F47

Quit hitting me over the head with the "Nice Guy" badge...

October 06 2009

Ok....another article I found in my travels which rang a bell with me, in fact the whole site did. I don't know about you, but I'm kind of tired about 'nice' guys complaining about not getting anywhere. I'm probably going to get my arse kicked for this, but oh well... Why "Nice Guys" are often such LOSERS You hear it all the time: "He was such a NICE Guy, and she's such a Heartless Bitch for dumping him." I get letters from self-professed Nice Guys, complaining that women must WANT to be treated like shit, because THEY, the "Nice Guy" have failed repeatedly in relationships. This is akin to the false logic that "Whales are mammals. Whales live in the sea. Therefore, all mammals live in the sea." If you have one bad relationship after another, the only common denominator is YOU. Think about it. What's wrong with Nice Guys? The biggest problem is that most Nice Guys (tm) are hideously insecure. They are so anxious to be liked and loved that they do things for other people to gain acceptance and attention, rather than for the simply pleasure of giving. You never know if a Nice Guy really likes you for who you are, or if he has glommed onto you out of desperation because you actually paid some kind of attention to him. Nice Guys exude insecurity -- a big red target for the predators of the world. There are women out there who are "users" -- just looking for a sucker to take advantage of. Users home-in on "Nice Guys", stroke their egos, take them for a ride, add a notch to their belts, and move on. It's no wonder so many Nice Guys complain about women being horrible, when the so often the kind of woman that gets attracted to them is the lowest form of life... Self-confident, caring, decent-hearted women find "Nice Guys" to be too clingy, self-abasing, and insecure. Nice Guys go overboard. They bring roses to a "lets get together for coffee" date. They try to buy her affections with presents and fancy things. They think they know about romance, but their timing is all wrong, and they either come-on too strong, too hard and too fast, OR, they are so shy and unassertive, that they hang around pretending to be "friends", in the hope that somehow, someway, they will get the courage up to ask her out for a "date". They are so desperate to please that they put aside their own needs, and place the object of their desire on a pedestal. Instead of appreciating her, they worship her. We are only human, and pedestals are narrow, confining places to be -- not to mention the fact that we tend to fall off of them. They cling to her, and want to be "one" with her for fear that if she is out of sight, she may disappear or become attracted to someone else. A Nice Guy often has trouble with emotional intimacy, because he believes that if she learns about the REAL person inside, she will no longer love him. Nice Guys are always asking HER to make the decisions. They think it's being equitable, but it puts an unfair burden of responsibility on her, and gives him the opportunity to blame her if the decision was an unwise one. Nice Guys rarely speak up when something bothers them, and rarely state clearly what it is they want, need and expect. They fear that any kind of conflict might spell the end of the relationship. Instead of comprimising and negotiating, they repeatedly "give in". When she doesn't appreciate their sacrifice, they will complain that, "Everything I did, I did for her.", as if this somehow elevates them to the status of martyrs. A woman doesn't want a martyr. She wants an equal, caring, adult partner. Nice Guys think that they will never meet anyone as special as she is. They use their adoration as a foundation for claiming that "no one will ever love her as much as I do." Instead of being a profound statement of their devotion, this is a subtle, but nasty insult. It is akin to saying to her: "You are a difficult person, and only *I* can ever truly love you, so be thankful I'm here." The nice guy -needs- to believe that he is the best person for the object of his desires, because otherwise his insecurities will overrun him with jealousies and fear. The truth of the matter is that there are many people out there who can be a good match for her. We rarely stop loving people we truly care about. Even if we no longer continue the relationship, the feelings will continue... But love isn't mutually exclusive. We can (and do) love many people in our lives, and romantic love is really no different. Though he may love her immensely, there will likely be other people who have loved her just as much in her past, and will love her just as much in the future. The irony of it all is: "Who would want to go out with someone who was inherintly unlovable anyways?" More than loving the woman in his life, a Nice Guy NEEDS her. "She is my Life, my only source of happiness..." YECH! What kind of a burden is that to place on her? That SHE has to be responsible for YOUR happiness? Get a grip! Another mistake Nice Guys make is to go after "hard luck" cases. They deliberately pick women with neuroses, problems, and personality disorders, because Nice Guys are "helpers". A Nice Guy thinks that by "helping" this woman, it will make him a better, more lovable person. He thinks it will give him a sense of accomplishment, and that she will appreciate and love him more, for all his efforts and sacrifice. He is usually disappointed by the results. This ultimately boils down to the fact that Nice Guys don't like themselves. Is it any wonder women don't like them? In order to truly love someone else, you must first love yourself. Too often Nice Guys mistake obsession for "love". Get this Guys: INSECURITY ISN'T SEXY. IT'S A TURNOFF. You don't have to be an ego-inflated, arrogant jerk. You just have to LIKE yourself. You have to know what you want out of life, and go after it. Only then will you be attractive to the kind of woman with whom a long-term relationship is possible.

Comments

RHP User

16 years ago

oh and it was from Heartless Bitch International that I got the article from. I love the site.

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

That article actually makes a lot of sense. It's difficult to argue otherwise. thanks for the read. Hey I've got a female friend just like the nice guy in the story. She's a helper and wonders why things go wrong. Hugs gazza

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

My previous relationship was with a completely insecure person - even when pursuing his dreams (at the hinderance of mine) he still couldn't get it together enough. You are right Casava it is a total put off and should be added to the what turns you off forum. I have kids who are naturally needy I don't need a partner who is the same. Great article!

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

Well done sweety..Total thumbs up from me on this topic. kisses sweetpetite41 xxxxxx

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

kevinMario likes this ;D

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

that sounds pretty close to the mark... rather scary really! So much for Mr NiceGuy...Mrs P

reply

like
tamworthguy46

16 years ago

Hey casarva.. Nice article !....can I please have your permission to comment on it please ? please let me know ? and tell me what to say, What you want to hear will be fine with me ! can i ?.....can I ?.... No seriously .......I realy don't get relationships where 1 person is totally reliant on the other, for all decisions etc.....especially guys....i end up feeling sorry for them....they remind me of broken horses at riding schools....No spirit ! on the other side, at least people that Argue all the time have some life in them....And there is a strong possibility of lots of make up sex ..lol

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

Yep, buy em nothin and take em nowhere and agree to nothing. Cheers Nev

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

Well looks like I'm not a nice guy after all cause I don't fit that despcription at all...And all this time I thought i was...

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

great article casava! it put into words what i hav always felt... if a guy has to tell me he is a nice guy it immediatly puts warnin bells up for me, why do they hav to tell me they r nice? and from my experience the 1's that claim they r mr nice guy tend to turn out to b the nastiest.. yep confidence is sexy, puttin your insecurities on sum1 else is not, goes for guys and girls!

reply

like
RHP User

16 years ago

hallelujah and thanks hun for putting this up, I had a four-year relationship with a loser like this and felt guilty for being miserable all the time, but it wasn't till I manned (womanned?) up and got some confidence that I could see how he was manipulating me by being passive-aggressive and backing away from fights, then pretending that when I got angry it was because I was 'difficult'- guys like this are the hardest to deal with cos they sap your confidence in such a sneaky way. It's just not sexy!

reply

like

Quit hitting me over the head with the "Nice Guy" badge...

Comments

Tags

Boards

Forum help