M50
Real Love, True love? What is it?
April 13 2012
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RHP User
14 years ago
It's in 'Hot Topics' and it was last posted on March 18th. Check it out.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Damned if I know Bickie Boy....but you will know when and if you find it....hope you havent lost it first....enjoy your search ....sometimes the journey is more important....and perhaps this is true,another lyric,'if you cant be with the one you love ,love the one you're with".....and love your own company that is important too.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I've been there. The fairy tale. The meet fall in complete and utter adoration, being so into someone that they become your everything.It was wonderful.It was also a great big huge fucking lie.I won't go there again. It won't happen.
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RHP User
14 years ago
When they find it, its a different shape size and colour to anyone elses. Some find it, but its like a river it changes direction, it runs dry sometimes or it takes you right out to sea the view changes depending on where you are in the river sometimes you dam yourself up so it cant reach you, for a range of reasons the biggest fear of being hurt. Sex is as a force of nature can sometimes be more powerful than love. yet love survives dispite all the stupid things we do in the name of love. our heart is a muscle we need to exercise it now and again. We are all seeking something here, maybe its just to conect to another member of the human race for just a little while.
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RHP User
14 years ago
To me it'd be that someone that leaves you breathless. That someone that when you are away from them, you can't wait to get back to. Everything they do or say, you don't realise how it impacts on you until they aren't there anymore. That's what I'd sum it up as. Do we ever know if we've found it.... as the song says, don't think we ever do, till it's gone.
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RHP User
14 years ago
.....To find such love twice in my life. The first died 25 years ago and I carried the memories inside for all these years. His own unique smell was the last memory to go along with his quirky little mannerisms, the tilt of his head, the timbre of his voice. They never left me. I went on to live a full life, have children by another man and spend many years in a full relationship with another but the essence of this man was always there, deep in my heart. Recently I met another man and the first one has been replaced. His smell can no longer be remembered and he has faded to a distant youthful memory... . Some may consider it human nature to screw around but I dont think so. Often times, something happens and the libidos of each person changes. There is nothing wrong with the relationship.....apart from the sex equation. Do we then hurt the one we love so very much by telling them we want to have sex with others? If it is a man and many men do suffer such things as erectile dysfunction as they grow older, or have various health issues, do we then make them feel lower than snake shit by flaunting other lovers? Or do we discretely look on the side, making damn sure he never knows as it would certainly spell the death of the relationship? Oh yes I know that men can satisfy a woman in so very many different ways BUT with a low libido, sex just simply does not enter thier mind. The idea of initiating anything sexual just does not happen. With a woman it can be the same thing. Menopause approaches, the thought of anything sexual becomes nauseating. . "Didnt we do that this month already?" . Many on here are now going to argue that it is the adult thing, and the RIGHT thing to do is to speak about it. Communication is the key. Yeah Right! Nine times out of ten, communicating the desire for more sex is going to be a death knoll on the relationship. Here is this person who you have loved, long and deeply, had kids with, spent many years with and because of hormonal changes, health issues or whatever issues... they do not want sex. Happy to oblige once every few weeks...maybe...if you ask enough times (which is in itself demoralising) Everything else works within the relationship and lets face it, . sex is like air, only important when you are not getting any. . Love is way more than the physical side of a relationship. It cuts so very much deeper, it fills you, completes you, without that special person everything is greyer, duller, no where near as wonderful and anyone who wants to condemn a married person for looking, walk a mile in thier shoes first. Just because you / your firends / sister / brother / next-door-bloody-neighbour had a hard time because of some cheating lowlife scum, does not mean the next person's circumstances are the same. . Dont condemn....... . as you just dont know what is happening in that persons life and it is not up to you to judge anothers actions.
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RHP User
14 years ago
i fucked it up big time met up with him again 20 years later all those feelings where still there i ran a mile...left that boy in my dust Hugs
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RHP User
14 years ago
You will know the meaning of true happiness and when you lose it you will know the true meaning of the word despair Every love song written and Shakespeare's words will ring true with you
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RHP User
14 years ago
We NEVER really grow out of our teenage years do we? We meet someone.. and as PBG said.. they burn into your being so much.. and become your everything. then they "Shit" on you .. in your eyes..and you fel almost like death is there waiting for you.. until next week, someone else sets your heart on fire.. and you SWEAR this is THE one for you.. total love.. except the pone you totally loved last week is now the devil and you HATE them.. I dont know what that is friends... and (not so friends) but it is NOT LOVE. I listen to foolish people getting hurt in relationship after relationship always saying "I know he is hurting me... but.. I LOVE him totally" Bullshit!! you are "Co-dependant" Unconditional love?? FFS.. IF you are religious.. the worlds bet seller, the Bible - even THAT GOD didnt have unconditional love.. That God loved SMITING his people "I love you all Moses... but, I am going to kill your arses if you dont do EXACTLY what I fckn tell you!!" As long as we listen to the songs for love, as long as we read the stories for love, as long as we watch the movies for love.. we will NEVER get it.. Look, I can love and care and adore as hard and fast as the next person.. but, that is only a fleeting passion... sure, it might last for a year or two, or more, but,, when it is time to leave, it is time to leave..and I will do it without losing a moments sleep.. Does that mean I have NEVER loved? Does that make me a heartless fool who doesn't care about anyone or anything? So, a little challenge... Go back through your memories, and remember every relationship.. even the little short ones that were passion filled.. How many did you believe you were in love with? How many do you now despise? How many did you honestly think you had ARRIVED?? And where are they all now? DON'T justify any of them in retrospect.. at the time.. what did they mean? When we are honest about these, surely we begin to understand that "THAT kind of love is NOT love" I don't have a name for it, but IF it is love, then LOVE itself is VERY conditional.. and fickle *smiles* cavey.. always was jaded
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RHP User
14 years ago
My husband who is now my x and who is also my current partner again One 9 month lust affair with a guy who when we broke up went divorced his wife and then married the first woman he saw. My husband always, through the good and the bad , cause he is the guy that holds my hair back when I puke thats love. I have slept with many many men but loved them no, not even in my youth , love was not something I ever felt. Perhaps its because I have trust issues, and to love you have to trust.
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RHP User
14 years ago
To even know what true love is....we are all such different creatures it will mean something totally different to each of us. The one thing I do know however, is you will never find it if you are not open to the idea of it
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RHP User
14 years ago
You're the silent typeAnd you caught my eyeBut I never thought that I'd be touching youHow was I to knowI'd let my feelings goAnd that I'd be yours before the night was through| One night love affairTrying to make like we don't careWe were both reaching out for something| One night love affairPretending it ain't thereOh - and now we're left with nothing |When the morning breaksWe go our separate waysIf the night was made for love it ain't for keeps| But I lose controlAs I watch you goAll my senses say I'm in this much too deepNow you're out of reach|One night love affairTrying to make like we don't careWe were both reaching out for something| One night love affairPretending we don't careOh and now we're left with nothing| If you feel a bit like that...there's probably something about love in there if you look. Feelings are never right or wrong, they're just you're feelings...and as individual as you care to make them.
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RHP User
14 years ago
For as long as I can remember I've yearned to connect with other people at a deep, even spiritual level. As a small child I always felt unseen and unmet by others; at school I was bored with small talk and mindlessness - I wanted to talk about the meaning of life, the evolution of humanity, the science of the earth, the human spirit, gratitude, love, service, adventure, craziness, wisdom and so much more. I spent many years in a marriage that was loving and lovely but superficial and sexless. I lamented that I would never find someone that really 'got' me, and that could sit and start into my eyes like I wanted to sit and stare into his. And then I met him in the most unexpected of places and my world exploded into vibrant colours, sounds, smells and feelings. God, the feelings, the chemistry, the passion, the calm, the gift of it all. I honestly can't describe it, other than to say when you find it, you know. And then I screwed it up and lost it.So Mr Biscuit, if you find it, might I suggest you hang on tight xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
My partner and I love each other more everyday.
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RHP User
14 years ago
They don't know what they are missing it's the flip side of me....I didn't know the casual side of it...... so this curious kitty explores and knows we are strong enough.Quoting 'MistressT' My partner and I love each other more everyday. Same for us- and we will never let it go of it regardless of the normal ups and downs and in betweens and not so normal amount of shit we have been through. To me true love is initially the right chemistry and dynamics, place and time but is then solidified by compatibility and intimacy forged through determination, openness and communication which builds deep trust over time. It's a commitment, a respect and a transference. The connection of mind, heart and soul sounds corny but it's true- we feel each other, read each other, get each other, know each other and feel joined- we have parts of each other. We have history and whatever we chose to do- easy or challenging i.e (have moments with others or not) it makes us stronger and closer. In a young relationship with early intimacy I can see how it could be damaging but for me being sexually curious and wanting to connect with others as an adult and doing something about it....makes me love my partner even more. We have an open relationship- our sex life has always been between good and great. The whole thing is more of a mental thing for me, something I have in my head that I need to do. And I have an amazing partner who understands and had the foresight to mentally prepare for that after he courted a precocious 16 year old. Sean is happy to explore on his own but can take it or leave it.... he is away so much working that all he wants is home. We are human we feel the same things as others do fear, insecurity etc. We can't stand each other sometimes. He is by nature a possessive Leo but he doesn't let that limit us and challenges himself, as do I. But bottom line we know our bond is forever. We are each others most favourite and most difficult people. So we can't get bored.We really enjoy swinging but thing is I get off on him more- I have never been more desirous of him then when there are others in the room and I am happy to share as well! Like you Mrs P this whole experience is largely making me realise what I have. I have known nothing else til recently- I AM A LUCKY GIRL! I have never appreciated my man more than I do atm!!! I had wondered though if I made the right choice so young and in letting this Centaur free he has given me the gift of knowledge. I have no doubt I made the right choice and I am truly his.....monogamous and not. Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
I just wanted to lay it out as I sometimes get comment "can't believe your man lets you be with other" Blah Blah and hear a lot of open relationships when the sex is dead and it's just companionship.We are still very much companions and lovers- Gosh more this week then any other week!!! 18 sleeps down/ 2 to go!!!and come Wednesday there is gonna be a lot of lovin- Hmmmmm camping style.....this will be interesting- and test the quality of air mattresses Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
...just keep it simple. Love is like when you have a big fire roaring in front of you in the middle of winter...you're all snuggled up and every part fits together, room on the couch to spare and buried in piles of soft doonas with a nice glass of your favourite in hand. You look at her and say... "You know...this is better than sex". She smiles because she agrees and knows you mean it. | Okay, so then you both laugh and roll onto the floor with all those warm and snuggly covers flying everywhere and fuck each other's brains out...but you really did mean what you said both before and after. The afterglow that can last for days...that's better than sex too.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds. sonnet 116...Shakespeare
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RHP User
14 years ago
Perfect :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
"It was wonderful"...Therefore it was real at the time...Not allowing yourself to feel something "wonderful" again...Rather sad...Isnt it about the journey, rather than the destination?
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RHP User
14 years ago
you can fall out of love with someone just as easily as you fell in love with them... so was it really love then??, probably not... maybe you were just addicted to the 'feeling' of what you thought was love instead! everyone's experience of love is different.... i don't dare define it though.
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RHP User
14 years ago
HB- True love is not necessarily monogamous though it is honest and enduring. For me I don't think 1 person is enough for every level even if it's just to find out that hey they were/are enough ;)CM- what you describe is a good basis (that's what I meant by chemistry/place/time) to me the truth of the love develops over time and is limited only by how much or little they honestly share of each other on all levels- (physical, emotional, sexual, spiritual, mental etc) To me the true test of love and what makes it real is the depth and breadth of the intimacy achieved over time whilst living/sharing together especially as the mundanity and drudgery of life ensues.The human condition is complicated- and to the power of 10 when merging 2 lives together. it's an interesting journey of learning and growth fuelled by passion and individualism. But seriously there is no such thing as a simple, easy and all happy true love- what would be the point it would be shallow, unless you were both perfect. Thing is I'm not and so to me it's finding that person that both appreciates my positives and challenges my negatives and is open to me doing the same vice versa to help us grow and better. Then things simplify and get smoother until life's next curve ball. for example becoming a family ;)It's the partners that choose to stand by each other regardless of how hard things get, no matter how busy their lives become or how taxing and/or rewarding they are to each other- which becomes superfluous because the bottom line is that they can't stand the thought of not being together - Life without seems meaningless and those special moments garnered through the varying seasons of their lives reinvigorate that which mostly flourishes and at other times may lay dormant- but can never be lost. CM- I do find with others I enjoy more the time spent talking, sharing food, appreciating a moment and place more than the great sex that follows. the mental intimacy intrigues me and it is something I find special and I hear I am a good snuggle fit.....but that's not 'true love' to me it's a type of love on a pretty surface level that is real and could be true in time :)Cass xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Sometimes to search for something is the worst thing to do.... It cost you time and energy....Sometimes what we are looking for is already there and waitting for us but we cann't see it... why ?? Trully I don't know... However when I find myself in such times i pause everything, take a breath and let my senses free to evaluate the situation i am in... Because i believe you don't have to think about true love....you have to feel it with all your senses... You can't chase a dream without falling into sleep and you can't get love if you don't feel love....I think in this lifetime i have met my soulmate and also I lost her for good.....And I KNOW I will never find her again but i don't give up..... Because true love as you name it it's not only to get but to give also true love......So my small advice is to stop searching for something 'true' and start living a true life.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
...while I think we did actually say a great deal that would be the same, I actually chose a bit of brevity. What I alluded to there was perhaps more metaphorical, an analogy if you please...that love itself is not complicated but agree that our lives do change and the challenges are never-ending. The time on the couch...that is when you know that you love and are loved unconditionally, a gift once given that can never be returned. It is not self-seeking nor would ever say "I love you if, I love you when, I love you because"....but rather simply I love you, the type of love that I can only equate most often with that child-like gift we are born with that somehow slips away. Certainly too, true love would never seek to change another but would accept that over time we all change and grow...and those flaws or imperfections that keep all of us from being perfect are perhaps the very thing we fell in love with in the first place. We all have them...I don't want to be perfect and know I never will. | It's sad that sometimes you do have to let it go...perhaps as a primal instinct of survival that in and more idealistic and separate reality would not exist, but somehow they do. An absolute breech of faith and honour...perhaps other things unimagineable and beyond our control that can trigger the instinct to survive, but in a very real world full of challenges, no one is ever exempt. | As for those that I choose or am chosen to be with...it is very possible to love your friends yet keep, as you have said, the sanctity of your deeper and much more intimate relationships. Certainly with these few well-chosen friends it is the time shared or invested if you will...that allows us to express our more physical side as a celebration. That's part that I really like...the warm afterglow that you will always hold as a memory that you will always remember rather than wish you could forget. | PS...women do talk more than men, I like that part too.
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RHP User
14 years ago
"And in the end, the love you take, is equal to the love you make"
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RHP User
14 years ago
if you have to ask.....you've not found it yet.....
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RHP User
14 years ago
uncomplicated and unconditional....best part is loving yourself this way.REAL love though is an unlimited Amex
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'multiples_xxx' But seriously there is no such thing as a simple, easy and all happy true love- Just what l think.....I believe there is. The finest love l have expereinced has been just this. Simple with no hidden agendas. In essence, love is "love"...it's people's behaviour and idealisms that screw it up. Those things are seperate.
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RHP User
14 years ago
True love = an idea brainwashed into our heads by the governments around the world forming a plot from the dawn of time in order so that the human population is maintained and doesn't become extinct.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Oh CityCat89 I just LOVE that idea...this is now my very favourite conspiracy theory...in every country around the world committees meeting and plotting for love...make love not war is their campaign slogan...x Hugs H
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'Quoting 'multiples_xxx' But seriously there is no such thing as a simple, easy and all happy true love-Just what l think.....I believe there is. The finest love l have expereinced has been just this. Simple with no hidden agendas. In essence, love is "love"...it's people's behaviour and idealisms that screw it up. Those things are seperate.To me it is natural to have some sort of reasonable expectations/ standards/ ideals on the one you share your life with- especially if you care about them and are to raise children together.My take is that.....Love is a human made concept/attachment/mentality/feeling- something to do with evolution; mother/Father/child bonding etc............ suppose what I was getting at is simplicity is what you strive for but the thing is it's hard sharing a life and communicating with with any human being and probably harder with the one you love because at the end of the day you don't chuck them out or won't walk away :) It's always simple in the beginning and destined for success if intentions are good and both are determined. But then you traverse all the ups and down of life as well as the little stuff like toilet seats (not us), leaving the fridge door open (me) and leaving dirty clothes on the floor (him) :) People are wonderful and frustrating and I reckon the 'true' bit comes from perseverance and growth.Cass xxx :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Three words that I say, often. Every time I say them, I mean them. To my family, to my friends, to my lover. Then and there, they are true :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
anyone can say it... anyone can tell you that they love you...but the words themselves mean very little.... love is something you feel....something you experience, and something you show the ones you care about..its in the deed, not the words.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'softbutfirm' "It was wonderful"...Therefore it was real at the time...Not allowing yourself to feel something "wonderful" again...Rather sad...Isnt it about the journey, rather than the destination? My post did come across as bitter maybe? Cynical?I love love, and I love well, and I love many. That "true love" feeling though, the swept up in it all and losing yourself, I think it's a one-off experience, because you learn from it and realise that what it was was a strange combination of emotions and pheromones and brain chemicals with little basis in reality.Give me real genuine strong love over that heady, crazy feeling any day. I mean, what is love anyway? Just a whirlwind of hormones? I rescued a friend the other night, someone who I love unconditionally just because he's the person he is, and he's asked why I'm so good to him. "Because I love you." "But why?""I don't know, it just is."
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RHP User
14 years ago
I honestly think LOVE gets in the way of a great friendship/relationship.................. Dazi
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