F52
Old and alone
September 02 2014
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
"Love is the answer, but while you are waiting for the answer, sex raises some pretty good questions. " Ralf, sounds to me that most of us women are not just focusing on sex at all. To be honest, I think there is a good chance I will be old and alone and the thought immediately brings tears to my eyes. Not sure why as I have always been single and independent and I love my life. :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
So being old and not in a relationship holds no fear. I make friends easily so I can always find company plus the voices in head are quite entertaining.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Same situation............ I know I have a partner but who is to say that he will still be alive when I am old and grey................ However, I always saw my grandmother who passed at 94 and who's husband passed away when she was in her late 40s and never remarried, she was never in the house for long, always visiting friends, donating her time, volunteering etc......... She had such a full life, lots of friends, even to the point when at 86 had one of them living with her (so she could take care of her)............ We don't have to only rely on our partners for warmth or affection in our tottering years, what we set up now, can have beautiful standings in our future...
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MissBishere
11 years ago
I have days when I get lonely absolutely and can get quite melancholy about being alone. I won't however let myself become involved in a relationship for the sake of not being alone. Luckily they are few and far between. I am not scared about being alone for the rest of my life. I generally enjoy my own company and as long as I have friends to share time with and of course my kids I would be content. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
probably gears more towards men as I do see a lot of older guys who are quite frightened when they come in to see me that they are losing or have lost function of their penis. I have young guys coming in wanting to try different drugs to keep their dicks up after a weekend on other drugs and they are becoming dependent on them. I have talked quite a few young ones out of buying them but some can't be told and I am not their mother. Then I have middle aged guys through to older guys who come in to buy cock pumps and strap ons so they can still try to satisfy their partners because they have had prostate surgery and no longer have function or limited function. In most cases these guys have partners so they are in to try and maintain normality but what happens to someone when they don't even have a partner for that emotional fallback? No sex and nobody to even care, seems quite depressing to me. I don't really get women in to talk about their sexual health and aging. Most know what they want and how to get it. Lube is probably the biggest seller for women post menopause due to dryness but that is an easy fix compared to men.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm a strong, competent, independent woman. I'm mushy, loving and I adore men and the intimacy of a relationship with men. My family is almost non-existent but I work to keep the relationships open and connected. My friends are few by choice but I make sure they're people I can be real with and who love me just as much at my worst as they do at my best. I love humanity and get great joy from helping others see their own beauty. But I get lonely. There's something about loving a man and creating a deep, soulful intimacy that I crave, probably much more since I've experienced it. I know I can live without it and be happy, for sure. But I'd rather not :) Sometimes I worry about growing old and alone. I worry about not having incredible sex again. That would be a tragedy!
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RHP User
11 years ago
It is a want of mine to be in a loving relationship with a guy as I get older (I mean I'm already well into middle age and OMFG I'm almost a senior). I want to continue to enjoy sexual intimacy and fun times for as long as I can. After menopause I experienced a temporary loss of libido which really frightened me at first. My libido has returned even though I don't share it very often. I think its a good thing to think about and I have considered that I may never have sex with anyone other than myself again. Yes it makes me sad, sometimes it makes me think maybe I should relax my expectations and just shag anyone and sometimes I am in a place of total acceptance. That's when I look at sex toys and consider what might be fun. Like others I have family and friends who I know love me dearly and I figure I will continue to do what I do now, if the loneliness gets too bad, I'll go visiting.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' I'm a strong, competent, independent woman. I'm mushy, loving and I adore men and the intimacy of a relationship with men. My family is almost non-existent but I work to keep the relationships open and connected. My friends are few by choice but I make sure they're people I can be real with and who love me just as much at my worst as they do at my best. I love humanity and get great joy from helping others see their own beauty. But I get lonely. There's something about loving a man and creating a deep, soulful intimacy that I crave, probably much more since I've experienced it. I know I can live without it and be happy, for sure. But I'd rather not :) Sometimes I worry about growing old and alone. I worry about not having incredible sex again. That would be a tragedy! I am the same (except swap woman for man & men for women) :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
It scares the crap out of me! It's not a case that I need a man to take care of me.... I just have so much to give !! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes, I do feel the same way. I have 3 young children living with me, but my few family members live in NZ. I sometimes wonder how I will cope when my kids have all grown up, & moved out of home. Already the 2 oldest prefer their own mates or electronics to my company. I have a boyfriend, but am unsure if he is capable of being my 'forever love..'. How secure it must feel to be in a loving, caring, passionate relationship, where you can cuddle up together at night, whilst discussing future hopes, dreams & goals. I hope one day soon to fall madly in love with a wonderful man, so that we can grow old together, living in a remote cottage by the NSW coastline, driving to new destinations, and being bombarded with our friends, family, children & grand children..... Other times, we quietly read by the fireside, & walk hand in hand along the beach... Xxxx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Im enjoying being single right now, but I do think about the years ahead from time to time. Im a firm believer in fate, so if Im meant to be with someone they are in my future already. If not, I have my child and friends, I dont think I will be ever be lonely. But like Jay Jay, I enjoy life so much it would be nice to share that with someone, I worked in Aged Care homes for a few years and many of the residents had lived alone beforehand. They had no visitors, it was very sad.As for the main question, at least most of us here will have fantastic memories regarding our sex lives, for some people, sadly, that wont be the case.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I Mr Bella could not handle being on my own. Thank god I have Mrs Bella . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't often think of the really long term future things like that tbh but yes I have enjoyed a massive resurgence in exploring my sexual and kinky side since the drought and subsiquent break up with the ex wife. So many new and exciting experiences I am having and things I am only now learning about myself. To think that down the track age will catch up with me and might not make it possible only strengthens the resolve to enjoy what you can while you can. Oh and very true Jay Jay :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Firstly, great topic. Although I have not specifically considered my sexual function in old age, I have found it hard to grasp that I will gradually decline and not be as fit and active as I am now. I have seen my father in his 70's after recent heart surgery and do the mental math to recall how much he did at my age. It is hard to believe I will be like that in less than 30 years. I won't be thrilled when it becomes harder and harder to get harder, but sex is not the be all and end all for me. I am more worried about losing my mental capacity. I enjoy reading and music so much that the idea of losing the capacity to appreciate them alarms me. As to dying alone, having seen my spouse die, death holds no fear for me. It is the wager we accept when we enter into partnership, that one of us will be left to watch the other die. My wife was surrounded by all the people who loved her, and she lives on in our memories, as well as in Heaven according to my Faith. I grieved for her and initially resented each day that I outlived her but now I value the gift of life more than before as I see how foolish it is to waste this opportunity. My wife would have given anything for the next dawn which so many take for granted. And I believe that when my time comes (which is a concept I again find hard to grasp intellectually), I will be surrounded by my loved ones and will join her, and our friends and family in another place.
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RHP User
11 years ago
...I'm closer than some!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Don't ask (it's forbidden to know) what end the gods have given me or you, Leuconoe. Don't play with Babylonian numerology either. How much better it is to endure whatever will be! Whether Jupiter has allotted you many more winters or this one, which even now wears out the Tyrrhenian sea on the opposing rocks, is the final one be wise, be truthful, strain the wine, and scale back your long hopes to a short period. While we speak, envious time will have {already} fled: seize the day, trusting as little as possible in the next day.
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RHP User
11 years ago
That things have taken a very positive step for me at this interesting time in my life. I am about to retire from a job I have worked at for 35 years. I have two wonderful friends who have asked me to share their house, home and lifestyle by the seaside. I am so looking forward to my twilight years with these lovely people who seem to genuinely care about me. As for being alone as in relationship status, well I have been for fifteen years now. Never thought I would still be single at my age, but I have kind of settled into it now and quite like my freedom and independence. Sex bouts have dropped off dramatically as one would expect at my age, but it hasn't stopped altogether yet, and hope fully it won't for a long time to come. If I am lucky enough to meet another permanent partner, all I can say is he had better be darn fit is he is to keep up with my demands.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Bigmamma1' Same situation............ I know I have a partner but who is to say that he will still be alive when I am old and grey................ However, I always saw my grandmother who passed at 94 and who's husband passed away when she was in her late 40s and never remarried, she was never in the house for long, always visiting friends, donating her time, volunteering etc......... She had such a full life, lots of friends, even to the point when at 86 had one of them living with her (so she could take care of her)............ We don't have to only rely on our partners for warmth or affection in our tottering years, what we set up now, can have beautiful standings in our future... How right you are!!!Not many people realise that though.
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RHP User
11 years ago
"The best way to be happy with someone is to learn to be happy alone. That way the company will be a matter of choice and necessity" - Posted from rhpmobile
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QLDtwo4fun
11 years ago
I'm in my early fifties and still doing all the things I was doing in my twenties and thirties, and new things. I was in my late forties when we discovered swinging. I luckily have a wonderful partner and we embark on new things together. To me, having a partner who has lost interest in life's journey and the opportunities to grow would be worse than being alone.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I often wonder what life would be like if we were not so "anti death"!!If we all could get to a point in life were we said.. "Enough is enough - I am out of here"and have the freedom to throw a "Seeya" party then take a pill and go on our final ride. You know.. there is not one single doccument anywhere, that anyone in the world can SHOW you, in any language or culture.. that denies you that very right..You can quote the bible to me.. and anything you wish... but, the reality of it all is.. that EVERY such book and doccument is written by man, who has an agenda to hold you bound by rules and taboos..I like to think that when I feel my time is up, I can make my own choice to "Jump the Fence"
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RHP User
11 years ago
Great post, frankly no one wants to be alone, not really despite what they say. Life is made up.of memories and shared moments, as we get older they become more important to us all. Sharing those moments is the laughter we bring to others. My partner stayed with me because of emotional and financial security, love for who i am, inter twinned memories and not sex. There s a massive trade off in being told you can do what you like, have multiple partners when you want or never feel the need to share all that is you to one other. You may live for the day, seize the moment, but you pay the price. As jay jay said it scares the crap out of me to be alone, but I am afraid that feeling is lost on youth and raging hormones. Everything in life is a trade off, The pursuit of sex and a stable relationship are not mutually exclusive but if you don't put down roots you will never grow.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thank you for the beautifully eloquent reply... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
with occasional interaction I can not see the difference I agree very much with Mon. Cavey50. When I think it is time, I should be able to decide my outcome
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RHP User
11 years ago
Right to life, right to death, right to choose :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Of growing old and alone does scare me :/ I've had great sex and I think I wouldn't mind it so much if I don't have it when I'm old and grey. But I don't think I would be happy without a companion in my life. Someone to share the finer things in life with...stopping to smell the roses, just sitting on the veranda hand in hand, enjoying each other's company, even in silence :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes,it's a conundrum for most of us,some guys especially can't be by themselves(can't cope) I can do both ,but would prefer a special lady to enjoy life's moments both good and bad! Sexual chemistry is not always with the one you fall for,compromise or be alone? Question how many have (Facebook) previous great lovers ,partly to see if they are still available? Believe everyone needs a good companion to survive life,lol
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RHP User
11 years ago
seizing the day is different to everyone, to some it seems enjoying the freedoms they have now, to others it is finding someone to share life with. I am probably greedy that I want it all and I know I can have it. My mother is a prime example, at 68 she has been with her now partner for 20 years not too long after my Dad died. He is a great man, 74 and they love each other unconditionally. They have a great sex life, probably get more than I do being single and free to screw whoever I want. They have never even lived together and he lives 4 hours drive away. They visit each other for lengthy periods and when they get sick of each other, they go home for a while. They have each other to go out with and to attend gatherings, it is absolutely ideal. It seems a lot think that making a commitment to someone requires a live in situation and having all your freedom taken away.
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Plain280
11 years ago
I have had a close call with being involuntarily gelded in chemical terms due to a medical condition which I am a 1 in 100,000, sufferer in laymans terms my body produces too much adrenaline and my blood pressure if left to its own devices would have most gps ringing for the ambulance to take me to the hospital post haste. I have been through all the conventional causes and tests multiple times and I am not a drinker since the age of 26 and I dont smoke and they still dont know the cause. In the meantime until they identified what it was I was being treated to minimise the blood pressure. Wont bore you with the details but a lot of the dosages they give to the average person did not even work on me, so I was given a cocktail of medicines which in the end reduced my blood pressure, BUT also nearly killed my sex life, yes I could get an erection, no it was not as hard as before and did not last anywhere long enough and ejaculation well became a memory.Yes I was warned about the consequences but the literal bashing of confidence in having sex went out the door and as a sufferer of depression extremely difficult to deal with and your life spirals out of kilter, wont say out of control, but you begin to measure yourself in the most negative of terms. The strange part for me were the amount of approaches from younger women as in trying to pick up a not very dangerous middle aged guy for company, they seem to sense something. That in itself is very disheartening, then I hear some of you think the V word well for a person with my condition to have any assistance from Viagra and its ilk is very dangerous( close to a near certain death ) so dont be fooled that they are safe for everyone.After 5 long years a breakthrough not whats causing it but how to reduce the excess adrenalin to control the blood pressure, sex life and erection no where near what it was, but no complaints either. One complicating factor in all this was my partner going through some traumatic cancer removing operations which put everything on hold. This meant having to find a couple of understanding ladies who have helped this guy back to something which in some peoples eyes is all important, but in my eyes not so after the last 8 years. However going back to the ops original premise what I am finding is being with someone that believes in you, loves you, is friends with you, a great companion is more important than the sexual side, that comes to you as you get older.
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RHP User
11 years ago
The living separately but been together option would be great,as long as can live without trust issues! Freedom is the real problem with that type arrangement!yes living together takes give and take,sometimes We get to an age where we just want to be free !!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I see many couples in their later years and i think too myself. That would be the one thing in my life would love to have. Age with grace, living with that woman until time on this world is no more. Sex well that really comes down to how you both feel and is it that important in our later life. NO not to me. Live happy, live strong and just enjoy the path ahead.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Agree 100% I'll have that !!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I'm lonely and some days feel I may be 2 old :( such is life they say...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' Right to life, right to death, right to choose :) I've wondered at times if I will ever make that choice when I feel it has been enough. But to answer the question: Whenever I think of myself at 60-70 and still being here, I see myself living alone in a little apartment with at least one dog. I really like that idea!My family are all in Europe (and I'll never move back there), so I'm used to being on my own. Many of my friends have moved all over the world, but the handful I have here I can count on. As for a partner: I love having a friend with benefits and am very open to a relationship, but I don't think I could live with someone again. I love being alone and as long as I have the internet I'll never be lonely.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yes I'm do think about it a lot I know that I'm not that old but it's not a good feeling even at this age to be alone - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Not many subjects tug at my heart ' but reading some of these posts made me realise just how many lonely people there are out there trying to come to terms where they are heading... I hear what everyone is saying and feel for you. Obviously there are those who lost a partner either through hardship in everyday life or sadly gone to god.. Either way' you now find yourself alone and pondering the future and what is in store for you. As in my previous posts' I always trumpet the virtues of positive thinking.. Dont worry about the things we cant change and act on the things we can. I'm a firm believer in fete. case cera cera.. Worrying about how long we can have a active sex life is stiffening and negative. Love the one your with and stop being so damn fussy... while ever you are negative towards others , you will remain alone.. Do what you can ' while you can.. Time waits for no one.. Dont die thinking ' I should have done this or i should have done that... Get out and do it.... Seek and ye shall find... Jay...
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RHP User
11 years ago
You hinted at a different way. How about the single men live together as friends (that way they can do all the blokey things they want and it will not annoy the ladies), and the ladies do the same, and then they can get together when they want to for outings, sex, dinners, or whatever for the night, several days or weeks (whatever works) then go back. That way everyone stays happy. Out of left field but a thought ?
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RHP User
11 years ago
I don't feel that the majority of people who have answered the OP (including myself) are being worrisome, negative & fatalistic, as you presume. It is more a case of being honest & open to yr own emotional state of mind, knowing thyself - with all its deepest desires, needs & wants. Unless a person can actively assess their own worth & future goals - they will forever be in the same lonely place they are currently in. I am sure we are all working towards meeting our soul mate or forever love, & it is NOT yr place to sit in judgment of those with open hearts... - Posted from rhpmobile
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happy0450
11 years ago
Thoughtful, topic Ralf. I like Eckhart Tolles' thinking in his book, The Power of Now Our issue *Once you have identified with some form of negativity, you do not want to let it go and on a deeply unconscious level, you do not want positive change. It would threaten your identity as a angry or hard done by person. You will then ignore, deny or sabotage the positive in your life. This is a common phenomenon and its insane" Some of Tolle's suggestions *Realise deeply that the present moment is all you have. Make NOW the primary focus of your life" *“Your outer journey may contain a million steps; your inner journey only has one: the step you are taking right now.” *Guilt, regret, resentment, grievances, sadness and bitterness are all caused by too much past and not enough present". *Any action is often better than no action, especially if you have been suck in an unhappy situation for a long time. If it is a mistake, at least you learn something, in which case, its no longer a mistake. *“Focus attention on the feeling inside you. Know that it is the pain-body. Accept that it is there. Don't think about it - don't let the feeling turn into thinking. Don't judge or analyze. Don't make an identity for yourself out of it. Stay present, and continue to be the observer of what is happening inside you. Become aware not only of the emotional pain but also of "the one who observes," the silent watcher. This is the power of the Now, the power of your own conscious presence. Then see what happens.” “Don't look for peace. Don't look for any other state than the one you are in now; otherwise, you will set up inner conflict and unconscious resistance. Forgive yourself for not being at peace. The moment you completely accept your non-peace, your non-peace becomes transmuted into peace. Anything you accept fully will get you there, will take you into peace. This is the miracle of surrender For me, practising the above is like going to the gym, it takes time a commitment to see the changes, but hey its worth it Lastly, keeping active is important, I also do the 5:2 diet; that is eat drink and be merry 5 days/week and 600 calories 2 days/week. My weight, blood sugar and cholesterol has never been so good Be gentle with yourself :)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Since we're opening up here, being alone scares the shit out of me. Recently divorced after 20 years to my common law wife and high school sweetheart, the one I imagined growing old disgracefully with, holding hands on our deathbeds with, the one I was just about to broach having children with.... And has left a hole in my heart- incapable of unrequited love again. I kid myself with cliches like, "alone, but not lonely", "good things come to those who wait", blah, blah, blah..... Eminem says in one of his songs, "and when your run is over just admit when it's in". F'n right. Who knows how this'll end- my spidey-sense says it won't be good. I went past a Salvos store today and saw 'adult diapers' selling real cheap & though "will this be my reality.?". Will it be yours.? Think about it.........
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RHP User
11 years ago
Who will wipe your arse when you get to 'adult diaper' stage...? Serious :-o
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RHP User
11 years ago
Me - I am going to be a harrassment in the nursing homes and spin out the youngins on work experience hahahahahaha OR - I might move in with my sons - paybacks hahaha
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RHP User
11 years ago
Sometimes I wonder how gut wrenching it must be to go to the movies ALONE, go to a restaurant ALONE looking/feeling like a 'Nigel No Mates'. I want to try it, but I don't at the same time- it's weird.... There's a real cognitive dissonance at play here I don't think I can overcome so I won't even go there----
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RHP User
11 years ago
Nouvelle VagueIn a matter of speaking.........love x
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madotara69
11 years ago
A fckn angel, so going to live for eva. Mado Mado Tara xx
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madotara69
11 years ago
She is a naughty
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RHP User
11 years ago
yep its not a nice thought! and Im still young! old and alone sux!!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Yeah Inspirit, we will all be in the old peoples home drooling on our Ipads as we contribute to the seniors RHP forum , reminiscing how we used to have DPs without dislocating a hip. Texting naked selfies of ourselves in nappies to the spunky senior citizen on level 2. Where being a cougar is going out with someone in their 60s. Oh what fun we will have. I am going to start a Friday night lights out party with buckets of lube and hand railings on each wall. Of course after the nurses have dispensed all our medication.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Statistically, I'd have to be quite the cougar to up my chances of it dying alone. My grandma was married for like 40 years, two kids. Grandpa died first, kids moved away. She was alone for a decade, didn't get out much. Somehow a Neighbour was around when she breathed her last. It breaks my heart whenever I think about it, I wish I had been there but I lived 700kms away and had to work. Another friend, in her forties, divorced, got cancer. The kids decided to side with their dad (he had the money). She died alone. You just never know. Being in a partnership is no guarantee. Being in a partnership with a man whose singsong stops working... Could seriously drive you apart. Not because of the sex, but because of what it would to his self esteem. As for me, I hate being alone. But i have at times felt alone and disconnected lying right next to a man. And that to me was a 100x times worse than actually being alone. If that makes any sense.
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Smilingwithfun
11 years ago
Its not all about SEX. At my age its about the mind. Its about the learning of who you are. A chance as a male to think with your head that's on your neck rather than the one between your legs. It has been the best time of my life to connect mentally rather than hormones kicking in. To value someone for who they are rather than sexually. Wish I had this knowledge years ago.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've been in a LTR until recently. Never been alone before and the wondering makes me crazy. I know I can adapt to any situation I find myself in, I know I can and will enjoy life alone if that continues, but shit I'd rather have someone to share life with... And my kids! Ralf, take the alone time as your opportunity to find who you are, then you'll know what you want, then go out there and get it tiger! Plenty of fish, sooner or later the right one will swim past, keep your hook handy. Have fun fishing and take your time, you will find the love you've been missing.
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RHP User
11 years ago
There was a nutty ol' girl in the nursing home who went around visiting the old men, she would lift her skirt and shout super sex, super sex. Then one old geezer said, "I'll have the soup!"
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RHP User
11 years ago
Some time ago just before i spat my dummy it was this such subject slightly in another context but moral of the story stays the same . What i was getting at with wanting the ideal relationship and finding that one that will fall in love with each other forever ! The fairytale ending that i still believe in i will still want it and picture it and search for it because dreams come true everyday for so many , and to dream a dream of joy is a positive feeling positive vision positive dream and thats my dream . Now take the other version of a person that thinks and comes to a conclusion that they will never find that one or that dream or have that fairytale because for whatever reason it just is not gunna happen ! Now that is a negative feeling negative vision negative dream because its not . And yes i know that for many that is the reality and for the positive dreamers that is also the reality ! My point is about positive projection of your desires and dreams and wants and needs . Positive and negative ! Cant have one without the other ! But you can certainly use one without the other ! Tell yourself Ralf you will be alone you will be . Tell yourself you will find your life partner you will Ralf . And in the end if you end up alone and the dream never becomes ?? Well was nt a bad dream but was it :-)) You want it you will recieve it You dont want it you wont get it !! Simple really . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I hope so Miss Meander . - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am not afraid of growing old just being alone ,I have heaps to give also but no one wants it !!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Your only as old as you feel after 15 years of marriage i finally come to the conclision its not about love any more but leening towards money yes it has worked its way in there .frankly i couldnt give a rats butt about money just want some good old friend ship and compation like the years of old alass the times they are a changed
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RHP User
11 years ago
There's more than one way to please a woman than just sticking your dick in and going for it, it's not just sex it's the art of making love and exploring each other. Yes growing old is a bitch but there is more to life than sex but wow when you make the connection and make love gently and now each other that's mind blowing
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RHP User
11 years ago
For The past year, thru an act of love I've been alone (except for the dog) seperated by many thousands of miles from my partner and yet joined by skype on an almost daily basis. So I have had plenty of time to ponder about growing old alone and being lonely. Growing old alone basically no thanks, I'll pass (literally). Being Lonely well I live at work and work has people coming, staying and going all the time and if you are the type of person who does feel lonely a crowd of strangers is probably the worst place to be. I sometimes feel desperately alone, not having someone to talk (really talk) with is probably the worst thing that there is, lack of sexual contact, well lets say I have that in hand, but the lack of intamacy, the touch of another's hand upon my skin, the scent of a woman, lying quietly listening to her breathing early in the morning, the lack of all these things make the days very empty indeed. So I implore everyone who reads and "gets" this find someone and share these things. As to your 2nd point ralf, I do think about sexual performance as I/we grow older I want to be able to continue to satisfy my partner/s as I continue to grow older. I face this question with some trepidation but inevatbly I must go any seek help from some little blue pills, are they safe for me, will I become dependant just to be rock solid and what are the side effects of these meds these all swirl around in my little brain, all the while trying to sound intelligent and follow these forums. The other question that nags me is Ralf a Doctor or does she work in a sex shop ( see too much time on my hands lol) What ever happens to us , "Remember every day we wake up is a good day".
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yankmychain56
11 years ago
I am heading towards 60, and it can only get worse. It begins to occupy your mind a lot as you get older, but in the job occupations i have had, you think about it when you are younger, too. I used to be 'on my own' in the deep desert, and had fears of dying out in that hell hole away from any human contact, but it was part of my job description. later, after the military, it was the fear of dying offshore, away from family. But i suppose you are talking more of ever so SLOWLY fading off in to the sunset.The whole erection thing really pre-occupies us older guys as we move along in life. I have had a few buddies in the army with HORRIFIC injuries, where their legs were blown off, or some similar horrible thing. One guy kept repeating over and over 'Is my SHIT GONE?' he had no legs, but was worried about his dick being blown off. THAT is how important it is to us guys.In WWI, Hitler has one of his testicles TORN off by an artillery fragment. THINK about how much that hurt with the medical technology back THEN? He was probably told to 'man up' and get back to work. it is no wonder he was such a prick. He probably blamed a jew for making a defective shell that didn't kill him outright.While i can still manage to keep things going (with certain encouragement), and it makes me feel halfway like a man that i can still make women scream, but 'It aint like it used to be', when i could go all night and wear a woman out. as was brought up before here,it is best summed up that 'we need to learn to be happy with ourselves,' I guess.I HATE the idea of growing old alone, and even worse, slowly losing the function of the main thing that defines us as men. hopefully, in ten years time, cloning technology will be perfected, and I can grow and 18 year old clone of myself in the bathtub, and have a brain transplant....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Being "alone" is a state of mind. For instance, I have no doubt that there are many people on RHP that hit these forums and feel a sense of family or group friendship on here through their use/comments/ reading these posts etc. It's much the same in the real world, we all adjust what we see as alone. To me alone means to literally be alone, by oneself and to not converse or connect with anyone. Frankly, I can't see anyone being like that, regardless of age. We make bonds with ppl we meet. We rarely sit at home by ourself and have no desire for conversation or a connection with people, for god sake, ppl even look to RHP to sometimes fill that void. As far as the sex goes, just because you may not have sex when your 90, it doesn't mean you're alone? What did you do when you were ten years old? Complain of being alone because sex wasn't a part of your life? Please... It's a silly thought to feel alone because you don't have a sexual partner. If you're feeling alone, it simply could mean you're feeling unwanted or undesirable. You can change that in 5 mins with a change in attitude. So don't fear it, embrace it and make some changes in your life. A wise man once told me something that's stuck with me ever since. "If nothing changes, then nothing changes" And don't get me started on "old". We are all young! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
..and I don't have any particularly outstanding memories or achievements from most of the last 40 to look back on. I don't have any serious regrets either..considering I'm a person who feels guilt when I unknowinglywrong others..that's a good thing too. Nothing wrong with having a conscience.I've lived alone most of my life by choice, and it's only in the most recent of years I'd knownwhat it felt like to share lives completely with a significant other, with no consideration to it ending one day. It was a new and very fulfilling experience with the highs far outweighing the lows,particularly the big low when it ended.I am myself again these days and I'm not a lonely person, but..with the benefit of experience now..I will say that while The Great Adventure Of Life was good by myself, it was raised to another level when shared wholly with another!As to the importance attached to sex in life…this is a topic that I've discussed often with a closefemale friend. She feels that she gives away a little bit of herself when having sex, even if they are randoms who mean nothing to her.I, on the other hand, as much as I like it, attach little emotional importance to the sex act unless it's between lovers for the purpose of creating a child.What I feel is more intimate to me is the hugging, the cuddling, the spooning…the sharing of energies whilst in deep sleep. I'd like to look back on a fulfilled life. Like the best chocolate cakes, I'd like it to be rich and heavy..not lightand airy..and I'd like to be living it now in fact.So I have no fears of sexual potency as I age..I always have my hand to fall back on. But it makes a poor companion.
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RHP User
11 years ago
What a load of rot.. I dont presume anything' its what you read into it... If you found a negative in what I had to say , its you who has the problem.... Get over it , become positive and you wont need to gravitate to these things.... No matter what you say, you cant argue with being positive.. fair dinkum ????
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joanne1991
11 years ago
Have been divorced 14 years, twice married and am loving my freedom now, not looking for a full time relationship, enjoy being alone, enjoy family company and enjoy the occasional no commitment sex. It's not always peaches and cream to have permanent others, it should be about you and what you like and enjoy.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Invisible_Donkey' For The past year, thru an act of love I've been alone (except for the dog) seperated by many thousands of miles from my partner and yet joined by skype on an almost daily basis. So I have had plenty of time to ponder about growing old alone and being lonely. Growing old alone basically no thanks, I'll pass (literally). Being Lonely well I live at work and work has people coming, staying and going all the time and if you are the type of person who does feel lonely a crowd of strangers is probably the worst place to be. I sometimes feel desperately alone, not having someone to talk (really talk) with is probably the worst thing that there is, lack of sexual contact, well lets say I have that in hand, but the lack of intamacy, the touch of another's hand upon my skin, the scent of a woman, lying quietly listening to her breathing early in the morning, the lack of all these things make the days very empty indeed. So I implore everyone who reads and "gets" this find someone and share these things. As to your 2nd point ralf, I do think about sexual performance as I/we grow older I want to be able to continue to satisfy my partner/s as I continue to grow older. I face this question with some trepidation but inevatbly I must go any seek help from some little blue pills, are they safe for me, will I become dependant just to be rock solid and what are the side effects of these meds these all swirl around in my little brain, all the while trying to sound intelligent and follow these forums. The other question that nags me is Ralf a Doctor or does she work in a sex shop ( see too much time on my hands lol) What ever happens to us , "Remember every day we wake up is a good day". Adult store
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'focust' Being "alone" is a state of mind. For instance, I have no doubt that there are many people on RHP that hit these forums and feel a sense of family or group friendship on here through their use/comments/ reading these posts etc. It's much the same in the real world, we all adjust what we see as alone. To me alone means to literally be alone, by oneself and to not converse or connect with anyone. Frankly, I can't see anyone being like that, regardless of age. We make bonds with ppl we meet. We rarely sit at home by ourself and have no desire for conversation or a connection with people, for god sake, ppl even look to RHP to sometimes fill that void. As far as the sex goes, just because you may not have sex when your 90, it doesn't mean you're alone? What did you do when you were ten years old? Complain of being alone because sex wasn't a part of your life? Please... It's a silly thought to feel alone because you don't have a sexual partner. If you're feeling alone, it simply could mean you're feeling unwanted or undesirable. You can change that in 5 mins with a change in attitude. So don't fear it, embrace it and make some changes in your life. A wise man once told me something that's stuck with me ever since. "If nothing changes, then nothing changes" And don't get me started on "old". We are all young! - Posted from rhpmobile Why I seek a loving partner, not just a sexual one.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'ralf74' Quoting 'focust' Being "alone" is a state of mind. For instance, I have no doubt that there are many people on RHP that hit these forums and feel a sense of family or group friendship on here through their use/comments/ reading these posts etc. It's much the same in the real world, we all adjust what we see as alone. To me alone means to literally be alone, by oneself and to not converse or connect with anyone. Frankly, I can't see anyone being like that, regardless of age. We make bonds with ppl we meet. We rarely sit at home by ourself and have no desire for conversation or a connection with people, for god sake, ppl even look to RHP to sometimes fill that void. As far as the sex goes, just because you may not have sex when your 90, it doesn't mean you're alone? What did you do when you were ten years old? Complain of being alone because sex wasn't a part of your life? Please... It's a silly thought to feel alone because you don't have a sexual partner. Why I seek a loving partner, not just a sexual one. Being alone is not a state of mind. Feeling lonely is. I think there's a big difference.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
I am touched by the openness and sensitivity displayed in the posts. Being alone at the moment does not bother me too much as I am busy and fit. At times, when demands of work and kids overwhelm me, I like to lock myself up even for a few minutes and de-compress in my bedroom, just listen to music and read. I do enjoy my own company as I have gotten used to it having been single for a while. Being lonely does present itself a more difficult beast to tame. You can be in a roomful of people and still feel lonely as you may not be connecting with people and you switch off. I try not to dwell too much on the negativity of it as it can drag you down for no rewards so I try to enjoy the moment with people. I do understand the loneliness that comes with not being with someone you share a strong bond with, as I like being in a loving relationship. I have been and have found my soulmate and lost him. But those memories are great and it keeps me going as I know I have been loved with the deepest love I can only dream of and have lived to tell. Maybe, in my old age in the pension home, I might just be very blissfully happy sitting in the corner looking out of the window or Knitting (another to tick off in my bucket list but that can wait) and think about the great things I did when I had the energy, time and will to do them. To those I meet, I would like to make memories of us last forever hence I am discerning with whom I invest time and energy in creating that bond. Those memories stay stashed away in little pockets in my brain and I would occasionally take them out, dust them and smile at them and say, "Yeah, I remember that person. Great person. Worth knowing." That could be enough for me. I would like to think that, even when I am a shriveled weak old soul soaking in my 'adult' diapers in the corner of my little room, I lead a life extraordinary. And I do have me kids who love me and am sure to look after me and love me. This I know.
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Seachange73
11 years ago
Quoting 'twinsoflust' I am not afraid of growing old just being alone ,I have heaps to give also but no one wants it !! But you are part of a couple, no?
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RHP User
11 years ago
You tell me that I'm falling down You tell me that I'm falling down A drifter with no role You tell me that I need a friend To help me take control Well, let it be I'm not alone I'm only lonely see And you can't tell me where to go Or what or who to be I am exactly what I am And not the way, you'd like to see me be I look outside long as I can Then I close my eyes and watch my world unfold before me I may not lead the simple life I've no love of my own If no one gives me all his heart I'll manage with a loan I'm very used to feeling sad It doesn't make me cry And yes, I do know how to love And what you say's a lie I am exactly what I am And not the way you'd like to see me be I look outside long as I can Then I close my eyes and watch my world unfold before me You tell me that I'm falling down A drifter with no role You tell me that I need a friend To help me take control Well, let it be I'm not alone I'm only lonely see And you can't tell me where to go Or what or who to be I am exactly what I am And not the way you'd like to see me be I look outside long as I can Then I close my eyes and watch my world unfold before me Linda Ronstdadt, words Anna McGarrigle
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precious142
11 years ago
My BFF of over 50 yrs and I have decided that we are going to pool our resources, invest in a house/duplex/whatever, sit on the front verandhah in our rocking chairs and enjoy the company of gentleman callers in our older age.............BYO champers will be a must........and of course the piggy bank will be available for those pesky gold coins rattling around in their pockets.....
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am I guess old and alone but not sad and sorry for myself as I choose to be alone, don't get me wrong I love the feel, touch and taste of a woman and (speaking for myself here) have found that sex is better now than ever (when it happens of course as when you mature you find your niche as in needs wants and sexual desires as I know mine have changed over the years, now instead of a QF 2-3 times a week I would prefer a long sexy erotic sensual lovemaking session a couple of times a month, the old quantity/ quality scenario, I have dated women much younger than myself (not that its a preference or requirement) and I have been told that the more mature man seems to spend more time teasing and pleasing? (maybe it might be because it might be our last who knows?) all I know is that after many years of experience every one is different and has different needs but for me quality and sensuality far out way the fast and furious (but there is a place for that also) no matter how old its all about considering not only your own but also your partners needs, wants and desires that's why so many relationships fail do to one partner being stagnant or even content with the status quo you have to adapt as you age is I guess what I am trying to say, in saying all that any ladies want to play ???????
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RHP User
11 years ago
All children, except one, grow up. They soon know that they will grow up, and the way Wendy knew was thus. One day when she was two years old she was playing in a garden, and she plucked another flower and ran with it to her Mother. I suppose she must have looked rather delightful, for Mrs Darling put her hand to her heart and cried,"Oh why can`t you remain like this forever?" This was all that passed between them on the subject, but henceforth Wendy knew she must grow up. You always know after you are Two. Two is the beginning of the end..... Wisdom comes with winters...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Your words are SPOT ON, my friend- it actually made me 'tear-up' a little because you're so right- your words articulated it PERFECTLY on multiple fronts. I'm looking at my future, right there.... *shakes head*. Dark days awaits
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RHP User
11 years ago
I have been described recently as "overly sensitive" and a few other rather choice derogatory terms (though I welcome them and use them as constructive criticisms of my nature). This topic hits a nerve right now which after many hours sitting on a hill in North Sydney and watching the lights of the city I think I may be coming to terms with. To me there is alone... being in a room with nobody to talk to and nobody there if I need them. Then there is Alone... that feeling of not being truly loved which you get from family and a committed partner. I have friends who love me. They show care and concern and do their best to cheer me up when I'm down in the dumps. I love them unconditionally and would go to the ends of the earth to help them and care for them. This is the love of a friend. The love of a partner is more... to me it is the Want that someone has for you, the thought that they actually think of you as more than a friend even if they are on the other side of the planet and you haven't seen each other for a while. This kind of love is not based on just one aspect like sex, money, looks and making coffee for someone in the morning it is a deep connection that can come from family just as easily as from a committed partner though the love from a partner is more complete. My family in WA are detached... we talk only when they need me or when it is convenient. My family in the UK are the same... only more so. Having lost my father earlier this year and my mother is now sick and looking to go the same way soon I am starting to feel very much Alone in this world. My biggest fear (read The Biggest Fear) is dying old and Alone and having never felt again the love that my ex wife and I once had many years ago. Whilst I can go to pubs and clubs with my friends and not feel alone I can still feel Alone in a crowd. To answer your question I don't think we are missing the opportunity to secure someone for our future by focusing on sex as long as we don't let that focus be the "be all and end all" of our thought pattern. I recently discussed a subset of this topic with a friend and the idea of going to a "mainstream" dating site... the problem is it will be hard to meet a woman on a "mainstream" site who is as open as they are on this site... they all (base on others comments) seem to be hunting for the next husband or a man to call their own and not a full time committed partner who is happy for both to partake in the playful lifestyle (if that makes sense). It is both saddening and frustrating to see so many people on this site say they are looking for something more than just sex and yet they miss the compatible person because they don't quite check all the right boxes. I know that we don't have to settle for second best and someone who is not quite right, but I think fear of looking beneath the surface stops people finding that someone to live into old age with. Sorry for wandering off topic... just had to have an early morning ramble... SG(Need to be wanted, don't want to be needed... just looking for an open partner to share life with in both give and take)
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RHP User
11 years ago
Maybe it's time to define yourself by something other than your cock. From posts on here over the years it seems women generally like a man with a lot more going for him than his erectile function. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I am old,I am alone..but I am not lonely..well only sometimes....The loneliest I have ever been was in a marriage.... I have had a few conversations with friends about this dilemma... the fear we have....I think we need to understand ourselves'come to terms with and enjoy being alone...develop our interior lives....more and more older people are working longer,developing social networks....studying, travelling....baby boomers are changing the way older people are viewed.... We are embracing techno thlogy and our numbers are huge:-) ....As others have said,coupledom is not necessarily the answer....So embrace the wonder that is you,only you can truly make you happy hugs xxQ .
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've accepted that ill be old alone and die alone.. not because I've wanted to but because of how my life has seemed to have gone where women and relationships are concerned.. having just turned 44 i've never married (tried twice but was cheated on twice before getting there), never been in love (proper love not some dysfunctional co-dependent need), never had anyone in love with me (and no having someone in love with you that you're unaware of does not count). Ive had a precession of personality disordered abusers, liars, cheats, users and general malcontents and at this point in my life find myself unable to trust or believe in the sanctity of a committed monogamous relationship. That is not doubt in my own ability to have one, but doubt in others. Despite what all the 'you're a great catch' sympathisers and patronisers continue to offer.. fair to say the oak tree has broken the camel's back in 7 places and severed the chord. So, As someone said above, i'm alone now, i'll be alone then, nothing really changes. I've never really known any different. I seriously doubt that at my age someone will magically spring up and change that. I'll continue having sex until i lose interest physically or otherwise .. and then i'll read books :) hooray for books.
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RHP User
11 years ago
For books indeed:-) xxQ
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' Maybe it's time to define yourself by something other than your cock. From posts on here over the years it seems women generally like a man with a lot more going for him than his erectile function. - Posted from rhpmobile Make sure your mortgage is paid and your super fund runneth over.
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RHP User
11 years ago
...don't worry champ, I get it. Even at a much deeper level, I get what you're saying mate ;)
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