F60

The Extinction of a Species - A public service announcment

December 25 2008

These days we are all concerned about the continued threat to many of the world’s wonderful birds, animals and plants. Most of us that is. There are some who prey on these living things, and the common thread seems to be they do so for selfish purposes. Recently I was made aware of the danger to one of the world’s most magnificent creatures, the African Elephant (Loxodonis Africana). It seems strange that I be writing about the threat to these beasts, as the last time I really took notice of them in the news, it was when Kruger National Park in South Africa was seemingly overrun with a population of approx 5000 individual elephants, and they were causing untold damage to the environment, particularly as you would expect, the vegetation. The average African elephant eats 150 kg of vegetation per day, so when you multiply that by 5000, that is some serious strip grazing going on. Unfortunately, the only solution to this problem at the time was to cull the elephants; not a nice thing by any means, but necessary; not only for the sake of the elephants themselves, but the other herbivores, and even the farmers. After all, when topsoil is lost from overgrazing, it is impossible to replace. So of course, I never really considered what sort of danger the elephant population may be in... Until now. Over the course of the last three months, through dialogue with particular persons, and my own research, I have slowly seen an emerging pattern, and to tell the truth, I am now very worried for the future generations of elephants... if indeed there are to BE future generations. Cast your minds back if you will, to a certain topic being posted, regarding the semen of a bull elephant, and the pathetic rebuttals and excuses that were given as to why the semen was in fact, splashed across a certain bathroom wall in a certain person’s hotel room. When I brought this to the attention of the general reading public, I was castigated not only verbally, but physically as well, and threatened with legal action. My friends, the truth must come out, and as you all know, I am not one to shrink from a fight. I am here to tell you, after extensive investigations, much money in bribes being paid, and the close liaising with several elephant based organisations, I am now able to reveal the scurrilous truth about the indecent dealings that are happening, and how it is affecting the elephant population as a whole. As it happens, and as I initially feared, that first innocent bull elephant was procured by a porter of that hotel, removed and isolated from his herd, and when sheer loneliness was tearing at his heart, he was taken to the hotel room and used and abused most mightily. This in effect was dreadful for the poor elephant, but the flow on effect has been one of major proportions. The perpetrator of this heinous act, not content with the mere corruption of one innocent, has now gone on, and it is wreaking havoc globally. It seems that acquiring a taste for bull elephants, and their subsequent elephant extrudant, has now resulted in the word spreading in the pachyderm purple circle, and bull elephants are lining up to be serviced by this daemon of sexual perversion, and the elephants in turn are also acquiring a taste for male companionship, which in turn is leaving all the female elephants, not only wandering the savannah and forests lonely and forlorn, but randy and unfertilised as well. And bringing the whole issue down to the base level, one man, taking his and the male elephants’ pleasure as he will, is impacting on the birth rate of the pachyderm population. Since September 2008, there have been no conceptions take place in the southern regions of the African continent as the bulls are all out, hiding behind thorny acacia trees, having a massive wankfest, and the female elephants are consuming vast quantities of chocolate in compensation. There are some areas where it is not safe to walk due to the enormous quantities of elephant cum laying on the ground, and worse still, dripping from the trees themselves. So far, three people have drowned in quickcum pools! Now this is bad enough in itself, but then I found that in order for this one person to continue these trips to the Dark Continent, a suitable amount of available capital needed to be found, so the elephants have taken matters into their own hands, and are setting up computer workshops where they take in talented elephants who then email out tens of thousands of letters daily, mostly to people just like yourselves, telling you that you have inherited a fortune and to send them your bank account details. A NEMOss (Nigerian Elephant MOney stealing scheme). I myself have received many such emails, and to date, if I were to believe such pathetic things, I would be heir to a fortune worth about $2000B!!! Of course, most people are not silly, and don’t do a thing, but there are a great many people in this world, and not all are savvy to these evil elephant ways, and there are transactions taking place right now, money disappearing into some uncharted black hole, which is in turn, causing panic and chaos in the worldwide money markets. The price of oil is going up and down, fluctuations caused by the demand for lubrication by this one person and his deviant desires for these once proud animals. The African Tourist trade is being desperately affected as well. Instead of tourists being able to go on safari and see these magnificent animals in all their glory, proud kings of the savannah, guarding their herds of beautiful female elephants and their gorgeous offspring; the tourist is now ushered down dark alleys in the towns, taken into dingy premises where they can view male elephants working in the porn industry, one after another, taking his turn at performing for the cameras, and then retiring, knees trembling, drained of his elephant essence and hating himself for the slack-jawed sex addict he has now become. And all this, simply because one man could not keep his debauched desires to himself. I do not know the answer to this conundrum, but what I can tell you is this, the term “animal lover” will not be allowed to sink to such a low while I am on this Earth to bring it to people’s awareness. You know who you are, and while I am affiliated with such noble groups as PENIS, PUSSI, SPERM, CEASE SEX and ALE, I will never let you forget about the elephants... VikingBitch - Proctector Of the Purity of PachYderms -

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RHP User

17 years ago

Dear Viking, I am so pleased that you are here to protect pachyderm purity. I see you with your helmet and broad sword, defending the pachyderms from their depraved predator. This heinous behaviour needs to be stopped IMMEDIATELY to prevent a huge catstrophe for the AFrican economy. From a sociologists perspective, you have outlined this crisis extremely well and have given a solid overview of the impact of this behaviour on the various aspects of African society that are, indeed, impacted. Can I recommend you to a couple of courses, soon to be offered at a University near you. The Psychology of Animal Depravity - this program allows you into the mind of those who practice beastiality, from the one-off experimental "can I have sex with an animal?" to the serial beastialist, this course will help you identify and work with these seriously afflicted souls. Animal Medicine - No, not vetinary science, nor New Age wankery but a truly practical, hands-on course in linking the right animal to the human who needs them most. Yes, animals are medicine and you will learn to assess both human and animals, determine their respective needs and match human to animal. You will be contributing to the wellbeing of thousands when you put your new skills into practice. and lastly Activism for the Hell of It: Yes you are now an activist and to hone up on your skills as an activist attend this program. You will learn how to blackmail snobby arts organisers into giving you free tickets to expensive shows, learn to say "Fuck You!" in seven different languages so you can be a multinational activist as well as learning to sing, hum and strum "we shall overcum". Again Viking, thank you for broadcasting this shocking threat to pachyderms. Wildy supportive of safe sex for pachyderms

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RHP User

17 years ago

What the.....

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RHP User

17 years ago

Thank you for your support, it is vital that people support those of us us out there putting out bodies on the line for the greater good of elephant-kind. Regarding the course Activism For the Hell of It; I am already halfway through it, as I thought it would be valuable knowledge to have. So to the person to whom I spoke on the phone yesterday (the very same perpetrator of the original crime that inspired my manic ravings on this subject) Scopilo Fuck u Fodo-o Cojale Baisez vous Viking - being fitted for an elephant suit as we speak.

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RHP User

17 years ago

LMAO , keep it up VB, its a pleasure to read the forums Dev xxx

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RHP User

17 years ago

Dear Lady Viking, I am S.T.K.Y Messe from the law firm Stiffe, Stroke & Messe. We have been engaged by the firm Coming, Coming and Splatte as experts in elephant relations and here by write to you in that capacity. It appears that you have ignored the warnings given to you in the thread “Elephant Cum” and continue to make outrageous allegations about the motives and activities of my Client. While my Client is obviously gratified that you consider his sexual prowess of a magnitude sufficient to pose a credible threat to the continuation of the African Elephant species, your statements could not be further from the truth. As stated repeatedly, my Client has only the upmost respect for the elephant nation and has been doing all in his power to ensure the prosperity and increase in stature of all elephants. Unfortunately, Lady Viking, it has come to our attention in researching your claims that your sources of information are rather less than savoury (so to speak). We, of course, will not question your motives for prowling the back alleys and questionable establishments of the elephant slums. We have, however, identified your sources of information as being members of the elephant underworld. In particular, members of the “Black Elephant eXtremists” (BEX) organisation. The BEX organisation encourages apathy in the elephant society by providing illicit substances and encouraging depraved activities to susceptible elephants and humans alike. Their motto is, “All will be better in the morning after a BEX”. As you can imagine this is rarely true unless you include the fortunes of BEX into that statement. Make no mistake this is a well organised operation and is no doubt behind all of the illicit activities outlined in your article. They are masters at luring young impressionable elephants from their herds with tales of bright lights and easy grazing but then indenturing them into lives of servitude and depravity. Indeed some end up in the elephant porn industry as you have alluded to. The BEX organisation’s methods usually involve the enticement and then blackmail of gullible persons or persons who have a secret appetite for certain elicit elephant based activities. We make no statements as to which of these possibilities may characterise your relationship with BEX or if in fact you are a willing collaborator with BEX. But by slandering my Clients good name you are in fact aiding this nefarious organisation. One must question your motives. Could they be the result of a sincere concern for the welfare of elephants which has led you to befriend the BEX operatives and thus be led astray? Or is it that you have an interest in debauched elephant activities and are being blackmailed so as to keep you deviant desires secret? It is whispered in the depths of the elephant sweat shops and opium dens that there is a human master of BEX. It is said that the identity of this person is a closely guarded BEX secret, available only to the inner sanctum of the BEX organisation. It would be elephant logic to hide that person’s identity in the open were no one would think to look or would consider connected to the BEX organisation. As we have stated previously, this is only conjecture on our part at this stage and we make no allegations. But if your insinuations concerning my Client’s motives and actions continue then we have been instructed to intensify our investigations and to publish whatever findings we uncover in the popular press. We suspect no matter what the outcome of those investigations may be, they would not be complementary to you, Lady Viking. In conclusion we urge you to cease your continued attack on my Clients reputation. We do encourage you support the plight of the elephants if those activities are in fact genuine. Regards S.T.K.Y Messe Stiffe, Stroke & Messe Lawyers I.M. Stiffe, Y.O.U Stroke & S.T.K.Y Messe

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RHP User

17 years ago

badeddy and viking this is foreplay right????

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RHP User

17 years ago

BINGO!!!!! You win the prize!!! ... errr... dunno what the prize is, ask Baded, he was arranging it... Some elephant body part perhaps? Lifelong membership to ELFS (Elephant Lovers and Fukkers Society)??... He should be able to fix that up for you, he's the Chairman of the board. Viking

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RHP User

17 years ago

Thank you Lady Viking. Yes, hbk you have won the prize! An elegantly mounted female elephant toe nail, carved in the shape of a rampant bull elephant and finely scrimshawed with scenes of the African Savannah. This fine artefact will be making its way to you very soon. It will make an excellent coffee table talking point and in time will be a valuable heirloom for your family. Please note, no elephant was damaged in the retrieval of the toe nail. The toe nails are gathered from female elephants that have inadvertently stubbed their toes on the large boulders that may be found in the savannah. This has become an increasingly common occurrence since the increase in male elephant sexual perversion. Herds of young, and not so young, female elephants find their way to the elephant sex shows after ingesting large quantities of chocolate. Unfortunately the chocolate ferments and produces a particularly potent alcohol. This results in groups of rowdy female elephants roaming the streets, mooning innocent passersby and singing “Girls Just Want to Have Fun”. Inebriated and sexually excited female elephants then mistake certain boulders as male elephants in the dark. They then proceed in trying to seduce these rocks and this results in stubbed toes. The unsatisfied female elephants then turn to eating even more chocolate to relive the pain in the toes and the guilt of their behaviour the previous night and the vicious cycle continues. The toe nails that fall off are then retrieved by rehabilitated male elephants. All the proceeds of the sale of the toe nails are used for the rehabilitation and reintegration of deviant male elephants. With regard to the ELFS organisation. I have had no contact with that organisation much less affiliated with it. Interestingly members of that society can be identified by the ornamentation they wear. All members must wear some part of an elephant’s anatomy at all times. The modest will wear bangles with elephant hair. The more affluent may adorn themselves with ivory. The truly committed have been known to wear hats from elephant’s scrotums or the elephant pancreas. Thus extreme members are fairly easy to identify due to the swarms of flies that usually gather about their heads. The more insidious members are those that hide their deviant behaviours under our very noses. These members have been known to host elephant sex parties under the guise of pizza nights or other overtly innocent gatherings. If one looks into the RHP past events logs one can see a number of “pizza parties” these parties usually require a rural setting like say in the “Hills” region of Perth. One can only guess at the occurrences that may have occurred at these “parties”. One can certainly suspect these gatherings when large numbers of Acacia Leaf Pizza’s are ordered from Dominoes. Without looking at the delivery dockets at Dominoes one can only speculate. But suspicions have certainly been raised!!! Ed

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RHP User

17 years ago

I read with interest your theory on members of ELFS and the identification of said members. By a strange coincidence, I myself wear just such a bracelet as you have described. As you are well aware, you put the bracelet on my wrist when you returned from your trip to Africa. And as many are aware, it was indeed me who hosted the pizza parties in the Hills. So, IF your allegations regarding ELFS is correct, then that would indeed make me a member of ELFS; and if the makes me such, then that would make YOU the ELEPHANT!!!!!!! You win my love, I can't best you .... this time! BUT... I will return!!! Kisses Lady Viking *conceding defeat and still laughing* xoxoxoxoxox

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The Extinction of a Species - A public service announcment

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