M46

"One-itis"

November 09 2009

Hey people. First topic I've posted. Now I'm sure the guys would know what one-itis means and most girls would also. Here's the story... then I'll hang up and listen to your comments, if any, which would be appreciated.There's this one girl - actually there are two but this applies to both of them. I'm just focusing on one because I think the other is a lost cause. Now I don't believe in focusing all your efforts on one, I believe that to be good with a woman you need to be good with women in general. But anyway...So this girl... She's the sister of a close friend so I've known her for many years, and she also used to date another friend for some years. I don't see that friend (her ex) very often nor have much time for him. Nice enough guy but superficial with no intelligence. Still, he's in my extended group of friends, while her brother is fairly close to me.So I've been hanging out with this girl recently, going out together on weekends, she talks to other guys and I chance other girls, and although I've known her for many years I feel like I've really gotten to know her properly recently and seen a deeper side of her which is amazingly attractive to me. She's a beautiful person and I love being with her. Nothing sexual has occurred between us and it's not even in her mind. Well I'm sure it's natural that the thought has crossed her mind but I'm firmly in the friends basket with seemingly no way out. It has been glossed over in conversation when other people have said stuff like "you guys get along so well" etc and her response was pretty much no way Jose.... brother, ex... too close to home. Bullshit reasons if you ask me. We get along so well, always make each other laugh and take the piss out of each other, never uncomfortable silences, and have even gained some really close rapport with some d & m conversations, telling each other personal things that no one else knows, "call me any time" kinda stuff. I love that. Basically, although I always had a hunch about her real stripped-back personality (and if you saw how good she looks you'd have a hunch about how her body would look stripped too!), I have figured out that she is exactly the kind of girl I would stay with.So my question is, how do you transition from the friend to the lover, taking in to account the social dynamic of the situation and potential issues which would obviously prevent her from allowing it to happen?My theory is that this is not something that will just occur gradually over time. I think that it has to be a balls to the wall, all or nothing, lay it on the line scenario where I just take the opportunity to isolate her, get close and personal, and tell her that this is how I feel, this is what I want, and if it can't be then I'm gone and you won't see me again. And mean it, because I'm not going to hang around being tortured by looking and not being able to touch... Thoughts???

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RHP User

16 years ago

Here's what I would do... invite her for a holiday in the whitsundays... i.e. get her out of that environment so that you can bring into focus.... the "YOU and HER" thing. Good luck champ. Nothing to lose. What's the worse that can happen? A little embarrassment for so much potential reward. Hugs Gazza

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RHP User

16 years ago

Well, I'd basically get her alone and then tell her exactly what you've wrote here on the forums. That should make her feel special, because you obviously feel very strongly for this girl and just tell her what it is you like about her and how it's eating you up inside not being able to 'be an item' with her.However, if you get on so well it'd be a shame for you to ignore her and fall out of touch. I definately wouldn't say that to her, it might upset her.Good luck.

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RHP User

16 years ago

It took me a little while to work out what one-itis was but finally got it!As always Gaz is on the ball, he does love his balls and others balls!Nothing ventured, nothing gained! Just play it as you see it. If it's moving forward then ride the wave, if you feel you need to amp it up then put that ol heart on your sleeve and go for it!

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RHP User

16 years ago

well, as a woman who is experiencing this type of "friendship" with a guy I have very strong feelings for (no, I didn't start out to fall for him!!!) - it is heartbreaking when he goes to see her!!!!I'm torn between wanting him in my life and walking away before my heart is totally broken - it hurts sometimes now, but my head says one thing and my heart the other.

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RHP User

16 years ago

I think i would go the softly softly catchy monkey approach, If i was that close to her, i don't think i would like to chance my arm on the all or nothing approach. I would rather have her in my life as a friend than not at all. Seeing as you said your firmly in the friends category i reckon the odds are probably against you, but then who knows, truth is often stranger than fiction. Good Luck Matey, hope it turns out ok for you.Cheers Nev

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RHP User

16 years ago

hey mate i agree that you should say something to this girl , but i also think you should be careful about how you do it. set the mood just right . dont just get drunk n put it out there.if there is something there the worst thing you can do is wait till she finds someone else. all the best . hope it works out for you.

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RHP User

16 years ago

sounds like you think there are no other fish in the ocean...... well ... maybe nothing decent enough for you. if she gets along with you in the same way you get along with her the big issue here is the first kiss. once that is over nature has this wonderful way of taking over.my suggestion is to get slightly intimate, even if its relaxing at one of your houses, and look like you want to kiss.... then say to her, you want to kiss me... if she says no, then say you weren't offering, that she just looked like there was something on her mind. if she does. ka-ching.... all over. thats my advise. good luck brother and hope all goes well for you (and her).

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RHP User

16 years ago

I didnt even read all of ur post I just wanted to say that ur punctuation is perfect. Almost annoying its so perfect :P

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RHP User

16 years ago

Thanks to you contributors.Gazza:Thanks for the hugz. Whitsundays for the honeymoon. You might get a gig for (2nd) best man!CSB:Eating me up inside! haha. Mate, I'm managing to hang in there. I plan to be eating her up inside!Puppy:Good call, I like that "play it as you see fit" attitude.Trish:Top advice. I like. But no lunch, dinner, flowers, pukey stuff. A girl has to earn that, it's not a given.greg:A(nother) chic friend told me to get drunk with her. Would be interesting just to see if it loosened her up to make the first move. But don't worry, I don't need to rely on alcy pops to find the words. cheers.razorvortex:You'd think that my blatant use of the word "one-itis" would display that I'm aware of the number of fishies in the sea, wouldn't you. It was meant for the irony factor, but there are always times when you put your efforts in to one in particular. Not to mention the fact that I'm here. But you get the nickname David D! I will use your techniques to try to double my dating!! By the way, that "you looked like you had something on your mind" line has worked for me before. I AM the game... Great stuff!hype:If you think my punctuation is perfect you should see my exclamation mark girl >> !I'm sure it'll work out. If not, plenty more sea in the fish.....

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RHP User

16 years ago

I definitely agree with all the opinions above to go for it.... you seem like a smart guy and very into this girl... lucky her! I think you'll work out the best way to tell her... and if it does happen that it's not the right moment for her (I hope not), respect her opinion, don't try to change her mind, don't push... some girls have a way of waking up to the good stuff that's right under their noses a little late sometimes, but need time and space to get there on their own. Good luck!

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RHP User

16 years ago

Best advice. Thanks very much. I knew it needed a woman's perspective. That's exactly what I will do. You're a champ!btw... you're right, I'm smart and she'd be majorly lucky!

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