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RHP

RHP User

F56

Trust

November 23 2009

Today was such a brilliant day! I was flying high (wiv supa hero cape), even made the news, and was taped for a future segment woot for me.  The sun was shining and all looked pretty good with the world as me climbed into bed for some well earned rest at lunch time.  I didn't think anything would get the grin off me face today.  Wrong!   My trust has been betrayed by a very close friend and my nice little world has just been sent into a spin, and is being turned upside down and inside out.  What I so worked hard to protect has now been violated. The person knew how very important that was to me. I'm devastated it happened. They even carried on after the fact as normal, until I queried something noticed by accident......bad form and deceitful and not just to me!! I wonder how long the charade would have continued like that too.   Saying Sorry in this case doesnt cut it for me, it really went against everything the person convincingly conveyed. So just another lie to me.   I am sure plenty of others have had a similar thing happen so two questions.    What helps you heal when something like this happens so you don't end up building walls around yourself? and   Is there anything that a person has to do to make it up to you or do you cut them off and say good riddence?   xx Miss Honey xx <<<<< is shattered !!!      Wanders off for a Jose' hug.

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    For an assortment of reasons, most likely deeply phsychological, bitter and twisted, I have great difficulty trusting anyone, Missy. If I say something in confidence to a friend, that's how I'd like it to remain. Is that too much to ask?   I offer none of this three strikes business... none of this .. "awwwhhh righteo I'll give you another chance" stuff... let's face it honestly.. who really cares if you strike one off your list every now and again... I mean..... "friends you can't trust" are completely expendable... you can pick up another one without much effort.. they're cheap. So why bother pandering to them. as they say in the group sex community.. "NEXT".... hehe.   Hugs Gazza

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    is always difficult miss honey...when someone very close to u hurts u in a horrible way, it is akin to having a part of u amputated...it's not something you can just glue back on and continue on as if nothing has happened...once it is cut off...it is gone...to me this is the universe's way of saying that you are finished with this person...your soul has learnt what it had to learn from them..now it is time to move onward for the next part of your journey...this doesn't mean that it doesn't hurt...omg...it hurts so much that you just want to scream, yell, cry, beat the pillow...and this is an excellent emotional release...can highly recommend bashing a pillow with a cricket bat (or similar)...the emotional trap to avoid is the blame game...and the biggest hurdle to overcome is the "revenge" one...now my sweet...big, warm hugs...and let me know when ya've dug the 'ex-friend's' hole wif ya kanga...and i'll be around ta read da last rites...and we can do a norty little jig on their grave...and den ya can show me dis spa we is gunna have...cos i fink ya need a good cleanse...no?...cheersjose...>>>wraps up miss honey in a big yummy hug..."HEY!!!, what are YOU doing with your hands??"

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Gazzie me is so like you, you betray once ya is out, even if you betray another friend that may apply too. I am too busy for stupidity/agro/games etc, and yup lots out there. I tended to do that a bit and others thought I was too harsh or hasty, so I tried to control it a little.  This person received the most amount of trust I have given someone in well over a year or so, if this weekend worked out they would have come to a work event and that is a massive amount of trust for me to give. Only two have ever crossed over and that tends to be work to private then the other way round.  I don't think the person really knew how much trust they got.  It was a gift, not a given.   Jose, yup does feel like ya had bits ripped off ya, especially when you have no idea why and cant be given a good reason why, in fact it makes no sense, and I am confused over all of it, lots of contradictions.  No one can be that thoughtless. I expect them to bury their head in the sand as well, and hope that it will just all go away, while I am left bewildered.  I could say that they would have to live with themselves over it, but I think they will have no remorse in the end, its all just lip service, so they don't look so bad.  I am not falling for it either, if you are truly sorry, you would be killing yourself to fix it, whether or not your forgiven.     Funny, I was giving this person advice the other day on how to patch it up with people, because it appears I was just third in line of ppl upset this weekend..think there are a few more coming though. I was genuinely concerned for them, and didn't like to see them upset over it.  So was trying to cheer them up and help where I could. Found out I was helping sort out something connected to this very issue, that I was soon to hit the roof about.  I now know why they are not speaking to them, I think the wrong person has been earmarked for counselling in this situation out of the two. I think they need to sort themselves out before they hurt any one else. I don't think the Kanga is an option although ya made me giggle.  Which is nice Jose'.  I did genuinely care about the person, and as angry as I am, I don't wish them any harm.....well perhaps a good kick in the pants.  I would expect they would go get help and go away for a while, but suspect they will just be under other names as they have already started to set up.  Must think we are a lil stoopid, just to add insult to injury.   Jose hurry up and get over here in the New Year Missy needs hugs now.  Finks about flying over to check out his alpaca's and to give him kanga lessons  hehe.   Missy  <<

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Ouch!   Missy, This person does not deserve you or the other party as friends... There are certain things that we expect from our friends, and chief among them is the respect for what we tell them in confidence. If they break that, then they break the friendship with me - period. What's the old saying... "fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me" I've dealt with the betrayal of trust on a very intimate level before, and forgave (twice - should have learned the first time!). The damage done took more than just time to fix, and whilst I feel wiser for the experience, it's not one I want to repeat. Ever.   Put your cape back on, time to get back in the air.   Oh,and a tip if you do resort to the Kanga... lime. Bags of the stuff! LMAO!!   C12

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Being outed is something one continually risks... even more so if playing at venues where you can be recognised. It's different if the outcome is not likely to cause considerable embarrassment or compromise your work environment, but if it does, then it can have lasting and catastrophic consequences on ones life. I guess one needs to evaluate the reason for any disclosure. A silly unintentional accident as opposed to a thoughtless and careless revelation. It would also be interesting to know how remorseful the person is for doing this? True friends do not betray you... and anyone who has can never be trusted again. A real friendship needs to be valued... its not something to be reckless with. Particularly when dealing with a persons life... and the sanctuary that protects them from harm. One needs to maintain a zone of comfort and know clearly where the boundary is. A border that needs to be protected and kept safe. There is no room for traitors. Its like when ones home is invaded by burglars and the feeling of being violated. Even more so when your emotions and feelings are put in peril, and at worst your whole world and livelihood is turned upside down. The burglars don't always know your innermost secrets, whereas traitors and blackmailers often do. Negotiating this depends on the severity and extent of this breach of trust... and the resulting consequences.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Trust once broken on many occassions is very hard to gain back...at times ive expected it happen..as its the way that some people like to live their lives...being deceitful and fall of bull...even to the persons face whilst stabbing them in the back.these ones arnt worth knowing...expecially if they knowingly betrayed a magor trust!!something said in confidence stays in confidence....( its not fodda)..once it happens.(.id wish the ground would open up and swollow me...).lolI'd forgive them ( for your peace of mind )But then cutting off all ties....will have an affect them in  some way.therefore karma will get them....one doesnt have to do a thing.plus one will feel good..not bitter.Trust is a huge thing with me...and integrity....bit it in reality..or cyber...more so now as a single  woman and mother...my two dont know..i prefer they didnt...as there's no need...Im sure you know you have other true friends and family that are there for you...when you need them...they'll be your strength...and stay true to self...and keep faith in you..and with time things will improve.Miss_Honey....im sure that your aware that people on rhp..are here will help get you through the...s**t you might have to go through..Oh yeah nothing wrong with having a vent either...lol...wish you well....your posts have been great....xoxoxheymumma

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    I've had MASSIVE trust issues in the past with my ex husband, then an ex boyfriend absolutely walking all over me.  It affects day to day friendships and I'm a little gun shy to say the least.  I've grown up being lied to time and again, so don't really know what is truth/what is fiction anymore.  I try to believe, but am always questioning and possibly always will.I've never broken one person's trust, time and again I've had the proverbial sand pelted in my face - so why bother even trying - even today felt like a kick as I feel I can't voice an opinion or ask a question with a friend, I always get accused of "doing/saying the wrong thing" - so this little chicken is contemplating throwing in the towel well and truly.  I'm over being hurt.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    That's a worry when one hears the words, "contemplating throwing in the towel well and truly". Makes me think of people then becoming monks and nuns. For a sex site it seems theres a lot of decent people here by what they project in the forums. Obviously a few twits in chat... hence don't venture there any more... too much of a time wasting activity... unless you're lonely and have nothing better to do... though it did have its good moments... particularly the coffee meets. But is this the place to find good decent blokes? I'm sure there are many... but guess you've got to run the gauntlet in doing so. The person who discovers the formula to provide total satisfaction for all on a sex site will end up well lubricated in funds.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Time is often a great healer… I'm not talking about your failed marriage but you healing. Its better if that be in the company of people you can relate to. You can pick your friends, but are often burdened by relatives and in-laws. I still have close friendships dating back to my primary school days and through the main jobs I've held. There's a close bond in friendships that go back decades, often sharing similar experiences and common memories. Many of the hiccups along the way no longer seem significant and holding onto a grudge is counter productive. Also seen bonds develop among submissive women who understand their situation more than any outsider. Providing a wonderful support mechanism for ladies indulging in an activity the wider community is unlikely to understand or appreciate. I think its important that one does not shit in their own nest or burn bridges behind them. It may be fun for some to cause havoc and gloat in the aftermath, but they don't attract honourable testimonials or fond friendships. Heymumma talks of Karma and there's a lot of truth in that… Your straying man's activities will have consequences… and often the arseholes die alone.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    I read with interest what you wrote Trish.........boy does that sound like my ex husband!!!!  Little did I know what exactly was going on until AFTER we broke up.  The countless "I'm working late", "I'm off to cricket trip", "I'm working Saturday" turned into many many women, some he worked with, some he met in pubs while drinking with the boys.  I was a solo parent from the time my son started kinder.  We won't go into the lies and deceipt of him attempting to hide his gambling addiction!!!!  Again, found out AFTER we split the multiple credit cards, all maxed out, the amount of debt  he had sunk us into.Then as I'm starting to relax, along comes a smarmy wannabee tosspot, hellbent on sleeping his way through every female he came across.  I believed him when he told me he had moved to Melbourne because his marriage had broken up.......that was until the wife started visiting every three weeks.  They hadn't broken up at all, then there were the countless women he hooked up with, behind his wife's back as well.  When she found out, all hell broke loose and I copped a shelacking - for simply believing he was divorced!!!!  Well, this doozy of a fool became very friendly with one of my closest and most trusted friends.  I could never quite work out how he knew what I was up to, who I was seeing and even where I was moving to.............until a mutual facebook friend pointed out he STAYED WITH HER when he came back to Mellbourne for work!!!!!!!  Needless to say, I confronted this "trusted" friend, for her to utter absolute lies about what he had been saying I WAS TELLING HIM.  Trust issues????  Yes, mine are large but with the help of one friend, I am learning VERY SLOWLY to believe what he tells me is true.  I still have my days - today being one huge down day, but I try.  I'll get there, but right about now, I feel like I'm fighting a solo battle with the trust demon.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    C12: Yes a big Ouch, and not just to me, others are hurt too, not nice. I did recognise things earlier and brought it to their attention, and sort of said I am out of it, because I did not want this to happen, esp others being hurt.  The person was upset and didnt want to lose my friendship and promised to make the changes etc,convinced me that nothing like that would ever happen so we remained friends, all looked and worked well, and I trusted them more.  Only to have that trust breached just over a month later, with no consideration for my feelings as I did for them, and no real explanation for it. What happened to mutual respect here! They don't seem to be upset a month later..hmmmm. Havent seen u in here before C12, Welcome and thanks for contributing.  Cutie pic btw   Eunuch:  I agree true friends need to be valued, for some reason that has just been forgotten this last week or so.  Who knows how long the cogs were already spinning.  I don't think there will be any negotiations, I think the person will just leave the mess.  I certainly did not get any are u ok, I am sorry, what can I do so I dont lose our friendship messages today.   Eunuch (mystery man) me suspects you were involved in Missy/Giggs schoolgirl food fight fantasy with squirty stuff, cream and icing at the bakery... am i correct?   Mumma:  I am finding a bit of deceit actually, tis why my head is spinning.  I am not sure what to believe atm , it all seems like there was a lack of integrity from the start.  Wish i believed in Karma, seen too many innocent get kicked down while the evildoers are thrown a parade. I shed a little tear from your nice words..thanks babe, means lots.   Customer:  Missy doesnt forget nuffin. Once I am cut, the scar is there as a reminder, only if theirs is deeper will I forget.   Yup Missy is out, there was never a doubt. The person does not possess the qualities that I value as a friend, and cut many loose for less.  They will recognise the reprucussions of their actions eventually, and I am sure they will regret it too. Sometimes ya never realise what ya had till its gone.   Thanks for contributing...enuff said not wasting any more time taking out the trash. Better things to do with my time. Like zippin around on me kanga hehe and pinching boys bums...ooo and being cheeky.  RHP ya can kill the thread, burn it and send it away forever. Missy over it.   Love and stuff   Missy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Not a party to said Patisserie pandemonium, though have attended. In fact been a long time since last seen Giggles, goes back to her zippy days, and my brief and insignificant presence fades into obscurity following reports of no end of funny encounters you two participate in. You may remember a lengthy chat session reminiscing about the old school days in Cannington, Kent Street Weir, the school bus accident and a propensity for naughtiness way back then.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Seems Cannington bred half of the WA room, so lots of convos with lots of ppl.  A certain person that attended my lab party was from there as well, and me knows that was not u.  Me finkies u are someone with the initials V N G is me correct?  OOO or its Termi.   (plop a gold star in the centre of me forehead) if me is wrong send me a message will ya coz its driving me nuts.   xx Miss Honey xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Reminds me of pony club satin ribbons, sashes and rosettes, with Missy winning the trophy. Though Missy plays other games whilst remaining mounted.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    16 years ago

    Miss H.....    I know what it's like people abusing friendship especially with trust issues... I have entrusted some information with people I considered friends in chat.. knew them out side of chat, and they abused it, by giving out information... which wasn't only wrong but also put my son in danger.... So I am very careful who i 'trust' now.... and people wonder why I wont give out my new address hahaha   Lil aka Mrs wacountry

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