M51 F47
Muggles view on swinging
November 23 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have 2 men in my life, we all live together and love each other, so how does that work, and i can assure you I love both of them to death. Leesa
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RHP User
15 years ago
Like you said running off with someone is not swinging. But yeah Muggles have very interesting views on swinging - I wish i had a dollar for every time a muggle has made comments about throwing keys into a bowl ...well I might have enough money for a trip to Mc Cafe. Recently I was with some muggle friends of mine and they were asking if would come out the following night to see a friend we had mutually known together years ago. When I told them no because I had a swingers event to go to, one of them comment that would I have more fun hanging out with "real friends" rather then people you just fuck. NOw I have seen this person maybe 5 times in like seven years where my swinger friends I see ever few weekends, they are the ones who were all concerned when my dog was at the vet, they are ones who remember stuff about me and who call me to see how I am so who are my real friends. It made me think do muggles just think swingers get together say nothing and just fuck???
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hello Swingers From a fellow Muggles veiw point it can be pretty hard to get your head around the whole concept of swinging and how it works, how you deal with jealousy issues, possesiveness, etc How you can sleep with others maybe even regularly without becoming attached. Even loving more than one person. How does all that work? I have learnt a lot from this RHP forum (thank you Stalky) and although I am a believer in each to their own I was always puzzled in the past about how the swinging thing worked. But obviously two things are clear to me now - you have to be a confident person who is comfortable with your own sexuality plus you have to have absolute trust in your partner. So you are the lucky ones So please don't blame us muggles we speak from very limited knowledge. Hugs & Kisses Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
I know how easy it is to love two, three or more people simultaneously. In our life times love is never exclusive or inclusive. To say we cannot love more than one means that if your partner were to die young, you would therefore spend the rest of your life alone....by choice. I had a friend just recently try and hook me up with a guy because all those people I meet on line "are not real". Made me laugh, the ones I meet certainly are real. When it comes to couples and swinging, I really do understand that it is not cheating as you have "permission" I get that. I just find it hard to accept the difference. I have reiterated this several times on other threads about cheating so no need to go over it again here. Personally I would have MAJOR trouble with possessiveness. Not so much jealousy but I dont generally like to share my toys and I guess that is why I am no hurry to enter another permanent relationship. When the time does come that I find THE one I want to be with, I will give it all away and remain faithful as long as the relationship lasts because that is the way I am. I wont give up my friends, just give up having sex with my firends. No I dont think that couples just get together and fuck. Of course there has to be the same build up of trust and friendship that I experience with my firends. The sex just adds another dimention to the friendship and if it comes a time, like it did with one of my friends, that the sex side of the relationship is no longer an option, then the friendship will remain. Naturally the more time you spend with another couple, the closer you all will get. It is a rare relationship where the two are in love as well as love each other. Subtle but necessary distinction.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I can only speak from my own experiences, I am sure others have their own.I love my partner, and wouldn't let swinging wreck our relationship. We both agree on that. I am not sure why we ended up down the swinging track and not just leave this site and enjoy each other. I think we both enjoy the experiences, and will enjoy it until we have had enough, who knows. We met each other on here, I guess we just went with it.There is a huge amount of trust between us, there has to be. We have our rules as well. For example If either of us doesn't like something, gets a weird feeling what ever, we won't go there. We do not have to tell each other why we didn't want to play with ....., we both respect each other and know that it can happen to the other at any time. Although I am sure we would tell each other if it happened. We will not take one for the team.We choose people that we know will not cause any problems between us, such as jealousy, uncomfortableness, threated, arguments etc. They could live/work further away so we don't see them that often, or they may be regular playmates/friends who we know respect us, not to try and start something. Both of us would tell each other, if a playmate tried something on. Honesty is also very important. I guess we know each other well enough to know what might tick the other off, not to choose people that compliment us, and want the same good experience. It is still very much about enjoying the experience otherwise we wouldn't still be doing it.My partner comes first. I guess we have preventative measures in place. He can access my phone if he likes, my email, my messages or read over my shoulder, if at any stage he has a doubt. To avoid potential problems he will tend to keep the guys contacts and I keep the girls. Although I was on here well before him and have ex playmates who are friends still contact me, they are respectful, and again he is welcome to read the texts if he has a doubt, there is no secrets. In fact I tend to volunteer the information if I have been speaking to an ex playmate and what we were talking about. Guess what, it has never been about sex, when are you available etc, more about family, work, problems or just how ya doing? I have to emphasise that we are not swinging every weekend, we enjoy each other first, and spend lots of time away from RHP. Experiences of those that attend the clubs every weekend (as I used to as a single) may have a lot more things to offer, but I think you will still find that each other comes first, they love each other heaps, and they have their own ways to protect their relationship.Our "playmates" are our friends. We do not have to have sex with them everytime we see them. We care about them, and would expect the same. We enjoy each others company, just sometimes it also involves our bodies. We won't be doing this forever, but we are having some great fun for now.Hope that gives some insight.Oops back to Sals post. I love seeing my partner enjoying himself, whether we are laughing with friends, out together, or having sexytime with others. Swinging is just another experience to share with each other. If consentual, enjoyable,respectable and fun for both. Oh there were a couple of bumps in there but 4 things important in a relationship are communication, honesty, respect and trust. I think swinging has enhanced that more for us. A stronger foundation for love I think.xxMiss Honeyxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
monogamy is drummed into people, but it is most un-natural. Fortunately however, love is natural.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
What you all talk of is what we have been trying to get rid of for years. The old school thought that swingers are keys in the bowl and you dont get a say. Swinging is all forms, there are so many different aspects to the lifestyle. It makes it really hard, when people that go to swingers club ( understandably) hide that they go, no one tells anyone ( or they limit it) about where they have been ( due to the old school of "omg it is naughty") so therefore it keeps the lifestyle like muggles think it is...a place that is naughty and should not be talked about. The best way for people to understand what we are about and how we manage our lifestyle is to be open and honest about it. To talk about it, ( i know that a lot of you have your reasons and that is fine this is just my opinion) see because when we keep this all in closet......it keeps people thinking that there is a bad side to it, and it should not be discussed. Bryan and I have worked tirelessly trying to get rid of the old school ways with our club and it seems to have worked finally....we are a swingers club.....but you can play here if you want to.....no pressure just a nightclub style venue with the opportunity to have sex if you choose.... Think about it.......in the nightclubs around town they have sex in the toilets.....in the carpark....etc..... Why because we call ourselves a swingers club...do people think that we are something that we are not... The only difference between us and a nightclub is that there are no fights here...no police call outs ever!...no drunken behavior and you can legally have sex where ever you want... SO i say us swingers have the best of both worlds...we just gotta all be game to share it or it will always be the same....Muggles will never understand.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Some muggles do come to understand. I was a muggle once. I COULD NOT imagine sharing my partner, I thought you would have to be FUCKING CRAZY to do that. I had simply no idea about it, no understanding what so ever, thought you were either born a swinger, or not born a swinger, had the typical muggle reaction that you see all the time. Thankfully for me, I became friends with a couple through RHP who are swingers, and they were very open about it. I had the opportunity to question them at length over a several different social meetings. This is the most together couple I have ever met. Nothing will break this two. They gave me such an insight to how their swinger minds worked and I am so thankful for that. I ended up being their first 'play alone' girl, ie. I slept with him a few times while she was not around, purposefully, and also together the three of us and also in group scenarios. That was four years ago and I still see them every couple of months - great friends, and simply the best introduction to swinging I could have hoped for. Now I can't image going back to the 'old ways'. I'm sorry, but there are just so many men, situations, scenarios out there to experience, imagine having sex with only one for the rest of your life???? Helllz no! MIND YOU, the thought of sharing my partner sexually is fine, because it's just the body, not the mind, just a bit of fun etc, but the thougth of sharing my LOVE with another person, or more to the point, him sharing HIS love with another person does not work for me at all. Who knows, maybe one day I will understand that too. Cheers, xxS
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Mr_MrsJones
15 years ago
Recently I (Lady) have become a member of a US based website that publishes erotic stories. Participating in the forums on this website has been quite interesting. This website publishes stories about just about every conceivable sex act. Some of the top ranking stories involve incest (Americans go figure!!). I expected the members and readers to have a more open mind than say, your typical happily married Mr and Mrs with 2.5 kids. However I still come accross people who think that swinging is for couples who have a dysfunctional relationship or one that lacks sexual fulfillment for one or both parties. People who think that opening your relationship to include others is a death knell. I was stunned by a comment made by a guy after he read one of my pieces; "But it seems that Jake and Gemma (swingers in the story) have their cake and eat it as well because they go out and have great sex with other people and then go home and have even better sex between themselves" My response "Well of course they do. That is what it is about." I think Leesa is right. As swingers we do ourselves a disservice by hiding our activites from other non-enlightened people. We are cautious about who we share with but we do share our experiences with a lot of people and I have found that a lot of people are ignorant but insanely curious. They just want to know how it works not to condemn it. Of course there are some idiots who don't want to get it but they are in the minority. As swingers we help ourselves by putting our lifestyle out there and explaining it patiently to whoever will listen. It is the only way to get people to understand. Unless part of the thrill of it is belonging to a secret society that not everyone knows about.
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DonnaBrett
15 years ago
...the one & only Gene Simmons... "Monogamy is like holding your breath, you can do it for a while but not forever"...what that has to do with the question..I don't know..I just love that quote!! hahaha
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RHP User
15 years ago
Lordlady69 Thanks for your feedback and well said. ..I agree. and they also do us a mis-justice by not telling everyone to come to the club cause they are too embarrassed to admit they attend. So in reality the numbers of swingers that go to venues are limited unless we all get it out there that the lifestyle is not seedy or yuk, but for all walks of life....young old, business people , sports people, lawyers, building designers, teachers, army personal and much more just to mention a few...lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'lord_lady69' I think Leesa is right. As swingers we do ourselves a disservice by hiding our activites from other non-enlightened people. We are cautious about who we share with but we do share our experiences with a lot of people and I have found that a lot of people are ignorant but insanely curious. They just want to know how it works not to condemn it. Of course there are some idiots who don't want to get it but they are in the minority. As swingers we help ourselves by putting our lifestyle out there and explaining it patiently to whoever will listen. It is the only way to get people to understand. Unless part of the thrill of it is belonging to a secret society that not everyone knows about. Swinger Pride!I have told lots of people and never really had a bad reaction, people I work with know, families knows most people want to know how it works - If we hide it - it looks like we have something to hide. Quoting 'hotqld45' When we were investigating swinging we came across a Florida swing club, that offered introduction type classroom / seminar courses for couples considering swinging during the day, And if gradulates wanted to play that evening in the club they were welcomed. We considered flying to Florida to do this but in the end the cost was too much and got their manuals and exchanged a few emails. Happily swinging now with some well proven ground rules in place. They quote the USA swing club membership renewal rate of 27% per yr, where they were acheiving 68%. From what we can gather a well adjusted educated couple no crazy thoughts, just a love for the lyfestle. We would have happily paid for an Australian swing club to offer us a seminar about the lifestyle and some sound advice. This would quickly get rid of that key in bowell mentality .....wasnt that from the 2nd world war? Gosh if we were swinging at 35 then that would make us 105 yrs old now! How dated that is! CI ????? It is a good way to get a positive message about swinging out there. Also a good idea to educate us about safer sex. This forum has gotten off topic I think.
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RHP User
15 years ago
We do that sort of lesson at most Back to School Parties, and when we tour our patrons on their first visits to our club we go over a lot of the swingers questions and answers and talk to them about lifestyle choice and how it works for most. > But happy to hold one seperate...if you all want us to. After 18 years on the scene I think we know a little of what we are talking about. Back to school is usually our lessons on swinging and sex on stage..so come and check it out. Leesa
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RHP User
15 years ago
I don't think it got off topic, i think it is still about trying to make others understand that we are not freaks. lol But then i suppose it is like trying to convert and atheist to christianity isn't it. lol
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RHP User
15 years ago
Let's consider the divorce rate of so called monogomous couples... 50%. Something is not working and it's more than simply a lack of communication. Swinging offers it's own challenges, I do wonder about the divorce rates from swinging couples (a hard one to measure) but my thoughts after having had a failed marriage is that we need a more flexible view of relationships. I can love someone and have sex with someone else although I'm not in a swinging relationship due to my partner. Jealousy arises in every relationship. Last night him and I were watching UFC and I was commenting on how great one of the fighter's body is. Wow, he was sooo jealous ! He went all shitty. I told him I was simply admiring his hard work and toned body (I really was) and it didn't mean I'd prefer to be with him (or even fuck him). I think a lot of people like to live in fantasy land... ignore reality and they believe life will be simple. It isn't ! Hugs and lustful desire, Miss Saturn
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RHP User
15 years ago
i told my work mates that i knew a cpl who the woman has a husband and a boy friend as well and the own an awsome byo club.( hmmm i wonder who i was talking about) i wanted to c whatthey would sat. some man said i have hear that happens and if they r happy y not. EVERYONE else (6ppl) said it was descusting and ppl should do those kinds of things. ppl are scared of things they dont ubderstand. if its not the confornest view ( man woman and none/ nothing) one else its worng. this is y none ( with the exception of mr b best mate) knows im bi or that mr b and i are swinngers.(unless they are from this lifestyle of cause) XXXX Mrs B
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RHP User
15 years ago
The divorce rate is measured over the entire population and not just.....Muggles. Rather a quaint term by the way. Who is to say that swingers have a lower or higher divorce rate? There are no statistics to divide the two so it may be best not to assume that the divorce rate is lower. It is more than monogamy and the boredom of one sex partner that actually causes the breakdown of a marriage as you are already aware.
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RHP User
15 years ago
We have meet hundreds, if not thousands of swinging couples over the years and got to know a lot of them personally. Out of all the swinging couples we have had the honor of knowing only 3 that we know of have seperated. One due to her hubby preferring men....he left her for a lady. One due to not physical abuse... and one due to other things nothing to do with the swinging lifestyle. It is our knowledge that most have no reason to cheat or go behind the others back, and that communication is the key to swingers. So you see if swingers have issues they are comfortable in talking to eachohter about it ,and not just running off and handling it by themselves. Swingers are great communicators as they talk about everything. We have a saying that if everyone just experienced one night at a good club they would find that the lifestyle is about no one else but THEM..and if all they get out of it, is a good night of sex between eachother, then we have achieved what we have worked so hard to achieve. If they wake up in the morning and look at eachother and instead of arguing over kids, money...etc...they say to eachother...OMG how hot was last night ......and start laughing....they have started communicating to each other and found a new way to explore each other with out even touching anyone else, but by living the life of freedom and fun with eachother and have found that spark that sometimes gets lost in all of lifes troubles. It is about YOU as a couple...and NO one else...that whats makes it so special, it is a thing where you both enjoy eachother.. not necessarily others. So i say the figures for divorce by our statistics are very few. National Geographic did a documentary on the swinging lifestyle in 2008 and focused on our patrons and others..it is good viewing...it even approaches the subject of one of our patrons that ended in seperation ( the first instance i quoted) but might i say they didnt say why the couple broke up, just that they did, as all tv shows do to get ratings ...lol Take a peek, it is called Taboo and called Sex...you can go their website and watch it. Leesa
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RHP User
15 years ago
I meant he left her for a man...oops worded that wrong didnt i.
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RHP User
15 years ago
I never knew the back to school events had an educational aspect to them. I thought it was just a themed night.., well you learn something néw everyday.
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RHP User
15 years ago
160 page manual on swinging....lol Isnt swinging about communication, listening to each other, learning from each other, making your rules up as you go and how you feel about situations. Bryan and I used to find new rules all the time, what was okay for us one week, may not have been okay the next. I dont think any manual can tell you how to communicate in the lifestyle with your partner at all. I think you need to get out there and explore and find out for yourselves what suits you in the lifestyle...and dont take what others or book say as WORD, but explore together. Just my opinion. Leesa
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RHP User
15 years ago
What do you mean about the key in the bowl mentality??xx Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have heard that rumour Sweetpie - but what is so wrong with it? Or is that naive of me? Obviously you wouldn't let everyone play with Kitty - I surely understand that but you would be able to say no if you wanted to ? ? Wouldn't you? Imagining the 70's - Big hair, big moustaches, lots of hairy chests and backs, and big bushy pubes - I mean why would you say no to that. hehehe Oh how times have changed. xxx Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'hotqld45' When we were investigating swinging we came across a Florida swing club, that offered introduction type classroom / seminar courses for couples considering swinging during the day, And if gradulates wanted to play that evening in the club they were welcomed. We considered flying to Florida to do this but in the end the cost was too much and got their manuals and exchanged a few emails. Happily swinging now with some well proven ground rules in place. They quote the USA swing club membership renewal rate of 27% per yr, where they were acheiving 68%. From what we can gather a well adjusted educated couple no crazy thoughts, just a love for the lyfestle. We would have happily paid for an Australian swing club to offer us a seminar about the lifestyle and some sound advice. This would quickly get rid of that key in bowell mentality .....wasnt that from the 2nd world war? Gosh if we were swinging at 35 then that would make us 105 yrs old now! How dated that is! I have a guy friend that lives in Florida and he's just recently taken his wife to that Swinger's Club for her birthday (Is it Miami Velvet you're talking about?)...She thought it was a little overwhelming at first, seeing as she and him only talked about swinging...Then actually doing it, she was totally surprised! Now they're regulars to the club...He's also told me that when we're on holiday in the US, he'll organize guest passes for us :D What a sweetie! Obviously there's so many people out there that have different opinions about swinging and the scene. All I can think of is.....Stuff it....Hubby and I are in a loving relationship, love eachother dearly, are very happy but explore sex and willing to share experiences with other people...It's an absolute bonus if we make great friends out of what we do....There's only a few people that know........ I know I'd be lost for words if the wrong people (e.g relatives) found out but, really, what are they gonna do? Tell us it's wrong and punish us? MEH!!! xoxo
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RHP User
15 years ago
HotQld , i just said that was my opinion, i was not laughing at the whole idea, infact i think some would find it fun. But $2000 to have a counselling session and to talk to 10 - 20 other couples...sounds way off the cuff. But over the years of swinging and enjoying the lifestyle, we have found NO book could help us out.it was about learning and listening to eachother, not reading and following guidelines that others gave us. Just our opinion and nothing more. Bryan , Leesa and John
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