M51 F49

New to the lifestyle - seeking sage advice

August 24 2016

Hi Guys, I've met the most amazing woman here on RHP. Neither of us were looking for a relationship, but we both caught a massive case of the feels. We have so much in common, and can talk about anything with each other. We are both keen to explore our boundaries with other people, and we're looking for advice so we can avoid the common pitfalls that could jeopardise our perfect relationship. Last night Ms F spend the night with a guy she had already lined up a play date with. I was more than happy to let the date go ahead (not only was it a fantasy of mine, but I also wanted to emphasise that we are bf/gf not owner/possession). I'll freely admit that I through the night I felt a little worried, but we've chatted since then and all my fears have been laid to rest. We both independently decided that we would not play alone any more. She is bisexual and we have a play date with another wonderful woman coming up. Neither of us knew her before, and we met for coffee last weekend and we all instantly clicked. We're all looking forward to our play date (the first multi-partner play date for Ms F and I) We've been talking about throwing a dinner party with maybe 3 other couples later in the year (December). Ms F has a pool outside, a spa inside, and a big shed we can set up some music and lounges. We're thinking dinner, Cards Against Humanity, skinny dipping, music, dancing, and (of course) sex!!! Ms F is an amazing woman and I don't want to do anything to jeopardise what we have together. So what are the pitfalls and gotchas of a new kinky couple looking at exploring multi-partner play together?

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RHP User

9 years ago

I'm in a new relationship with someone and I'm going to suggest communicate, communicate and COMMUNICATE more! One of the things I've dealt with (not necessarily well) is seeing him with other people! I didn't know that I'd have the feelings that I did :) it's interesting watching someone connect with others intimately and the issues that can arise! I don't think any discussion would have prepared me for it! The only time I've felt trully in a good space watching him play with someone is with the other Hotwife! That was a turn on ;) My play with women is my one boundary, it will continue and I'm sure he'll enjoy the ride when he can participate in FFM ;) Attend some swingers events before you hold your own party. Establish what you do and don't like as a 'couple' before you invite anyone else into your space! Her house sounds like an awesome space for a party ;) You sound like a great bloke, your seeking advice on this journey is honourable too! You will experience pitfalls but look at them as learning curves and not falure or disaster! Don't be afraid to discuss issues and concerns as they arise! Step back if you need from the scene (establish boundaries and rules) till you navigate this emerging relationship! It's a new journey, enjoy it! Mary xx

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RHP User

9 years ago

So long as you both agree that ANY issues that arise will be thoroughly discussed and resolved you should be fine going forward. Mr LAL and I both agree we have no idea what will cause us angst until it pops up... So pre planning is difficult. However.... The commitment to sitting down and resolving issues once we discover them is what we do in every aspect of our life. It's why we are still in love after 30 years... Trust in each other that you care enough about the other to work through any issues and you'll enjoy a long and happy partnership I'm sure :) Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

Freedombelle777 is having profile issues - she can't edit it on her phone. We'll fix that up. I'm 41 and she's 39 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

??

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RHP User

9 years ago

With your comment..... "Last night Ms F spend the night with a guy she had already lined up a play date with. I was more than happy to let the date go ahead" Happy to let the date go ahead.....sorry, she is her own person....really bad choice of words..... Because it suggests you have the final say in what she does. No one lets their partner go somewhere, or partake in an activity.....we are either comfortable or uncomortable with something, we let our partner know, and they choose whether to go ahead or refrain. You should never try to control someone else's life, decisions etc, it's a destiny for disaster.... If you or her have to persuade the other to partake or opt out of a play over a lengthy or several discussions, and its always the same one doing the persuasion, then it will end badly. Make clear boundaries for plays..and keep it fair.... Ie fluid exchange....is it ok for you to have a lady squirt on your face, into your mouth but dont want guys doing the same to her.....if you accept ffm play for a three some, then how about mmf.....when in a group scene, what if one of you gets more attention?? Ive not met a couple yet who have lasted for long when one is new to the scene, and starting swinging from the very start....myself included. Most successful couples spend time getting to know each other intimately first over a long period then bring swinging into the mix if one hasnt swung before at a later date, and as a feeler to see how it goes without any expectations for future plays. Communicate..... - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

You stated "(of course) lots of sex" .... in your plans for the party you plan to host. Now, that may well be the intention for those who know your likely party agenda, and decide to attend.... but the wording struck me as very entitled and expectant. If you have an attitude that all individuals ALWAYS hold the opportunity to say no, for any reason at any time, then the use of the word "(of course)" means you EXPECT them to play. Some may see me as exercising word selection semantics, but to me it suggests a particular attitude. 2c DG - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

UnicornDelight - yes, bad choice of words. We are very clear on the 'we don't own or control each other'. By happy, I mean it was always a fantast of mine for a partner to play solo... turns out the fantasy was better than reality and now we have spoken about it and have both decided, individually, that we don't want to play solo. More than happy to play fmm as well as ffm and larger group situations. There is no persuasion - we discuss and agree on our common ground. We both came into the relationship wanting to explore which is just one of many elements that made us click so well. Mischievouslad - Bad wording on my part... of course everyone has the right to say no. Not expecting sex between me, my partner, or anyone else in particular. Just that it would not be much of a party if NOBODY had sex lol - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

Lol, were you heavily projecting again?....

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RHP User

9 years ago

Lol, auto correct got in the way

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RHP User

9 years ago

Sounds like all common sense about communication to me. Feel free to remain high on your cough syrup :)

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RHP User

9 years ago

You blame syrup.... I blame the two fingers prior to the cough lol :p - Posted from rhpmobile

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New to the lifestyle - seeking sage advice

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