F47
Trust and respect
November 22 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
There's plenty of ways to look at this one, and I'll suggest only one of those now. I read the original post as the partner respecting you by respecting your privacy. I'll put the shoe on the other foot and start with you (by you I mean the person whose phone is hypothetically being checked on, not necessarily the OP). If you respect your partners needs and wants, and one of those wants is to know what/who/where/whatever you are getting up to then you can show your respect for their needs by telling them what those things are and in as much details as they want. Communication is key. They will then respect you and have no reason not to trust you if you are in fact telling them everything. If one is checking up on the other then there needs to be more communication and not just about who is doing what, it needs to extend to what the other feels about that honestly and working through any issues together. I see this as especially important for those new to the lifestyle as many who have been here for a long time might be that comfortable they really don't need to know as long as you're both enjoying it, whereas newer couples may tend to still have a lot of adjusting to do as they make the transition. Saying this it doesn't matter how long you have been here, you still need to understand and respect your partners needs.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think respect can have different levels. Much like trust. Total respect, to me, would mean trust would need to be in there too. Respect can be demonstrated by not snooping if you're suspicious they may be doing something untrustworthy. I have some friends who I trust them enough to have left my daughter in their care where I know they will look after her wellbeing and provide sufficient supervision (when she was much younger) if I was away. Or I would trust them to get her to work safely if I'm not able to. However, I don't trust them to confide in them as I know others would be told what I had disclosed in confidence. I'm sure many will disagree and I think I'm rambling so I'll end this here. xXxXx
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RHP User
10 years ago
In the instances I've seen of people doing this to their partners it's nearly always been terminal. I agree there's no trust or respect. It's also often a case of the distrustful partner being untrustworthy too.
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RHP User
10 years ago
With jack denials, if the relationship is open and honest anyway, trust isn't a factor, gets back to not owning a person, stay because you want to, not because you have to. Complicated issue though for those who aren't in open relationships, so not a black and white issue - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
its more of a 'control issue'. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Even if you feel you can't trust a partner, there are still several things you can do that are respectful (asking a mutual friend's unbiased opinion or confronting your partner for example). Sure, distrust and paranoia bring out the worst in people, but I think snooping is very disrespectful behaviour whatever your justification is. I feel that if someone chooses to repay (suspected) dishonesty with more of the same, it says as much about them as their partner. Two wrongs don't make a right and an eye for an eye is never a respectful solution, in my opinion.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Simple really,if you don't trust someone then how can you respect them.Snooping shows an utter lack of respect for the other person..a slippery slope indeed xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
someone who does this regularly. Lately she found a quite innocent message from one of his exes, but to her its not so innocent. She cant say anything to him, of course, but they have been arguing a lot and I cant see it lasting much longer? No one owns another person. Snooping is disrespectful.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I believe trust & respect go hand I hand, also honesty & integrity (I think they are all in the same values package). If my partner wanted to check my phone she would just have to ask and would show her, as I would have nothing to hide. But I suppose if she wants to check, there may already be trust issues. My ex's previous husband cheated on her, so she never really trusted me, also had no respect and honesty issues. Don't know why I didn't see it earlier.
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RHP User
10 years ago
If I give my trust to someone, I hope they respect it enough not to destroy it. And that goes both ways.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Do go together.I don't understand why so many have to destroy their partners trust.To me it just means they never really respected them anyway.
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RHP User
10 years ago
...because of the examples Wicca and Meander cited. Example. You can respect and love your child...but that doesn't require you trust them too. Children will lie to you...the same with friends and acquaintances...but it doesn't make them bad people.All my friends and respected acquaintances...all the people I'll associate with are assigned different levels of trust by me, and no doubt they assign me a level of trust too...but I respect them all. Or they wouldn't be friends. Some can be entrusted with secrets or to get a job done properly...some can't.
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RHP User
10 years ago
When someone gives you an insight into their life, do not repay that gesture by betraying their trust. — Dodinsky
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree with those examples.But in a loving relationship/partnership shouldn't they go together? I don't think I could love someone without also respecting and trusting them.Maybe it is possible. Just not for me.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Koolgrey' ...because of the examples Wicca and Meander cited. Example. You can respect and love your child...but that doesn't require you trust them too. Children will lie to you...the same with friends and acquaintances...but it doesn't make them bad people. I was thinking a similar thing when I wrote my post. I trust many of my drug-addicted clients as far as I can throw them, but many of them are good humans overall and I most definitely have respect for them.
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RHP User
10 years ago
There are some people I can't stand, though I can trust them completely... to be an arsehole every single time.
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RHP User
10 years ago
With out one, there is no other. IMO.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
If some one lies to.you, you do lose respect for that person. " Oh hang on Johnny, you lied to me but honny sweetie, I still respect you". I call crap to that. You may not lose respect for to long, but you do. I bet if SOMEONE elses child lied to you, then you would lose respect for them. Just sayin.. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
...I don't have children, so I'm not best qualified to continue the argument on loving, trusting and respecting your kids. But the giving of trust and respect applies to much more than just children and partners...it infiltrates our work and home lives...and there are so many levels of each that we give out and expect from other people. I have a strong opinion on this subject because I dont believe the answer is a simple one. Look at the comments above...trust and respect is all shades of grey. But I think I'm getting off topic here...what I think the OP really wants is confirmation on where trust and respect fits into relationships. Which is pretty straightforward, I suppose.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You have no respect ,or have lost respect for someone,it's important to behave well,that does not IMO mean you have to be nice, xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Even though I believe everyone has the right to be treated with respect, I always think that respect is something earned rather than given.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I would like to add that some people will act disrespectfully( ie snooping) simply because their trust has been slaughtered in the past by someone else. Of course that does not justify it, but we all have been in a negative life position that brings out our worst, and I think we all deserve an element of forgiveness for when we are not at out best. Obviously if this behaviour continues with no effort on behalf of the snooper, then by all means write them off. But perhaps nurturing them through their unsure period, if you believe they are worth your efforts, could bring about a higher element of trust and respect?
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sweetgem
10 years ago
Thank you very much everyone for giving your time and valuable opinions on this subject. Your thoughts and point of views are well appreciated and learned. I agree that trust and respect don't necessarily go hand in hand in certain circumstances, like the mentioned examples in some of the comments. However, I personally think that trust and respect are like tango dance where they do go together in the romance relationship/marriage. I do not speak for anyone, but myself, to say the following. Towards the end of my former marriage, I couldn't trust nor did I have any respect for my ex husband due to the things that he did. However, I did not snoop on him at all even though he had brought me the amount of unforgivable damages, hurts and pains! I didn't snoop on him not because I respected him, in fact, I was respecting myself, did not want to drop to his level and did not want to leave my ex any excuses for not signing the divorce papers! I rather focused on the "getting out of hell" and moving forward instead of becoming hateful and making myself more miserable. I understand and respect that we are all unique human beings and we don't necessarily think the same or agree on things all the time. That's why I wanted to put this topic out there to learn of different thoughts and perspectives 😊
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sweetgem
10 years ago
For the long and continuing paragraph posted above. The rhpmobile app isn't working on all Apple devices and so I have to log in via the safari, which of course doesn't break down the paragraphs like when tying on a laptop or PC.
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RHP User
10 years ago
How the hell can I respect you....?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Both go together, just as night follows day. My own view here. If you feel the need to play private detective and snoop through your partner/husbands phone, email and computer. Clearly, you don't trust them. If you don't trust them, you probably also have issues with respecting them. My next question is why are you together. It's time to quit and move on. If you can't ask the person you are supposed to be closest to a personal question out of fear, you are definitely not with the right person. You are treading water. Better to move on, quickly. So that you can meet someone that you do feel comfortable with. I use the analogy, that your phone etc., is no different to your letter box. So, do you think it's ok for people to be opening your mail? I had a boyfriend once, who thought it was ok to do so. "Because we should be open about absolutely everything, and have no secrets." - It ended fast, and it did not end well for him either! Trust and Respect are fickle creatures. Both are so hard to build up and attain, yet so easy to lose.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You'll respect me in the morning trust me on this - Posted from rhpmobile
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