F56
Medical 'issues' getting in the way of 'fun'
May 04 2015
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
Well for close to twenty years I have had bipolar2 disorder. I cannot tell you the amount of times it has been an issue for others, not in a relationship but in trying to find one and for my family and friends. Unfortunately with the amount of tv series and stigma that goes along with it people tend to think you must be really mentally insane. They are uneducated in this field and when they meet you they are quite amazed at how normal and intelligent I actually am. It is something that I never hide from people as I feel they should and deserve to knowand am quite proud of who I am and that I can make people see that it is not what they thought. I am medicated and that certainly helps though it does take away some of my soul or true being for want of a better description. Coriander, what ever it is that is affecting you currently I hope it soon passes and consider your feelings validated. Cheers.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I wouldn't run to the hills if the issues are being treated and under control ? We'll except for drug issues? Past drug issues are not an issue. I have a medical issue that concerns me and make life very hard at times? The issue is my hearing and having conversation is harder therefore I become ashamed as some get frustrated :(
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RHP User
11 years ago
Hi, great topic. Not a topic i'm probably comfortable talking about on here but in the name of helping other women feel like they're not on their own (i appreciate men also have health issues but just commenting on my experiences) occasionally i can't hook up for this reason and don't like to discuss detail with guys. My most common problem, or at least 3 times now, is the yeast infection or ph imbalance which i find happens now if i have a cold or minor ailment like that, but such a pain because i won't hook up if i'm not 'sweet' regardless of the type of encounter and can take at least 3 or 4 days to start to come good. I find guys don't always believe me, think i'm just fobbing them off, so there you are, it's in print now! Guys if we tell you we have a health issue, women don't usually lie about that kind of thing, so understand we do the best we can with our sometimes sensitive bodies - Posted from rhpmobile
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tall60
11 years ago
hi...i'm a lurker, who enjoys the forums...met a widowed gal around my age on the big vanilla site...we hit it off and had an around 2 year secret FWB liason. she then developed ovarian cancer, which presents as almost symptomless...she's been having multiple treatments for at least a couple of years now.the sex side of things has gone, but because of the genuine feelings, which we both developed, i still see her and support her. we walk around the area together, hand in hand...have an odd meal and snack together. her prognosis is very poor...but c'est la vie. she is still a lovely warm person and ive become very fond of her...and thats my illness tale...what more can i do...methinks,one can't just abandon a friend.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've had a specific health issue since my late teens that has largely been a non issue, but raised it's head again late last year and is ongoing now. I've found women generally aren't put off in any way, but then again it isn't contagious and hasn't really affected my overall fitness in any persistent way. It sucks up a lot of my spare time though, so there's that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have had major health issues recently. Three ops in 4 weeks last year alone. I have limited movement in my hip due to a bone tumour. My lovely hubby and my FWBs have been amazing in accommodating this into playtime. I have developed a taste for doggy which I can do fine. I wouldn't be put off by a partner with health issues as I understand where they are coming from. You are not alone Coriander and I hope you feel better soon. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Apart from some intermittent physical problems, I have battled with depression for the past 17 years. The first 7 were a nightmare, a husband who would not or could not understand, who constantly put me down and dismissed the issue as mind-over-matter. I met Mr Cumplay after my divorce, I was open and honest with him from the start. Thankfully he is an extremely patient and wonderful man who has stood by me through all my ups and downs. I am pretty open with people but still experience the occasional "you just need to be more positive" comments. Usually I just dismiss their ignorance or tell them to hold their judgements until they have walked in my shoes. Shaz (who is now feeling a tad exposed and vulnerable)
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RHP User
11 years ago
diverticulitis = do not pound me to hard or you will end up with scat play , something neither of us planned Hemorrhoid= get your dick away from my arse hole herniated disc= fuck me I am so not getting into that position, no matter how much you cry and beg and yes your doing all the bloody work HRT= if i have my patch it on we fuck, if i forget to put it on we fight vertigo= yes I look like i am drunk but i don't drink so i am not the party girl you were hoping for anxiety= ohhh my god is that my husband back early from work? depression= i cry if you take your pants of and its in cyber inchesdepression= i cry when you lie about going down on me sometimes we feel like crap, just not in the mood or we feel ill, and you can sort the wheat from the chaff by those people that get we are human.
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RHP User
11 years ago
In the last five years I have had two total hip replacements, a reconstruction on my ankle, and my lumbar spine fused last year. I have been in and out of hospital with rheumatoid flares and everything else that this disease brings (ie it affects skin, eyes, heart, lungs, kidneys etc as it is an auto immune disease). I was upfront with Woody from the beginning and he has been my rock. So long as you talk openly and express any fears that you may have you will be ok. Good Luck xxx Pusscat xxxx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Corrie, great so see you again in the sandpit and great topic xox :-) For me I have had a long term partner who endured depression and mental illness mostly in silence. While the mental illness issues subsidised most of the time (but with its moments still) once she was on meds, the libido was struck down to stuff all by the meds so while it was the lesser of two evils it was the straw that finally broke the camels back from both sides of the fence. It's not anyone's fault or blame but unfortunately just the way life's cards are sometimes dealt. Could I have still been in the low libido relationship if perhaps there was some accomodation given sexually ..... Perhaps ..... Cheers, W. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
A couple of years ago I had to have unavoidable surgery where I was told "this is going to leave a mark....which might be an issue...you know...when you want to get intimate". I said to the doctor "OK..let's try and minimize it as much as it is possible BUT at the end of the day if my lover cannot get over these scars then he does not deserve to be my lover" His jaw dropped but he smiled and we went about revising the surgery plan :) And whilst I have had some scarring issues (a complication) it did turn out to be as "good as it can be" I have lived to the principle I set back then and never had a lover complain :)
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Hottie1
11 years ago
And had his left kidney removed last August! This has impacted the blood supply to his groin and he doesn't get the same sort of erection or the same powerful orgasms he used to get. He has had the first of his bi-annual complete body scans and blood tests and was given the all clear. He needs to do these till the specialists are satisfied that he is in the clear. I would never run for the hills, he is more than his illness. He is the man who has stood by me through many a health issues, he deserves my love, care and compassion. He is an extraordinary man because after his surgery is when we decided that I would play on my own. We always had mismatched libidos but his surgery made it far more difficult. He is so selfless in so many ways, giving me the scope to fulfill my needs yet he maintains a positivity despite what he has experienced, even turning our playtime not a Hotwife scenario. Hang in there lovely! Thank you to those who have shared. Mwah gorgeous Shazza :) Mary xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thank you everyone who has posted here publicly and my overflowing private mailbox. I wasn't expecting this reaction at all. I wish to say i have 'liked' all of your stories because I support you, not liking your suffering, but I guess we all understand that. My fave quote to date is; "I would never run for the hills, he is more than his illness." And this simple post proves how many of us lead a far more complex life under the radar. I just wanted to highlight how painful life can be. Doesn't mean we can't experience joy, love, passion and ecstasy. Some of us just get a pricier bill..... And after reading thus far, I've got nought to moan about.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I wish to address you all personally but my inbox is kinda crazy right now. Please keep posting, I'll get there.... xxx
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RHP User
11 years ago
We too have had issues, the love of my life has had breast cancer. But not just that has had to have multiple operations and does not want any more including reconstructions. And who can blame her, not me.But that was 5 years ago. And we have kinda got back into the swing. And rarely plays As she is very self conscious when she does she really enjoyer self and cumms quickly. But mostly she still feels she is not desirable especially as she is not getting younger, so it's easier for her to avoid play through fear of rejection or a negative reaction. She looks great and keeps her top on with a prosthesis. This play scene is very image conscious, worse than teenage dating. We would love to meet and play with others who are like us at least then it's ok?What do you guys think? Xxxx rod and Rose
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RHP User
11 years ago
I also have been suffering depression for the last 18 years, so I know where you are coming from Shaz. It helps to have a wonderful person in your corner and I feel for her everyday for putting up with it and me. Big hug from me.Cheers Michael
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'TisonlyI' Well for close to twenty years I have had bipolar2 disorder. also have what would most probably be diagnosed as bipolar II (if I was to see another psychiatrist for a 'formal' diagnosis which I have no current desire to do). It has affected my life and relationships in a big way. I'm not considering getting into another relationship for quite awhile because I need to focus on getting through uni. Also my checkered relationship history has made me quite cautious now. I suppose I've also kind of given up on even casual liaisons at the moment, and I haven't had sex for over 6 months now. I mean, I'm certainly not closed off completely to it but living up here there's not much, um, choice anyway, and as the months have gone on I've just put sex on the backburner. In a way that's good as it allows me to try and put the focus I do have into uni, but yeah there are obviously negatives to it as well. II don't know, I guess I'm just trying to get through each day at the moment, but I am definitely my own worst enemy that's for sure.
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RHP User
11 years ago
finding a partner who can be understanding and supportive through the bad times as well as good is not easy, those who have are very lucky. I haven't yet, maybe one day but not for awhile, more work to do on myself first.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'donnamick' I also have been suffering depression for the last 18 years, so I know where you are coming from Shaz. It helps to have a wonderful person in your corner and I feel for her everyday for putting up with it and me. Big hug from me.Cheers Michael to you too honey..mwah
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RHP User
11 years ago
Not something I'd typically talk about, but you all started it. I lived with a beautiful woman with Bipolar II for nearly 15yrs, most of the time undiagnosed. The highs were pretty crazy. Usually she'd just be dragging me along to party, while I tried to keep her safe. It was often a lot of fun. There was some crazy sexual escapades! Sometimes though she'd just decide she didn't need me, and make plans to pack up and move cities or states taking the children with her. She was really horrible to me in the process. I have to be honest, there were a couple of occasions where I would definitely have shown her the door had the kids not been involved. I learned though that those episodes were followed by a crash, and I just had to wait it out. I'd play along, making plans for splitting up, and then just come home one day to find her mind completely changed. A nasty depression would set in, and we'd have to deal with that for anywhere from a few weeks to a few months. I'd sometimes cop the blame for this too. Then she might go a year or more without a major swing, before something would trigger it again. Most of the time she was reasonably "normal", which for her is outgoing, friendly, and a lot of fun. Eventually I convinced her to get some help, only to have her GP diagnose depression and give her pills that put her straight into another manic high, followed a few months later by another massive crash. Then there were 3 months of different pills that killed our sex life, which despite the all the other challenges had always been good. She still had some desire, but just couldn't cum. After a couple of tries she found a psychiatrist who diagnosed Bipolar II and at least we could understand what was happening. A couple more failed drug experiments put pressure on the sex life again, before her own research identified a drug not available in Australia that looked like it fit her circumstances. It took a little work, but she's been on it for 2yrs now and it's working well. There's no more depression which is the key thing for her, and the highs aren't anywhere near as crazy as they used to be. By then though the relationship damage had been done. I still love and support her, but just can't live with her any more. I'm there if she needs me, and definitely there for our children, and we're still best friends. But it got to a point where I just had to think about my own wellbeing. The drugs have also changed her over time. She's definitely more stable, and happier than she's been for a long time, so it's good for her. But the passion is largely gone - for me, and for the causes and issues she used to feel so strongly about. She enjoys sex when she has it, but it's rare that she's actually interested. It makes me a bit sad, but she's happy and that's the important thing. So medical issues regularly impacted on our 'fun'. Sometimes it made for a whole lot more fun, and sometimes killed it off. Eventually the medical issues led to the end of the marriage, although I'm not exactly running for the hills. She'll have my support as long as she needs it.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SimonDoes' After a couple of tries she found a psychiatrist who diagnosed Bipolar II Just from what you've said it possibly sounds to me more like Bipolar I, but of course I'm no mental health professional. Also it seems that it is starting to be recognised that mood disorders also occur along a spectrum (similar to the autism spectrum), with the unipolar depression at one end and Bipolar I with the extreme mania and depression at the other. This makes a lot of sense to me. We still have a long way to go when it comes to understanding mental health conditions and I think one day we will recognise that the focus should not be on trying to put people into discrete diagnosis boxes like we do with physical conditions. Some people who work in mental health already realise that and almost completely disregard a person's formal diagnosis when they work with them, but unfortunately they still work within systems dominated by the traditional medical model with psychiatrists at the top of the food chain.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' Quoting 'SimonDoes' After a couple of tries she found a psychiatrist who diagnosed Bipolar II Just from what you've said it possibly sounds to me more like Bipolar I, but of course I'm no mental health professional. Also it seems that it is starting to be recognised that mood disorders also occur along a spectrum (similar to the autism spectrum), with the unipolar depression at one end and Bipolar I with the extreme mania and depression at the other. This makes a lot of sense to me. We still have a long way to go when it comes to understanding mental health conditions and I think one day we will recognise that the focus should not be on trying to put people into discrete diagnosis boxes like we do with physical conditions. Some people who work in mental health already realise that and almost completely disregard a person's formal diagnosis when they work with them, but unfortunately they still work within systems dominated by the traditional medical model with psychiatrists at the top of the food chain. I didn't express that well. It was GP's and a psychologist that got it wrong, they simply focused on the depression. The two psychiatrists she's worked with have both diagnosed Bipolar II. She had to ditch the first psychiatrist as she wouldn't consider alternative medicines. The standard set weren't really helping and had some horrible side effects. The far more experienced second psychiatrist agreed to work with her on alternative medicine when it was made clear that she was going to do it anyway. Turned out it worked. The message for other is persistence pays off. Don't accept half a solution, and if the drugs are causing problems then push to try alternatives. It's definitely not an exact science.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Your story is so spot on and quite common in the mental illness circles. I am sorry that you guys had such a rough trot at times and I relate to exactly what you went through. I sometimes feel very guilty and embarrassed as the episodes can often make you feel like a big spoiled child. There are many varying degrees of bipolar2 and four different forms of bipolar itself and no doubt many more to come as they love labels in the medical profession. I was diagnosed with depression by our cities supposedly finest psychiatrist and it sent me up the wall manic in a way I have never experienced and mood swinging daily. There is such a fine line between many mental disorders and worth learning about these things if anyone suspects they or family, partner or a close friend have an issue. I had been falsely diagnosed with BPD (borderline personality disorder). depression, aspergers, slight autism and even told by one idiot that I had fucked my life up with drugs and alcohol and shit that happened in my childhood. Good luck to all with any health issues you may have. Thank you for posting this topic Coriander I hope it helps many through their bad times. Hugs to all.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'SimonDoes'I didn't express that well. It was GP's and a psychologist that got it wrong, they simply focused on the depression. The two psychiatrists she's worked with have both diagnosed Bipolar II. She had to ditch the first psychiatrist as she wouldn't consider alternative medicines. The standard set weren't really helping and had some horrible side effects. The far more experienced second psychiatrist agreed to work with her on alternative medicine when it was made clear that she was going to do it anyway. Turned out it worked. The message for other is persistence pays off. Don't accept half a solution, and if the drugs are causing problems then push to try alternatives. It's definitely not an exact science. The last part of my comment was me more going off on a general tangent, and not referring specifically to your partner's case. Obviously psychiatrists have an important role in mental health and likely always will, IMO that is mainly in the medication realm (although as with all professions there are good psychiatrists and bad ones). In my particular case I have learned that meds aren't the main control for my symptoms, and have been able to avoid long term use of stronger mood stabilisers. Not that I am against them at all, for many they are the key to living a fulfilling life and if I couldn't manage my symptoms without them I would certainly be taking them. But yes, they can have some significant side-effects and sometimes there is that necessary trade-off.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thank you for your open and frank discussions. Thanks for supporting and understanding each other. I know so many people would read this with a lot to contribute but wish to remain incognito, and understandably so. I also wish to acknowledge the private messages I've received, one of which broke my heart open like a pinata. Whether we are the supporter or the supported, or at times, both, my hat goes off to you all. (Gone from looking for validations as I was in a whiney mood, to feeling very fucking lucky and thankful for my lot in life. Getting a surgery date in 2 weeks helped) Keep looking out for people and checking in on those you think may need it.
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adventurousbi88
10 years ago
First time I have commented on a forum post but I am feeling very compelled to tell my story. I (Mr) have had a long series of unlucky health streaks. As I am currently I have had 3 hip surgeries (2 on left 1 on right) fell down a set of stairs and hurt my back (disk bulge) 2 TIA's (mini stroke), left thyroid removed due to a cancerous lump, and am currently awaiting a full left hip replacement... I am 27, my incredible wife has stood by my throughout everything and there is not a single word strong enough to show my appreciation. As one could imagine all this can hinder a person in the bedroom, yet she still loves our sex. As for why we are here (again), we enjoyed our past experiences, swinging together, and the rare meeting separately. But when it comes to meeting another young couple it can become intimidating, you read profiles or validations about countless hours of fucking and begin to wonder about keeping you. I'm sure if explained to a couple they would understand and probably work around such things... We are here to enjoy a few more experiences and fulfil some fantasies before I am out of action with a new hip. Medical issues are a tricky thing to understand if they aren't happening to you. Well thanks for reading my first post and it is truly touching to read yours. T - Posted from rhpmobile
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