F53

Thoughts create feelings

April 15 2014

Various posts on a few recent threads have prompted me to share this. Don't take my word for it, it's based on significant research in neuroscience and psychology. And the best test of all? The ancient mystics and the ancient philosophers all knew about it, which must make it true ;) You might not agree with this and it's certainly not my intention to preach or teach. From personal experience I know that my thoughts do create my feelings, so I wanted to share how it works based on my understanding. Maybe you'll get something from it, even if it's just a wry laugh! First, something happens. An event or an experience. Let's say you arrange an RHP meet but get stood up. Next, you have thoughts and beliefs about the event/experience. For example, you think 'what a bastard'. Or maybe you think women aren't worth the effort. Or worse, you start thinking why always me, or I must be seriously unattractive because no-one wants to date me or have sex with me. On the flip-side, maybe you believe 'their loss!'. Sometimes the thoughts are super-quick and barely noticeable before the feelings flood in, but they're always there. Finally, your thoughts and beliefs cause you to feel things and to act in certain ways. Perhaps you feel depressed and decide to close your online dating profile. Maybe you start hating women or men and become aggressive in the way you interact with them. Maybe you start hating yourself and your negative self-talk goes into overdrive. Or in the 'their loss' example, maybe you know you're worth hanging out with so you shake it off with a laugh and start making arrangements for your next date. In the last example, the person's optimism is not caused by getting stood up. It's caused by what they think about getting stood up. They think they're a great person and have a lot to offer regardless of the no-show. In the earlier examples, so often people who hate on others or hate on themselves say it's because of what someone else has done. It's classic in relationships - 'I'm miserable because of what you did'. However it's not BECAUSE of what someone else did, it's because of the thoughts they have about what the person did. Change your thoughts >>> change your feelings and your actions/behaviours >>> change how you experience this amazing world :) It's not always easy. Sometimes it's against great odds - a lifetime of disappointment and heartache perhaps. But it's doable. For me it's been both the most liberating and the most challenging life lesson to-date. I've practised this for years and there's great freedom and peace in absolute self-responsibility. But sometimes I find it way too hard and it takes me ages to get my thoughts in check. The more calm I am in life the easier it is. When the pressure is on and life is flat-out and stressful, I can struggle to apply what I know works. And some relationships - family for example - are just full of so many triggers that even knowing that I'm causing my own irritation doesn't stop it from happening. When I get it working it's a beautiful thing. Just now I got a call from a family member who has a tendency to be hostile and aggressive (mostly a defense against a hard life) and who whinges a LOT. I heard myself thinking ffs enough with the whinging. I felt myself getting irritated and close to snapping at them, which from experience would have led to them hanging up on me. I took a breath and changed my thoughts to 'they're exhausted from all the struggles and frightened their health is failing' and suddenly all I felt was softness and compassion. I didn't snap, we didn't have an unpleasant argument like we often do, and the call ended with love. Every time I achieve this our bond gets a little stronger and more loving.They don't have the awareness to practice the same thing and probably never will, so it falls to me, and I'm OK with that. So ... want to change your experiences in this world. Try some new thinking ;) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

12 years ago

and as usual thought provoking....you are right ,it is how we respond and react to what happens to us....two people can experience the same event and yet react to it in totally different ways......I try not to put myself in the way of people or situations that I know I will have difficulty with ,negativity is as contagious as enthusiasm..I prefer to be with people whjo have a joy and enthusiasm for life........,but sômetimes it is just not possible to avoid difficult people or situations,.....for me being conscious of my words and actions is certainly something I try to do,not always successfully unfortunately xx Q

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RHP User

12 years ago

Yes life ! - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

12 years ago

true...provides the framework for a lot of psychological practice, particularly CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy). I am aware of my problems with rigid, negative thinking patterns, and I've been through the thoughts - feelings - behaviours links many times with various professionals. Unfortunately just being aware of what you should be doing compared to what you are doing isn't always enough, particularly when the thinking patterns are so ingrained they happen automatically. I am getting better with it though, and can now usually recognise that a particularly bad feeling (which arose from a particular negative thought/s) will pass, before acting out in a way that brings harm and / or self loathing to myself.

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RHP User

12 years ago

Luckdragon, i thought you were going to refer to CBT (Cock & Ball Torture), pmsl.

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madotara69

12 years ago

feelings create thought, an instinctive nature, Lightning strikes a tree and fire warms you in the cold, you think about fire when you are cold next time. You feel love, then you think too that love. Otherwise how could you know what love is too think for it? Mado Mado Tara xx

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RHP User

12 years ago

How we will react to all situations in our lives and this is solely our own doing. Having to battle with depression for many years now I am fully aware of how my thoughts control my feelings and I am constantly asking myself how I want to react to a situation. Sometimes the decisions we make at the time, we know will bite us on the arse but we do it anyway because of our present state of mind. The key for us to keep things in focus is to have our lines of communication open at all times, whether good or bad and together we can get the result that best suits the situation. That's not to say there aren't bumps and arguments along the way but when you are willing to talk about things they can be made to enhance positive feelings. There was a post not to long ago about what makes our lives 100 % and it was based on our attitude. Mr J - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

12 years ago

agree 100%

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Cheekyarses

12 years ago

With every action their is a reaction... Your thoughts become your words, your words become actions... The mind is a very powerful tool

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RHP User

12 years ago

Take a handful of self-fulfilling prophecy, an ounce of fake-it-till-you-make-it, and add a generous dollop of positive mindset. Stir gently and serve at room temperature. For me it means I don't have problems, only challenges.

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RHP User

12 years ago

I think the word "ownership" sums it up....how many times do you see a current affairs show with someone saying "they" should fix this for me....that's how a victim thinks "I'm hardly done by" same thing. Sure, some people have had horrible experiences,rise above it and your the victor...it's hard to do sometimes,but positive thoughts breed a positive life. Hey,we have all had negative times where we get down. I use this true story to motivate me if I ever feel hardly done by,it's puts my own issue ( whatever it may be) into perspective..I met a lady a long time ago...amazing life story,drugged for 24 hours and sexually assaulted whilst staying in a company supplied accommodation ....by a work colleague ..as you could imagine it was a big court case ...he got locked up and eventually she was offered a compensation payment....she rejected it....she refused to be a victim,by taking the money she felt she was doing just that....she even laid eyes on the attacker after he was released years later...he ran like a scared child,she is a victor...now he is the victim...this is a true story... She now lives life as a very strong and proud woman...good on her.

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madotara69

12 years ago

Quoting 'Cheekyarses' With every action their is a reaction... Your thoughts become your words, your words become actions... The mind is a very powerful tool You sure got that right

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madotara69

12 years ago

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RHP User

12 years ago

I think too much :p - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

12 years ago

So many of the forum posts are about sex and its nice to see this post. It's so true. Positive thinking and kind words makes you and others around you happy :-) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

12 years ago

Quoting 'BeautifulThingxx' So many of the forum posts are about sex and its nice to see this post. It's so true. Positive thinking and kind words makes you and others around you happy :-) - Posted from rhpmobile Not just that BeautifulThingxx - There is significant research that indicates positive emotions (positive psychology) induce a whole range of beneficial physiological responses. To the original author, look up Martin Seligman and his work on positive psychology - particularly talks at TED and Google Zeitgeist - amazing guy.

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RHP User

12 years ago

I'm familiar with Martin S :) The point of my OP is to challenge the assumption many people make that they can't help how they feel. How often we hear that - "I can't help how I feel". Well as it happens you/we can :) Whether we choose positive thoughts or not, I think it's super helpful to understand that our thoughts will generate feelings and lead to our actions. Hence, change your thoughts, change your life. - Posted from rhpmobile

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