M40
Staying overnight
March 19 2016
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
No one should ever presume it's OK. I remember when my ex had a meet in a city hotel. We made it perfectly clear it was fun for about 3 hours as we had other arrangments afterwards and it worked well. We had meet the week before and they did click so we then meet at the hotel bar we booked , went to our room where the ex and guest had their fun. We all relaxed with a coffee afterwards before the guest left and we went out for dinner.. No problem..
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RHP User
10 years ago
Just as thought..... whats so bad about having that person stay the night? I prefer it as I like curling up beside a lover, wrapping them up in my rather long arms.... and theres always the opportunity for more enjoyment in the waking hours. My view..... if its ok to stick your dick inside her.... whats the big deal about sleeping beside her.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Is it really that big a deal? You just fucked her and spent an hr afterwards chatting comfortably together. Thats a pretty intimate thing youve just both enjoyed. Whats your reason for freaking out about a few more hours in her pressence?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'd be a bit peeved about it as well, but then again I have a strict no sleepover policy (unless I've had too much to drink to be able to drive, but in those cases I will usually have pre-arranged things to get a cab home). Perhaps if it is that much of an issue for you, from now on you will need to clarify with people beforehand if they intend to sleepover.
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RHP User
10 years ago
It is obviously a sensitive issue for you so you will need to make it obvious in future encounters that you don't do sleep overs. Maybe day time play dates would be more suitable for you. Given the amount of time and alcohol consumption that can happen in evening catch ups it is common in my experience for people to stay if they need to. This doesn't equal emotional attachment :) There are some instances where I will play and go, suits me to, but other times when it is 3am, you have enjoyed the evening and just need to catch a few zzz's before heading off. I am pretty relaxed around people so if they want to stay, assuming I don't have anything else on, it is of no concern to me but obviously you have different feelings which is fine. You just need to express this prior :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't expect that every date is going to end in a sleepover, but as a general rule, if I wouldn't feel comfortable falling asleep beside someone, I'm probably not going to want to have sex with them either. I like the intimacy of sex with someone I've connected with - enjoying touching and holding each other afterwards. If that's not there, I doubt I'd be wanting to hook up with them anyway. If that is an issue for you (and TOTALLY no judgement here, OP!) it's worth clarifying that early on, so you don't have a repeat of that awkwardness. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
yeah i dont do sleep overs either its too intimate for someone i'm just casual with and leads to feelings in my opinion. Plus i love having the bed to myself. I am surprised she assumed.. i would never assume but put on the spot like that i prob would of just gone along with it
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cbdlivin
10 years ago
I am always prepared for the sleepover as that can be a lot of fun as well but if its an obvious play and leave that is always fine as well. As mentioned never make assumptions....but an addition to that don't be rude, should always be a gentleman :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
By the time you said something, it was too late, and you knew it was. I won't go too far into driving in the rapier, but learn from this by sucking it up princess if they've had anything to drink. The last thing you'd want is to hear the mrs list either her licence or her life on the way home due to a high level BAC. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
has already been well and truly established that both of you should have had open communication and clarification prior to the meet and I'm pretty sure you will do that in the future. As you were playing at a hotel I'm kinda of surprised that didn't come up, but anyway I can understand that for whatever reasons you didn't want her to stay over (curious as to what they were but you know) but I'm also guessing that you assumed as she was partnered she would also play and leave and go back to her partner for the balance of the evening. I get where you're at. I'm also thinking she was assuming an awful lot as I never ever assume that a play ends in a sleepover, ever. To me the worst thing you did was once you realised what was going down you lied and came up with a lame excuse to leave. Very few people need to be somewhere urgent in the early hours of the morn, so I can appreciate why she was insulted, annoyed and probably felt a bit used . I know I would have had. Nope, you shouldn't have let her drive , no one should drive after drinking. Two glasses of champers affects us all differently, and if anything had happened to her, trust me you would have felt like a shit but in saying that, when you offered for her to stay, she could have chosen to , offended or not In a way it was a bit of a no win situation and I'm pretty sure you wont let yourself be in that predicament again. Personally I think you should have sucked it up, It was just one night, with a good chance of some early morning glory going on the next day, and no harm done, but one never knows how one will act till they are in that exact situation Next time, clarify.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'willow_2' Is it really that big a deal? You just fucked her and spent an hr afterwards chatting comfortably together. Thats a pretty intimate thing youve just both enjoyed. Whats your reason for freaking out about a few more hours in her pressence? You can say that pretty much for anything. I have met couples who doesn't want me to kiss the Mrs but okay with me fucking her in the ass. I guess people have their own level of comfort with their own reason. To me sleeping over is a big deal, I only do it for people who I plan on being in a relationship with. And as I said, I have met almost 20 couples and only once I was invited to sleep over because the last train had left.I woke up very early in the morning and catch the first train home.... So being more than 90% of my experience I never had a sleep over and assume the majority of meets through RHP, very minimal actually do sleep over...Am I right to assume that it is the norm? and if someone wants to sleep over they should bring it up rather wait to be told that I am not up for it. I mean would you just sleep over without asking your host whether it's okay? It's like an Opt in rather than Opt out... I guess I was just not expecting that...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' By the time you said something, it was too late, and you knew it was. I won't go too far into driving in the rapier, but learn from this by sucking it up princess if they've had anything to drink. The last thing you'd want is to hear the mrs list either her licence or her life on the way home due to a high level BAC. - Posted from rhpmobile Why are you calling me princess?? Did I mention or offend you at any point?? Did you read the part where I insist her on staying over night after I realize about alcohol and driving but she refuses?? Does calling me princess makes you feel more of a man? Such a strange comment to make to a stranger who is asking a question that is completely not concern you. I appreciate your opinion but straight up insulting me is just weird.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Personally I would not be surprised if a sleep over was expected. So I think the onus is on the person who wants sleep with the person without sleeping with person needs to make their position clear. Good sex, stimulating conversation and the since sleep with the possibility of more sex sounds alright to me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Understand OP why you don't like sleepovers..after being single for gazillions of years I find it difficult spending the whole night with someone I barely know..it is an incredibly intimate thing to do...IMO much more intimate than sex..But you need to make it clear to the person/s you are with that you prefer no sleepovers xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Handsome_Hung' So being more than 90% of my experience I never had a sleep over and assume the majority of meets through RHP, very minimal actually do sleep over...Am I right to assume that it is the norm? and if someone wants to sleep over they should bring it up rather wait to be told that I am not up for it. It doesn't really matter what the 'norm' is, because firstly that will differ depending on who you ask (and the forums are just a particular subset of RHP users who probably skew certain ways on certain topics just by virtue of the type of people who generally tend to post)... and secondly because it's up to you to set your own boundaries. As you have seen it's not a good idea to assume anything, so from now on if you don't want people sleeping over it's up to you to make that clear from the outset.
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MsJonesy
10 years ago
I bet it took the shine off an otherwise fun night. I had a peak at your profile, you mention something along the lines of cozy night/s together. I would read that as happy for overnighting.... but that means I have made an assumption. Exactly the same as your company for the evening did. As many have pointed out, communication is the key to ensuring the same thing doesn't happen again. I don't think there is a standard about staying overnight. The only standard is for everyone concerned to make sure everyone knows what is in....and out... of play.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Don't be offended. Stirry says "suck it up Princess" to heaps of people. And most of the time, they do. You will get used to it. 😊
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Handsome_Hung' Why are you calling me princess?? Did I mention or offend you at any point?? Did you read the part where I insist her on staying over night after I realize about alcohol and driving but she refuses?? Does calling me princess makes you feel more of a man? Such a strange comment to make to a stranger who is asking a question that is completely not concern you. I appreciate your opinion but straight up insulting me is just weird. I think Stirry was just using a common phrase, rather than trying to insult you. Besides, take it from a card carrying princess - it's TOTALLY not an insult. ;-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Im also not prone to sleeping over at someones house unless its a fair distance away and it has been brought up before going ahead. And both agree of course. But motels are usually a certainty of staying the night. Just my experience. Just cant see what a few more hours could do to make you want to make up an excuse to bolt. Thats all.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't do sleep overs, I just don't sleep well anymore with someone in the bed, I get hot and toss & turn, not good for either so just love my space - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I always discuss it before a play date - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
For me I wake during the night and it would give me a bonus opertunity to caress her during the night and in the morning before she left, i couldnt imagine kicking a sexy woman out of my bed, especially if I got on well enough with her to chat for hours. My advice to you is give it a go and see what the extra benefits can be. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
In my experience, I haven't been happy or comfortable with sleepovers, the guys who did stay disappointed. My expectation is more of the above if they stay the night but instead I was left with dead meat next to me lol well for the most part anyway. I have a high sex drive so if they want to stay, they better deliver or for me personally, I'd rather be in the bed by myself. One guy slept until after lunch the next day and I had things to do, so annoying. BUT when alcohol comes into play, the key lesson here is to have it in your mind that you're doing an all nighter or all day, whatever the case may be. I've been in the same situation as that woman and I can tell you, I was furious. I hadn't had much to drink but I also hadn't eaten all day, there's not much of me, and it went straight to my head. I blocked him when I got home, and saw him trying to look at my profile after that. The sex was a quickie in the shower after part of a drink, over I'm about 3 minutes, after which I was looking forward to some extended play time in his lounge. But I was invited to hang out with him for the day, so that was my expectation. Then came the excuse he had to unexpectedly meet a family member, blah blah, whatever, true or not, he shouldn't have given me a drink, then put me behind the wheel of a car. No of fence op but my advice is if you're going to bring alcohol into the equation, make it clear in advance it must be a sleepover. It's not only dangerous but disrespectful. And if the encounter went well, sounds like it did, then why the issue with her sleeping over. More sex through the night or in the morning? Not such a problem is it? My 2 cents 😉
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RHP User
10 years ago
Being a cougar, one might assume it was a young guy, not the case, he was in fact the oldest guy I've ever hooked up with, can't remember exactly, long time ago, but I think mid to late 40's, he should have known better 😯
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RHP User
10 years ago
There is no grey area when it comes to drink driving. Ask any police officer who has had to knock on the door to advise a family member has been killed by a drink driver. I have a nephew who's in the police force and I can tell you, their job isn't fun, sorry for the lecture but it just makes me angry
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RHP User
10 years ago
Of course I'd presume I'd sleep over! I'd also believe that her hubby would have thought the same when he meant 'look after my Mrs'! If I was in her shoes I would have felt like shit! She relaxed, had a couple of drinks, was fucked and then told to leave (whether explicitly stated or implied)! Sorry, but if I was her I'd be losing your number! Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
It all comes down to personal preference. I love sleepovers. Nothing like cuddling up naked in bed and more sex in the morning....I actually perform better in the morning when I am rested and my mind is clear. As for people saying they won't do sleep overs for intimacy reasons....having sex with someone is pretty intimate. What's the difference between cuddling someone in bed and cuddling standing up....nothing!!!!
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sweetgem
10 years ago
Would you still offer for the lady in question to stay if she did not get offended by your poor hint? 😛 Even though you tried to sugar coated on your poor action (to kick the woman out that is) after the lady in question got offended, you failed in the cover up big time! I mean, did you not see that she has already had a couple of alcohol drinks and it was not safe for her to go home on her own in her tipsy (if not drunk) status before you made your "got to be somewhere midnight" excuse? Why all of a sudden you became a gentleman again after you could see that she was offended? I would have at least offered for the lady in question to sleep on the bed while I crash on the couch, if I were you! Then just explain your reasons to her for why you were unable to sleep next to her. I would understand that sleepover is not for everyone if I was reasoned with, and would definitely appreciate the offer to stay until I was safe to go home on my own, or until my husband came to collect me, if I was the lady in question. As for when do you pick up the hint that your play date would want to stay in for the night, I guess it is best to discuss this option prior to the actual meeting in person. That way all parties are well informed and your play date can make arrangement for their trip home afterwards. I was once in a similar boat as your play date (the lady in question of this thread) where I did not discuss with the man whom I hooked up with whether or not it was a sleepover or only a couple of hours play. So I just rocked up to his hotel room, all prepared for a night in, had a session and then he told me that he needed to be at a business function by certain time, but I was more than welcome to stay for another hour or two on my own in his room while he's gone to his business function! I was shocked and did not know what to feel for a few minutes, then I picked myself up, packed my overnight bag and left at the same time as he did and never wanted to see him ever again since! Yes, it was partly my fault that I did not check with him whether or not it would be a sleepover thing, but he was also held some responsibility in informing me, prior to our meeting, that he needed to be at a business function that night and did not want a sleepover! So I learned my lesson and always discuss and make arrangement prior to a play date. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
we'll move slowly through this so I can hopefully demonstrate my point. I'm assuming that you're unaware of all the little sayings that perhaps I've taken for granted that you knew.... Ok first up.... "My story is- I booked a hotel one night and invited a couple to join me. The couple was happy for the Mrs to meet me alone so she did, with my promise to Mr that I will look after the Mrs." What does looking after the Mrs mean to you??? To me, maybe some others, but to me, if you're going to look after my mrs(and no I don't have one it's an assumption that I do to prove my point), I'd expect that you treat her with respect...which doesn't limit this to talking nicely to her....it means you're responsible to a degree for her safety. Not that she could t look after herself, but that's gotta be at the forefront of your actions and not just your words....or your penis... Second..... "We, the Mrs and I, met and played. Follow with an hour long conversations, post-play chats etc. Everything was perfect until I realized that Mrs had intended to stay overnight at the hotel. That is when I started to feel uncomfortable as I never stayed overnight with anyone that I met from the website/swinging, except for one time when a couple invited me to sleepover. I often leave the scene when 'it's time to leave' doesn't matter what (how tired, what time, etc.) The concept of her staying overnight wasn't discussed or mentioned before the meet, she didn't ask or mentioned whether I was okay with it or not, so at that point I didn't know what to do. I wasn't ready for a sleepover and did not want to be rude to literally kick her out." Second...... I'm assuming that she had packed an overnight bag??? If so what part of that didn't make you aware of her intentions?? I get that you're not one to be having sleepovers, yay team you, but that's YOUR insecurity, and the minute you make it my mrs problem by NOT discussing it BEFORE any action/dinner/drinking started, when it's quite fair to assume that you would've seen her overnight bag, you disrespect her by leading her into believing that it's ok to stay when you kept your mouth shut.....even when alcohol came out, you kept your mouth shut. While I realise it's not your job to control how much she consumes, it was however another opportunity to broach the subject about the sleepover..... Regarding you feeling rude by kicking her out, I dunno about everyone else; but the way this has so far gone, this is entirely about how you're feeling.....you essentially are saying "I didn't wanna be rude by saying 'I'm done with you now, you need to get out!!" Despite feeling it, and once again I'm assuming a bit, but I doubt I'm too far off the mark. Third.... "So, I gave Mrs an excuse that I had to go somewhere in the middle of the night. It was obvious of my hidden intention. But then, I realized that she had two glasses of champagne and it wouldn't be wise to let her drive home. I tried to stop her from leaving and invited her to stay over, but at that point she had already been offended and insisted on leaving. I couldn't held her at the hotel as that would be a kidnap." Riiiiiight......if you call looking after my missus lying to her face, that was clearly recognised by the mrs, "looking after her" then as Mary has said, I'd lose your number too....and let's be honest....here's the peak of your selfishness.... You either ignored the sight of her drinking or it was just a way you could pretend to you gave a shit about anything else except for your awkwardness....I don't really care how many assumptions I make on this one, nor do I care how much of a moral high ground I'm on..... Lastly, you ask me if I feel more of a man for calling you princess?? Let's just leave it with I don't need to feel more of a man when men like you lift me up on their shoulders every time you act like a complete dick. Whether or not it was your intention, I feel you've acted completely selfish and disrespectful to another man's wife who trusted you to have the faintest amount of integrity. Instead, you chose your own awkwardness to focus on..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Another pile on. Maybe he assumed she was going to get a cab home. She wouldn't necessarily have had an overnight bag either, the stuff for an overnighter could fit in a normal sized bag easy. Also, if we could leave out the judgements of people who don't like sleepovers, such as being insecure etc. There are valid reasons why some don't do them with casual partners, so let's stop playing the 'I'm an emotionally and morally superior being because I do sleepovers' card.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I suspect that English may not be the OP's first language, so he may not be familiar with endearments like 'suck it up princess'. In that case patronising him about it is pretty poor form.
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RHP User
10 years ago
But why judge so harshly..all in this situation needed to clarify as to whether it was a sleepover or not..did the OP handle the situation well,of course not,he panicked...behaved badly..Bet he is glad he posted here ..not.. As I have already said,I don't deal well with sleepovers,I don't sleep well and don't necessarily want to have sex in the morning..and yes for me actually sleeping with someone else is much more intimate than sex...just because you have a different preference to dismiss mine and others is closed minded in the extreme xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Freya70' But why judge so harshly..all in this situation needed to clarify as to whether it was a sleepover or not..did the OP handle the situation well,of course not,he panicked...behaved badly..Bet he is glad he posted here ..not.. As I have already said,I don't deal well with sleepovers,I don't sleep well and don't necessarily want to have sex in the morning..and yes for me actually sleeping with someone else is much more intimate than sex...just because you have a different preference to dismiss mine and others is closed minded in the extreme xxFreya he drank with her, then gave a lame excuse, lied to her, and sent her on her way, feeling like shit no doubt, not in a state to drive, I would hope he learns a valuable lesson on how to look after a woman. The judgement isn't about whether someone wants to sleepover or not, it's the disrespect he treated her with, and the danger he put her and other people on the road in. How is that closed minded?
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RHP User
10 years ago
happened to me on another occasion, when I was new to this and inexperienced, this guy fed me full of alcohol and then said he had to go to work at midnight?? I didn't know what to do, I couldn't stay there, what he did to me was irresponsible and flat out dangerous, there's more to that story which I don't want to share, but I believe the op acted selfishly at the expense of the safety of his lady friend. We're not talking high school here, sleep at mine or yours, it's drink driving and disrespect IMHO
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree.....I am harsh on him....but that's how I roll....I do believe I've been equally as brutal on the opposite sex in the past so I feel as though I can remove a gender bias.... But I'm 1 person....with 1 view. The OP will decide if he wishes to be offended or not, or he'll just write it off....it will all depend on his ego...... :). *trots off to check for the hate mail :)*
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RHP User
10 years ago
If OP mentioned his "no sleepover in my hotdl room" rule.... He wouldnt have gotten a root. 😳
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RHP User
10 years ago
Was "hotel"
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
Life is full of different turns through different situations. We all find ourselves in positions that may be outside what is our optimal position. Are we not judged by our reactions to these situations and how we handle it? Is it not too much to bear a little discomfort so that a fellow human being is looked after? You OP have failed dismally. Something has not gone your way. Expected that you threw a few tantrums as a kid. Spoilt. Im with Stirry. You should have sucked it up, made the lady feel comfortable for the night. You could have some nice gentle sex in the morning and sealed a lovely night. Instead you thought of yourself. Selfish IMO.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Talk about keyboard warriors.
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RHP User
10 years ago
She was good enough to have sex with but stayingovernight is a NO NO.Many times the woman's place was closer than mine or they preferredthere place as it made them relax.Never was I told to go and we even made breaky together or went to breakfast.I still talk to most of these ladies even 30 years from the event and at no time did any say the night or nights I stayed over was awkward.There is no way I would disrespect a woman by having sex and thenwanting her to leave as she would feel used.Maybe you should learn to enjoy the company of a woman before having sex as you can be friends even with a one night stand.
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RHP User
10 years ago
She had two glasses of champagne, he was hardly 'feeding her alcohol'. She is also an adult, not a child whose parent left her with the OP. If she's had too much to drink to be able to drive, and she didn't want to take up his offer of staying, then it's on her to organise an alternative means of transport home. The guy made a poor decision and there was a lack of prior communication from both parties. I'm sure he's learned from the experience. The way most of you have jumped on and turned this guy into some sort of monster is pretty revolting actually, and again it's not hard to see why many are too afraid to post in here.
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
Whos the keyboard warrior? Who's hiding behind a keyboard? We have pictures up. We have opinions just as you have but you are hiding more than anyone else.
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
I liked your post Chev.......
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MissBishere
10 years ago
Men that assume they are staying over. It's not something I am comfortable with straight up. I believe it like anything evolves over time and after discussion. Don't get me wrong I love having a sleep over partner but not on the first time. I would certainly never assume that sleeping over was the norm. Ultimately she assumed and you know what they say about those that assume....
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MissBishere
10 years ago
Just read a few of the comments and I have to say i never want to have to have a man to "look after me" or "suck it up" for me because I made an assumption that ended in an awkward situation. She could have caught a cab her choice to drive or not. Not his responsibility.
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RHP User
10 years ago
calling me a dick because of the way I called the op a dick because I felt as though he acted like one, puts you where on that scale of self imposed superiority do you think?? :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' calling me a dick because of the way I called the op a dick because I felt as though he acted like one, puts you where on that scale of self imposed superiority do you think?? :p I didn't call you or anyone else a dick, or any other name. Check those things before you throw out rubbish statements. Nothing I said indicated that I feel superior to anyone else either, that's just ridiculous. Don't resort to making things up because you can't handle a dissenting opinion.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' Second..... "We, the Mrs and I, met and played. Follow with an hour long conversations, post-play chats etc. Everything was perfect until I realized that Mrs had intended to stay overnight at the hotel. That is when I started to feel uncomfortable as I never stayed overnight with anyone that I met from the website/swinging, except for one time when a couple invited me to sleepover. I often leave the scene when 'it's time to leave' doesn't matter what (how tired, what time, etc.) The concept of her staying overnight wasn't discussed or mentioned before the meet, she didn't ask or mentioned whether I was okay with it or not, so at that point I didn't know what to do. I wasn't ready for a sleepover and did not want to be rude to literally kick her out." Second...... I'm assuming that she had packed an overnight bag??? If so what part of that didn't make you aware of her intentions?? I get that you're not one to be having sleepovers, yay team you, but that's YOUR insecurity, and the minute you make it my mrs problem by NOT discussing it BEFORE any action/dinner/drinking started, when it's quite fair to assume that you would've seen her overnight bag, you disrespect her by leading her into believing that it's ok to stay when you kept your mouth shut.....even when alcohol came out, you kept your mouth shut. While I realise it's not your job to control how much she consumes, it was however another opportunity to broach the subject about the sleepover..... Regarding you feeling rude by kicking her out, I dunno about everyone else; but the way this has so far gone, this is entirely about how you're feeling.....you essentially are saying "I didn't wanna be rude by saying 'I'm done with you now, you need to get out!!" Despite feeling it, and once again I'm assuming a bit, but I doubt I'm too far off the mark. Did you already made it up in your mind that she had an overnight bag? That's your assumption and I'm quite surprise that you are criticizing me based purely on your assumption. No she did not pack an overnight bag.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Well....... I'm just having trouble getting past the mankini image sufficiently to put coherent thoughts together.
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RHP User
10 years ago
RHP does it again
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'AnnieWhichway' I liked your post Chev....... Heart attack .You liked my post I might not be able to handle a compliment.LMAO
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MissBishere
10 years ago
Wrong thread but I so totally agree with you...
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happy0450
10 years ago
In my limited experience, when a couple equally and mutually agree to one or other playing with another partner alone - it's a very significant step. It demands significant respect from the 3rd party. In this case, the OP states he made a promise to this women's partner he would look after her. It may be naive on my part (and I don't see the OP arguing the following) however, is it possible that there was an assumption that "Mrs" would return to her partner that night, and that the partner may be hurt and or worried if she didn't. It's possible in the post colital afterglow mixed with a little alcohol that "Mrs" was less concerned by this. It's possible OP was trying to do the right thing by encouraging her to go home ? On forum exchanges. It's a potentially a difficult medium this. Readers can't see the slight grin or perhaps the twinkle in the posters eye. It's easy to be misinterpreted. Maybe two points would assist. For posters, let's be as unimbigious as possible and reasonibly gentle in our judgement. And as readers, lets again be gentle in our judgement, and be prepared to give the the poster the benefit of the doubt
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RHP User
10 years ago
some things.... cannot be un-seen Do you ever wonder if someone chooses a photograph, that they think is their best...... .... what those that didn't make the grade must be like
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RHP User
10 years ago
Personally, I love a sleep over. The biggest problem for me is that I tend to not get much sleep. 😈😈 But it can be risky. As discussed in previous posts, too much intimacy can be a game changer. Perhaps Op is a really good guy that has trouble with his partners getting emotionally involved. Hence he is targeting those that are in a stable relationship. 😕 The thing that I am having trouble understanding is the inferred rapport that he had with this lady... They talked for hours, and given the nature of the meet, I would assume that the talk was open and personal. Maybe not...maybe they talked about footy.😱 The point is...why could he not talk opening and honestly about his feelings, particularly in regard to a sleep over. Surely 2 consenting adults, that can talk for hours, can discuss this issue and reach a mutually agreeable accord. Surely the bed was big enough to cater for 2 people while maintaining person space, if that is what he felt that he needed. Regardless of the solution, the path to reaching that point such be through honest and open discussion 👍, not through obvious deceit.👎
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RHP User
10 years ago
👍👍👍 Exactly. Friends should out last Benefits.
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RHP User
10 years ago
With a mankini!!!!!!!
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RHP User
10 years ago
How about we stick to the topic and leave out the lectures about why the OP should do sleepovers and how he should conduct his sex life. For people who preach all the time about respecting people's choices and boundaries, you're certainly demonstrating the opposite in this topic.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry OP, what is done is done! If sleepovers cause you so much distress that you really can't do them, Why not say so? Why not be honest and upfront at the start? Especially when it became clear that the Mrs was attending on her own! You hired the hotel, it was your responsibility to ensure your guests ( don't care if they are male or female) knew what the boundaries were! You've asked for our thoughts, have you spoken to the lady in question? Have you tried to ensure she understands the situation for you, as you see it? That would be the right thing to do in my view! Mary
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Hotwives_Inc' Sorry OP, what is done is done! If sleepovers cause you so much distress that you really can't do them, Why not say so? Why not be honest and upfront at the start? Especially when it became clear that the Mrs was attending on her own! You hired the hotel, it was your responsibility to ensure your guests ( don't care if they are male or female) knew what the boundaries were! You've asked for our thoughts, have you spoken to the lady in question? Have you tried to ensure she understands the situation for you, as you see it? That would be the right thing to do in my view! Mary
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RHP User
10 years ago
Something you feel so strongly about could be written in your profile. Then its clear and understood from the beginning.
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RHP User
10 years ago
The genders were reversed? It's 2016 not 1602..do we still expect that one man would hand a woman over to be looked after,or that two glasses of alcohol would make a woman drunk..As a single independent woman I look after myself .. Which centuries standards are you all holding the OP to? Yep it was messy,he a bit rude but sheesh and jeeze Louise ..I always keep a large pile of stones handy just for occasions like this 😘xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Who are you Lover_Boytoy? Are you the OP's real profile? Oops.
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RHP User
10 years ago
twin brothers?? We could call them Dicky Birds :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
just lol
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes I am
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Summer_solstice' Quoting 'Lover_boytoy' Quoting 'Summer_solstice' You allegedly fed her alcohol, ignored her non-existing overnight bag and she may well have been drunk! Sheesh. I am sorry, but alcohol was her idea... and you are assuming that she was drunk... She did drink yes, but I can say 100% that she wasn't drunk. You are assuming two things to make it fits your conclusion. You're doing the exact same thing the people you are criticizing. Please don't attack me personally base solely on your assumptions and not facts. I think you misread my post, I was pointing out that these assumptions made by some other posters were totally silly (the Sheesh was for them, not you). Sarcasm doesn't always translate on paper unfortunately. Please re-read the other part of what I wrote, I hope you'll see I didn't attack you in the slightest. You make an error, you learn, you do better next time. That's life. Thank you for making it clear, and I'm sorry for misunderstanding it. After reading all of the comments I think it comes down to communication. She was assuming one thing and I was assuming the other. Perhaps my in experience in this sort of things too because I've always met couples together not just the wife and I automatically assumed that she would go home to her husband once the play is finished. And for rude comments, thanks for being judgemental and being rude. I came here for a genuine advice and opinion, not to be abused.
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SexyDeviants
10 years ago
I don't think I'll get into all the opinions flying around this room... *Ducks* But I believe you asked for advice OP... 1. She is an adult I'm assuming, since she is a wife to someone... Then she is responsible for herself, that includes how much alcohol she drinks, where she sleeps and how she gets home. SHE needs to sort her shit out and clarify, as do you. Don't feel guilty about that. 2. There is no problem with having sex with someone and not sleeping over, I too have this problem... I actually have a medical condition that means I shouldn't be sleeping in the same room with people I don't trust (i.e a stranger I meet online). There can always be exceptions to this rule. So maybe, just maybe people shouldn't judge before they know everything, little bit of live and let live makes for a better forum. 3. Lying to her was a shit move, you know this because you felt bad for it. Should have been truthful (I actually spoke with my best friend recently and we agreed we wanted a tattoo on our foreheads that read; brutal honesty = 'insert name here' happy). So my advice, be honest with women, it gets you further. Be an adult and apologise, learn your lesson. That is all... Ms Dxox
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm (mostly) with the OP on this one, I feel it was impolite of her not to ask (unless the hotel bill was split). If she intended to stay all along she should ask first, if the night got away from her and she politely asked to stay it would be ungentlemanly of him to refuse. She has acted entitled to his space and I am wondering if that contributed to the awkwardness. The point that if sleepovers are a big deal to him it could easily be added to his profile is valid. Maybe it's just me but, to me, "look after my wife" means fuck her brains out. Still its pretty minor in the scheme of things both parties will live in learn.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thanks deepespurple
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'SexyDeviants' Thank you Ms D
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RHP User
10 years ago
Hey we were wondering if you have indulged in sleep overs previously.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sex does not include intimacy? Then why do you worry about what you did? You want others opinion, approval or boost your ego? You, yourself admitted in your other reply that it never happened to you before, and you had 20 or so encounters. You are not inexperienced. So, the offer you refused will probably never come to your way again. Who knows, when you are 60 you may regret it. IMHO only a very insecure person would behave the way you did. She should consider herself lucky not to waste more of her time with you.(Ms)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have really enjoyed reading this and other topics and appreciate the different opinions brought by each person. For me 'sleep-overs' add a wonderful additional dimension to the experience, some of the best sex I've had has begun unanticipated and half asleep. Sex with the previous night's partner early the next morning can be delicious as can breakfast at a cafe where the glory of last night's experience is discussed in flirting prose.
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RHP User
10 years ago
One of the biggest compliments you can get is to have a lady you possibly only really just met, so comfortable and trusting of you to have them (sober) fall asleep cuddled up to you. Some of my most best ever thoughts seeing that truly gorgeous lady still asleep besides you the next morning. If I didn't think that lady that nice I wouldn't have been with them in the first place.
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RHP User
10 years ago
...is to avoid playing with someone that, for whatever reason, you would not feel comfortable in having as a sleepover guest. Of course if she didn't meet the "Lorena Bobbitt Test" don't give her a razor and run like hell Too easy...
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have no problems with a woman sleeping over at my place on occasion...what's the big deal really. Makes you look like a good feller and always good to part ways on good terms, keeps you in the good books for future hook ups. However I wont stay if its on her territory...better to leave than overstay a welcome. Best to go to a motel...you can either both stay or go, do as one pleases. I like to do a motel when an All Blacks game is on anyway so I can coincide that with sex on the side.
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totallygenuine
10 years ago
Being single from over the years I had no problem with sleep overs depending on how the meet/play went I guess. Most of my sleep overs were mainly with couples (with/without the hubby/bf). A couple years back I did hook up with a single F traveling through to Syd (orig from The GC) we connected so well that I ended up staying the whole 3 day/nights. Now that im in a relationship my gf still approves of me with catching up with my reg couples but minus the sleep overs in which I totally respect her choice:)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think you just identified something that should be on your profile. It's miscommunication and assumption that will cause the discomfort and unpleasantries here. If that's your rule, all you can do is apologize (if you wish to make amends to them) and make sure it doesn't happen in the future. I've got a LONG list on my profile. It might be boring to read but no one can say I didn't tell them. Many other members will add notes in after they encounter the things that like and also after encountering things they do. Whether you make note or not before meeting is good point to chat. A lady will have the chance to decide if she accepts your personal intimacy restrictions or if it's a deal breaker. I like to have ppl in my domain rather than be in theirs. I know that I don't care if they stay or go, or am happy to communicate exactly when they need to be out by in the morning. Being in theirs leads to uncertainty. I can also find the tea cups far easier. 😜 - Posted from rhpmobile
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totallygenuine
10 years ago
Being single from over the years I had no problem with sleep overs depending on how the meet/play went I guess. Most of my sleep overs were mainly with couples (with/without the hubby/bf). A couple years back I did hook up with a single F traveling through to Syd (orig from The GC) we connected so well that I ended up staying the whole 3 day/nights. Now that im in a relationship my gf still approves of me with catching up with my reg couples but minus the sleep overs in which I totally respect her choice:)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Rarely happens @ my home 20. My KB is mine ! That's just the way it is - to quote Mr Hornsby...
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