struggled to put it in context... Now I find that this type of escapade (!) certainly has its place, just make sure that your expectation is purely on the physical and on the enjoyment of the experience, and don't expect some emotional aspect to grow from it; if it does though, then more power to you... just be clear that it is purely about the physical, and that you read it that way. Without doubt the best sex comes from having an emotional connection, but sometimes the adventure of not being restricted by what you think may be confronting to your partner can take you places you don't expect! As Customer69 said, stay strong; we all go through tough times, but it's how you deal with them that matters most. Look after yourself and your children and over time the light will start to shine again. All the best to you Lovebitten, you will come through this more alive and positive (although it may not feel that way right now) for the experience.
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