M51
Open Relationships
November 20 2018
Comments
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RHP User
7 years ago
Abi and I like the freedom this gives us to explore ourselves and learn as individuals. This has great benefits for us as a couple but it is something we have rules around and do not abuse. We don't date (as in go to the movies, go shopping but do have dinner or drinks prior to play) and we don't see someone too frequently. Rules can be flexed if we both play with this person and intersperse individual play with a threesome on a weekend for example. One main reason we like this lifestyle is it's a fact of life that you cannot be as excited about sex with the same person for the rest of your life. I love Abi and prize her above anyone and love her beyond imagination and nobody can ever come close to that. But the thrill and feeling of the chemistry you get with meeting someone new is something we cannot deny ourselves. Abs and i talk about our playmates and what we do. Most of my playmates will have met Abi at some point and hers have met me. We communicate what we want and how our tastes and kinks evolve. On the flip side, we also communicate the issues - about 18 months back one girl said she was starting to have feelings for me which was making our relationship difficult for her. It was healthily ended but I didn't hide it from Abi. I told her about it when I found out and kept her informed as I managed it. We are all individuals as much as couples and that has to be acknowledged and fed. Love it love and sex is sex. It's perhaps easier for some to make the distinction which I fully appreciate and understand. Make of that what you will. Cheers,Jason
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm watching this with great interest, and I intend to reply at some point.
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nightingale8
7 years ago
"So maybe people not in open relationships can understand us" made me laugh. Is there such a community of "us"? Seems there aren't many... Hello. My partner and I started seeing others separately a few years back after swinging felt like it was going nowhere. He gets out there to date occasionally though admittedly I seem to get more out of this arrangement than him (he's probably the most sexual person I know with a body to match but isn't great at escalating a date to the bedroom). So we have to deal with that imbalance, which usually involves talking about it and - if i think it's needed - me taking time out to focus just on him. It's not all rosy, we have been jealous of each other at different points but we are both mature enough to talk about what needs aren't being met and suck up our own jealousy issues. I've never met or spoken to his dates either. There are no secrets, it's just another way of managing jealousy within the relationship. I remember him showing me a picture of him with his arm around a gorgeous girl he'd been seeing. It wasn't the sex but the picture that got me. I didn't expect that! Funnily enough, we speak openly about the feeling of love that can develop. Because really, if you like someone enough, see them enough and have a strong physical connection it seems inevitable to me. Falling in love is a state of being and maintaining a relationship is a choice. We have both. We just have the capacity to love someone else too, completely without need. At the end of the day, I have a higher sex drive and take better care of my appearance because I'm in an open relationship. Just the knowledge of having freedom makes the difference.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Hi nightingale8, Given a lot of the comments I received on my other forum post “Couples and single ladies only wanting unattached” there are a lot out there in RHP Land that definitely don’t understand open marriages. My wife and I play separately and we are the opposite of you as in I play a lot more than my wife.
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nightingale8
7 years ago
I wonder what is it that you want others to know and why? (Genuine question) I don't believe everyone SHOULD be in an open relationship. Each to their own. It comes down to what you want, what stressors are in your life, whether both your needs are being met and your own limitations in being able to handle jealousy and nurture your own relationship. I'd like more than one relationship but I'm not prepared for my partner to have another one. That's my limitation.
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FeistyFatty
7 years ago
I have been in an Open Marriage now for a few years and we both enjoy the freedom it affords. The level of honesty and transparency one requires to maintain this level of openness and not let it affect the primary relationship has been the best thing for us. The free flowing, non judgemental, supportive communciation has been the most liberating aspect. I am unlike the OP though as I dont want or expect everyone to understand the nitty gritties of my marriage or its non monogomous outlook. A lover needs not to know all this, just respect it for what it is and rest assured in the knowledge that I will never break any rules or boundaries that my hubby and I have created. And as for meeting each other's lovers...... never. Nor would I ever want to or have a compulsion to do so. I've never asked for pics of my husband's loversor names. For safety only, I choose to tell my hubby the where, when and with whom Im playing. I'd actually find that to be a breach of discretion. These people are playing one on one, the other party shouldn't be privvy to the private details of their intimate times or forced to meet the spouse. Hypocritical as this is, i do not play with men in Open Marraiges or who have permission to play, the idea of them discussing our times together with their lovely wives is unnerving to me so I have always declined them. And as I respect the privacy of my lovers and don't discuss the details of our discussions or intimate encounters with my husband, i expect the same in return. The extent of the convos hubby and I have post meet are...... Were they nice, did you enjoy each other, are You going to meet again. Works for us and our lovers.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Hi nightingale8, Two reasons one, we are new to this and are interested in others experiences and setups. Secondly after chatting with a few people on RHP & AMM there seems to be a lack of understanding around open marriages and a lot of judgement.im not into judging people’s choices and figure that judgement will disparate with knowledge. Your setup seems more cuckhold than open as you aren’t prepared for your partner to engage in the same pursuits as yourself, not a judgement just an observation.
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RHP User
7 years ago
I think open relationships are unfair for the single person, especially as the OP said that the woman was falling for him. I doubt that it ended well for the woman despite them saying it did. I personally couldn't be a part of it but each to their own
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RHP User
7 years ago
Happygolucky70 I never said anyone was falling for me!! You have me confused with a comment from Jason_the_dom...
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RHP User
7 years ago
Agree Happygolucky70 Setting expectations clearly up front has been the lesson from that experience.
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nightingale8
7 years ago
Fair point to clarify. It's not a cuckold situation because I'm not able to have a full on relationship with anyone else but my partner, even though it could be nice for me. I'm not prepared to allow him that so it would be hypocritical to expect that he would allow me that. He is free to have sex with whomever he pleases so long as he's safe. I get that meeting up with someone who doesn't have the option of progressing things further might not be everyone's cup of tea. But it works if you're not after a relationship but still want a friendly human connection. Like I said, each to their own :) Also, the photo my partner showed me was while he was on holiday and the only reason he shared it. There's no need to go to any level of detail generally.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Fair enough nightingale8, I missinterpreted your previous comment, my wife and I don’t have full on romantic relationships with others. We do however like a great friendships with benefits of course 😜
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RHP User
7 years ago
Sorry Rdy2play
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RHP User
7 years ago
Happygoluck70 all good 😊
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RHP User
7 years ago
Its just something Im not interested in, therefore I dont need to "understand" one. I would play with my partner, but not without. And thats my personal choice. We dont all have the same desires and specifications within a relationship. I dont have a lot of spare time and would rather spend it with my other half than meeting other people. But thats me. Like RHP, we make of it what we want. I use it to suit myself and it works for me. But what works for one person wont for another.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Kokoflamingo are you stalking me 😂😂😂
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
Stalking is a huge word, then followed by 😂😂😂 is kinda rude. After all You did state in your original post, you look forward to learning and understanding from others. IMO Koko has explained herself and answered your question, being on her own personal journey about being in an open relationship. To mock another poster for answering your post, is kinda not cool. Ms Foxy
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RHP User
7 years ago
Forum posts that interest me. But not people.....
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RHP User
7 years ago
I'm in an open marriage, it's not something we embarked upon but more something that evolved. Wifey's libido faded away and mine didn't duty sex and pity sex soon grew dissatisfying for both of us. This led to her giving her consent for me to play around, I consented to her seeing someone else too. It is what it is that's all I'm sharing for now and we're as close as we ever were.
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RHP User
7 years ago
Ms Foxy I would have thought the laughing faces and the facetious nature of my comment that it was obvious I was having fun.
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MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
facetious or not. "stalking" is a very serious crime and not something that is fun or would be fun. Thank you, I'll leave it there rdy2play, as you have explained your self. Keeping on the topic from now on and hope you have got a lot out of your topic. 😊 Ms Foxy
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RHP User
7 years ago
Is that it? For this thread? 🙁 Was keen to read the .different dynamics between couples.
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