F48
So it didn't kill you...now how do you get stronger?
February 10 2017
Comments
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Connecting with God again and martial art training. Im happy everything became better for you now. I felt whole world was against for a moment. Everytime i step out of gym or mosque i get back to my senses. I have 2 dogs and they helped too, they the dogs areso full of energy is why i like working dogs, pitbull and patterdale terrier. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I don't really have any close friends, despite that I have a lot of acquaintances.When I was at my lowest point, over 2 years ago, it was one or two of those acquaintances, just workmates, who made me feel I wasn't completely alone. Just by being a decent person...when others just didn't care I was in pain.I remember that. And them. But otherwise, it was my resilience and my will, to slowly heal and rebuild. I've thought on that time of my life often, and, in retrospect, I'm glad I didn't entertain any thoughts of self harm and very little of self pity at the time. Quiet stoicism, I suppose : take the pain, go back to work, deal with it internally.Until it inevitably finds its way out by itself temporarily. That was how I dealt with the death of my father as a young man. To be honest, I probably should've taken some time offto heal...but there's no rule book out there for when these things happen. I just dealt with things in the only way I knew. However, I'm content in my mind and my soul these days and I can say without ego that I'm a well-adjusted person...so I don't think that healing my wounds alone in the past has hurt me.I believe I'm stronger now than I've ever been...but I'm still not bullet-proof.
-
sweetgem
9 years ago
Are my upbringing and family background. It helps a lot that I: - Was born in a war era; - Come from a single parent family - Came from a third world country; - Was separated from my mother for half a decade at a very young age; - Started out a new life in Australia with only one of my siblings, no parents, no friends, no relatives, and with zero English skills, etc. The above were all my life experiences that I gained during my growing up, which helped to form the fundamental of my survival skills today. It also helps that I was born with a very strong personality! So, I always believe in myself and believe that there is at least one exit exists in every dark tunnel. Hence, I never stop fighting back when life throws shits at me! Of course, having an easy going personality and a willingness to help other people in crisis have also found me many good lifetime friends and earned lots of love, respect and support from them. Therefore, one important thing that I never forget to do when I'm faced with major challenge(s) is, talk to my family and friends and be around people who I trust, and people who never give up on me. Beside all of the above, I also love travelling and eating, so I always travel at least once and pig out during my trip, when I truly need a break and take a breather! Be away from everything for a couple of days helps me to clear my mind up and regroup my thoughts and strengths. This technique works for me every time I apply it. We are our own worse enemies and our thoughts could tuen into our own prison, if we are not careful and allow our inner devil to come out and play with our minds! Learned how to control my thoughts is indeed one of my strengths, which gives me the willpower to walk my current path 😊 My best wishes for your fight, LD, take it easy and remember that you are not alone in any fights! 💪🏽💪🏽 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
sweetgem
9 years ago
I blame my midnight brain for the spelling 😁😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
You just did.....You asked for help...... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I'm sorry to hear things have been going so badly for you. Asking for help and advice is a big step in the right direction. Focus on today. That's what you can control. You can't change or control the past. I had a traumatic time when I was a teenager but didn't really address anything until some 20 years later after reacting to certain triggers and each reaction being worse than the one before. I found time out doing something I love doing when the memories start to take over where I think I'm going to lose control of my emotions. For me, it was playing pool. It gave me something else to focus and concentrate on. Counseling works for some and sometimes it doesn't. I was lucky enough to have found a wonderful counselor who I still have the odd session with if I think I'm sinking again. She gave me some great tips and one of them was deep breathing and self reassurance that I'd made it through the worst and I'm safe. Friends have also been a huge part of getting through tough days. Most of them have no idea of what's going on in my head but they know me well enough to know when I need some company or a catch up over coffee. You'll find your own things that help but the thing to remember is that each day is a brand new day with so much potential for good things to happen. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
focus on personal fitness has been the answer for me, I block out negativity and life's challenges are just that, I consider them minor glitches, just always stay positive, now, wasn't always like that. It's a great way to blow out the cobwebs, fresh air, sunshine, though Perth is a bit devoid of that at the moment a pair of shoes in my car all the time, music, and life is good. My age has also made me value every moment, even doing basic things in my day, I appreciate small things like I never have before, I wish I did when I was younger, life is a gift that we don't fully appreciate and value, until we get older, or that's the way it has been for me
-
RHP User
9 years ago
..."that's about you and not about me, you own it now go fix it''. My guess is that you, gorgeous lady, internalize just like me. We take everyone else's garbage on board and tend to view it as the net result of ''cause and effect''. About 99% of the time, someone else created the issue or problem however they are more than happy to have you pick it up as your own and run with it for them. If I didn't genuinely cause the problem, I sure as hell can't fix it, can I? My former spouse is a bi-polar manic depressive (developed clearly about 5 years ago) and has attempted suicide on 7 occasions. She would love to have me on-board this desperate cry for mental help however short of sustaining her life until the Ambulance Services got there, it really had nothing to do with me nor our son. I certified as an EMT back home long before I came to Oz and no one is going to die on my watch. For what it's worth, I believe in you and you are ''worth it''. Never stop believing, angel. Best always, forever and one day more......CM
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'ChasinMidnight' My guess is that you, gorgeous lady, internalize just like me. We take everyone else's garbage on board and tend to view it as the net result of ''cause and effect''. About 99% of the time, someone else created the issue or problem however they are more than happy to have you pick it up as your own and run with it for them. If I didn't genuinely cause the problem, I sure as hell can't fix it, can I? My former spouse is a bi-polar manic depressive (developed clearly about 5 years ago) and has attempted suicide on 7 occasions. She would love to have me on-board this desperate cry for mental help however short of sustaining her life until the Ambulance Services got there, it really had nothing to do with me nor our son. I certified as an EMT back home long before I came to Oz and no one is going to die on my watch. You are incorrect in your assessment of the cause of my problems. Yes some actions of others have exacerbated things but on the whole these are my issues to deal with. I appreciate your attempts to make me feel better, but on the whole it is best to avoid making such big assumptions about people you don't know at all. I also realise that this thread may bring up some stories about mental illness, however I'd appreciate it if people don't go down the path of even further contributing to the stigma around mental illness, and in particular the stigma around self harm and suicidal behaviour. CM, I appreciate that the experiences with your ex would have been challenging for you, but I'd venture that they were nothing compared with the challenges your ex has experienced in trying to deal with her illness, and a little empathy goes a long way.
-
EarthQueen
9 years ago
Some of the big things that helped for me wereUnloading to friends and making sure I reached out to them when I started to feel myself get sucked into the abyss. This was a big change for me because I was always thinking I could solve things myself. Talking to a counsellor for unbiased advice. Also used lifeline and helplines, such an amazing resource.Not drinking when I knew I was in a bad place as this made it worseTrying to eat really well and exercise every day because I know this helped my mental health when I was in a bad place.Reading Wayne Dyer and Louise Hay both great authors with some excellent advice about observing oneself and reactions. Keeping busy. Trying to schedule some fun stuff to look forward to that I loved with people that lifted me up.Being out in nature, observing nature, hanging with my dogs.I allowed myself time to think of the bad things and the worst case scenario every day but tried to limit my focus on this to a certain time frame and then kind of had mental box in my head that I shut it back up in again. Meditation (found this very, very helpful to assist me to do the above and let things go)Hope this can help and remember you never have to go through things alone. There are good people/organisations all around who you can reach out to, all the best xxxx
-
johnisfun3
9 years ago
I would say acknowledging the problem and accepting that you need help is a big step. Everyone goes through tough patches in life and they are the ones that make you stronger, appreciative of good things in life. I used to use the phrase, "I understand how you feel or going through" loosely. But experiencing a bad relationship over the last couple of years has affected my social life. Instead of trying to sort the relationship problem I tried to change my job and made wrong choices and I was out of job not once but twice in the last 2 year. This made be realize that no one can understand how I feel and its wrong of me to say this same to others. I am still sorting things out and my life is not in place I would like it to be. I am a very positive person and look at the bright things in life. Think of those people who would be in worst situation or place and its not hard just watch the news on TV. What also works is having a me time, doing things I really enjoy. You are lucky and have support of friends. So hang tight things will change. Something else that has worked for me is go out and help someone. By help could be something small. This will give you lot more satisfaction and is something money can't buy. Good luck........may the force be with you.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Too confusing and you are correct...I have no idea other than generalities and assumptions. My plane won't even leave the ground if that's all there is in the tank. Be well beautiful lady. CM
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Dragon' but I'd venture that they were nothing compared with the challenges your ex has experienced That wasn't the best wording for me to use, I don't want to trivialise people's experiences to that extent, apologies for that.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I'm sorry to hear that you have had a hard time of it at present, but IMHO you are doing all that you can to acknowledge that this or these events have happened in your life and that you are working through them IN YOUR OWN TIME. And I think that is the key, to take it all on board and work through it when you are ready and strong enough to look at each and every contributing event and process it, and only you will chose when you are ready to learn the lessons being introduced to you or not. There's no rush, just when you are ready. I agree with all the above posts. To induce productivity and balance in your life, I think it important to embrace eating well, moderate exercise (even it its just a walk around the block with your dog), try to get 8 hours sleep and that doesn't have to be at night, if you sleepy in the arvo then sleep, listen to all that your body is saying. Try to keep to a bit of a day to day routine in all things if you can, but its all just a bit too much, then spend the arvo on the couch binge tv viewing, reading etc and thoroughly enjoy it. Do what works, for you. Perhaps moderate any alcohol intake and if you need prescribed medication then go for it. There no shame in seeking or needing medicinal help and of course the same is said for any professional help you may seek out, if you feel the need. Do this only if this is what you want, not what others think you need. I have done all the above and these things have worked for me, but I also agree will not work for all. This is only my personal experience and advice that I share and OP when I use the world "You" here I do not mean you specifically, I am just writing the word "you " for ease. For all of us, if that makes sense :-) But in answer to the Op's over riding question What has helped me when major disruption in my life ? Well I've had a few disruptions and it is the belief that although hard to remember at times, is that this is only a temporary situation and I believe that the Universe only gives to me what I can handle. The crisis will pass and the situation will resolve itself, maybe not always in the way we would like, but it will resolve. There's only one problem in the world of which there is no answer to, only one Also I have a strong belief in myself. I will survive this because I've survived every other issue this thing called life has thrown at me, I will get through this. I will. Determination and self belief. I will not be fucked over by this. But at the same time admitting that I do get scared and at times feel vulnerable and hurt and to run with that. Not ignore those feelings and acknowledging that it ok to have a bit of a melt down every so often, a good cry out. But always remembering that old saying "this too will pass". During these times of questioning or challenges in our lives, well I believe it can be extremely productive time. It can be one for doing a audit of what is working for you or not in your life and to act accordingly. Disassociate from those people or situations which are toxic in your life. Spring clean and embrace only those who are positive to you or for you. And while your experiencing a crisis, try not to judge others, you have no idea of the battles they are enduring as well. Remember to be accepting, non judgmental and humble. We have all made mistakes. Forgiveness is the key, that is, forgiving others but also, forgiving ourselves. Make your physical safe place in your world, a place where you want to hang out, where you can close the door on the outside world and where you are perfectly ok with spending a few hours alone in your lovely hidey hole. This I believe is very important. Do what you have to do, to make your little safe cave, user friendly cause you maybe spending some time there. But not too comfy, ok, cause we need you back in real life, when you're ready. This post is riddled with clichés, but the thing is, clichés are true, cause they work Either way, my advice is to myself, the OP and for all. Be gentle with yourself, because YOU ARE WORTH IT.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
We're cool and I've got your six. it's a difficult topic and I admire your courage for even bring it up. You rock and may the Lord in Heaven protect anyone that gives you more crap than I have. Luv ya. angel.......... CM Now hanging in a place in cyberville that ya'll can't know about
-
compressor
9 years ago
I am happy you are bouncing back and says a lot about you. Yes animals make suck a big difference in our lives and we must look after them. stay strong
-
RHP User
9 years ago
You didn't die, now you just have to do what it takes to survive and you will come out stronger. The finest steel is forged in the hottest furnace. Embrace the "heat" you are in, feel your strength in every breathe you take despite the pain you are in. Embrace it, feel it and live through it. We are built to withstand these things. Anyway, I phrased that as directed towards you but it's supposed to answer your question about how I survived. It is more directed as me talking to me. I hope it can help you a little though. I wish you well.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
That's the other thing I forgot. Music.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
It sounds like you're taking the right steps already - hang in there, things will get easier 🙂 I'm similar to Koolgrey in that I only have a handful of close friends, and because I'm an introvert opening up and saying that I'm struggling is an anathema to me. But when I have opened up, it's always marked the start of things getting better. I'm learning to be less proud and less stoic, and to admit when I need help, even if it's just a shoulder to cry on. I think it's also important to be kind to yourself at times like this. Sometimes the shit we go through is entirely of our own making, and we beat ourselves up over it. Accepting/acknowledging responsibility or culpability is a good thing, but then let it go. Berating yourself over and over again for mistakes you've made is pointless and destructive, and will only hold you back from moving forward. Sending lots of love your way, you're in my thoughts xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'ElkeM'because I'm an introvert opening up and saying that I'm struggling is an anathema to me. But when I have opened up, it's always marked the start of things getting better. I'm learning to be less proud and less stoic, and to admit when I need help, even if it's just a shoulder to cry on. I'm an introvert as well and have also often struggled to ask for help or admit how bad things are. Unfortunately I often don't ask for help until things have already spun well out of control. It's something I need to work on, I am actually better than I used to be with it but still a way to go. I also don't have a lot of close friends, however I have met some wonderful people through this site that have helped me so much over the last year or so. I have found that these people are some of the kindest, most empathetic, least judgmental people I have ever known, and so even if my sex life is a total bummer I will always be grateful to this site for allowing me to meet these people I now call friends.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'deepestpurple' That's the other thing I forgot. Music. I thought of this after I'd posted the topic, music is a big one for me as well.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I have found the only silver bullet is my tango vibrator, which is actually white. For the real stuff it takes a variety of things to keep me fairly on keel. And mine are similar to EarthQueen's -Family. Having someone who loves me and I can talk to. But also be responsible for amd to have to deal with my issues so they don't worry too much. -Friends. Who I consider the family I choose. Not only to talk to, but not talk to and be there for distractions and fun. -Fake it. Due to work and other responsibilities sometimes I have to fake it and not address my stuff. It weirdly helps to not have to focus on it and be ok for others. -Health. Maintaining a good diet and moving my body. Sometimes I swim because I cant think much when I swim - black line mediation I call it. I give up coffee periodically because I call it jokingly my gateway drug and enjoy being able to give it up and then try amd convince others to drink my horrid replacements ,) -Alcohol. I drink it socially, only. If I am not out socialising I don't drink. -Routine. Having a life where i have to do things, mix with people, be productive. -Hobbies. To keep me busy and occupied. -Macro. Read about world events and the plight of others less fortunate -Micro. The simple joys. Big for me. I try to savour simple pleasures. Like my first cup of tea. The feel of freshly washed sheets. Holding someone's hand. etc -Laughter. The best -Meditation. I did a particular style of meditation about 10 years ago and did weekly group meditation. It is something I can tap into and increase my practice when I need to. -Nature. Especially being around crashing water on rocks, storms and rain in general. -Sleep. Yeah. Enough of it makes a world of difference -Knowledge. That life has its ups and downs. And others go through similar stuff. xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
And I actually disagree with the phrase and it is one that bothers me a great deal. We are very often not stronger after something difficult or traumatic. And that is ok. Sometimes we are much more vulnerable and need much more time to find ourselves and get back to being ok, let alone strongers. Believing we should be stronger immediately sets people up for failure. That is what I think so, anyway.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'PepperRose' And I actually disagree with the phrase and it is one that bothers me a great deal. We are very often not stronger after something difficult or traumatic. And that is ok. Sometimes we are much more vulnerable and need much more time to find ourselves and get back to being ok, let alone strongers. Believing we should be stronger immediately sets people up for failure. That is what I think so, anyway. I love one of the modified versions of that phrase, which I very much identify with... 'Whatever doesn't kill you, gives you a lot of shitty coping mechanisms and a sick sense of humour'
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Before we had interwebs and referrals to professional people for help, I'd drive across town to a bar where nobody knew me, have a few drinks, a game of pool, and just pour it all out to a perfect stranger, maybe some good advice came back but usually just stunned silence. Just verbalising the issue, laying it all out was very therapeutic. But that's just my way, bottling it up and "dealing with it" doesn't work for me I need a good purge ! And then a party and a fuck. 😃 Whatever path you choose, best wishes. R
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Finally a topic that I'm an expert in (it would seem) Without going into details of the bad I've overcome, i focus on the good I have done and can do. You're strength to overcome anything is already inside yourself, it's just a case of unlocking it and letting it thrive. It's different for everyone, for me, it's taking on the challenge in something I enjoy and becoming the best I can be at it. So with each new challenge, I set myself a new goal to focus on. It's almost second nature now and I've lived a very extraordinary life, full of many great things, both good and bad. Somethings may seem trivial if you change the way you look at something as well. Simple perception changes can turn a terrifying event into a new experience you never want to end. This is why many heartbroken people never want to get into a relationship again. You say animal therapy helps you, maybe volunteer at a wildlife park, foster a dog if you can, or simply borrow a friends dog to go down to the beach with. We all have our own struggles, what you find difficult to overcome, someone else may find easy and vice versa. Sometimes the best friends you make in life, you meet at your lowest point - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Walking away from people and situations that aren't good for me...definitely something I still need to work on as well.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'MrApril' You say animal therapy helps you, maybe volunteer at a wildlife park, foster a dog if you can, or simply borrow a friends dog to go down to the beach with. As mentioned in my OP I have a dog, and he's helped so much to get me through this and previous rough times. In the future when my circumstances allow I would like to do more with animals such as fostering or wildlife care, and possibly become involved in animal therapies to assist others.
-
Tall74nHard9
9 years ago
on what was causing the situation in the first place, and what avenues you have available to yourself in order to try and help to cope with that situation. I'm certainly not suggesting that you spill the beans on what was going on, but each problem will usually have different remedies. Having said that, you should find that life teaches you different experiences in how to deal with various issues, and that during your lifetime you will pick up what pathways are best to follow for the differing issues that may arise. There is no one size fits all. But life will teach you over time what will feel best for the particular issues you may be facing. Whether that be discussing with family / friends, some time along with animal companionship, getting stuck into an old hobby, or any of the many other possibilities available. Each situation is unique, and will likely require just as unique a response. Tall
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Sorry to hear your going through troubles Ms Dragon. You might get a laugh but when I've been at my lowest which was after my marriage breakdowns I put pen to paper. By expressing my feelings without actually having to burden anyone with my shit I felt it helped me. Still working on the second book.lol Doesn't matter if it's cooking,fitness or any other activity strength comes from within and being able to release negativity in your life. Xx Sending you positive vibes Ms Dragon 💪💪💪💋💋❤❤
-
RHP User
9 years ago
The walking away thing, so so important. It appears selfish, and I suppose it is, but you have to look after you. Screw them, let them deal, in your wake or in your dust lol family, friends, if the cycle continues where those people aren't a positive influence, you don't owe them anything. My decisions haven't been popular in RL 👯 but extremely healthy for me, best thing I ever did was stop living according to the way other people wanted me to, living by their morals, their rules (even into adulthood's the oppressive or repressive influences stay with us) but the biggest thing, the biggest 'shift' for me was learning to be happy in my own company. I'm sure people think I'm arrogant in RL, and I suppose I am to a degree, but I don't care anymore what people think. Accept yourself for who you are, not who you think you should according to other people's ideals, and I don't mean just morals, but the small things in life we're so hard on ourselves about. In the back of our minds, there are always people we feel we need to be respectful too "what would they think?" I'm tripping over my words but I don't mean sexually, although that can be playing out at the same time, but those repressive influences and falling victim to what society supports, feeling like we need to fall into line, but really want to go AWOL. To be clear, by AWOL I mean focusing on ourselves, as a priority, no analogy to checking out from life altogether. I did all that by myself, checked out and found a happier place, with myself. I hope you can find your happy place xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
The things I used to most dislike about myself, my toes lol and so much more, I now love, I embrace the unique things that are me. More importantly, I always felt like an outsider, no matter where I was, and wondered what was wrong with me. Then the light bulb moment, I controlled that, it's how I wanted it to be, always feeling I should be like everyone else. Then I realized I don't have to be. I can be however I want to be, none of society's bloody business haha We are conditioned to believe we should live or behave in a certain way, socially or otherwise. Flip them the finger I say 😎
-
RHP User
9 years ago
and agree music is key, music is good for the soul, it's empowering and guides us through our ups and downs 😃
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I'd bought a heap of lingerie in the last few weeks (one of those shitty coping mechanisms and bought to wear for someone who's no longer on the scene....luckily most of it was cheap from ebay). Was thinking what a waste but then thought fuck it, I may not have anyone to wear it for in person but why not take a few new profile pics so that others can appreciate it, and so it wasn't a total waste of $
-
RHP User
9 years ago
to open up, and both yours and ElkeM's comments about being an Introvert & struggling to open up and not asking for help really impacted on me and how I deal with things in my life too. So as I said on the E&N thread... I'm not one to "air my dirty laundry", but I did this morning, and just putting that little bit into words helped me immensly, and got me through today.You don't know it when you're doing it, but sometimes your openness helps others. So I thank you xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
You make it sound like there will never be anyone else. But there will be, guarantee it.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I saw your post in the other thread, such a shitty thing to have happened and I really do wish you and your daughter all the best in dealing with such a tough situation. I'm glad to hear that putting it out there helped you, I know I've almost always found that I feel better if I have a bit of a vent rather than bottling it all in like I often do. I know for introverts it is an innate part of our personality, but I also think that there is such pressure these days to have our lives appear perfect, to appear like we're always having fun, that we can easily handle all the stresses and worries, and that every moment is a potential picture to go up on social media and make our friends jealous. I think for many people that contributes to a reluctance to admit that sometimes life is fucking hard and we can't do it alone, that sometimes we're a mess and no it doesn't look or sound pretty but that's what it is right now. Also the not wanting to worry people, I know that comes into it for me when I know how much worry I've already put my parents through, and how my friends have so much other crap going on in their lives and I shouldn't be adding to that, the guilt that comes with those thoughts. Ultimately it's not easy to ask for help or admit that things are shitty in your life but I do think that it can help us enormously if we can get over that fear (as long as we are lucky enough to have trusted family and / or friends to open up to).
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Oh I know there will be. Hopefully it won't be another 7 month drought this time...
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ms_Dragon' Oh I know there will be. Hopefully it won't be another 7 month drought this time... With that lingerie it will be about 7 min.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I'm sad to hear that you're totally bummed out. Life is about experiences. I do mostly believe that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger, if, and only if, you choose to believe it. I think you will come out of this a stronger person because you will learn to say no and hopefully, will feel empowered. Please don't feel embarrassed about anything. You are courageous to have tried and gone with your feelings and come out not too shabby with a good support network. There is a silver lining to everything if you choose to see it that way. This is a time for consciousness and self-healing. Maybe a bit of soul searching? I used to be an introvert, then forced myself to be more extroverted, now I believe I'm introspective. I usually don't consult others for advice that's not right for me. I don't dwell on negatives for too long. But one thing you must remember is not to be hard on yourself. I see so many of my friends be so hard on themselves and it's so heart-breaking. I've learnt to be my own best friend. It is the best defence you have in any situation, especially being a vulnerable soul like yourself. When we think too much of what others might think or how we might be portrayed in front of others, that's when we start to let all the negativity in and our minds start to really spiral downwards. When a friend puts things so simply like "don't worry about what they think, you just take your time and find yourself again" that's when I realise this life is about me, not about what others "try" to impose on me. They can only impose if I let them and I won't. I hope this makes sense and it will make you stronger internally. Eg, I used to think a lot why bitches are bitchy, and never wanted to get on their bad side, but I never did get on their bad side. Bitchy as in they don't say yes to things that come their way and adamant about it, but later it becomes clear that they know what they want and weed out crap they don't. Not to say that you need to be a bitch, but we all learn differently and different experiences in life create our beliefs. Same experiences to different people create a different meaning to each individual because we have a set of values and paradigms in our minds that create different belief systems. We all still have niceness inside us, just some choose not to show it for... I guess... reasons - ego (a protection mechanism) to cover up insecurities that they think people wouldn't understand or be compassionate about. Trust and respect is earnt. A woman's intuition becomes even more finely tuned with age and experience. Take all the time you need as it is a continuous journey to know your real self as it is always changing. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I find go focus on hobby that I like or just do something to take my focus off it. Thinking too much is detrimental and nobody can stop that except yourself. Eg, Relationship breakups or losing someone forever - grieve but don't dwell, only dwell long enough to find the lesson. Otherwise, give it time and channel your energy into something more worthwhile and brain numbing 😋 where you can just get lost in for hours... that's natural therapy right there, if you can manage to take that step. Retail therapy only last so long... but maybe actually wear it for yourself 😉 take selfies etc why not make the most of it for you 💖 we all love to feel sexy. Once I made a collage of all my fave photos of everything I loved... and the end project was so good and made me feel like I have achieved so much in my life. I hope this helps you although long-winded but not easy to feel better. Take it easy 💖 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Don't go by anyone's highlight reels. Look past that always... nobody's life is ever perfect even on Instagram! Some will show behind this reel and some hide it better than others. In this day and age, everyone's fucked up, fucks up, gets fucked over, fucks people over. We're all just fucked! Nobody is better than you and vice versa. If you are unique, you can't be compared with anyone else but you can share similar qualities with some 😊 Sorry for all the commentary. But I think your topics are great 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
Katkat
9 years ago
I look on the positive outcome vs negative if I stayed. I let all the crying out of me didn't do jack shit inside the house for a long time except fed my kids & cared for them. Listened to lots of music. Found a FWB last year to lift my life up a bit & seeing a psychologist to help out. My bestie is always there for me but I always look on the positive side. I am much happier now & in control of my life doing things I've missed out on when I was a kid. Sometimes you have to be selfish, forgive people, forgive yourself & see that you are special too. Just look into the future & see past as a good memories. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Appreciate the new profile pics. Hope you appreciate my appreciation. Money well spent.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
The last four months have been very hard for me..I have an ongoing health problem that I thought would be resolved by now but it's not. How do I cope ? Well I have been a practising Buddhist for over 25 years, I find that the philosophies and practices of Buddhism support and sustain me. I try to appreciate each day and all the blessings that I have. Hugs Q
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Miss_Dragon, can I just say I love your new body stockings especially the black one you're wearing with your back to the camera. You have such a beautiful figure and look gorgeous in them 😉 unlike me with my little extra padding popping out of all the holes when I wear one 😛 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Thankyou so much, that's lovely of you to say :) I do pick the photos with the most flattering angles though...there are quite a few that are deleted straight away ;-) Have to admit I'm loving body stockings now, I hadn't tried one until recently and I now have 3 with another on the way in the mail (good old ebay again). I love the one you're wearing in your current main pic!
-
RHP User
9 years ago
1 year out of a severe mental breakdown and stronger and wiser than I have ever been before. It's true what they say "the strong always fall the hardest". I think it is important to note a few different things in relation to your question/ comment, that I hope will spark some deep and serious thought into your actual position or circumstance. You will always be your own worst critic- don't be so hard on yourself. Consider where you've been, where you are and how you got there. Often, the 1 bad thing that we do or that happens takes poll position regardless of all of the great things we have done or the great experiences that have been. This unfortunately is due to a misconception or misunderstanding of "what is perfection and how can I be or have it", why and how anyone seeks perfection is beyond me, perfection is merely how we perceive. Fond and positive memories are grounding- Go through old photos, remember the good times, re live great moments. By getting back on the path that was can be difficult but if you take yourself there you'll find it again and will often assist in figuring out where you walked off. Choose not to take the same path, yeah it may be a little daunting not knowing what lies ahead but its sure to be better or at least different to where we are now, anything would be better. Reconnect with your roots and culture- where did you start? What holds your beginnings? Where is your belonging?- it's there because you've been there before and it's important to maintain that connection. This could be you going back to the start of the path but best we start somewhere right, plus it is your energy source. Dock yourself and recharge. Whatever it takes and whatever the cost- invest in yourself now and you'll be all the better for it. Time, money, whatever- it will cost you less by investing now. You can make more money, you can be better and you can pay it all back provided you get well. Be vulnerable and be honest- open yourself to those whom are good for you, regardless of whether they have anything you feel they can offer, a listening ear, support, understanding, shared experiences, all of this is helpful but if you don't reach out, no one can grab your hand and pull you up or walk with you. Hope this helps put some things in perspective. Everyones journey is individual and hindsight is in experience. This could also be a gift- a task or barrier in order to build resistance or make you stronger, a level up, so to speak. Best wishes and thoughts are with you. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
There is nothing outside, all the world and happiness it's inside ,don't try finding it outside as it will leave you ! Only what is inside matters ?? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Honestly ludicrously high doses of cynicism. "Oh how bad can it get! Seriously world if what doesn't kill you makes you stronger at this juncture I should be able to bench press a Buick" also yes I just quoted myself haha - Posted from rhpmobile
-
CurvyMuse
9 years ago
Learning from your experience. Whatever has happened to you, a few things are certain: you cannot control others, accepting that can help you to look in the right direction to improving how you feel. You can, though, control how you react and how you deal with what comes your way. Forgive yourself for any mistakes you may make and learn why you did them in the first place so as not to repeat them. Be kind to yourself and enjoy the little things and live one day at a time until you feel better. The way you feel now will change. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Thanks for the compliment 😊 Shopping on EBay can be addictive, I should know. I have splurged on so many corsets (around a dozen) and have 3 body stockings as well lol I find retail therapy fantastic, not so good for the pocket but good for the soul - a bonus if you have people to show off your buys to, and you know this little community is always perverted and we love it when a new profile pic goes up. Or maybe that's just me lol 😜 Keep doing what works for you, Ms_D and stay positive. You are a beautiful person, inside and out 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Only speaking for my own situation I have learnt several things over recent years 1 I have always exercised throughout my life and this has always helped with stress, be positive and get clarity as you think things through 2 Soon as people are aware of your problems they start opening about their own and where you thought you were the minority in fact your the majority 3 in some cases their is no obvious clear decision each path has consequences and it becomes a balance as to what is more important 4 If you live long enough you will have regrets it is a burden just need to achieve a good to balance with good things that you have done. Pride also gets in the way and sometimes you just need to be humble 5 Sex is an excellent way to get downtime from life. I remember someone asking a young guy why they would go out and drink so much and he said it was a pit stop in life like pulling the car over and having a rest and then getting back on the highway of life Having a passionate experience with another human being is an amazing experience 6 Go for a holiday it makes you appreciate there is so much more to do and the present troubles will pass I wish everyone all the best, no one is the lone rider - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I've posted this previously in another thread, and this seems an appropriate time to repost for consideration... Don't Quit When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, When the funds are low and the debts are high, And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, When care is pressing you down a bit, Rest if you must, but don't you quit. Life is queer with its twists and turns, As every one of us sometimes learns, And many a fellow turns about, When he might have won had he stuck it out; Don't give up though the pace seems slow - You may succeed with another blow. Often the goal is nearer than, It seems to a faint and faltering man, Often the struggler has given up, When he might have captured the victor's cup, And he learned too late when the night came down, How close he was to the golden crown. Success is failure turned inside out - The silver tint in the clouds of doubt, And you never can tell how close you are, It might be near when it seems afar, So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit - It's when things seem worst that you must not quit. Some other posters have already offered sound advice. All I would add to that is: just don't quit.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Summer_in_Sydney'And to quote Falcor: "Never give up and good luck will find you". I do believe that's not just an empty phrase. nor is - Don't stop, never give up, hold your head high and reach the top
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I just want to say big thanks to everyone who has commented on this thread, and also those who have messaged me privately. Reading your stories and advice has been a great help to me, and the support and well wishes offered have again made me realise what a wonderful and inspiring community this can be. To clarify, my situation isn't the result of one particular thing but rather a combination of factors and events that all converged at the same time. I have been dealing with some of these things for a long time, and part of my disappointment was because I had thought that I was at the point where I wouldn't get into such a deep hole every again; that I could manage myself and my life well enough to avoid that happening. However, I now see that those expectations of myself were quite unrealistic, and that I am still a work in progress who will sometimes stumble on the way and maybe even come to a temporary halt at times. As was pointed out to me yesterday though, despite all the stumbles and deeper holes I've fallen into I have always continued on, crawled out, and kept moving forwards eventually, so rather than looking at this as being a few steps backwards I should perhaps view it as a sidestep on the journey. Many of the strategies that people have shared are things that I normally do or have done in the past, or plan to do in future, and it's great to hear how these things have helped others. Thankyou again for sharing, and I wish all of you the best for your own journeys in this frustrating, confusing, devastating, amazing, wonderful thing called life.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I have been very aware that this thread was here, but have been a little overwhelmed myself over the last month, so didn't even feel like I could read your post through, let alone respond coherently. I knew you were in good hands, but I was still thinking of you and sending virtual love xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'tulips4u' I find retail therapy fantastic, not so good for the pocket but good for the soul - Posted from rhpmobile Was browsing ebay yet again, and came across a purple version of the black bodystocking I'm wearing in my pics. Being a purple lover of course I had to get it Lucky they're so cheap on there!
-
RHP User
9 years ago
But being on the larger side of the scale myself I'm scared to venture away from the blacks, but do let us know when you post a pic with it, Ms_D 😉 I saw a pic on Reddit of a gorgeous pair of legs from behind (with perfect arse and pussy lol) and she had on a pair of purple ornate lace top stockings that had a small bunch of purple feathers pinned on with a heart-shaped Diamante buckle. Loved it so much, i've been searching all over the Internet for it ever since. I'm hoping it will change the shape of my legs, arse and pussy to look like the one in the pic when I wear it 😜 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
OP, really sorry to hear about the struggles and trials. I suffered a period of more than 10 years whereby everything went topsy-turvy in my life. I was diagnosed with illness after illness, there was bullying in my hostile workplace like you wouldn't believe, a few other things were going downhill, and I was fighting it all alone with no supportive family, alone in a foreign land with no one watching my back. Things happened that wiped out my savings. I had days when I couldn't get out of bed and wished I would just cease breathing because only then, will I get respite from all that gut-wrenching pain and suffering. Most "friends" avoided me then and the few who stuck around wondered if I had fallen under some sort of curse because the blows were spectacular and seemed unrelentless. It was enough to break anyone's spirit and I'm made of pretty strong mettle. It wasn't pretty to watch me crushed and defeated in the pits. - What has helped you when you have faced major negative disruptions in your life? Prayers and deriving comfort and solace from religion; sporadic support and encouragement from friends; finding the courage to ask for and seek help; keeping an open mind when trying out various therapies or coping mechanisms; allowing myself to grieve and cry freely in private; and just keep on living and breathing and hoping that I have already hit rock bottom and the bottom won't give way to an even deeper and more dismal pit. Basically, I just hung in there. - What has worked to get you through the bad times, helped you process the pain and negativity, and given you the strength to carry on? I keep a journal. I remind myself that I've survived lots of trials and rough times already and this time will pass, like it always has. I remind myself to stop being my own harshest critic but to cut myself some slack and remind myself of how courageous and resilient I am. A friend told me once that the reason why I've been allowed to undergo trials by fire is because I have the strength and fortitude to bear it all without crumbling apart and to look back and be proud that not many would've survived the shitstorms that I have. I decided to love myself, be gentle to myself, and to be my own cheerleader and applauding audience of one. I take slow, deep breaths, throw my arms out wide open, cast my face up towards the sky and assure myself that I can do it! I have always survived rough times and this too, shall pass. I reach out to close confidantes but I don't burden them excessively - my fight is my own. I commend myself on any progress and reaffirm to self that I am resilient, courageous and strong. I make sure to avoid bad eating habits but instead, to ensure that I am well nourished because I need to be in optimal health for the battle. Eating well and not overeating prevents mind fog and keeps me sharp and light-footed. I give myself little rewards that do not break the piggy bank. I buy myself a yummy treat / DVD's / books / lingerie. I allow myself a time limit to mourn, grieve, sulk, whinge and cry...and then I force myself to carry on with normal mundane activities like housework, grooming the cat, tending to my plants, reading, etc. I perve on handsome hunks and fantasise about decadent sex. I force myself to laugh through my tears and to see the funny side in everything, even if I have to clutch my broken heart when I'm laughing. I surround myself with beautiful things - attend art exhibitions, watch performances, shop for prints, buy myself bouquets of flowers, redecorate my abode in my mind... I play music and dance as if I'm Beyonce or whoever. Always have a pretty face on. Amidst the worst, I still bothered to look presentable and decent and put on a brave face to the world. I still took pride in my looks because I cannot afford to allow myself to lose interest in everything because once I do, I'll sink faster than the Titanic. I might be famous someday and don't want my frumpy photos in Woman's Day. Lol! If I'm going to die, I want to be a pretty corpse. :P Make outrageous declarations like, "I'm so scarred and battle-weary, I'm surprised that I still look as gorgeous as I do!" And then guffaw at the audacity! I hope your bad spell ends...it always does. ;)
-
On_Safari
9 years ago
I'm still waiting for the worst thing to happen in my life to become the best thing. I've had joys whilst I'm still transitioning from that dark period and still believe that the best is yet to come. When I down I'm way down...somehow we pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and choose not to stay down. It's character building. Imagine how much character we're going to have when we grow up!! ~ 😉 Indy Stay positive it pisses the naysayers around you off xx
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I'm sorry to hear you're going through it. I discovered walking with music in my ears and yoga and meditation this year. It's been a life saver. I hope this time passes soon, hang in there. - Posted from rhpmobile
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15099 Comments: 88142
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1416 Comments: 10244
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11717
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2503 Comments: 9781
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 997 Comments: 5054
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1301 Comments: 5762
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 780 Comments: 1982
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 869
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share