M36
NSA and casual relationships
July 28 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Serious for what? That you are in love ? I think you can feel seriously about someone while having a casual relationship. So what do you think of that Slickz. PMSL
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'slickz'In other words it is almost predefined what a casual relationship is in todays standards. Anything that goes outside of this is sometimes labelled as being serious. By who? I certainly want "trust, openness and sharing a connection" in a casual relationship, or it wouldn't be a relationship, but a short-term fling. A casual relationship for me is one I can have several of at the same time. In a serious relationship my partner would be my "number one", even if we (alone or together) chose to sleep with others.
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RHP User
12 years ago
it will be treated seriously regardless of the time frame. I've never treated a serious relationship casually.That may come across as a play on words, that's for you to digest.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Hey meeka I think so too. Although "love" is a bit risky when it comes to a casual relationship. I have not yet experienced "love" in casual relationship and it seems a little conflicting for me to get myself in the position to fall in love- but under the right context I can see it being very enriching. And mez I also agree with what your saying. And although those values exist, I think they are often neglected in a casual context. I definitely trust that this does not apply to your relationships. I have the belief that a lot of people (not including u two) - have definitive boundaries when it comes to defining a casual relationship. I think sex should be the focal point - to avoid any broken hearts. The idea of sex making up the entirety of the relationship does not inspire me and sends me to sleep pretty quickly.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Should be defined, predefined, by those parties engaged in, or contemplating commissioning such an engagement therein. 😊- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Cwhereitgoes - so you take both "serious" and "casual" relationships seriously? That's pretty cool - how does it work out for you, any unwanted complications?
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RHP User
12 years ago
My FWB and I skate in this grey territory, and we chose to keep it unlabelled...but it can be tricky. If we tell people what we get up to, they label us as serious, in a relationship... Yet we are free to see whoever we want...in saying that though...he actively seeks alternative playmates when we are not together, whereas I tend to be happy just sitting back and enjoying what we have. And even though I know what it is, that knowledge can still hurt a bit, and jealousy is there, I just have to keep it in check...and remember I have the best kind of friend a girl can have.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is casual defined by how much time you spend together? by the feelings you have for each other? the connection you feel? The committment you have? the expectations? Plans for the future? ........ I know people on this forum who have many of the above and yet would still call their relationship "casual" I think it's up to the two people involved to define their relationship. Casual or otherwise. It's subjective.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'slickz' I think sex should be the focal point - to avoid any broken hearts. The idea of sex making up the entirety of the relationship does not inspire me and sends me to sleep pretty quickly. You are contradicting yourself there. When sex is the focal point, well then that is just a fuck buddy, someone that you don't really care about. Casual relationships can mean great friendships, and love and/or caring about the other person. It is all about managing your expectations. Although I suppose with you being 21, you still have marriage and raising a family ahead of you potentially. For me I don't really think about that, well I never have to be honest which is probably why I have never been married or had children.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Karynb, absolutely. But I think people assume people are "casual" because they are not exclusive.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The way I see it, any encounter has to have some thought behind it.To me a NSA arrangement would be deemed casual.Complications, I prefer to find the middle ground.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sirlurkalot' Should be defined, predefined, by those parties engaged in, or contemplating commissioning such an engagement therein. 😊- Posted from rhpmobile Are you a lawyer or something? FFS. I hate all this talks about what is this exactly, where are we headed, etc. Just enjoy without having everything defined or supposedly having to lead "somewhere" I think most people think that being in love means you have to be serious, or exclusive, or married.... you don't have to be those things. Although, I think it is probably women who are the worst offenders, thinking that everything has to lead to something serious.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I love my 'partner'...and will enjoy it for as long as it lasts. I have no expectations, I will be sad if/when it ends, but it is perfect for me now.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
NSA, FWB, FB, but mostly B.S.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am looking for an equal with open and honest communication.Give me that any day and I'll be happy.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' Quoting 'slickz' I think sex should be the focal point - to avoid any broken hearts. The idea of sex making up the entirety of the relationship does not inspire me and sends me to sleep pretty quickly. You are contradicting yourself there. When sex is the focal point, well then that is just a fuck buddy, someone that you don't really care about. In my casual relationships sex is the focal point. We're not meeting unless sex is on the table, but that does not mean we don't do plenty of other things. Just sex would bore me too. I care a great deal about some of my FWB's, but if the sex ended the relationship would most likely as well.That's what casual is to me.
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RHP User
12 years ago
"When sex is the focal point, well then that is just a fuck buddy, someone that you don't really care about" Sorry but I have to massively disagree with this. It does not mean fuck buddy at all. If sex is the only thing you participate in and the relationship consists of fitting sessions in between a busy timetable - than yes you would be right. If sex is the "focal point" and there are other things bringing you together such as a great connection, chemistry, energy and ongoing communication - than it becomes more than just meeting for sex. Yet stays within the realms of casual. Also I am 24. And once again I want to hear your perspectives, on this "gray" area (nicely put btw ms_twisted) - not your interpretation of mine.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Everyone seems to like drawing a border around things to define them and then we get confused if it is not a straight line why not just enjoy the time together it is a lot less strain on the brain Then life is full of good memories and not expectations- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Haha yeh there we go - Mez gets it. Not too wordy after all!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Okay, I guess what I got from Slickz comment is that when a relationship is only about sex it bores him silly and he isn't interested in that. Which is fair enough. But this to me is a fuck buddy situation, which I have decided bores me as well. For me, I prefer friendship as well as sex, so when the sex ends we can remain friends. Having someone come over for a sex session and not much else doesn't really interest me I have come to realise.Mesmerised, sorry about how can you say you care about someone in one breath, then in the next breath say you wouldn't remain friends if the sex ended? But I guess that is because sex is your focal point, for me its the friendship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think I equate a serious relationship with commitment, permanence more than exclusivity. Anything less is therefore casual by definition. You can be in an exclusive relationship that's still casual and in a committed relationship that's not monogamous. I can have an emotional attachment to someone I'm in a casual relationship with and even be committed to someone I don't love. I think it's always casual until both parties agree it's not. Meeka, I totally understand your comment about women pushing fir the next stage, looking to the future. I've been guilty of planning the next step.....of looking into the future and not just enjoying today. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I had a rush of blood :p I don't think women are the main offenders, I think that that its probably more equal than we acknowledge. But having that big bad conversation, is a way of making an informed decision. Provided that both(or more in a poly arrangement), are being honest with themselves as well as each other. I do you see what you're saying though, that we should throw away all this red tape bullshit, and just enjoy the fun as it happens. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Sorry didn't mean to sound cold! I can be blunt sometimes. Was just trying to clarify what I meant whilst providing an opinion. And although I really respect how highly you value the friendship side of it - I can really relate to what mez said. She isn't saying she doesnt care about the person - just the simple fact that if the relationship is built around being naughty and intimate - and if the intimacy disappears than the enojoyment factor drops significantly. For example - going out for dinner and drinks. The prospect of sex later on in the night becomes energetic, fun and well... cheeky :). Inevitably this leads to much more powerful sex.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100'Mesmerised, sorry about how can you say you care about someone in one breath, then in the next breath say you wouldn't remain friends if the sex ended? But I guess that is because sex is your focal point, for me its the friendship.I would always care for them, but we wouldn't be likely to continue to hang out just for friendship's sake. Unless the relationship evolved to a proper friendship, where having sex or not wouldn't matter. Never say never, I guess.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I still care deeply about those who've been close to me and for some reason or another our lives have taken two different paths. But that's why positive memories exist. To make you smile like a Cheshire Cat at the awesome times you shared and wonder what they're up to and hope they're safe. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'slickz' "When sex is the focal point, well then that is just a fuck buddy, someone that you don't really care about" Sorry but I have to massively disagree with this. It does not mean fuck buddy at all. If sex is the only thing you participate in and the relationship consists of fitting sessions in between a busy timetable - than yes you would be right. If sex is the "focal point" and there are other things bringing you together such as a great connection, chemistry, energy and ongoing communication - than it becomes more than just meeting for sex. Yeah,... a fuck buddy. If you have chemistry, connection and communicate... but just pretty much have sex and not much else, that is a fuck buddy to me. If you met up sometimes and not have sex at all, go to the movies or just go to the beach to hang out, ring each other up because you just want to have a whinge about something, talk about your personal histories, etc. Well that is FWB situation. The friendship plays a big part, for me anyway.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Nothing wrong with fuck buddies by the way!! I have had FB and FWB, and I realise for me I really enjoy the friendship side of things if I can have that as well, I am happy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Just got to be careful introducing your FWBs to each other! LOL. Then they play tricks on you........
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RHP User
12 years ago
I suppose I haven't really answered your question though. Serious for me is if you commit to each other, with the assumption that you are in it for the long haul, maybe live together, get married. Exclusivity isn't a factor to me when saying if a relationship is serious or not. The rest falls into three areas, 1. Fuck buddies. People am not that close to as we haven't developed a friendship. I know they will be in my life for a short time only. Maybe great sex but not much else if common. 2. Friends with benefits. People I am friends with but who will most likely not be in my life for ever. Maybe age is a factor, or location, but you know how things go. Friendships fade. 3. Friends with benefits. Real true friends who I hope to be friends with for the remainder of my life, even if or when the sex ends.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Meeeeeeeeka - great answer :). And I really like reasoning it makes sense and obviously suits you. a fuck buddy= organize a day, meet, screw, cum once or twice then leave till next time a date is arranged. Which bores me to death. Casual = great conversation, laughing, drinking, eating, dancing then great sex. Conversation continues afterwards. This can all be achieved with sex as the focal point. I would love to be able acheive "3. Friends with benefits" - all in due time I guess. Still relatively new to this scene - I have noticed that amongst all the ruffle on this websites there are a few gems.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
And to give you an example last time I met with one of my "Friends" we went spanish tapas, whiskey bar, saw a show then went back to mine and had great sex. The sex took up less than a third of the night, but the prospect of it and the mutual connection/attraction adds a fire to the whole night. It makes it a really intimate and sensual experience. Sexiest way to do it imo.- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
slickz. Quote;So here is my question, how do you define casual and serious relationships? Serious is, lets spend the rest of our lives together, build a home, raise children, and comfort each other in the grey twilight years of our live. It involves vows, commitment, a desire to and want to follow through. All the rest is... Hey you're sexy, lets tango for a while and have some fun, maybe i'll see ya when I am sixty four...
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RHP User
12 years ago
Slickz ,I love your mind/ thinking , I so totaly agreed with you , you are a fine young Man , thumbs up all the way !...you are the kinda people/man i look forward to meet on this site , exciting personality with intellegent mind , Always so yum...unfortunately i found my play mate already , otherwise i will be this Naughty Cougar and flirting with you ,lol !... Rooarrr !!...Big hug ,
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RHP User
12 years ago
Just love :) I have to give a little bit of love to every encounter, otherwise I can't go there at all. To some of course, I give a lot x
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sirlurkalot' I still care deeply about those who've been close to me and for some reason or another our lives have taken two different paths. But that's why positive memories exist. To make you smile like a Cheshire Cat at the awesome times you shared and wonder what they're up to and hope they're safe. - Posted from rhpmobile Thumbs up kiddo I think the same too. FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I am with you now. Okay you have described a date. If you continue to see this person for a while this can develop into friendship if you let it.. Or can turn into something serious. So I suppose my no. 2 is what you call casual, except I can do things with them that don't always lead to sex. As for number 3. Well, this is where the caring comes into play. You care about the person and want them in your life regardless of the sex. I would say this is pretty rare. I have one FWB I would put in this category, but we have known each other now for over three years. :) It is a bizarre situation for me at the mo. I have a few people that I go to swingers clubs and sex parties with an they all know each other. So a few of us may go out for dinner, go to a sex club and screw our brains out. Then they come back to my place for the night. We get up in he morning and go to the beach for breakfast and hang out for the day. Usually three or four of us. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
It is very similar to a date. Only difference is both parties know exactly what the other one wants to do at the end of the night :). Cuts out all of the awkwardness and anxiety derrived from not knowing. I like how you party with your friends, then share moments that are aside from sex - really cool. And thnx krista ;), I am also on a hiatus in terms of searching (and ur sexy girl yourself). I have a couple of friends and a sexy couple for friends too :) - more than enough to keep me satisfied.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is still my best friend. We had the perfect fwb system! He worked away on the mines for 2 weeks and we chatted constantly by txt or msn, and when he came home for 6days, I could normally arrange thru my schedule a couple of days to stay over at his house. He had a HUGE tv lol, a huge stereo system and a HUGE double shower! He was a guitarist so he would play me his tunes he'd been working on, I would give him critique on what I heard... Or just sit enraptured by how good he was!!! Then we sat and watched a whole DVD set of Family Guy, or Sarah Connor chronicles and the like, followed by some really bad sci Fi movie. We would talk to the sun came up, missing most of the video, solving all the worlds problems while getting hopelessly drunk. Then we would pass out on his loungeroom floor or sometimes make it to bed where we would have some serious GREAT sex!! He's gone to work in Africa now, and on his time off he lives out of Thailand to write his music. When he left I sobbed like a baby. That really surprised me. What we had was how I would expect a friends with benefit relationship to be. I don't think casual cuts it, I like to think No Strings Attached applies - I am the NSA queen ffs! So why did it hurt so much when he left - if there weren't any strings attached???
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RHP User
12 years ago
I'm writing from iPhone, and my paragraphs didn't render . Sorry for the big chunk of words - which looks like they were written by me on Ritalin!
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RHP User
12 years ago
He is someone that will be in my life forever but he won't be a life partner (for different reasons) He came back to Perth last break to finalise a few things and I asked him if this nite was going to be it for us? He surprised me with his gusto! "What?? Fuck off! You're my best friend.. It's cos of you I've had the nerve to get on and do so much". Wow! That made me feel good- I Never knew that! if anything he had been my rock! An escape from my recently separated reality - was a mini holiday at his house. He was my sanity! I dropped him off at the airport the next day and once again sobbed all the way home! The prick lol. Oh and also we were never exclusive with each other and we never got jealous when the other got lucky - we just wanted the juicy story! Thats why I always considered it to be the perfect no strings attached relationship.
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RHP User
12 years ago
slickz, agree with what you have said, nice one.
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RHP User
12 years ago
it is what it is,for however long that it lasts.I think you can have a meaniningful relationship with someone for a few hours that you never forget,and spend a ten years with someone you barely remember.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That was a really moving story annazon. And something I can relate to. I am a qualified mining engineer - tried it for 6 months and could not handle the moving around and the restrictions it put on my relationships. Thanks a lot for sharing it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I now study design and audio engineering - my brain is a lot more content now. And thnx 50zkool
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RHP User
12 years ago
I prefer the casual thing with depth. I have several friends I have known for a few years now and I catch up with them when I can and vice versa. I know a couple of them would like too venture into more depth with me as in a partnership, however I can not put into a relationship what I think it deserves. Until just very very recently I have finally moved on from my marriage breakdown, so in saying that I did not want to bring, my baggage into any form of relationship. For me I like my "relationships" with my buddies. It is easy and uncomplicated. They are not serious relationships more so very in depth friendships where by we push boundaries and over time have learnt too trust, respect and be very honest with each other. Oh yeah we do the dinner and dumb things etc.... They are kinda like best mates I guess.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't like the phrase NSA There are always strings that connect people... ....including any thought or desire to see that person again. DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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Coops27M
12 years ago
Sounds like everyone could use a good FWB , i know i could :)- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think I just found a little squishy spot in my heart reading your posts. *Sings to herself "Oh woooooouldn't it be luverly"*
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have met some wonderful fwbs off Rhp. I chuckle when I think of the randomness of how I have met most of them. For example, another close friend was found when we indulged in a 2.30am lustful hookup, supposedly a one off. It turned into something really "special". I was aware that his ideal partner was someone more his age (lol 27!! Yeah I'm bragging), he was aware that I wasn't looking, having just ended a 23 year marriage with my ex. I gave him Aunty Anna advice on how he should pull his head in regarding this girl he was keen on or maybe that one.. Then we'd go off and have amazing sex! He always remarked he couldn't believe we could sit, have a smoke and a drink and talk like besties, then scurry off to the bedroom for another round... I'd just roll my eyes and say "derr, guys and chicks can be friends as well as lovers!" I agree with Inspirit. The relationships forged thru NSA, are honest and true. But yeah, like DG pointed out, there are always strings attached. Mind you if any of my friends started to get the wrong idea I'd slap em on the arse and say "Don't think we're getting married or anything silly ok!" I guess NSA is enjoying the moment, no expectations, no judgements and no hidden agendas. Ironically, isn't that what the perfect relationship should be like?
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree with Annazon that sometimes FWB can become a little out of control and at times it is hard to pick when it is happening. At times it can be way to late to slap the face, plus a gentleman would never do that. Yet it can be hard to turn ones back on a good thing. NSA FWBs can be a hand full and on both sides. I recently lost a FWB that I have know and played with for 5 years. Why? because we were becoming a couple, becoming to comfortable with each other. Not my choice I was happy in the bi monthly or less hookups and plays. But then was I starting to nag, comment on what is and what is not good for one. We had become a couple without even knowing it. When we met it was only out off a "you will do" mentality, the profile was not at all a first pick, but wow rocked my night and could not stop going back. Well I miss that person very much, but as it is with FRB and NSA at any meet up that could be the last time you are ever together. One must take that with the benefits, there are no strings so goodbyes are part of the adventure and seldom have the words goodbye. I love to pour out love and affection and that is not always everyones cup of tea. I can't help it, I am smitten by all my regular FWB. Personally I hate when in me that spark is gone. What does one do as it is very hard to slap a face. Turn my back and ignore sometimes. Tell it out straight, that does not alway work well. Try to be just friends, that has worked best for me but then there is an all new bundle of strings and without the benefits. But what the hell thats what friends are about.Not sure about perfection Annazon, not sure if there is such a thing, but while it last, its fun, and it feels good it is very close to perfection. Nothing like chance encounters Annazon especial when they are beautiful and full of lust and life. To chance encounters you sexy girl.
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RHP User
12 years ago
So Blindman did she call it quits or you. Five years and comfortable I am starting to wonder now a days what everyone does want. There are times when we want one thing and thats fine but long term seems to be so off limits no one will go there.I hope not to get to degected again and go there myself.....keep everything back to nsa give no personal information out again close myself off to if I should text message follow up....alll these stupids notions and no one shares their real fears or concerns...or leans on anyone anymore.FWB or I want you when I want you.............they dont always align.This site can be quite confusing as there are devoted married couples and then singles who want what they have without the commitment.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Beneath_blueeyes' So Blindman did she call it quits or you. Five years and comfortable I am starting to wonder now a days what everyone does want. There are times when we want one thing and thats fine but long term seems to be so off limits no one will go there.I hope not to get to degected again and go there myself.....keep everything back to nsa give no personal information out again close myself off to if I should text message follow up....alll these stupids notions and no one shares their real fears or concerns...or leans on anyone anymore.FWB or I want you when I want you.............they dont always align.This site can be quite confusing as there are devoted married couples and then singles who want what they have without the commitment. Sorry to say it was not me that ended it. Infact I was very devastated by the split that occurred over a series of emails over a month. I was promised to be given a reason but in a nonchalant FBW way I replied with a "No need for a reason it has always been NSA." Oh I regret that and i am just postulating the reasons why the monthly night of sex and company has gone. Was it something I said, who knows.I know what you mean about people letting information out. I find that there are a lot of lies that people tend to supply. I have found that since starting with sites like this I have learnt to tell a lie almost flawlessly. I don't make issues of them. The classic one that I have encountered so many times is when I ask "Have you been getting any action since last we met?" The response is "not much, or no." but then a few drinks and relaxed mood, out slips a mention of something that does not fit the story. I see them squirm as they realize the fact that they have given away a lie. I don't care and try to gloss over it or change the subject. I know that these types of lies are in an attempt to protect my feelings, I have done the same and in my shame still find myself doing it. But WTF does it matter if I am envious, or worse jealous. No it does not thats the point of NSA.People also talk themselves up when you first meet, but if it clicks and we become friends it slowly comes out that they are just as human and flawed as me. Understanding that makes it so much easier to make new friends.I think that you work out very quickly that there is something in a new friend and i try to be as open as possible. Actually it is best to be as open as possible. I have learnt that it is very easy to find friends with benefits and i am not going to be in fear of rejection because I am a nut case. So with a constantly broken heart i am lucky to constantly find a new "friend" with whom I can be myself, laugh, maybe cry, and fuck like there is no tomorrow. And fuck it, if i want to send a text or call, I do. If that is not what they want then well goodbye.Saying all that most FWB have just become friends and there is something very comfortable about having friends that used to have benefits. Not that friends ever dont have benefits.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks for sharing - LOVED YOUR WORDS!! Well said.... "People also talk themselves up when you first meet, but if it clicks and we become friends it slowly comes out that they are just as human and flawed as me. Understanding that makes it so much easier to make new friends.I think that you work out very quickly that there is something in a new friend and i try to be as open as possible. Actually it is best to be as open as possible. I have learnt that it is very easy to find friends with benefits and i am not going to be in fear of rejection because I am a nut case. So with a constantly broken heart i am lucky to constantly find a new "friend" with whom I can be myself, laugh, maybe cry, and fuck like there is no tomorrow. And fuck it, if i want to send a text or call, I do. If that is not what they want then well goodbye"FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I SAID I SLAP EM ON THE ARSE!!! Along with a cheeky comment... I think the beauty of NSA (sorry it's the term I use) is that I can be completely open and be me! For the first time in my life I am ME. If the fwb at the time doesn't like who I am and what I'm about, then it's easy "NEXT!" (Slapped arse on his way out - "you're a good root eh"). I don't feel the need to conform to anyone's preconceived ideas on how I should be. I think in a long term relationship, I know in my case at least, I was always trying to live up to expectations, and then in the end I gave up trying. I wasn't loved for being me, so I left. (In a nutshell). It is the anonymity that lets me be so open. I have learned and grown from opening up to people intimately. Blindman you delicious devil! How long were we friends for online before we finally met? How much of ourselves and did we share? Our thoughts, experiences, feelings? I love that! When we met it was like greeting an old friend!! Its funny how you mentioned lying? I know I have started to lie now, when asked what I've been up to... I used to proudly brag about my adventures. They made interesting stories. But then the strangest thing started to happen. I could feel the person I was telling the story to recoil! I gave out a phone number one time to a potential, so we could chat, he ended it by saying "I'll think we'll leave it there, there's noway I can compete with all that!" He was only 30 too, and HE had been asking the questions, I was answering him, truthfully! So now I dismissively say, "oh nothing much, not like what I used to get up to!" Liar liar pants on fire me!
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