Sexless relationship

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Hopefully you get some actual sex tips here that women feel they would respond well to. For me though I will say it’s worth determining (if you haven’t already) what has caused the sexlessness. What was your sex life like 6 years ago? How is your wife feeling physically? Mentally? Emotionally? Had something changed? Has she had any therapy or medical checks? Your profile mentions kids, a lot of women experience a physical and mental change once they have children. A change in the spousal relationship dynamic can happen at any time but is often triggered by life events. Have you had any issues in the marriage? Have you sat down face to face with your wife and asked her what might make her more open to sex? Finally some advice I have read for men with women who struggle to get in the mood is: sex starts long before the bedroom. Treat each other well, share evenly the burden of house chores and the rushing around for children. Pick up a little treat of some sort for your wife on your way home. Send some sexy texts telling her you are thinking of her. Take the time to show her she is still your sexy wife and not just a mother, have a conversation that focuses on her and you. Consider a weekend away just the two of you if possible. Treat her to some oral sex that is just for her, no expectations for returned sex - remind her how good it feels to partake. Encourage her to tell you what you can do to blow her mind. These are just some suggestions but hopefully you get some useful answers. I’d also recommend telling her about this profile (I am assuming you have not seeing as you’ve posted this personal question from a joint profile and that seems at odds with the couples goals.) Yes, a sexless marriage is pretty crap, and the only way to improve it is communication.

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  imupinthesky2

  6 years ago

  I agree with Constant Cravings Life can thro some curve balls Let her know and make her feel special Once kids come alomg the role of mum can be very overwhelming In a very simple term, communication is key Key to understanding Key to kearning Key to discovery Key to unlocking the problems The key to so many things. .... Tell her how u feel Reminisce of years gone by, talk about the fond memories, prior to kids, since kids and all the fun inbetween Ask her wherr thinhs have gone a lottle off track Sounds like you tell her you love her, a woman likes to not o ly hear thi, but see it and feel it I feel for you, she is the one person you want to be all consumed with but it seems she doesn't find herself attractive .... you need to get to the bottom of it in a soft n subtle way On a lighter note, and this is a males mind n having a little joke If she doesn't feel attractive naked and doesn't want sex tell her to keave the clothes on - can be a little awkward but just as much fun lol !!! Best of luck, keep us updated 👌

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  SSExplorer

  6 years ago

  Mr S here, I feel for you both as we all like a little love and affection. Although I have met a number of people who truly are asexual and don’t need it at all. I think CC has nailed her reply. I’d only add to this to say SEEK PROFESSIONAL HELP. When my car is running rough I take it to a mechanic, when your relationship is running rough the. You may just need a good service! As for being here, be sure it’s the right move for both you and her and by the sounds of it it may not be just yet. Mrs S had no sexual history before me and somehow lived most of her life not being sexually attracted to others or noticing them being attracted to her. Our sex life then started from scratch, as she learned about her body and my body a lot of hidden desires have come out and we have found that exploring these had helped her feel more sexy and also brought us closer. We churned our a few kids early in our relationship and although sex has become quicker we still have sex at least once a day but there are times she is really down on herself about the post birth body changes. They nicest thing was on our first mff experience she was dressed in the most lovely lingerie which covered her belly, our lover was blown away at how sexy she was but wanted her naked. Mrs S was self conscious again but our lover put her at ease so much better than I ever could and we had the most naked, lights on fun without any negative self comments that we had had for a long time. SIhope you guys work out what’s best for you but try and do it together 🙏

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  ReyandJean

  6 years ago

  Make a specific, repeating time each week where you have a date. Making time for you as a couple is vital on the road back to making time together as a couple having sex

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  SpicyKale

  6 years ago

  Mr here, both CC and SSE have given you some great advice. Most of what I was thinking they've already covered to be quite honest. It sounds like you might have already talked about things together, that's a big first step. The changes that kids can bring to a relationship can be both wonderful and soul destroying at the same time. Lack of sleep, hormones, even changes in diet, exercise, it can turn your whole world upside down for years. Trying to find time for yourselves can be really hard, especially if you don't have outside support. Our youngest is just about to hit school and things are only just starting to settle down. We're both morning people when it comes to sex and that ain't easy with kids around. Sexy times at night has the effect of two double expresso coffees on mrs kale, so we tend to plan ahead when we're kid free during the day! Maybe not spontaneous and sexy for some, but sometimes you've just got to do what works. We're both lucky that we get some days free together and we try and make the most of them. It might be breakfast together after a school run or a nude beach trip on a Tuesday! We both found that great for our self confidence when we started on here. Try and spend some quality time together without kids and phones if at all possible. As for mood setting, maybe try listening to some sexy podcasts when you're in bed together at night, or read something from literotica if audio isn't your thing... it's great at getting the conversations started😊 If you're thinking about getting professional help, see your gp for a mental health care plan first. It gives you six heavily discounted psychological appointments a year. Maybe contemplate both going, maybe separately first and possibly as a couple. Just do what works for you, everyone needs a different approach. Finding a therapist that you click with is important too, the guy I've seen up your way has unfortunately moved to Adelaide, otherwise I'd highly recommend him.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Ok let me clarify some details.. We've been in a relationship for nearly 10years been married for 3months. Our sex life when we first met was "every opportunity" I'd often come home to her laying on the bed in lingerie. And having multiple climaxes in single sessions for both of us. The sex increased when we decided to start a family.. even during the pregnancy we had sex regularly. But after our kiddo was born multiple things happened. I started working more to pay off debt. She was looking after kiddo. And to date still is. I've asked her what the reason for not having sex is "because of her body appearance" she has always been self conscious of her body. In my eyes motherhood has made her more beautiful and more desirable but she doesn't feel that way. I understand that her body went through a dramatic change during motherhood/ childbirth and I know that its something I will never understand. She started excersizing to lost weight and I encouraged her by saying things like great job and saying I can see you losing it.. words which I truly meant and it feels as though it fell on deaf ears. My wife knows about the profile as we initially set it up for the possibility of having a threesome but never found the person to connect with. We're both introverts so it was hard to for either of us to commit.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Craig. I’ve been you in a similar relationship. Everything was pretty good apart from our sex life Let me give the advice I wish had been given to me. It’s going to be a little controversial If you want a satisfying sexual relationship you have two options. 1. Leave her 2. Be open and tell her sex is important to you and if you aren’t getting it at home you will be getting it elsewhere. 6 years isn’t “I don’t feel sexy” it’s “I don’t have any desire to have sex with you”. What she is saying is not the real reason. Let me ask a question. If you got the sex life with her you had 6 years ago would you be satisfied? Was it great? Was it what you wanted for a sex life?

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  SpicyKale

  6 years ago

  Amusebouche242, not controversial at all. I think the main thing to take out of advice like yours is to communicate it between yourselves and don't just run off and cheat. Open relationships can definitely be made to work. The idea that one person needs to be everything to you is an interesting construct that we've put on ourselves as a society! It's definitely great to hear the thoughts of someone that's lived it too. ps. hope you're well over there 😊

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Don't talk about sex for a while. Instead, spend the next month making her feel valued, loved and beautiful. Make an effort to do things with her. Go for a walk together. Massage her shoulders. Tell her how good she looks. Hopefully, this will lift her self-esteem and then you try to seduce her. Start by kissing. Nothing is sexier than a hot make out session. After that you won't need our help.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  6 years is a long time. It's been a dry spell for both of you. I personally cannot get through an entire menstrual cycle without sex, so I am wondering what other factors may be at play here. Is she on the pill? That can mess with a woman's libido. Does she have young children? Does she perhaps have someone else? Most importantly, what is she doing on a site like RHP, as a couple if she is too self conscious to get naked in front of hubby? Does she even know about this account?

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  MsSuperFoxy

  6 years ago

  I'll might come back to this....my gut says your partner isn't aware of this couples profile. Please seek support from a professional. If you've come here seeking support for a 3rd woman to join you thinking it will fix your marriage, it will backfire on you... Bye bye marriage. Ms Foxy

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  To be perfectly honest.... Call Dr. Phil. I think there’s more to this than even you’re going to be aware of, and you don’t need speculation, you guys need an assessment that I’m not so sure you’ll be able to achieve here. Good luck.... Mr dragon

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Could be something like un diagnosed post natal depression. That is enough to cause longer term loss of sexual interest. Its common and can go undetected as just the normal stresses of becoming a parent. Once u stop having sex it can be difficult to kick start it again. Best of luck.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Adding my 2c worth as in a past life, I’ve been there. In your own words.... You say you set up the profile to seek a threesome Your partner claims she has has body negativity issues No sex for 6 years Do you think that adding another person into the mix is going to help this situation? Really?!! If your partner has issues now, I’ll guarantee they’ll be exponentially worse once she sees you with another woman. (Does he like her more than me/is she prettier/sexier/more desirable..... better... than me? He wants another threesome, I don’t, will he cheat.... Etc etc with a whole NEW set of issues) You need to realise that you can’t fix this. Only she can. Your role is as her thoughtful, respectful and supportive partner. You can certainty suggest help,..... carefully...... but only SHE can reach out and grasp it... for her own reasons

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  FredAndGinger2

  6 years ago

  Is there love in your relationship? (Both ways) Has she had her hormones tested by a endocrinologist (don't bother with GPs they are generalists and will just treat symptoms not an underlying cause) Have you both discussed all concerns?

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Quoting 'Mischeviouslad' Adding my 2c worth as in a past life, I’ve been there. In your own words.... You say you set up the profile to seek a threesome Your partner claims she has has body negativity issues No sex for 6 years Do you think that adding another person into the mix is going to help this situation? Really?!! If your partner has issues now, I’ll guarantee they’ll be exponentially worse once she sees you with another woman. (Does he like her more than me/is she prettier/sexier/more desirable..... better... than me? He wants another threesome, I don’t, will he cheat.... Etc etc with a whole NEW set of issues) You need to realise that you can’t fix this. Only she can. Your role is as her thoughtful, respectful and supportive partner. You can certainty suggest help,..... carefully...... but only SHE can reach out and grasp it... for her own reasons I am confident in my body but had issues when we started playing with others. I can't imagine how someone who feels insecure in themselves or their relationship would feel. Get off RHP and fix your marriage. If you are hoping for help, someone more qualified should help you. If you are hoping for a sympathy shag, there are thousands of single guys on here hoping for some action. You have a lot of competition.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  I was in a practically sexless marriage for years. I would avoid having sex with my husband for as long as possible. He started to tell me that I was frigid and I believed him. I found RHP by accident and left my husband a couple of months later when I decided that having affairs wasn’t for me. I have come to realise that I was not frigid, I just wasn’t attracted to my husband anymore. I’m sure this hasn’t helped much but hopefully it will help you to see that it might be time to start asking yourself and your wife some tough questions? L4Q

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Quoting 'Dragon_Phoenix' To be perfectly honest.... Call Dr. Phil. I think there’s more to this than even you’re going to be aware of, and you don’t need speculation, you guys need an assessment that I’m not so sure you’ll be able to achieve here. 6 years....I strongly suspect that even if this was just originally about her body issues, there's a lot more to it now. Whether it's more from her end, your end, or both we have no idea as we are only getting a very brief snapshot, from one perspective only. While helping out around the house and paying more attention to her are useful suggestions in some situations, I'm not sure they're going to cut it in this one. I think if you want to continue with the relationship then you have some very hard conversations and decisions ahead of you.

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