Moving on...

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  RHP User

  4 years ago

  Sorry to hear. Somehow, you've gotten dirt on your hands. Wash them. Wash them again. Have a cry over a day. Or two. Then? Understand that that dirt (him) has gone down the drain forever - connection is over. Look forward to the future, and know you "won" cause you "lost" a loser. Good luck :)

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  HotWifeUnicorn

  4 years ago

  I'm no expert. I've been in a continuously growing relationship for decades but I also recently went a bit deeper with a FWB. A few big things happened in his life, I was there for him. Tables turned and life's been tough for me - fucking tumbleweeds... It's hurt and more than anything-else I'm really disappointed because really the potential I saw was just a mirage. A different situation but I've found what helped me turn a corner was not to concentrate on how I feel let down or how he won't (not can't) be there for me. Instead I reframe that negative feeling into what I need. So I need a kind caring guy. I need to feel appreciated. I expected to feel valued. And then I look at him and all I see are his inadequacies not the pain they cause. In your case You need to be heard. You want to be respected etc. Play with the concept. I'm only a couple of days in but it's completely changed my perspective and helped me move up a few levels in my emotions and healing.

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  teamaj2

  4 years ago

  Phoenix , firstly let me say I was saddened to read that you have had to endure such cruel , despicable behaviour. I have no magic answer . I think you are a wise woman and already know that it will take time to heal and once again let your guard down and trust . It’s not for everyone but I am a believer in a good psychologist. Not one that just listens but one that gives you tools to move forward . To find the right practitioner may mean going to a few practitioners before finding the right fit for you . Please be kind to yourself . I have been in an abusive relationship . I learnt there was nothing to be gained from looking back and wondering why I got myself in that situation, why I apologised over and over when I wasn’t at fault etc etc I send you virtual hugs ( if they may help ) , strength to move forward and wish you a bright , peaceful happy , loving future that we all so justly deserve. Ax

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  MsSuperFoxy

  4 years ago

  F-THAT. BLOCK, BLOCK, BLOCK! Do not discus anything with anyone, that is in contact with that person. Doesn't matter if they are family or close friends. Cut all ties. You need to remove yourself, out of this toxic situation for your own mental Health. You do not need to make things better for him. Do it for YOU! Success is the best revenge. Ms Foxy PS If you need to talk to anyone there is 24hr help lines, like LIFELINE:131 1141, BEYOND BLUE: 1300 224 636, and MINDSPOT: 1800 641 434.

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  RHP User

  4 years ago

  I am so sorry to hear, the way you are feeling is normal for the situation you've described and it is how some people end up stuck in abusive relationships. You deserve better. Remind yourself of that regularly. Take care. xo

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  2EssesExploring

  4 years ago

  What to say? We all lock horns on here from time to time and we all forget there are humans with unknown life experiences on another screen somewhere. I have known some incredible women throughout my life, the utmost of intelligence, beauty and strength and nearly all of the strongest ones have made wrong choices and suffered abuse (not always just by men either mind you). I will also admit I have been in relationships where I did not be the person they deserved and these memories are my regrets. I still have a number of these amazing women in my life and I endeavour to appreciate them as best I can. Now sometimes my best isn’t as good as it should be but I do feel I’m performing better, again we all have our demons that make us act in evil ways at times. So for you I’d say hold your head up high, you are in esteemed company. I agree with teamaj that a good professional can help direct you in the path you want to go. When I realised I was severely lacking I got a recommendation from a dear friend and hit up that psych with the whole truth and set to make myself better. The dear man shed a few tears at my honesty and was honoured that I would lay myself bare to him. He didn’t disappoint in that trust and I owe him the deepest gratitude. He also didn’t shy away from stopping my drivel and pointing out when I was blaming others not focusing on myself and what I could do for me. So forget the others, you can’t change them but you can change yourself. Some of those others you love dearly, well if they are to be a positive part of your life they will come around when you are being true to yourself. Also don’t beat yourself up about bad stuff you’ve said, easier said than done, I still wish I could take back words, sentences, whole tirades but I try to forgive myself. Take care dear human.

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  RHP User

  4 years ago

  These have all been extremely helpful replies, thank you. It’s funny, while I’ve had success with a psychologist before I hadn’t even thought about seeing one about this, I think it’ll almost certainly help and to be honest I feel a little silly for not thinking of it. I’ve definitely got anger issues over it, but I also believe in karma and want to work my way through it with what little dignity I have left intact, so I’ve just been trying to ignore the hurt and anger...that’s clearly not working if I came here to ask for advice. I’m glad I did though, it’s humbling to bring up these issues but I was at my wits end, I guess I’m lucky I haven’t been through this before, and now hopefully I never will again if I do the work I need to do on myself. Thank you all again. I’m feeling a fair bit less of a mess after reading this ♥️

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  Peakin

  4 years ago

  Id suggest seek out a good clinical psychologist experienced & top level therapy

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  RHP User

  4 years ago

  It really saddens me that their are people in this great world that think and act like the so called now EX partner that was part of your life.... Other members on here have passed onto some I think really helpful and careing advice.... Which just show's that there are some wonderful people out there.... On top of their advice I like to say this to you ... Phoenix, you just be the best of you.. don't worry what anyone else opinion is of you and don't apologize for being the best of you... Some day a person will come into your life who will totally respect, care and love you in every way possible.... Until then, take care and keep smiling.... You have a beautiful smile 😁

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