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RHP

RHP User

M65

Submission

December 29 2009

I think the word submissive is both misunderstood and misused on this site. On this post I am talking about female submissive but it has equal application to males as well.  Firstly don’t confuse yourself that a submissive do not or can not have very powerful jobs full of decisions and loads of stress. Their “normal” life has nothing to do with private and personal submission. They could be staunched feminists, mother, business executives and many other things.  Submissives are not wallflowers, far from it in fact. They have opinions and they are not going to be nice to every person they are not docile  and will not respond to every Tom Dick or Harry especially on the internet. This is not a life style for timid people.  So are you a submissive…No matter what are you willing if only for a short or agreed period of time willing to let someone else have total control. Submission is about yielding control. Do you get immense pleasure out of pleasing someone? Are you willing to have someone control you mind, body, and soul. Can you do so without objection, holding back or thought? If you are uncertain will you trust your partner knowing that they are right? Can you accept that it is not your wants that matter because the bottom line is that pleasing the one you serve is all that matters. Not because it is expected but because you want and need to do this.  So what about your needs and wants are they ignored? You don’t do this expecting nothing in return a good dominant will make sure your need are met as well. In doing that he will ensure that you want to please him more.  You do these things because you want to, not because someone else wants you to. You do these things because in pleasing someone you find pleasure. You do these things because you want to.   Those who call them self dominant sometimes will want to be called Master or Lord or Sir, these titles have to be earned and are not conferred by some decree the Dom/Sub Manual. All these things take a lot of discussion.  Any interesting aspect of this as well is that it often has some big age gaps as well. You really do need to discuss things a lot before you assume the role of a submissive.   I could go on a lot more but just want to post something on this subject that was close to reality.

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    A topic close to my heart :)   LoveCurvie, I can't work out how to do the reply with quote thing, so I will say that I agree with your first 3 paragraphs :)   Now to the questions...   Yes I am a submissive, but I don't believe you need to have someone control your mind, body and soul to be one.  That, to me, is more of a Master/slave relationship than a D/s relationship.  I do get immense pleasure from pleasing someone...but not just in the bedroom.  I get more pleasure out of giving someone a gift that they will love than I do receiving one...it's just the way I have always been.  I am also very exclusive as to who I choose to submit to, in fact I have only truly submitted to one.  I have to be prepared to trust them enough to basically put my life and wellbeing in their hands.   (Oh, I worked out I can copy and paste WOOT) "Can you accept that it is not your wants that matter because the bottom line is that pleasing the one you serve is all that matters. Not because it is expected but because you want and need to do this."  Well that's an oxymoron if ever I heard one *giggle*.  That is exactly the point, my wants and needs are met by feeling free to submit and pleasing my partner.    "So what about your needs and wants are they ignored? You don’t do this expecting nothing in return a good dominant will make sure your need are met as well. In doing that he will ensure that you want to please him more."  Kinda covered this above as far as wants and needs go, are you talking about sexual pleasure?  Sexual gratification for the sub doesn't really have to come into it...that's not really the purpose in my eyes...however, having said that, I am probably more keen and eager (read: frantic) to please my Master when I am sexually pleasured as well.  Hmmm....not sure that that reads exactly the way I want it to, but I hope it makes sense.   Anyway, they are just some of my views from my perspective...   S xox

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    sonsie,   I was trying to motivate a little discuusion on this subject as I feel there is a lack of understanding especially when submissive is an expression that is used on the profile options.   To give true justice to the post I did above i should have bitten the bullet and made it as long as would have liked it to be.   This is a subject that is close to my heart as well and I think if more people understand the true aspects of this then they will appreciatte it a little more. Most have some very wrong assumptions about this aspect of life style. A lot assume it has wips and bondage as part of the normal course. You and I would realise that wile it can it is not an intereral aspect of things.   I did avoid the discussion of slave and master as I felt that could confuse the topic a little. I should have also taken care to talk that while this involves sex it is much deeper in the pleasing and the desire to please. Thank you for highlighting that as well.   I also had a back handed swipe at would be Doms as well ... I could have had an equally long discussions on the responsibilities that attach to Doms...if this post gets some interest i probably will...so many areas that could be discussed like why a collar is not worn from day one...yet another misconception.   Please add more thought to this thread as you see fit I can only give my perspective from the opposite side of the fence.   LC

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    I was hoping this would generate at least a little discussion :)   LC

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    It's funny, you know...of all the ladies I have spoken to or heard about who have expressed a sexually submissive side to themselves, none of them have listed 'submissive' as their sexual personality - myself included!  Why?  I think it's to protect ourselves from the "would be Doms" who just don't 'get it' and expect to have an experience with a little submissive plaything that will pander to their every whim when that is simply not the case!   You are right in saying that it needs a lot of discussion...and just like any other kind of relationship, it takes time, communication and understanding to develop.   There are as many, if not more, misconceptions about D/s relationships are there are variables to them - it doesn't always include bondage, or pain, or sensory deprivation or even sexual penetration for that matter.  I think that a lot of people who haven't taken the time to understand believe that there has got to be a reason that submissives chose to submit, like we are damaged goods.  On the flip side, many of these same people believe that Doms must be aggressive, violent people just looking for a release.  In my experience, nothing could be further from the truth and they can both dominate yet simultaneously treasure and respect their submissive for their pure femininity.   I hope you get more replies to this thread LoveCurvie as I'm really interested to hear other peoples take on the subject as well.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    I have read the above posts over and over and i got to admit I just dont really understand what you have written. I just dont get it at all. I'm as open minded as they come but whenever someone starts writing on this topic my mind goes blank or something. What i do know though is i'm not a control freak in any aspect of my life but the thought of being submissive in any form doesn't do it for me. Maybe it is the rebel in me or something!!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Desserts,   You response is not unexpected, submissions is not for every one. There is a wide variety of likes and dislikes and that is the beauty of life.   It is impossible to encapsulate the whole ethos of this in a few short posts.     Mike

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    It's not that I don't want to write on this topic, Mike, it's just that it is soooo complicated and also very close to my heart and I've written about it quite a lot on the forums recently....   As you say, it's quite impossible to encapsulate in a few short lines... I love your writing though, eloquent and easy to understand

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Quoting 'sophie_74'     As you say, it's quite impossible to encapsulate in a few short lines... I love your writing though, eloquent and easy to understand     It is complicated  thanks for the comments too...If  I gave this post the justice it deserved it would be 5,000 words so i tried to keep it simple and avoided the more extreme aspects of it.   I want people to know that this is a very loving type of relationship, the women in them are strong and the men are not control freaks...We need a new section in the forums just for this sort of topic.   LC

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Time for a shameless bump on this.

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