Punching above your weight

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  NeoAndTrin

  10 months ago

  Currently living that dream with Trin. 😉 I think as you get older you care less about whether how gorgeous a person is. You know they are just a person at the end of the day and it's about how well you connect with someone as opposed to being on an equal level looks wise. Beauty fades and when it comes to long term partners personality and emotional intelligence is what endures. I think if they're older they care less as well, and if they do care then they aren't the right person for me in the first place and I would move on. I don't need that kind of narcissism in the first place and no one else should either really.

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  RHP User

  10 months ago

  We could seriously deep dive into self-worth and how we project in this post. My experience is that, generally, those who spend so much time on their aesthetic have an opportunity cost situation. In order to direct resources to beauty, they have been able to direct less resources to character, behaviour, acquisition of wisdom, knowledge, balanced ideas, intellectual evolution, curiosity, self-awareness. (I'm certain that's not an extensive list). The point here is I actually tend to feel quite superior to the "model" look because I know I can outwit them for breakfast. Any day. How Carl Jung would tear that up would surely teach me something valuable about my soul. I feel more in awe of natural confidence, intellect, verbal acuity. That's how I define punching above my weight rather than a half-starved, smile-averse selfie-addict.

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  seekandplay

  10 months ago

  This - all of this! I could have written this very post, hard relate. Fun fact though… my person now - I almost didn’t message him back, thinking he’d never go for someone like me. I thought screw it, just message back. I was probably a little direct and blunt, thinking he’d never message back… well, jokes on me because it’s been 15 months now. I usually look at their friends too. If they all look like a particular type, it can also make me feel very insecure and vulnerable. So, I absolutely understand what you’re saying.

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  nightingale8

  10 months ago

  If I adhered to the (obviously very flawed but socially understood) attractiveness rating scale, then I have definitely spent time with 11/10s. lol. Does it make me feel insecure? Yeah, at times quite. I like to think I’m able to offer some a great experience, a giggle together and a face full of bosom. Who knows. I enjoy myself at least

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  tiffyos

  10 months ago

  Hey Shells, beauty is in the eye of the beholder, we have found on numerous occasions that attitude and cheeky fun nature way exceeds the desire for a catwalk model, infact more so those who are more about sensuality and engagement are genuinely more responsive to a mutually awesome playtime. Allow others to make their own mind up, don't say I'm not your type without event asking them if they'd be interested. Nice bum cheeky.

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  Ex007

  10 months ago

  I 💯 agree with you because I understand that men's sexual arousal can reduce their cognitive control and increase their impulsivity. This leads to decisions that don’t usually align with their usual preferences or standards. Why? 1. Prefrontal cortex inhibition (the part of the brain responsible for judgment and self-control becomes less active). 2. Reward-seeking behaviour driven by dopamine. Once they have sex this then leads to what is called post-nut clarity. Give it a Google if you haven't come across this saying before. I'm also aware that there are a lot of gym/fitness going men who have a maladaptive coping mechanism. Which means the person is unable to regulate their internal world (thoughts, emotions, anxiety). This results in them overcontrolling their external environment like their appearance, food and routine. E.g. the guy who refers to themselves as a little OCD this is also them. This is their way of feeling safe and in control. Studies vary but it is estimated that between 20-55% of male gym goers do so because they have maladaptive coping mechanisms. One can only assume this is based on childhood trauma. Women also suffer from the same thing but they generally get professional help and heal. Or they study psychology to fix their trauma those stats are very interesting also, but that's another side quest for another day. Men on the other hand don't generally seek help and throw themselves into controlling their food and obsessing about the gym and their appearance. Before long this becomes their new normal. Tip:- Maladaptive coping mechanisms are usually easily identified because these men will make comments about other people being overweight or dressing like slobs according to them. Whereas a man who is confident and does not engage in a maladaptive coping mechanism is happy in his skin and couldn't give a rat's arse about what other people do or how they dress. A little bit of a long explanation but I hope this helps.

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  MFMHotWife

  10 months ago

  Mr Hotwife here, DEFINITELY punching above my weight! No complaints though... Mrs Hotwife, as gorgeous as she is, is reluctant to invite guests that might be considered "Super Models".... Preferring rugged, masculine mature types...

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  RHP User

  10 months ago

  I think most have encountered the punching above weight thought during their lives. Like everything those thoughts can become bigger than they actually are. Attraction is purely that and what attracts one does not always attract another. I have been surprised at times thinking I would be punching well above but for some reason they found me attractive in some way. It dawned on me a long time ago that the attraction isn't the big thing for me, it is the person. As a person and who I feel I am, punching above my weight is a rarity. I suppose for me punching above my weight is more down to actions and I often feel I am as my experiences are not that wide and a lot less than most at my age. I also think in a place like this the looks are not the most important thing people are seeking and that helps the thought process. Though looking at some of the friends lists on profiles I could be wrong

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  FeistyFatty

  10 months ago

  I absolutely hate this scenario, makes me super uncomfortable. If my "initial assessment" rates someone above a 5 (looks wise)..... I instantly cease any interest in them. Weird now that I actually think about it but noway do I ever want to be the troll in the room.

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  MrandMrsEss

  10 months ago

  Although I've used this term before I think on the whole it's a pretty toxic term especially when used to describe a committed couple. For a great relationship you need both partners to think they are punching at the highest of their needs and desires, other people's opinions of who holds more value is worthless. For play meets I guess it's less of an issue but still, so long as both parties are into each other then they are punching at correct weights and should go for it. Now I agree with the OP that I often look at couples profiles and conclude that I am the one who will be letting the side down forgetting the special skill set I come with ;)

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  Sawadee

  10 months ago

  They tell me, beauty is in the eye of the beerholder... 😉

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