F112
Smacking your children...
July 26 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
I wonder about the context of the professor's comments about significant numbers of child himicides being the result of physical punishment gone wrong. It would seem to link the more extreme "physical punishments" such as hitting a child with a hammer or putting the child in a washing machine with a simple smack on the bottom. The kind of child homicides referred to usually come at the end of a long cycle of what any rational individual would consider extreme behaviour. Having been privy to some of the details of several child homicides, beyond what is publicly known about them, it seems a very long bow to draw to suggest that outlawing physical punishment would have any chance of stopping those child homicides.My own views are a little complex. A smack with my children consists of a tap (a light tap) to the back of the hand. It is symbolic, there is no pain, and it has happened only about half a dozen times in 8 years.I remember another poster, I think in these forums, saying they had a little epiphany when they smacked their child on the bottom for hitting a sibling. At that moment they realised the absurdity of hitting a child to reinforce that hitting was a bad thing. Personally I have found that talking it out often does the trick, reinforcing the "why" whatever behaviour it was is undesirable. However I did grow up in the era of the wooden spoon, and I do recall the sore bottom it left making a very definite link between actions and consequence.As for the legal state of play....in NSW as in many other states, a Common Assault is the unlawful laying on of hands or the clear and present threat to do so (basic but mostly covers it). Lawful Chastisement is a statutory defence to common assault and the concept of if it is reasonable has been defined by the Courts via the common law in their judgements. It is a sliding scale. What was considered "reasonable" thirty years ago is not the same as that definition today. Legally and socially for parents today, punishment is a bit of a minefield. The concept of the naughty corner is going a bit out of fashion as it is thought it may isolate the child too much, corporal punishment is an issue that draws strong emotions and there are so very many studies and pieces of research suggesting multiple approaches that trying to choose based solely on that research is a nightmare.In the end it will come down to a very personal choice for the parent(s). I am not a big fan of smacking but nor am I fan of letting children behave as badly as they want until they get it out of their system.To answer the question about is it ever acceptable, if so when and how? I may choose not to, but I don't particularly object or take umbrage if someone else chooses that method to discipline their child within limits. A smack to the bottom with the hand would not really stir me, but I would have to say something if it was a hit to the bottom rather than a smack. This is based on the belief that a smack should only ever be aimed at correcting a behaviour and not as some form of outlet for the parent. My somewhat jumbled thoughts.
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RHP User
12 years ago
When I grew up in the 70's & 80's my Dad would give me the belt & I'd get the cane at school ( up to "6 of the best" ). Due to my poor behaviour , this was a regular occurrence . When my Son was quite young I smacked him a couple of times & then decided against it . It was my job to protect him , not hurt him . I realized that I was angry & lashing out at him . Most of my friends from school are well-balanced , successful people . The cane had no real adverse effect on them . My Son is a great guy & well-balanced too . Because I didn't hit my Son , I had to work out more Creative ways to teach or punish . I hit him where it hurts him the most : Digital Media . I've got no problems taking the Modem to work with me . Teaching kids about Cause & Effect , Right & Wrong , doesn't require scare tactics or physical abuse . Treat them as you would want to be treated . They're not stupid . GG♒ - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
My sister and I were discussing this before but not because of this study but because my brother seems to take no discipline with his children as he relates to being smacked/belted by our father. When the children come here they are given time outs and talked through what is and is not acceptable behaviour and respond so well.Now I remember the belt although as a girl I would not have received it as much as the boys. And as my brother used to get into a fair bit of mischief possibly his were harsher. I myslef as a child understood the most reasons behind this form of corporal punishment and didnt always feel I was underserving. With our own children there was a time when we decided upon frustration we should try this with our son as nothing seemed to work. I soon removed that option as my ex was a dominate person and I had to intervene as he couldnt deliver just one strap.....we I think were brought up with the fear of the strap as a deterrent. Thats not to say that we didnt smack or even use a wooden spoon and I have turned around and smacked a child who hit another and said to them is do you like that.As a general rule corporal punishment was abolished in schools because you could not trust that abuse was not going to take place. I agree in its abolishment.People do lash out in frustration though and as any parent knows thats when they feel their own guilt...we usually parent how we were parented. I am trying to get my brother to do a parenting course because as he is their sole custodian it will benefit him. My son had ADD and I also did a parenting course. I learnt a few things from the course but in general we had good structure at home and were practising most of what was taught. I did see some parents with such lacking skills though.I learnt with my son though that treating him violently was not a good lesson.
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RHP User
12 years ago
can be even worse than physical abuse.....abuse is abuse.
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wingman2014
12 years ago
I endured the cane , strap , iron cord etc growing up. So with my son I wanted to find the balance As far as punishment went. I had seen first hand how other parents would try to "reason " with a 2yo to explain why his behaviour was considered naughty. As a result the kid grew up to be a little shit because he knew there would never be any real consequences for his poor actions. So when I became a parent and my son played up I would call Santa and report him lol. Worked great when he was little . As he got a little older and he played up , I would talk sternly to him . If that didn't work I would threaten to smack him. Only once did I ever have to go through with it and there was no pain from the smack just a look of horror on his face that I would actually do it. From then on if he acted up I would just have to ask him if he wanted a smack? He pulled his head in every time. You only have to do it once to condition them to behave . And like that old cliche ,yes it did hurt me more than it hurt him .- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
becomes who teaches kids that there are consequences to their actions if you cannot chastise them. We are talking about lawful chastisement and NOT violent abuse.
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RHP User
12 years ago
The hard part is to know when you have crossed the line and they don't want to put down any guidelines so no one knows anything. Also on the downside is some children know this and play on it also these are usually the children that need a harder hand.
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RHP User
12 years ago
There is no easy answer and a lot will determine how a parent will raise a child. They might think a smack on the butt was good enough for them so it is good enough for their kids. One of the problems is it seems a lot of the 'experts' on this topic don't have children themselves yet they think they know more than all parents. But what is worse, a smack on the bum when required (and only that, and when the child does something bad, not hours later) or the current trend that seems it is acceptable not to punish or even tell off a child. The poor kid grows up thinking, quite rightly in their mind, that they can do whatever they like just because they want to. Then they hit school or worse, real life after school and find out that they are responsible for their own actions!
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RHP User
12 years ago
I found with my daughters that simply making them accountable for their actions worked best, I personally was never smacked but boy did I pay for misdeeds through punishments of other kinds. My mother raised me on her own and she never once backed down from a punishment for bad behaviour. I learnt quickly no to cross her but it was backed with a lot of love and reward when I did the right thing, Mum was an awesome communicator and that's what I followed with my daughters. Mind you now they are as tall as me, both done self defence courses at my insistence, including my own lessons and I think they could do a good job of hitting me back! Having said that every situation is different and hats of to you Mister Green, big steps and self awareness there pal!
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RHP User
12 years ago
As a youngster I was the recipient of a smack on a frequent basis, be it by hand, wooden spoon or whatever else my mother had handy. I was even on the receiving end of the cane at school...til they fazed it out! I don't believe it had a negative effect on how I turned out...I am not an abusive individual (unless you do something to deserve it), antisocial or involved in substance abuse. I am firm believer in showing children that actions have consequences. Unfortunately the current generation that have grown up under the no smack rule have no respect for anyone or anything (ok not all of them but the vast majority seem that way). I feel that a parent should have the right to discipline their child how they see fit. There is a vast difference between a smack and abuse.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'justforfunisall'A smack to the bottom with the hand would not really stir me, but I would have to say something if it was a hit to the bottom rather than a smack. This is based on the belief that a smack should only ever be aimed at correcting a behaviour and not as some form of outlet for the parent. My somewhat jumbled thoughts. I completely get that. Right after I posted, I thought about why I find a smack on the bum ok, but not anywhere else on the body. When I was a child, spanking was always done deliberately, and there was never an "Out of the blue" smack. I agree that parents can lash out at their children without thinking, and afterwards everyone's unsure of what just happened. Quoting 'EskimoNell'verbal abuse can be even worse than physical abuse.....abuse is abuse. Nellie, I more than agree. My dad went through some serious issues when I was a teenager and as a result became abusive. He ended up hitting me across the face more than once, which was inexcusable in itself. However, his verbal abuse left scars that took a long time to fade.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I believe punishing a kid using physical pain is a pretty stupid thing to do. It teaches them, that if they are wronged - they can resort to violence to justify the situation.A parent isn't a bad parent if they let the odd slap on the butt slip - but when it becomes ritual whenever the kid screws up, I'd say there is a higher risk for doing more damage than good.Expressed parental disappointment in my opinion is far more constructive.nice tattoo btw.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I copped a bit when I was young - smacks, belt, wooden spoon from the parents. They gave up when they realised it didn't work. I was also caned at school several times, including a couple in primary school when I was completely innocent. I had zero respect for teachers the rest of my school life.It bred into me a very healthy disrespect for authority. By the time I was mid-teens I was uncontrollable. I didn't turn to a life of petty crime and violence like many do because that's just not me. I did whatever I wanted though without a second thought for the rules of the school or my parents. I've been giving "the man" the metaphorical finger ever since.So with my own kids I've taken a very different approach, much the same as my parents later learned to use with me. No violence from anyone, explain why things need to be done, let them make mistakes, and take responsibility for your own actions. It's working so far.The bottom line is that it's really hard to teach kids that violence is wrong while actively using it to control them.Not that I'm a pacifist, just very rational. Got myself in trouble a little while ago after instructing my 10yr old to beat the bejesus out of a persistent bully that wouldn't leave him alone. Copped some flack, but unlike the officially approved strategies that had left our boy miserable, fighting back quickly solved the problem.Mrs C's background of strict and arbitrary rules led her to favour an approach best described as laissez faire. No chance of a smack from her.Mr C
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RHP User
12 years ago
Did me no harm....til I laughed at it lol As a parent myself I've dished out a smack on the arse too. But as my kids grow older, they understand language, and now, it's just a matter of raising a stern tone, base the behaviour correction on logic, and they get it. Come to think of it, I haven't even needed to do that for nearly 5 years. I do think though saying no to the kids requests only makes them rebel, hence the need to correct their behaviours, instead, my girls and I will comprise so that my concerns with the request are met, but they're not told no. I think it's about getting them to think more and make their own assessment of things and guide them, not to dictate to them. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
When I first read this thread Mesmerised, I thought it would end up in a food fight. Very pleased to see it hasn't and finding it very interesting hearing everyone's opinions.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'justforfunisall'When I first read this thread Mesmerised, I thought it would end up in a food fight. Very pleased to see it hasn't and finding it very interesting hearing everyone's opinions.
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RHP User
12 years ago
never hurt anyone, just ask the boomers
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RHP User
12 years ago
My child at 8 says, "You don't hit me dad because you love me?".I replied, "That's right but also because you cannot defend yourself".Think about it.
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RHP User
12 years ago
When I trained as a crowd controller, pain compliance techniques were what we were trained with. By pain compliance, I don't mean smashing them into unconsciousness, but localised pain that created no permanent damage, through pressure points. - Posted from rhpmobile
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erotictouch4u
12 years ago
Quoting 'submissivegalgc'Unfortunately the current generation that have grown up under the no smack rule have no respect for anyone or anything (ok not all of them but the vast majority seem that way). I feel that a parent should have the right to discipline their child how they see fit. There is a vast difference between a smack and abuse. I've seen it in the shopping centres where a child of 5 or 6 yells to their parents "You can't smack me or I'll tell"
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't like it - never have and never will, it does not make me feel good.I also don't like to see kids smacked it in public - it really upsets me. I am fortunate enough of my career and am fortunate enough to work very closely along psychologists and psychiatrists and Human behavioral specialists. I have so much gratitude because of this.My daughter is almost 18.She's turned into a beautiful young woman.I am proud that I changed my ways into a more positive approach.I like to think my positive role-modeling has also helped.I used re-direction by offering choices and least restrictive alternative methods. Therefore because I changed my ways, I now have a fantastic relationship with her - couldn't ask for anything better!I am happy and proud of myself because of this. :)FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
A funny ad where the kid throws a tantrum so the parent does the same, throws themselves on the floor and carries on, total embarrassment? , guided choices, consequences and actions. If they are given guided choices, it makes them think about the consequences should they choose not to do the more favoured choice also make the choice more enticing ie. a bit of a reward - for instance, get changed now and there will be some extra time reading or watching tv together, alternative is if they carry on they go straight to bed, it worked all the time for me but in the interim if a child is being uncooperative they will soon learn the better options if you are vigilant and down back down, it can be done with minimum of fuss, made fun and a more harmonious outcome.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Dragonfyre2010'A funny ad where the kid throws a tantrum so the parent does the same, throws themselves on the floor and carries on, total embarrassment? I read a story about a mum copying her son and rolling on the floor of the supermarket, screaming and flailing her arms. He instantly forgot about his own tantrum and just stared at her in utter disbelief. I swore that if I ever had kids, I would try this out myself. That never quite happened, but to anyone brave enough to try this technique: Kudos!
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RHP User
12 years ago
He started howling because I wouldn't buy him the overpriced lollies near the checkout. I had a few quiet words to him....."come on, you can yell louder than that! I can still hear out of that ear! You're not really trying." His tasty lasted about 15 seconds as I egged him on to get louder while showing no signs of cracking. Not sure of the psychology of it all, but he realised pretty quickly that he wasn't getting the desired response and 2 minutes later was laughing and giggling.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Some parents react or succumb to the child's tantrums,it is emotional blackmail, if they continue and you react or give in they have won and it makes it even harder the next time to say no. Think smarter, work smarter, distract them with something else and don't reward them for bad/inappropriate behaviour otherwise you are making a rod for your own back, you are not helping them and certainly making it hard for yourself.
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RHP User
12 years ago
was four,she was having a tantrum in the street,I threatened to sing and dance,she continued, I began to sing....she stopped immediately...it always worked a treat
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RHP User
12 years ago
yep redirection always works! change topic and they forget why they were angry or whinging! Well i will admit to smacking my kids on occasion, but obviously as they get older its no longer an effective tool, though i do admit to slapping my son an the arm the other day as he smugly sauntered past after swearing at his younger sister..he is 16 over 90 kgs, and over 6ft, plays 2 codes of footy, with a big solid upper body, so he basically looked at me with an amused expression, but it made me feel good for a second!
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RHP User
12 years ago
just as I would avoid the plague. (Btw I am a single mother of three children). Those of you reading this thread in a similar situation to me ... I get it. If you need a chat, message me. xxx
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RHP User
12 years ago
no smacking or the can they are way more out control than kids when i went to school
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'paintme' just as I would avoid the plague. (Btw I am a single mother of three children). Those of you reading this thread in a similar situation to me ... I get it. If you need a chat, message me. xxx
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Kids get away with doing all sorts of shit things these days, from stealing, to grafitti, to destroying property and being disrespectful to thier elders. All because it suddenly became unacceptable to teach your children right from wrong through having to suffer consequence as a result of your actions. BRING BACK THE CANE!!! I got the ruler in school for playing catch n kiss, what sucked about that was the boys couldn't catch me!!! Go figure. I tried reasoning and explanation and guilt with my girls....in hindsight they should have been smacked more. Seriously love my kids to death abd thankfully they haven't/aren't turning out too bad BUT they aren't disrespectful to thier elders, they aren't destructive and they don't wander the streets. They also value themselves and what they've been given knowing that it cost not just money but time and hard work. I have a friend who's 6yo son has a queen bed, plasma tv in his bedroom, a theatre/toy room and own bathroom all in his own "wing" of the house. This kid has everything with bells and whistles, has he earned it? Does he value or appreciate it? What in hell is he going to be like at 16yo when there's absolutely nothing he hasn't been given and he's expected to work for the things he wants? (Shrugs). I don't know.....some parents these days make me want to smack them! Yes there's a fine line between discipline and abuse, but as I said to one disapproving lady after 6 aisles of bullshit behaviour in from my then 5yo and getting disapproving looks from other mothers for it and I finally did smack her soundly; "here, you take her!!" Abd she hurried away from me. I've also come to blows with the same daughter aged 15, after thousands of dollars spent in private boarding school education in another state, being given nearly everything she wanted; for what? to have it thrown in my face! I don't think so, I asked for her mobile as punishment and she refused to hand it over. She called me a fat bitch, I laughed at her. She then called me a effing dog, well....that was it. i slapped her for across the face for the first time ever ..... and she hit me back! I hit her again, and she had another go. That was it she backed into her room onto the bed where I dragged her off, wrestled with her on the ground, her father came and helped me prise the phone from her hands and then I got up leaving her on the floor uncrushed and still defiant and left the room......went to my own and bawled my eyes out!! She is my angel heart, the one who in tougher times kept me safe and sane.....the kid all our friends adore, the one least likely to ever be in trouble. The one I'm told is too much like her mother....:) and in honesty, yes....she is and I love her now more than ever. i don't agree with her choices but she is doing it on her own and I know eventually she'll be a stronger, wiser and kinder person for it. (sigh) Kids today get away with far too much and I truly believe it's hindering thier development not helping it. I would never have dreamt in my wildest nighares of ever raising my hand to my mother.....when we were hit it was because we'd been bad. As for me, I never got smacked enough!!! And I often tell my parents that and my Dad says, "we know!!" I might also add I do some work with high risk kids in care......and some parents shouldn't be parents. Some of you may think what I did was wrong....buttons were pushed for a long time before this happened and it was time, like a father and son standing off against each other. It had to happen. But just so you know, we love each other to death.....and now she understands me a bit better too. Parenting sux at times.....but I can't imagine a life without my girls. Punishment and discipline, consequence for choice and actions teaches respect and value, consideration and care and ultimately children who become adults you can respect and be proud of. Atleast that's what I think.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'I_N_D_A_G_I_N_E'Punishment and discipline, consequence for choice and actions teaches respect and value, consideration and care and ultimately children who become adults you can respect and be proud of. I don't know how I would have reacted, never having been in your shoes. Kudos to everyone who has responded so far. And it's great that we have all been able to share their thoughts without encountering disrespect.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Our* thoughts.
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On_Safari
12 years ago
Wrapping them in cotton wool and not letting them experience the highs and lows of thier actions isn't helping them. Discipline can be a useful tool, expecially in schools. Look at the kids today....they want everything but don't want to earn it, then they get it and it's not what everyone else now has so they break it and expect you to buy another but the latest version. And stupidly we do. Parent's are knocking themselves out working long hours to keep food on the table and give thier kids what "we didn't have" well I never had alot of things, but then I also DID have alot of things that others didn't. I know I've gone off topic but quite frankly a smack never hurt anyone. I was asked some time ago what dream I'd like to come true if I could have one: The one dream in my life I'd like to come true....that's easy. For my girls not to have to go through what I did. To eventually make wiser choices and have all that they need and are happy. To understand just how much thier father and I did, do and always will love them. To never doubt that they are deserving but that sometimes not getting what you want is actually better. Haha that it's ok to be wrong, it's impossible to be right all the time and sometimes failure can be a blessing in disguise. I want them to know true love and enjoy thier successes. To learn all thier lessons, even the hard ones and grow to become better people because of it. To someday respect me and understand why I did some of the things I've done. And to always have a song in thier hearts, for music truly is food for the soul. My angel heart isn't at home anymore, she's off on her own paying rent at 16, dropped out of school after recommended for OP English and Maths and now lays concrete slabs and repairs fences, does stockwork and finds work waitressing wherever she can. She isn't trying to get pregnant for a baby bonus and isn't on the dole....that's the main thing for me and she's learning to go it on her own. She's happy, rarely asks for help and isn't a burden to anyone. She's become closer to her Nan & Pop, Aunt's and Uncle's and thier families.....she's making great friends and she's earning the respect of the people she works for and well......she may not have the education I wanted her to have but there's always TAFE or Adult Learning later. Right now, it's the best fit for her and she's just such a beautiful girl. (sigh) Sorry for rambling.....
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RHP User
12 years ago
Growing up in an Asian family, I was belted and caned on a number of occasions by my dad for the most minor things, such as breaking a bowl. I remember hiding the welts on my arms from an overnight punishment from school mates the following day. I now have children of my own and have never seen the need for physical punishment - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
....continued Children are not stupid. They can be reasoned with and will listen if they grow up in an environment where right and wrong is explained to them, where respect is taught at a young age and we be their role model and hope that they will take what we've taught them into their adult life. As parents, we should be people our children look up to, turn to when they need us - not people they fear. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Lifes_great
12 years ago
Quoting 'MisterGreen'When I grew up in the 70's & 80's my Dad would give me the belt & I'd get the cane at school ( up to "6 of the best" ). Due to my poor behaviour , this was a regular occurrence . When my Son was quite young I smacked him a couple of times & then decided against it . It was my job to protect him , not hurt him . I realized that I was angry & lashing out at him . Most of my friends from school are well-balanced , successful people . The cane had no real adverse effect on them . My Son is a great guy & well-balanced too . Because I didn't hit my Son , I had to work out more Creative ways to teach or punish . I hit him where it hurts him the most : Digital Media . I've got no problems taking the Modem to work with me . Teaching kids about Cause & Effect , Right & Wrong , doesn't require scare tactics or physical abuse . Treat them as you would want to be treated . They're not stupid . GG♒ - Posted from rhpmobile I think you've summed it up perfectly
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Lifes_great
12 years ago
Quoting 'Mesmerised' Quoting 'Dragonfyre2010'A funny ad where the kid throws a tantrum so the parent does the same, throws themselves on the floor and carries on, total embarrassment? I read a story about a mum copying her son and rolling on the floor of the supermarket, screaming and flailing her arms. He instantly forgot about his own tantrum and just stared at her in utter disbelief. I swore that if I ever had kids, I would try this out myself. That never quite happened, but to anyone brave enough to try this technique: Kudos! Why wait to have your own kids, just try it when someone else's kid has a tantrum...I'd watch that...Mesmerised rolling on the floor
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RHP User
12 years ago
I completely understand how polarising this subject is and can see both sides. My own father was from another time when hard drinking and hard living was how life was supposed to be. He had a violent temper, especially when intoxicated. Being hit in the head with a closed fist was not uncommon for me if I aroused his anger and this was maintained until, as a young teen, I outgrew him. This, along with the confidence I gained from my Tae Kwon Do training, meant that he was unable to lay a hand on me (Let me say that I have never hit him, I just didn't allow him to hit me). My father was not a bad man though and he has since seen the error of his ways and we have a close relationship. Between us, Jennylee and I have raised seven children and I can tell you that no two of them were alike. They all responded differently to any given situation. I dislike hitting but keep it in reserve as a last resort none the less. Usually, sitting them down and explaining to them where they've gone wrong and why it was wrong is sufficient but not always. There have been times when my kids earned a smack but they have never been beaten or hit repeatedly or hit with a closed hand or hit in the face. I understand how people can see hitting a child as punishment for hitting as hypocritical but I see it as showing a child that there are repercussions for their actions. If they cause hurt, they can expect to be hurt. It may seem an oversimplification but it is effective. A child will stop and think twice if they know that will receive a slap on the arse rather than just another inconsequential talking to. The most important reason that I'm against the proposed changes to the law is the vapid reasoning behind it. "...Such punishment may lead to abuse." Indeed it may but still it may not. I agree that abuse should be illegal and I'm glad that it is but making it illegal to strike a child under any circumstance will, in effect, make many well meaning and caring parents criminals.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have used my hairbrush not to brush my hair I have used the wooden spoon not to mix a cake I have used my hand to smack a bum and ruffle a head of hair Not often, and for things like running out on the road , when I had to told her ten thousand times to keep hold of my hand The brush on a teenage arse as she ran of after saying go fuck yourself you stupid bitch, but she was a tad faster than me and was laughing saying nah nah never hurt. the spoon well they don't make spoons like they used to in my day, these flimsy things cant even bring a tear to the eye of a kid. I only ever smacked my elder girl, the younger I only had to wave my finger at her. the elder girl would be in san Quinton doing time in the big house if I had not been a tad firm with her. I was raised with violence so bad you would not believe it, and it kept me quite for a long time as a child, but I simmered with resentment and I smacked a high school teacher in the chops in second year high as she put her hands on me and I snapped. I got expelled . I love that saying , never hit your child in anger like ok you wake up your feeling festive, so that's the time to do it? Children are ours but they do not belong to us, they belong to themselves they grow up they get bigger so don't leave a hurt mark inside or out. Not always that easy as a parent.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't believe smacking children hard is an effective way of dealing with them . But , I have noticed kids in Australia and the usa have zero respect for anyone . Not all , but way too many of them if not almost all of them. Im always shocked when I travel to south east asia especially Philippines how well behaved and respectful children are to adults . There so helpful and thoughtful .They'll carry your bags , do odd jobs for you if you ask , they never complain . If an adult tells them to do something ,they do it with a smile on there face . Here in the west , you ask a kid for some help they'll tell you to fuck off then probably rob you lol teens know they can get away with everything over here that's the difference . No consequences. No reason for them to respect you.
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RHP User
12 years ago
let me start by saying...i DO NOT have kids...neither i ever wanted any...parenting and the desire to have off springs is either in you or not...for me it was a not...but i do remember, how my single mum, with no child support and f**k all money from the government, had to work her ass off, to raise me and my sister...we were lazy too...didn't help out much at home...my mum used to use the "emotional reasoning", aka "guilt trips"...she would say things like "i shouldn't have to tell you, to do the dishes/take out the rubbish/walk the dogs/do your homework...you should see these things on your own..."i used to feel fricking guilty all the time...thinking i was a bad person, for not being more mature..for not seeing my mum's struggle and help out willingly and without being asked...see always what needs to be done...i am now almost 40...and i still find myself feeling guilty all the time...for the things i do...the things i didn't do...and everything in between....my point is...i would have much preferred my mum saying "do the dishes"...and give me a smack if i disobeyed...or if i mouthed back to her...the scars would have healed much faster...i am not talking about an aggressive neurotic parent, who just gives a kid a smack out of the blue, just because...but i do believe in saying "i will count to three, after three you will get a smack"...and start counting...it's not like the kid didn't see it coming...and he had a choice to do as he was told or take a chance...i cannot stand the 20 something year olds now...lot of them are self centered, have no respect... and most think the world revolves around them and they can just do as they please, never mind the impact on others...i recon a few smacks growing up would have produced a different generation...
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RHP User
12 years ago
I believe that a good cricket bat gets away with all that spanking Malarky,I was beaten as a child and I think it should be paid back(hand it down).........................OK but seriousely ....And in the wise words of her Royal Dameship Vicky Pollard No but Yes...I believe that a stable minded adult should know when to smack their child...not hit or beat but just a short smart smack..and threatening to smack defeats the purpose...I have raised more than six children and only used a clip around the head or a non hurting but unexpected clip"sic"...it is needed but not always necessary..I have seen children slapped in the face , legs etc repeatedly by angry bogans..That is wrong!!!! and words and respect work best I find a look or tone of voice works...and yes I was given the belt as a child but don't believe a smack is wrong ...but a smacking is an excuse for your own bad parenting...You don't smack more than one smack :-)Hmm Maybe my ex deserves the cricket bat though :-)Oh I hope you all sleep well and follow me on twitter hash tag I can't believe I'm still talking bollocks??? dot com.hey you or is it hash tag again?Night All mwaaaaaaaaaahh
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abcplus1
12 years ago
We had two kids, smacking for us was not intended to be painful (just to provide shock value) and was used very sparingly.................................... and worked.Abuse on the other hand, does not fit into this category and should not be confused.
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RHP User
12 years ago
This is a sex site and we have moved into politics. Great. Hitting kids doesn't change their behaviour. As parents we just use it to vent our own frustration, replicate what our own parents did and then feel bad about it. It's a hard one but I wonder how many grandparents would do the same thing with their grand kids what they might have done with their own kids. Age is a wonderful modifier.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Just read all of the posts. More info here than the issue about 'where do I cum'. In fact, touched a nerve with some people What is obvious here is the relationship with our own experiences. There also seems to be some prejudice against the Gen Y/X . Sorry, we have four well adjusted kids in this category whom we are very proud of. A couple of them, in frustration on our part, got a pat on the bum. Fortunately they survived.
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