Paying on the first date - what does it signal?

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  RHP User

  10 months ago

  Personally, I don’t read anything into it—I’ve always just done it. Maybe that’s just inexperience on my part, but I think there’s already enough ritual and overthinking as it is. I certainly wouldn't think I was potentially denying someone the opportunity to show she was her own person. Curious to see if people do think in those sort of unspoken tests

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  NeoAndTrin

  10 months ago

  What does it signal? That you have money 😜

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  BarberBoss1981

  10 months ago

  I am like Abi...I insist on sharing the cost...I think for me its always been about me setting the tone for what will play out but also despise the idea of being perceived as a sugar baby...no judgement just not my thing. In saying that I dont really date

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  Monnnn

  10 months ago

  I always offer to pay half, although usually they insist that it's fine and they would rather cover the bill. Not because I want to show them that I can, more so because for me I think it's polite to and I don't want to appear as though I expect them to pay for me. As a rule for myself, I generally think the one who invites the other party out/makes the plans, should be the one paying. I was invited on a date a few years ago and when it came time to settle the bill, he had a "sudden realisation" that he'd forgotten his wallet.. Which made for a very awkward end to the evening, especially when he said "We should do this again sometime." 🫠

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  Blueflamingo

  10 months ago

  I would never do more than a drink on a first date, so 'the bill' would not be more than that. I would always offer to pay half, but something I really like is if my date asks beforehand what I want and orders for me before I arrive. I also usually am running 5-10min late... 😬 so having to get there for then to head to the bar just slows everything down even more. I find it a turn on to be considered, I'm also a sucker for the old-school gestures of holding doors and letting me walk in first. The world needs more kindness.

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  nightingale8

  10 months ago

  I like it when the guy pays for the first date. It’s nice to start the getting to know you process with a gesture. I owe him nothing but a gracious thank you. I generally think the average well meaning guy enjoys looking after others without expectation, other than acknowledgment you value their time and their person. Seems maybe my views are now well outdated? I don’t have this view that because someone forks out money they have some sort of moral hold or social bargaining chip over me. It’s only ever a coffee or drink after all! I’d argue that to believe that one owes the other anything because of who paid is to swallow whole that there is nothing sacred or outside the strange-hold of a hypercapitalist culture. I also think about femininity as sometimes expressed in how graciously you can accept a gift, without suspicion or hostility. And I often take turns on paying on dates to come. It depends. If someone asked to split that’s ok too. It just doesn’t signal generosity to me.

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  seekandplay

  10 months ago

  It’s always nice to pay a bit of something each I think. I don’t know why the man gets lumped with the cost, it’s an expensive world out there. We’re equally looking for something here so I just think everything is shared. Always lovely when something is paid for, sure - but I’ll always make sure I would then get next time.

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