F62

Ryan's story

July 09 2016

Hi. First, I'm starting this topic for PL1963 - Paul this is your topic about your beloved son. So paul is the op, over to him from here. I've copied and pasted some of what you told us, from here, you can take over the topic, I'll step aside. This initial post will be long but please read. It's devastating but important. Paul, from all of us here xx Ryan was a very happy, sporty, academic, hard working kid. He showed some signs of depression when the Ex & I split, not truly understanding that we were finished 10yrs prior. He did Yr11 @ TAFE, & his plumbing Pre App, had a wonderful G/F since he was 14 & secured an Apprenticeship. His boss was a nice guy that trusted him & gave him space to work out stuff for himself, which he excelled at, unfortunately he was never paid for the hrs he worked, underpaid, never got payslips or group cert's that showed tax paid, or super. I know this dragged him down, after a "tyraid" of abuse he finally walked out. He felt he had let us down, never the case, I was proud of what he acheived & that he'd stood up for himself. His 4wd that he swapped for the ute he owned, cost $7K for the RWC, leaving him in debt, which got him down as well, I told him "show me a man that's never made a mistake, & I'll show you a man that's never done anything" & assured him that $7K is nothing over a life time. So he was out of work, in debt, but still had our support & the "love of his life" Brooke. Without any money, he still got access to "ICE", was on and off it, disappeared for from his Mum's house for Wk's @ a time, he didn't want her to see him that way, nor that she know, nor I know. He got another apprenticeship, again, underpaid, only paid for the hrs he worked if less than 40, but not paid O/t if more hrs were worked, w/end work, no super etc. Unfortunately this type of thing is "rife" in the domestic bldg industry. He kept up with his schooling, even though at times he had to work, rather than attend Tafe. My Boy was no "Angel", but he always worked hard, helped ppl, had manners & respect. More to come. Paul. They must understand that U love them, no matter what. My Boy lost control of a stolen car @ high speed & was literally dead 5sec's later, no repreive, no 2nd chance. He suffered a "massive" heart attack from the adreanilan & drugs & was "brain dead" from then on. He was an "organ donar" of his own accord, his heart was useless, but he saved 4 other ppl. This is 1 of the few things I find solace in. Paul.

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MissBishere

9 years ago

😥 what a tragic story. I wish I could I give you a big hug. I could never ever understand how you feel. But I do know the love for your children is unconditional. Saving four other people is an amazing thing.

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RHP User

9 years ago

He & I chatted about Organ donation 1 nite when we were on the drink, I meant about me, but he went and did the paperwork, made it very easy on us on the day at hospital. At least 2 of the ppl where critically ill & close to the end, 1 was a mid 30's guy with 3 kids. The Alfred were great, a nurse went in with him @ 5pm & stayed with him till he came back to the ward @ 11pm, she is a donar nurse & assured us about everything. She told us about the 4 ppl & we received official notification 4wks later. My boy still lives on in other ppl & I'm very proud of that. I've offered my info to the receipiants, but they said it is rare that they make contact, but we may receive annual updates. Everybody's kids should have clear advise about donation, their Super kept up to date & a will. We now have 12mths of Govt, ATO & court paperwork to wade thru, we have to be appointed administraitor's to his estate, transfer his car into our name before it can be sold, blah, blah, blah. If his Super was up to date, there would have been a $200K death benefit, we could have paid off his debts, spent $50K restoring his SS Commodore "skid's car" to mint condition (it was his pride & joy) & donated the rest to Reach & Headspace. Paul.

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SassyRascal

9 years ago

Paul xoxoxoxo I rented a bedroom to a ICE addicted (not knowing he was an addict) and went through every moment of his addiction with my son (10) living in the house at the same time. It was frightening coming home some days to a person who could react to anything and everything. He had absolutely no respect for his longevity and would put himself in danger every day. On his good days he would be the most caring respectful hard working gent and I found that amazing. But! I really don't know how I put up with the down time/manic situations but I did coz I was terrified he would hurt himself. Paul I truely understand why your putting this out there. It is heartbreaking Its so important to recognise that the people addicted to these drugs really have NO control of their lives. Paul I wish you all the very best with your ambitions Im sure it will be greatly appreciated! Hugs SF

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RHP User

9 years ago

...💙 And thank you for sharing your story. Hugs

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RHP User

9 years ago

My heart just breaks! No one can understand your pain and loss but your beautiful boy's legacy lives on in others. Paul, wishing you all the best as you deal with this great loss. Mary xx

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MsJonesy

9 years ago

Many previous posts where you have mentioned your son and the journey you both had through your separation. Your love for your son always shone through, your reconnection and establishment a stronger link with him always made me smile. His story is one I know well, one I witness on a regular basis but the outcome this time is different. The young sometimes don't understand the tenuous hold we have on life, but that is also what gives them the verve and spunk which we remember from our own youth. I can only imagine how different your life is now and you will be on my thoughts. Stay with us Paul, you are among friends. :-)

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RHP User

9 years ago

Hugs Paul, I am so sorry for your loss. And so sorry to hear the story of your young man who was used and abused by the system as too many are these days. Instead of receiving the respect and consideration due someone who works for it. I cannot imagine the loss. Tall60, Paul's is a story in the forums that has played out over a long time that fellow forumites have followed along with and care about. It is possibly one of the best places he is going to get support for what is a collection of complications that people here will be able to give input and understanding about on many levels. Your post for eg, could be great advice if those issues have not already been raised. More hugs Paul, thank you for sharing your story with us, all the best with everything for you all. Peachy xox

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RHP User

9 years ago

I can't imagine your pain,nothing anyone says will console you .But I am sending my heartfelt good wishes. Q

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RHP User

9 years ago

💜

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RHP User

9 years ago

Ryan. Good luck with moving forward Paul. 👍 - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

I am so very sorry to hear about the loss of your son. I hope you and your family find peace soon. Look after yourself. CD xx

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RHP User

9 years ago

Thx for your kind thoughts, it is really appreciated, especially on a site like RHP which is touted as a "sex site", we are mostly just normal ppl with a strong interest in fun & pleasure. Ms Jonesy, yes it was a long journey for Ryan & I, but thankfully we did spend some quality time together in the last 15mths. Easter 2015, I went to Winton Raceway for the "Skids", Champ (Ryan) had spent 6mths preparing his SS Commodore for that W/end, I fully backed this project, as he had been in trouble with Police on the roads when he had his ute, he got his 4wd to tow the SS & do it out on the track. He had a horrid W/end with the car, did 6 laps in 3 days. I got there Sunday to find him very frustrated, we all got in and worked on the SS, late Sun arvo we found ECU fuse had blown, putting the car in "limp home". Sun nite I drank & partied with all the young ppl, a great crowd & he was proud to have me there, his Mum had been there Fri & Sat. On Mon morn I mounted my Go Pro cam on the rear of the SS, he went out, "popped" 2 tyres & had a ball, when he came in, he had "lipstick on his ear's" he was grinning so hard, he hugged me, then inadvertantly turned to the cam whilst changing tyres, I treasure that smile now for ever. Our kids out in Sth East of Melb & everywhere have no where to do this stuff, Winton was a 4.5hr drive, the W/end ended up costing him around $1500 including parts, but he was on a circuit & safe. The irony of this story is, he was going to Winton this yr, but only as pit crew as the SS was not in running order & no $ to fix it. Winton is now privately owned & 3wks prior to Easter, they cancelled the meeting, "Financially Unviable". Champ would have got home Mon nite, exhausted & never gone out that nite & died. Just shows that boredom leads to strife. Cheers Paul.

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RHP User

9 years ago

Quoting 'PL1963' If this isn't the right place, where is? As I have said, not seeking sympathy, just alerting ppl. I'm 1 step ahead of you, the Corner's Inquest is a "definate", as ordered by the "Highway Patrol" who attended the accident, knew it would be a fatal & had no faith in the only witness @ the scene, he was let out of the car Ryan was driving 500m before he crashed. That is 1 other thing I am thankful for, Josh would have died on impact, his body would have been jammed in the wreckon the L/H/S & have been incinerated, as the car burnt to the back window. Yes I have been in touch with the ATO etc, as for the FWA, they can't do anything now that he is gone, but I now & always have reported any instance of a person, apprentice or any young person being taken advantage of. A lot of parents let it go by in order for their child to get experience, make money, survive, get a "job reference" etc. We must stop employer's using our kid's in this way. I'm only glad that this Federal election is a "dude", otherwise our kids would be getting "screwed" again. Paul. So sorry for your loss, terrible thing to lose a child. In reference to your comment "our kids would be getting "screwed" .....it's been going on forever hasn't it.I got treatly badly as an apprentice in the mid 70s and I'm sure it was happening way before then too.Unfortunately you are right when you state that a lot of parents let it go by....perhaps because they also were screwed by their employers and just accept it as part and parcel of employment (?) One can only wonder at their reasoning.

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RHP User

9 years ago

Yes he was a good lad, always helping ppl out. The lady & her daughter over the road knew him since he was born, they were devistated, I only found out after his death that he mowed their lawns for them for 12mths after school when he was 14. He never told me, he just did it for them like it was what you did for ppl. He was always helping my parents look after their 2 acre property & working in the shed with Grandad, driving the tractor, mowing, cutting up wood with a chainsaw, I taught him all this stuff when he was 12. He played all sports, went on camps, rock climbed, white water rafting, raced Down Hill bikes, I always encouraged him & was never scared for him, until Easter Thurs nite when I received a txt from his Mum with the word "Ice" in it. She & I had not had contact in 2yrs, but we txt him & each other all W/end, trying to convince him that we could get him out of the hole he was in, no matter what. I even offered to meet him & his Mum for lunch, he couldn't face me because of the drugs issue. Sadly he was gone 4 days later. His friends organised a "Charity Cruise", car stickers, ballons, sausage sizzle etc, from D/nong to Phillip Island. His mates cleaned up the SS, got it running properly, trade plate & drove his Mum & Brooke down there in it. They raised over $1000 towards the plaque for his grave. And these are the "Skid's Kid's" that I meet @ Winton, that are labelled as "Hoon's", they are just kids that need a place to run their cars around. The Police said they would back a venue for these kid's 100%, as they're sick of pulling bodies out of cars, but they said "good luck getting it to happen in a Nannie state like Vic". I see the stickers now on cars, trucks & on FB as a tribute to the great mate we all lost. That makes me proud of the boy I brought up. Paul.

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RHP User

9 years ago

Hah Paul! Good for you, and thanks for the tips for parents. Things have gotten so complicated since I was a kid. Taxes etc, but I've had time to grow with it. I can't imagine how much more complicated it is for a youngster who has a lot to learn is all aspects of their life. I have my own youngsters who have regular difficulties with the entitled attitude of their employers. Peachy Eh Stir? Just no, LOL! xox

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boobsandbusted

9 years ago

My heart goes out to you ,my son ,also has a similar back story but change underpaid to being bullied ,he is well in the road to recovery after trying to take his own life ,but fate wouldn't have it ,post where you want to ,talking it out really does help,no matter where ,if you ever want a coffee or someone to chat to ,send me a message ,but no sex ,lmao,I still cannot cry when I talk about that night ,but we have our son back and are truely thankful - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

Thanks for starting the thread, I had hoped someone would. Peachy

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RHP User

9 years ago

The. Mexicans say that you re not dead until people no longer speak your name. Ryan will always be in your memories,in your thoughts,in the people he helped save.Q

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RHP User

9 years ago

So sorry for your loss... i noticed you said FWA would not do anything now since he has passed. I would recommend that you contact both your local state and federal MP .. and a community legal centre... as the executer of his estate have up to six years to claim hos back pay or underpayments - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

9 years ago

Yes, I have thought of that, but his boss kept absolutely no records. times, dates etc, neither did Ryan. I offered to help him go his boss after he resigned, but he declined because of future work possabilites as a Subbie etc. His boss desperately wanted him back, but I made sure that wasn't going to happen until it was to Ryan's advantage. His boss, wife & parents attended the hospital & funeral, it was like they too had lost a son. Again Ryan used to do things for the parents after work while he was waiting to get picked up from their house. Thx for the advice. Cheers Paul.

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Seachange73

9 years ago

My deepest condolences to you for your lossm as per my post in the In the other forum thread may you get support in times of Grieving and find the time and space to heal.

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