M55
Resilience
January 04 2015
Comments
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RHP User
11 years ago
A forum survivor of three years.now that's resilience😌xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
That depression is the opposite of resilience. 1. How do you feel you developed your resilience?Having close and supportive family and friends, willing to accept me for who I am and whatever path I choose to take in life. Well, mostly. This life of late is still a secret :) 2. Is there a defining moment you admire about yourself where you know you have acted with resilience? Coming through a breakup with my girlfriend without falling into a diagnosable depression. And coping with being single until such time as this person came into my life. 3. Have you been inspired by another's resilience?A family member who over time, has almost entirely lost his sight. Another friend who has lost a leg. 4. What does this really mean to you and why?Keep calm and carry the f*** on! 5. OR Is this absolute rubbish overrated and unnecessarily popularised and taught essentially a waste of time - If so "exactly" why do you feel that way?No. But there are many other virtues that perhaps are not emphasisied enough in the school system. For example, empathy/compassion. Judging by the shallow and simple-mindedness coming through in many people's opinions, it is obvious that there are still problems in either schooling, parenting or society in general that need further addressing. Yes there will always be problems, but there are many countries in the world eg Northern Europe, where certain differences between social groups and individuals in their society are much less of an issue. But, there are still many countries much further in the dark ages than us.
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madotara69
11 years ago
It's a grand place to be amongst friends that trust each other without question, in the circles throughout life. Respectful. Resilience to distance friendships from lose gossip and manipulators. Would be my claim to fame. I have seen it time over time again where friendships in part are destroyed over these manipulative types of people. To look out and see groups of people socially living in friendship enjoying life, then a manipulator sees the connections and begins to work the game they enjoy so much. Chaos by deception, befriending individuals and securing the position of controlling the gossip line of friendly connections. One by one truths and inner emotions of people are gathered and turned back to them as hurtful rumour by the whispers sent out through the gossip line, the manipulator has others do their work by planting the seed and later difficult to be traced back to the manipulator. When not in amongst the lose line of gossip, then one thing becomes clear, the fuelled emotions as the friendships erupt is seen as not individual differences and quarrels. People all fighting amongst each other is by design, people get hurt, people lose friendships, credibility, relationships, social standing, betrayal etc. The manipulator plays their part in amongst it all as the concerned interested innocent observer, keeping themselves sheltered form detection. When they get questioned they go into panic staions and attempt to create deflection by accusation with denial. Well once someone denies something without being questioned to it, they have blown their cover to me. And once it becomes clear the manipulator has been caught out, they pack soon up and move on, because there is a trusted line of friendship the manipulator cannot encroach. The manipulator has no respect for any one to bother listening to a thing they say, once the WORD gets around. People begin forgiving each other and friendships mend as they begin to understand they did not cause the differences. It's humbling. Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
11 years ago
To answer all your questions. However, I've had a shit couple of years in various areas which I won't bore you with, I am continually reminded of a couple of phrases mentioned by my old man, who was harder than me and endured much more than I: 1. Getting punched in the face doesn't hurt. Losing someone you love hurts. 2. It doesn't matter how many times you're knocked down, it's how many times you get up that counts. Now THAT's resilience. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
Without, reliving my whole life story........My life, my story, these things have made me who I am. I can say now after 16 years, that I'm finally happy with who I am, what I've achieved and that I'm one of the most resilient people I know.....💋
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RHP User
11 years ago
Cry cry cry let it all out befor your insides explode.Scream it out till the pain is gone.Then pick yourself up slowly now..notice theres no more weight.Thats resilience in its true form.
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RHP User
11 years ago
You say resilience, I think of the willow tree. . Webster’s Dictionary (1974) defines resilience as “an ability to recover from or adjust easily to change or misfortune” (p. 596). Although this definition is widely accepted, resilience may be conceptualized as being more than merely bouncing back from setbacks. Resilience may also be the ability to bounce forward in the face of an uncertain future (Walsh, 2004). Resilience has been conceptualized as the forging of strengths through adversity (Wolin & Wolin, 1993). Like the willow tree, people thrive if they have a strong, healthy root system. With branches flexible enough to bend with the storm and firm enough to weather strong winds without breaking, the willow tree can continue to grow despite being twisted into differing shapes. The willow tree may be a metaphor for the resilient individual and resilient family system. Resiliency is critical to mental health and healthy aging. . I hadn't heard the term till you mentioned it today, SA. I like the idea of teaching it at school, it's a positive approach to giving our young ones an important life skill. Peachy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' A forum survivor of three years.now that's resilience😌xxFreya That's an illustration for sure.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'madotara69' It's a grand place to be amongst friends that trust each other without question, in the circles throughout life. Respectful. Resilience to distance friendships from lose gossip and manipulators. Would be my claim to fame. I have seen it time over time again where friendships in part are destroyed over these manipulative types of people. To look out and see groups of people socially living in friendship enjoying life, then a manipulator sees the connections and begins to work the game they enjoy so much. Chaos by deception, befriending individuals and securing the position of controlling the gossip line of friendly connections. One by one truths and inner emotions of people are gathered and turned back to them as hurtful rumour by the whispers sent out through the gossip line, the manipulator has others do their work by planting the seed and later difficult to be traced back to the manipulator. When not in amongst the lose line of gossip, then one thing becomes clear, the fuelled emotions as the friendships erupt is seen as not individual differences and quarrels. People all fighting amongst each other is by design, people get hurt, people lose friendships, credibility, relationships, social standing, betrayal etc. The manipulator plays their part in amongst it all as the concerned interested innocent observer, keeping themselves sheltered form detection. When they get questioned they go into panic staions and attempt to create deflection by accusation with denial. Well once someone denies something without being questioned to it, they have blown their cover to me. And once it becomes clear the manipulator has been caught out, they pack soon up and move on, because there is a trusted line of friendship the manipulator cannot encroach. The manipulator has no respect for any one to bother listening to a thing they say, once the WORD gets around. People begin forgiving each other and friendships mend as they begin to understand they did not cause the differences. It's humbling. Mado Mado Tara xx Mado, Well once someone denies something without being questioned to it, Ive no doubt this pertains to real life and not in here....would you share an example of what you have witnessed in real life in this context...? absolutely ok if you choose not to....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Twisted_Mister' To answer all your questions. However, I've had a shit couple of years in various areas which I won't bore you with, I am continually reminded of a couple of phrases mentioned by my old man, who was harder than me and endured much more than I: 1. Getting punched in the face doesn't hurt. Losing someone you love hurts. 2. It doesn't matter how many times you're knocked down, it's how many times you get up that counts. Now THAT's resilience. - Posted from rhpmobile You seem to have nailed it easily "old school style" !....... This was the sort of quote I was hoping for.......as much as this has indeed been popularised the notion of resilience goes back millennia... Great post.
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RHP User
11 years ago
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I think for me this is true...a synchronicity moment there Mado when I read your post.Seven years ago,this happened to me..there is a word for it,it's called Mobbing..I won't bore you with the details but I ended up loosing my job because of one persons jealousy,lies and manipulation.Over the months that this played out I felt suicidal and helpless many times..one o f the things that helped me enormously,was forgiveness..I genuinely forgave the people who were doing this,bad things were starting to hap pen too.....a few years later I had a heart attack,that was a tough time..and now I am facing another major health crisis,I will get back to you SA as to how I cope with this one,But family,friends and an acceptance of sorts are what is helping me now and has helped me in the past xx Freya
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madotara69
11 years ago
Great little nest this digital world. No naming and shaming rules of the forums. An example would require speaking out of school and it's a Long Way to the Top If You Wanna Rock n Roll. Can organise Dirty Deeds Done Dirt Cheap though. bahahahahah Where's Indi n EB ?
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RHP User
11 years ago
1. How do you feel you developed your resilience? After being taken from my family the month I turned One, I've lived my life without a family to call my own because I was never able to fit back into mine by the time I next saw them in my mid teens. That's part of why the family I have now is so important to me. . 2. Is there a defining moment you admire about yourself where you know you have acted with resilience?Every time I said no despite all lessons to the contrary.. 3. Have you been inspired by another's resilience - And Why / what happened?I've been inspired by fellow Forgotten Australian's (google it), people who are getting up sharing their stories to the Royal Commission (google it) despite the turmoil it can bring back up for them. . 4. What does this really mean to you and why?This means I can do it too! Because so many of these people have been through a Hell that makes mine pale in comparison. .Haha, I kind of felt like I was back in school doing those essays I used to hate. Peachy
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RHP User
11 years ago
Your forum resilience comment was gold :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
I think I was born resilient. I'm a phenomenal optimist with a sense of awe and wonder about the world. I have a natural tendency to bounce back without too much difficulty. All of this was challenged and I was brought to my knees, landing in a very dark place for a very long time, when a relationship ended a few years ago. Even then, but especially now, I realised that the trauma I felt was not because of anything he'd done to me, but because I lost all faith in myself. Everything I had believed about myself - that I'm a good person, fun, upbeat, kind, loving etc - seemed like a lie. I saw myself as evil and horrible and cruel and it turned my life upside down. A close friend described it as my dark night of the soul, and I think he was right. Definitely an existential crisis. But still, all through this I've known to just breathe and keep putting one foot in front of the other. I've known I would be OK and that I would rediscover myself. I've been able to cultivate new, softer, more compassionate and more forgiving parts of my character because of the experience. I knew to be patient with myself and trust I would come out the other end vibrant once again. And I have. I think resilience is so often a matter of trusting yourself and taking the steps you can, even if it's just to keep getting out of bed in the morning, to move through something. And having a soft place to fall, someone to lean on, really helps. The Buddhist concept of detachment has strengthened my general resilience enormously. And a little personal mantra I use whenever I need to get through something - "It's OK. I'm OK". - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I think for me this is true...a synchronicity moment there Mado when I read your post.Seven years ago,this happened to me..there is a word for it,it's called Mobbing..I won't bore you with the details but I ended up loosing my job because of one persons jealousy,lies and manipulation.xx FreyaI have endured mobbing in the workplace...outnumbered and out gunned I gave a good account of myself...a damn good account. Just one example of my endurance, those who have been through crap know what it takes to survive.It was quite stressful at times, the cardiologist told me I did in fact have the ticker for the fight which went on until the bitter end. I walked out with my head held up high, if I had my tie again I couldn't have done any better.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I think for me this is true...a synchronicity moment there Mado when I read your post.Seven years ago,this happened to me..there is a word for it,it's called Mobbing..I won't bore you with the details but I ended up loosing my job because of one persons jealousy,lies and manipulation.Over the months that this played out I felt suicidal and helpless many times..one o f the things that helped me enormously,was forgiveness..I genuinely forgave the people who were doing this,bad things were starting to hap pen too.....a few years later I had a heart attack,that was a tough time..and now I am facing another major health crisis,I will get back to you SA as to how I cope with this one,But family,friends and an acceptance of sorts are what is helping me now and has helped me in the past xx Freya Funnily ive a slightly similar work story from 10years ago. I know this is wrong but dearie me some small part of humanity should be allowed to at least partially relish in the Ying/Yang outcome you mention. Although yes the Dali Lama would have me for dinner over that one.....ho-hum.... Yes my heart attack and other external unrelated but none the less dramatic issues which also took place simultaneously were an interesting experience.......I can vouch for "those which can not kill you make you stronger" notion... Take care x
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' I've known I would be OK and that I would rediscover myself. I've been able to cultivate new, softer, more compassionate and more forgiving parts of my character because of the experience. - Posted from rhpmobile So you are saying that through possibly one of the toughest times in your life, you have grown other softer parts of your personality right?.... Ok so why do you think that was an outcome?....I mean why do you think that it was your softer side that developed? Ill tell you why I ask - me2. SA
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RHP User
11 years ago
As Mado alluded to,sometimes the Internet and sites like this provide those with fragile egos and narcissistic personalities,the perfect opportunity to weave a web of deception.We can turn away from the victims who often have no idea what happened to them or we can say something.Unfortunately sometimes the whistleblower is vilified...it's very difficult to bounce back from that.Hence my previous comment...Currently there is someone,a former forum poster who fell victim to the machinations of another.He believed all the poison that was whispered in his ears.A person with the soul of a poet and the deep feelings and passions that go with that....when someone is o wounded by all the real and imagined harm it is often the case that they lash out at those who they mistakenly think caused the harm.The spider sits in their web and laughs. Can someone bounce back,recover their self esteem,rebuild relationships,and forge new ones..seek forgiveness Be indeed resilient?...from the bottom of my heart,I hope so.xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
As Mado alluded to,sometimes the Internet and sites like this provide those with fragile egos and narcissistic personalities,the perfect opportunity to weave a web of deception.We can turn away from the victims who often have no idea what happened to them or we can say something.Unfortunately sometimes the whistleblower is vilified...it's very difficult to bounce back from that.Hence my previous comment...Currently there is someone,a former forum poster who fell victim to the machinations of another.He believed all the poison that was whispered in his ears.A person with the soul of a poet and the deep feelings and passions that go with that....when someone is o wounded by all the real and imagined harm it is often the case that they lash out at those who they mistakenly think caused the harm.The spider sits in their web and laughs. Can someone bounce back,recover their self esteem,rebuild relationships,and forge new ones..seek forgiveness Be indeed resilient?...from the bottom of my heart,I hope so.xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
As Mado alluded to,sometimes the Internet and sites like this provide those with fragile egos and narcissistic personalities,the perfect opportunity to weave a web of deception.We can turn away from the victims who often have no idea what happened to them or we can say something.Unfortunately sometimes the whistleblower is vilified...it's very difficult to bounce back from that.Hence my previous comment...Currently there is someone,a former forum poster who fell victim to the machinations of another.He believed all the poison that was whispered in his ears.A person with the soul of a poet and the deep feelings and passions that go with that....when someone is o wounded by all the real and imagined harm it is often the case that they lash out at those who they mistakenly think caused the harm.The spider sits in their web and laughs. Can someone bounce back,recover their self esteem,rebuild relationships,and forge new ones..seek forgiveness Be indeed resilient?...from the bottom of my heart,I hope so.xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
Great topic btw hugs xx Freya
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AnnieWhichway
11 years ago
this site has given me more therapy than the many shrinks have been able to. If rhp had been around decades ago, I would have many dollars saved. (And quite possibly worn my ring out.) My depression bouts are so much shorter. I still suffer and lose the plot but less often and not so deep. The laughs I get from the forum from like minded people have me in a much better place and thus resilience is growing within Annie
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IamMrSilly
11 years ago
I strongly believe in this, I was only just teaching my son about it two days ago. To me, it is about not being a victim and having courage to deal with any situation without 'why me' and 'it is not fair' or the classic 'I didn't do it, so I don't need to fix it'. 1. through living life2. when I separated and took my life back. 3. no one in particular4. as above, not being a victim and accepting good and bad in life, and making the absolute most of what comes your way.5. it is not, and it is one of the biggest problems that kids these days face. life is so protected now that they do not have the chance to build their resilience. OP, thank you for a great topic
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Lovinit28andKC72
11 years ago
You my friend are a truly beautiful soul and I oh so happy you are indeed my friend, lovinit is feeling blessed and thankful to have such beautiful people in my wonderful life.....💋
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blackwidow69er
11 years ago
Ive never posted here before but this subject is so close to my heart and heart strings Those that have taken the time to get to know me know how I took my life back after many years in abusive marriage Took me many years to believe I am worth some thing and im not useless To prove to those that treated me like I was useless and worthless I finished a uni degree and now out working in a field I love Im always a person who believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and treat ppl how you want to be treated
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Lovinit28' Without, reliving my whole life story........My life, my story, these things have made me who I am. I can say now after 16 years, that I'm finally happy with who I am, what I've achieved and that I'm one of the most resilient people I know.....💋 Nice....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'MrsPeachyPear' 1. How do you feel you developed your resilience? After being taken from my family the month I turned One, I've lived my life without a family to call my own because I was never able to fit back into mine by the time I next saw them in my mid teens. That's part of why the family I have now is so important to me. . 2. Is there a defining moment you admire about yourself where you know you have acted with resilience?Every time I said no despite all lessons to the contrary.. 3. Have you been inspired by another's resilience - And Why / what happened?I've been inspired by fellow Forgotten Australian's (google it), people who are getting up sharing their stories to the Royal Commission (google it) despite the turmoil it can bring back up for them. . 4. What does this really mean to you and why?This means I can do it too! Because so many of these people have been through a Hell that makes mine pale in comparison. .Haha, I kind of felt like I was back in school doing those essays I used to hate. Peachy One word Powerful
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Freya79' As Mado alluded to,sometimes the Internet and sites like this provide those with fragile egos and narcissistic personalities,the perfect opportunity to weave a web of deception.We can turn away from the victims who often have no idea what happened to them or we can say something.Unfortunately sometimes the whistleblower is vilified...it's very difficult to bounce back from that.Hence my previous comment...Currently there is someone,a former forum poster who fell victim to the machinations of another.He believed all the poison that was whispered in his ears.A person with the soul of a poet and the deep feelings and passions that go with that....when someone is o wounded by all the real and imagined harm it is often the case that they lash out at those who they mistakenly think caused the harm.The spider sits in their web and laughs. Can someone bounce back,recover their self esteem,rebuild relationships,and forge new ones..seek forgiveness Be indeed resilient?...from the bottom of my heart,I hope so.xxFreya Freya wow fuck me you have a very deep heart......thank you very much for sharing that with us.......Ive thought about this notion - the way we share things in here with the knowledge it is completely public...at the same time it feels so private as if you are sharing with friends..........it is indeed powerful...... BL said she had developed softer parts of her personality........I think we all do as we mature.....we become more relaxed yet more focused more attuned to who we are as individuals.....The "power of one" Oh and well sexual liberation well that's a nice biproduct....or was it always there just not unpacked?...
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RHP User
11 years ago
Not being a victim I strongly believe in this, I was only just teaching my son about it two days ago. To me, it is about not being a victim and having courage to deal with any situation without 'why me' and 'it is not fair' or the classic 'I didn't do it, so I don't need to fix it'. 1. through living life2. when I separated and took my life back. 3. no one in particular4. as above, not being a victim and accepting good and bad in life, and making the absolute most of what comes your way.5. it is not, and it is one of the biggest problems that kids these days face. life is so protected now that they do not have the chance to build their resilience. OP, thank you for a great topic =========================================================== BF great post, love it..........so you are another parent turning a shitty situation into a life learning experience for the ones who mean the most to you!......... As I have said in previous threads and will say again and again - Fatherhood is primal! SA
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'blackwidow69er' Ive never posted here before but this subject is so close to my heart and heart strings Those that have taken the time to get to know me know how I took my life back after many years in abusive marriage Took me many years to believe I am worth some thing and im not useless To prove to those that treated me like I was useless and worthless I finished a uni degree and now out working in a field I love Im always a person who believe what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and treat ppl how you want to be treated With resilience you rebuilt your self esteem, and as a single parent you seem to have done that while caring for your kids in their time with you..... Outstanding!
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RHP User
11 years ago
I tried to keep it lowish key, and figured anyone intrigued had the get up and go to look into what I was talking about. I do like to spread the word. I forgot to mention that the situation of Forgotten Australians was presented to the Geneva Convention by CLAN (Care Leaver's Australia Network). The abuse is now considered torture.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I say what I mean mspeach...
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RHP User
11 years ago
I didn't think you meant anything but what you said SA, I talk too much sometimes, and really wanted to add that point I'd forgotten.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Why softer? I think because I was so broken that I was mush. I was wobbly and sad and just desperately wanted comfort. It connected me to the sadness and longing for comfort in others and now my heart is more open and active than ever before. An open heart leads to softness, in my experience. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsJonesy
11 years ago
To me a softness of heart also means you have forged new strength. I think sometimes strength is seen as a harsh trait, but I don't see it that way. Having the strength to rebuild ( as you and many other posters have) takes time and an inner fortitude. Commitment to yourself, perhaps for the first time, has allowed for the development of many traits previously hidden or underdeveloped. Giving yourself the space and time to do so has been so rewarding for you. Resilience to me means bouncing back. Realising when life has sent a trailer full of merde your way and being able to get out, get up and keep going. The pace which you do this at is irrelevant; it is the desire that matters most. How did I develop it? Life gave me the skills, my parents gave me the skills. We weren't allowed to give up when the going got tough, we were encouraged and helped to find a way through it. Sometimes it was parental tough love, and there was nothing wrong with that.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I believe in being told I was ugly as a child and not as beautiful as my sister made me fight in other ways. I also was getting belted for talking and asking to many questions, when I now think back, it was quite strong to have kept going and doing it again and again even I knew my dad will punch me. Funny my parents always sow me as weak because I cried. 2.Is there a defining moment you admire about yourself where you know you have acted with resilience? Then after my 18 years of marriage my husband past away in front of me, it was in a split second. The stop sign on the road in my head read what?????RIGHT or LEFT??? Whatever road you take it’s your decision. I had two sons no real job a half finished home. I licked my wounds I cried a lot, I was scared shitless, but I kept going. This alone showed my sons never to give up as well, doesn’t matter how we get hit in the gut. 3.Have you been inspired by another's resilience - And Why / what happened? For me every person who is hit by life in a way and gets up but also shows they are frightened and ask for help are people I admire. I even admire my parents more, when you find out about your parents life........children in the second WW under Hitler.....you know more why they react and act the way they do in situations.....nothing in life is just black and white. 4. What does this really mean to you and why? I will never give up on life, on people, on love. That’s what it means to me. 5. OR Is this absolute rubbish overrated and unnecessarily popularised and taught essentially a waste of time - If so "exactly" why do you feel that way? However, I don’t think school can teach you all this, LIFE can. And I also believe we molly cuddle our young once today. I am not into hitting children, but ohh God we protect them as row eggs, that’s bad and we don’t teach them to be responsible for everything they do.....out there it’s like.....it’s not my fault.......it was the other one....because he/ she did this to me, poor me. Everything has consequences, everything......in whatever you do, that’s what we should teach our children. EVERY ACTION..................HAS A REACTION Never give up
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AnnieWhichway
11 years ago
Everyone's story is different but the common thing with each and everyone of them is the hope that each contains. Each time the story is told, a little of that hope is transferred to the reader for them to use in a way particular to them and their own situation. Also each time the story told, a little of the despair and struggle is lifted from the teller and replaced with some of that hope that is created. Hope equals a lot of things, different to all but essentially the feeling of not being alone, the feeling of being important enough that someone wants to listen. It is the power of sharing which helps your resilience. I had a recurring nightmare for 15 years of being stalked and chased that I experienced probably every second or third night. It would happen shortly after going to sleep, cause me to waken and then struggle to re-enter sleep. For 15 years, I kept the secret of something that I experienced at ages 11-12. It was quite a separate issue to many other problems and I thought totally irrelevant to life at that stage. I had the courage finally, that I told a close friend. From that moment, the nightmares decreased immediately to eventually over 12 months, once or twice a year since.It had never occurred to me that the two were linked but by sharing, life improved. So don't ever feel you can't share. It can hurt but eventually, it will hurt so much less. Love your topic OP
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RHP User
11 years ago
going into any gory details, life for me since my mid 20s has been....challenging to say the least. I don't always think of myself as resilient, but at times I think about what I've experienced and the fact that I'm still plodding along, trying to reach certain goals including another university degree, and I realise that I am definitely resilient in my own way. I know though, that an integral part of that resilience has been the support - emotional and material - from my parents; without that I don't know that I would have survived the worst times, let alone still have a chance at a decent future as I do now. There are many people who don't have that support, so I know that I'm very lucky in that respect. I think for most people resilience is related to both individual characteristics and the external support available to them. Very interesting that it's now part of a school curriculum.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'Burning_Love' Why softer? I think because I was so broken that I was mush. I was wobbly and sad and just desperately wanted comfort. It connected me to the sadness and longing for comfort in others and now my heart is more open and active than ever before. An open heart leads to softness, in my experience. - Posted from rhpmobile I understand your direction. I feel that our emotions are like anything else in life - a balance. Listening to you recount your past heart felt sadness I wonder if maybe your softer emotions were the ones in most need of rebalance at that time?....I mean maybe your harder emotions were in tact functioning normally, but the softer ones needed some encouragement to bear the fruit you needed?... SAx
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'kissk' To me a softness of heart also means you have forged new strength. I think sometimes strength is seen as a harsh trait, but I don't see it that way. Having the strength to rebuild ( as you and many other posters have) takes time and an inner fortitude. Commitment to yourself, perhaps for the first time, has allowed for the development of many traits previously hidden or underdeveloped. Giving yourself the space and time to do so has been so rewarding for you. Resilience to me means bouncing back. Realising when life has sent a trailer full of merde your way and being able to get out, get up and keep going. The pace which you do this at is irrelevant; it is the desire that matters most. How did I develop it? Life gave me the skills, my parents gave me the skills. We weren't allowed to give up when the going got tough, we were encouraged and helped to find a way through it. Sometimes it was parental tough love, and there was nothing wrong with that. Just read this one, I agree Kissk......Having the strength to realise you can rebuild takes inner fortitude...... I remember when a young SA was 14yo. My uncle was teaching me to scuba dive. Id never been on the ocean let alone under it. One night during the training phase, I remember poking my head up in the pool, lights were all out, the sound of the other guys bubbles hitting the surface...no one was around.....It was the "Thursday" night. Face Mask clearing....this is the point where most people fail if they are going to.....with my head above the surface thinking how the heck did I get into this this situation, I remembered my fathers words like a call to action - "Always finish what you choose to start son no matter how tough it gets". He does not realise how those words shaped my life.
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RHP User
11 years ago
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger Stand a little taller Doesn't mean I'm lonely when I'm alone. And the old classic... Well you can knock me down step on my face Slander my name all over the place Do any thing that you want to do but uh uh Honey lay off of my shoes....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Laugh in the face of adversity!!
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RHP User
11 years ago
Its about putting all the heart shit we have copped and moving on to the next shit we cop and hpe its not as bad get back into what hurt you and don't be scared to me that's resilient
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RHP User
11 years ago
Burning_Love Thank you for your post. I felt like I was reading a small part of my story through another's words. . Freya79 I too have found the key to resilience is forgiveness. That was when I learnt to breathe again.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thank you very much guys. Some of the posts in fact most if not all, are excellent illustrations of our human condition.....Im sure we all can take something from what others have said....
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'aquanaughty' Laugh in the face of adversity!! Hey mate love it.....so are you up to the same challenge - tell us how you have?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'anywhichway007' this site has given me more therapy than the many shrinks have been able to. If rhp had been around decades ago, I would have many dollars saved. (And quite possibly worn my ring out.) My depression bouts are so much shorter. I still suffer and lose the plot but less often and not so deep. The laughs I get from the forum from like minded people have me in a much better place and thus resilience is growing within Annie Interesting isn't.......RHP that is............These forums.........the generic attitude by members........Are we all liberated?... I'd hope so.......im soo glad to hear you are feeling better within your-self.........Call it the idealist in me, but id hope we all take something away from our experiences here....I know I have...... SA
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RHP User
11 years ago
Is so powerful.without it we remain in the others power...on a lighter note here are two great quotes................Always forgive your enemies,nothing annoys them so much Oscar Wilde...................,...,, Forgive your enemies,but never forget their names..JFK....,xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
FLAUNT
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RHP User
11 years ago
Animals are and have always been an extraordinary source of inspiration & motivation to me when it comes to resilience. They're absolute masters & second to none in terms of living fully present in the moment. Their ability to have pretty much the same impact on us as being faced with adversity never ceases to amaze me.
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RHP User
11 years ago
My favourite quote on forgiveness is... "Forgiveness:Our own ability to be able to give up hope that things might have turned out differently to what they did." . I've been tryng to get back to this thread for ages but there was always one thing or another... And, forgiveness is something I've been talking about with friends within the last few days too, in between times. So, having clarified my thoughts some... . I have difficulty with the idea of forgiveness, I just kinda don't wanna, you know. But I can see the point that it would be healthier for me to let go etc. But it not about 'them', it is about me. . That is my favourite quote on the topic of forgiveness above, I have a teeny, tiny piece of paper I trimmed beautifully out of the paper, and that quote along with another quote from a magazine I have, I think is a worthy lesson for me that I keep alongside the area I sit in the lounge. And that for me is it. To let go. . A friend of mine often pushes the point to, "cut the ties". This is another concept I'm working on understanding. It's right up there with the apron strings.
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RHP User
11 years ago
"Animals: Their ability to have pretty much the same impact on us as being faced with adversity never ceases to amaze me." . I was really curious about what you meant by this. :-)
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RHP User
11 years ago
A possum made her home in the bole of a large white gum in the corner of my garden.The local crows began to attack both her and her baby.We contacted the wildlife rescue people and they took them away.A day later she and baby were back .This time the crows did not attack and the possums stayed for a while longer.xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
I love that first quote,it is so true.We cannot change the past but we can choose not to let it rule our future.For me,forgiveness has been about me,the lightness of being that accompanies forgiveness is like a weight being lifted off the heart.Many hugs xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'MrsPeachyPear' "Animals: Their ability to have pretty much the same impact on us as being faced with adversity never ceases to amaze me." . I was really curious about what you meant by this. :-) It often takes being confronted in the face of adversity to challenge our existing belief systems in such a way that we're forced to take stock, re-evaluate, change direction and/or shift our current perspective on any given situation that may not have been considered otherwise. Companion animals (as an example), being so in tune with us (on both an emotional and subconscious level), have the capacity to do the same. They have an uncanny knack & impeccable timing to touch us on some level - bringing our attention, as a projection (if not a reflection) to whatever we may be struggling to deal with at any point in time. In that sense, under those circumstances, by addressing and resolving their issues - we are forced to work on ours.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Thank you Kiwi :-), I get that now,. that really ties in with my cat, as you and I were talking about him, way back when. We had to learn to change our approach which, among other things, included giving him space. He's pretty much the opposite of what we were experiencing now. And far gentler than the impression he was giving off. I met a lady during the week who looked at me and told me I was a gentle soul, which made me cry even more than I was already, that what I was crying about was my upset at my behaviour to the opposite. Mostly sorted now, it was the approach that was the problem. . Focusing on the thought, I do imagine when I have let go Freya, the resentment will have to have been let go. ;-) It's starting to tie together. Just the idea of moving on... Thank you for the lovely hugs. Warm hugs to you.
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RHP User
11 years ago
has come from a generation of 'cotton wool kids'. Falling out of trees taught us to be agile or deal with injury.Trampolines without safety nets taught us to jump in the middle.Being allowed to stay out until the street lights came on with our mates taught us social skills and how to get along with each other without 'hover parents' around.iPads were not babysitters and we had to learn to be patient as things never happened instantly or at our beck and call.We didn't have sunshine blown up our arse and didn't get awards because it was 'our turn'. We earned it. Most of all, our parents gave a shit enough to not give a shit just enough. They let us learn for ourselves. If you never learn how to fail, you never learn how to grow.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Synchronicity at work (the lady you spoke of) perhaps? With regards to forgiveness ... By definition alone, the words 'accept' and 'forgive' not only conflict with both our emotions and reason (especially when we have been betrayed or violated in some way), but they're often equated as excusing or condoning - and this (in part), along with getting too hung up in the 'why' is where I think the struggle lies. Switching 'accept' (to believe or come to recognise as valid or correct) with 'acknowledge' (to accept or admit the existence or truth of; recognise the quality or importance of) may make all the difference. If you consider the struggles that we go through prompt us to shift in values and shape us as individuals. As horrific and as soul shattering that some may be, for the most part, a hell of a lot of good comes from them. I think they play a huge part in bringing out the best of us - in that we're often stronger and wiser on so many levels for having gone through them. By acknowledging the existence of (betrayal and/violation), recognising that these things shaped us, and by focusing on and using the strength and wisdom gained from the experience from here on in - we're not defined by them. Letting go and moving forward/on is conflicting as well. Sometimes it can be associated with denying the existence of, which in turn, creates an inability to let go.
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On_Safari
11 years ago
I'm with PaintMe and her view on our current "cotton wool" generations. Glad it's being taught in school, now for the Mums and Dads to attempt backing up the learning. I'll only add a little, resilience takes many forms and is a different thing to different people. At my weakest moment I'd have gladly died, a dark dark place I don't want to go back to. What got me through that? The thought of my kids finding me first and how selfish I was being. I saw alot of compassion and kindness as well as greed and cruelty from people who called themselves "friends". I used to think someone was going to save me, and someone did. ME. Life still isn't perfect, but who needs perfect?
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'KiwiBred' Synchronicity at work (the lady you spoke of) perhaps? Oh yes, the moment has impressed itself upon me. It is a totally new train of thought from so many offered to me over time. With regards to forgiveness ... By definition alone, the words 'accept' and 'forgive' not only conflict with both our emotions and reason (especially when we have been betrayed or violated in some way), but they're often equated as excusing or condoning - and this (in part), along with getting too hung up in the 'why' is where I think the struggle lies. The 'perceived' excusing or condoning is, I think, a big thing for me. Switching 'accept' (to believe or come to recognise as valid or correct) with 'acknowledge' (to accept or admit the existence or truth of; recognise the quality or importance of) may make all the difference. If you consider the struggles that we go through prompt us to shift in values and shape us as individuals. As horrific and as soul shattering that some may be, for the most part, a hell of a lot of good comes from them. I think they play a huge part in bringing out the best of us - in that we're often stronger and wiser on so many levels for having gone through them. By acknowledging the existence of (betrayal and/violation), recognising that these things shaped us, and by focusing on and using the strength and wisdom gained from the experience from here on in - we're not defined by them. Letting go and moving forward/on is conflicting as well. Sometimes it can be associated with denying the existence of, which in turn, creates an inability to let go. And I will be thinking more on this, wrapping my head around it, so to speak..Going back to the OP, at this point, it makes me wonder if resilience can really be taught in schools. Do we have to go through trauma to build resilience? I also wonder if resilience can be built through positive experiences? .I do like the idea that individual merit is recognised more now. Lord knows, I've spent a lifetime listening to how unique and special we all are, but not actually seeing that outlook practiced. Well, it should be celebrated, and made obvious if that's the case. Rather than only recognising the 'best'. I certainly knew, I was never as good as the rest. It didn't make me stronger, or any the better in my opinion.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I certainly think we can give children some tools to recognise and deal with difficult situations,help them problem solve and to know that there are supportive people in a school community that are there to help.Too often young people seek out peers for advice ,other young people have neither the insight or life experience to provide this .......Forgiveness is not about forgetting,excusing,or denying the awful things that happened,it's about liberating one's spirit so that the perpetrator of all that pain no longer holds us hostage .xxFreya
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RHP User
11 years ago
I've been ruminating on forgiveness forever Freya.I think part of why that quote above is so important to me is that it takes the personal out of it for me altogether. It's about my state of mind. I wonder if the recognitiotn of the ability of 'things, to turn out differently' is part of why I don't like to gamble.
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RHP User
11 years ago
I just had an epiphany that I wouldn't have had my life turn out any different from the way it has.
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RHP User
11 years ago
Quoting 'On_Safari' I'm with PaintMe and her view on our current "cotton wool" generations. Glad it's being taught in school, now for the Mums and Dads to attempt backing up the learning. I'll only add a little, resilience takes many forms and is a different thing to different people. At my weakest moment I'd have gladly died, a dark dark place I don't want to go back to. What got me through that? The thought of my kids finding me first and how selfish I was being. I saw alot of compassion and kindness as well as greed and cruelty from people who called themselves "friends". I used to think someone was going to save me, and someone did. ME. Life still isn't perfect, but who needs perfect?
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RHP User
8 years ago
I held this convo in my mind in an effort to understand deeper at some future point in time. Our beautiful, scary (adopted) cat still loses his shit regularly, but not anywhere near as serious as it used to be. What used to be wounds inches long is now single pricks. After we learned to be easier going, and keep an eye out for his dominating character coming to the fore, he has revealed his softer side. KiwiBred has long gone but I did love her insights on our fellow creatures. The beautiful boy I mention here first came to our attention on a 'special' date within the family. Love that, sentimental mofo what I am. I give him the respect of respecting his space these days. Peachy, literally coincidental timing considering I didn't see the post that has come to my attention as I was finishing details on this post.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Jack_Denials' Quoting 'Freya79' What doesn't kill you makes you stronger...I think for me this is true...a synchronicity moment there Mado when I read your post.Seven years ago,this happened to me..there is a word for it,it's called Mobbing..I won't bore you with the details but I ended up loosing my job because of one persons jealousy,lies and manipulation.xx FreyaI have endured mobbing in the workplace...outnumbered and out gunned I gave a good account of myself...a damn good account. Just one example of my endurance, those who have been through crap know what it takes to survive.It was quite stressful at times, the cardiologist told me I did in fact have the ticker for the fight which went on until the bitter end. I walked out with my head held up high, if I had my tie again I couldn't have done any better. The mobbing in the workplace was still fairly recent when that post was made, I've gone on to get a much better job, a sweet and cushy number for which I'm over qualified. If I'm lucky I'll see that through to retirement. It was quite stressful at the time but what I've been through before and since then makes that look like a walk in the park.Peachy thanks for the thread dredge, I really miss Kiwibred she was had great wisdom and wit, she worked with animals as becomes apparent in some of her posts here. I'm sure she had the resilience for the RHP crucible but just didn't rate the place enough to stick around. Kiwi was hands down the best friend I ever made here...Come back Kiwi it was only a rash.
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RHP User
8 years ago
You're welcome, this is one of those threads I've thought on over time because of my chat with Kiwi about my blessed beast here at home. The beast has the whole house after the one that had been visiting left. We gave him heaps of safe places too, cardboard trays and a couple of cheap cardboard houses from Christmas with scratching trays inside them. Do Not Put Your Hand Inside houses! I think I remember Kiwi mentioning that she loved animals more than people one time, so I think you have her with all of the above. We miss more then a few fine people here because Resilience doesn't mean putting up with anything you'd prefer not to. Peachy
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RHP User
8 years ago
Love the resurgent forum topics.1. How do you feel you developed your resilience?I developed my resilience by fighting for what I believe in, being knocked down so many times, kicked while I was down and getting back up, Walking away from my marriage when it was bad (people always telling me how strong and brave I am to do so but still don't feel that), finding the strength to walk away from people and situations that I knew were not good for me. Dealing with my demons from the past and putting them to bed finally. Walking away from verbally and mentally abusive relationship. Now knowing my worth and not accepting intolerable behaviour from other people. Getting through tough situations that at the time thought would never end. 2. Is there a defining moment you admire about yourself where you know you have acted with resilience?There are lots but my one defining moment was being diagnosed with severe depression/anxiety and realising that I wasn't absolutely crazy and my life was worth living even though at the time I didn't want to be here. 3. Have you been inspired by another's resilience - And Why / what happened?I am inspired by my current partner who is showing amazing strength atm going through an extremely tough situation mostly alone without much support. I know he can get through it, he is so much stronger than he gives himself credit for, just takes time. 4. What does this really mean to you and why?I see resilience every day in my job, in life, on here. To me it means facing adversity and finding your inner strength to face whatever life throws at you. You only get one go at this. You can wither and die and wallow in your own shit or you can stand tall, fight and grow with each challenge. You get one life. Resilience comes from our negative experiences and how we choose to deal with them. Inner strength and faith that things will be OK. Favourite Quotes: If I cut you off chances are you handed me the scissors If it won't matter in 5 years, then don't spend more than 5 minutes getting angry about it!!
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RHP User
8 years ago
Your posts always make perfect sense to me. Your thoughts are always so insightful. We have a lot in common as far as thought processes and ideas go. Thankyou so much for your input on the topics, I look forward to reading your comments so much and find myself nodding my head in agreement.
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RHP User
8 years ago
That's very kind of you to say. I can see some sense of similarity in our posts here...Peachy
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