M54 F53
Trust n Jealousy
July 31 2013
Comments
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RHP User
12 years ago
Don't think I'm jaded when it comes to trusting people. I have developed a pretty good bullshit detector so I know quite quickly who is worthy of my trust and who is not. When it comes to jealousy: whenever some pops up, it gets put in a beautiful little box with a pretty green ribbon around it.
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Bambi_Peeks
12 years ago
Depending how I connect to a person, I tend to have my guards and walls up high but once I get to know them and they give me snippets of who they are, what they been through I find myself doing the same with them. It's a give/take. As for being jealous, we all get that twinge of jealously - people deal with it differently. I find if someone I have been conversing with and starting to have a liking to, is giving someone else more attention I tend to get quiet. That is when I know the green eyed monster is merging its ugly head out and quickly put a stop to that sort of thing. I later finding myself backing away from that person, because honestly, jealously is one of the ugly emotions I do not like dealing with. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I get jealous when I feel like something is being hidden from me, or I am out of the loop. Meh, it happens. Luckily my friends are very open so I rarely feel jealous :) Best way to deal with jealousy. Firstly try and pin point what you are actually feeling. Scared of loosing your lover? Feel like they are hiding things from you? Scared that they are loosing interest in you? Once you can establish what you are really feeling then you can deal with it, and usually by talking to your partner about how you feel and why. If they are decent people they will do their best in making sure you don't feel like that again. Communicate! Don't let it fester. :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
I trust but that is earned it's not implicit. When playing with couples I watch for jealously a lot. It crops up at the most unexpected times. From touching someone in a way that they really liked, to just about anything... Do I get jealous? No when my playmate (female) is being pleasured it's one of the hottest things on the planet... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I partly agree. If a person is not willing to listen or allay your fears, then yep I am out of there. It either means they are not that into you or they are horrible manipulative people. I have had that black jealousy before that eats you up from inside.... Never again. The minute I feel someone is like that I am outta there!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
A little trip to Antarctica, does wonders for da soul souuuuuul!Did I mention, I came back with some cute little pressies, wrapped up in little ribbons and bows? FOXY
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madotara69
12 years ago
Trust is something earned.If feeling jealous, then something would feel wrong. If something feels wrong there is choices, do something to understand the feelings or do nothing and not understand them.If Tara and I were sharing something we trust in and it were to be felt that something was being taken by manipulative means, then yes I would have strong feelings, jealousy would be one of them. If I felt there was only care being given then I would feel much more for enjoying what we are giving and inviting. what we are is no prize to be taken for.This does not mean we do not trust each other, we do.Mado
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RHP User
12 years ago
Jealousy is usually due to insecurity or possession and no way have I, or would I yield to that emotion. Trust I must admit is hard for in my life I gave all and got used or split for no real reason so when your trust is betrayed it is hard to trust again yet when you start all over again you want to trust so that you happy and can do things together without feeling bad or insecure.
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Paradisepair
12 years ago
Again the whole 'earning trust' thing. I'm relatively street smart and knowing who to trust is an important factor in keeping yourself burn free.... Jealousy was huge for us both BEFORE we started our new hobby, it only ever rears its head when our playing ground is uneven and even it's not a possessive jealousy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think trust is risks and Jealousy is an emotion.If both these are needs are met...it can be an amazing beautiful thing. :)If they are NOT met... bad JuJu of that ugly, black, green eyed Monster!I have only seen her once in my life time....never do I want to see her again.FOXY
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On_Safari
12 years ago
.....but guilty of it suffering the affliction too. (Sigh) I try to ignore it or brush it off, depends on what the jealousy is over I guess. With the girls though, if you're really into me I expect not to feel jealousy bevause you will consider my feelings as I would yours. Trust is a whole other issue, lack of it can make jealousy and insecurity fester like a wound...... I trust until you do something that proves you aren't trustworthy, or my bullshit detector starts screaming at me..... But I think that goes for everyone, not gunshy JUST pickier!! Lol
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RHP User
12 years ago
With me, everyone starts at zero. Zero is always a good place to start, right?!! Zero means I know nothing about you.... you are a blank canvas upon which your words and deeds are painted. People can either advance into the positive, or slide back into the negative..... and only through your actions can you change the position you occupy at any given time. Weve all been betrayed, and have all been pleasantly surprised by others..... so just because you're in the red, does not mean you aren't capable of climbing out of it.... and visa versa. DG- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
I don't believe in unconditional trust,circumstances change and people change,feelings change. As for jealousy, isn't that a response to being insecure,sometimes we all feel a little insecure , but if someone is having that affect on me for long, I am gone. Don't spend time with anyone who does not make you happy.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Interesting topic, trust and jealousy - you can't have one without the other. To fully trust someone you must open up to them - fully! And that can then lead to jealousy if they do something that causes you angst or breaks that trust, that openness you have with them. I find it hard to fully trust someone now, there is always a little of me that is wary, the cautious bit hidden away in my physique. Same goes with jealousy, I have been jealous, the unmerciful green eyed monster has reared it's vile head and it did disgust me, but it does happen. It is funny, I had a friend, well acquaintance that swore she is has never been jealous of anyone in her life. And she was right, she probably hadn't been because she was extremely narcissistic ( how can you be jealous of anyone when you think you are better than everyone), sad (she never let her walls down so no one really got to know her) and so fucking lonely (except she didn't think so, but from the outside looking in it was pretty evident). You can only be jealous of someone if you have feelings for them, and she shut herself off emotionally from everyone. Mooka
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RHP User
12 years ago
I trust way too easily but it is a trait I have and wouldn't be true to myself if I was to be otherwise. However when the trust is broken it is see you later. Jealousy, totally wasted emotion but who doesn't feel it from time to time. Its just natural and if you can recognise the signs in certain situations (not the I wish I was with him?/her one) it can be a good way to better yourself. If you can look at your jealousy and think well hey I'm envious of this person, what can I do or what am I doing wrong to help me gain where they are at. It wont work in many situations but can work in plenty.
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RHP User
12 years ago
That's me, myself, and did I mention me??? Found too many fakes that have blown sunshine up my arse, only to turn out into the negative. I don't get jealous, ever. Jealousy in my view is an emotion that rears its ugly head when the investment you've made personally is not being received to the same level. Jealousy to me is not a fear of losing anything or anyone. That's fear. By the time you feel as though you're going to lose a lover, etc, the time to walk away has long passed. That all said, to make an analogy of how trust and jealousy interact, the pilots of the forums will know this one. I liken the relationship to lift/drag relationship to the amount of flap deployed. The greater the amount of flap, the less lift is produced versus the drag that's induced. To explain this further, lift = trust, drag = jealousy. So, as trust declines, jealousy increases. - Posted from rhpmobile
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Bambi_Peeks
12 years ago
As stated previously, I rarely get jealous... I have once and it was not a very good feeling, since then AVOIDANCE is key. When she submerge her ugly head out I RUN!!! And if it means backing away and running away from that person, then it has to be done. It's an absolute horrible and unwanted emotion. Sometimes running away from that person tend to bite me back on the backside but I know if I continue staying in that situation, I will become a total different person... Constant question, paranoia etc My exes however, had a jealously streak with me... Due to the jealous rage, they tried to change me therefore I adapt to what they want me to be (and with that, they are still unhappy with the attention I get) and find myself unhappy, spending valuable energy and time constantly consoling them. Nowadays, if I see my partner's jealousy emerge, I just run... It's pointless on reassuring all the time when the (excuse my French) bitch's ugly mug pops up... They just won't listen! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
All people I meet start with the same level of Trust... if you can't have some trust I believe it is almost impossible for people to build on it. (Is like trying to start a bank account with no money)People can go into debt with trust and just like finance digging yourself out of debt is harder than spending the surplus.As for Jealousy... have never met anyone who can honestly say they have never been jealous of someone in their lives for whatever reason and I am no different.Have found the best way to deal with jealousy is to remember that no person is perfect... even the richest person in the world has someone they will be jealous of for whatever reason (either a prettier wife, faster car, smarter children... whatever it may be).So whenever I get jealous or depressed because of someone else's 'haves' I just think how lucky I am to have something someone else doesn't have (no matter how big or small) and it puts life back in balance.
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madotara69
12 years ago
I think we hear the call of too many parrots that have no idea for understanding feelings, instead they run and hide from them.It takes courage to face some feelings, and it means being honest for them to understand them. I believe it is those values in people that make for being very much the opposite. Secure.Mado
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'sirlurkalot' I liken the relationship to lift/drag relationship to the amount of flap deployed. The greater the amount of flap, the less lift is produced versus the drag that's induced. To explain this further, lift = trust, drag = jealousy. So, as trust declines, jealousy increases. - Posted from rhpmobile .. so the more flap she deploys the less trust is maintained versus the jealousy that's induced ? "Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves"While jealousy is generally to be avoided as an unproductive and negative emotion from your own point of view, when observing it in others I think it is important to recognise the motivation for the jealousy prior to attributing it to "possessiveness" or "envy" .. it may be motivated by the purest emotion of all ?
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RHP User
12 years ago
was a defence for murdering your wife,''a crime passionnel'' in France until the 1970s...jealousy is in my never humble opinion,an ugly and addictive emotion,not something that validates a loving relationship at all. I assumed that Sir Lurkie was referring to flying a plane...it was simply, all geek to me
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madotara69
12 years ago
Quoting 'Copernikiss' Quoting 'sirlurkalot' I liken the relationship to lift/drag relationship to the amount of flap deployed. The greater the amount of flap, the less lift is produced versus the drag that's induced. To explain this further, lift = trust, drag = jealousy. So, as trust declines, jealousy increases. - Posted from rhpmobile .. so the more flap she deploys the less trust is maintained versus the jealousy that's induced ? "Jealousy is that pain which a man feels from the apprehension that he is not equally beloved by the person whom he entirely loves"While jealousy is generally to be avoided as an unproductive and negative emotion from your own point of view, when observing it in others I think it is important to recognise the motivation for the jealousy prior to attributing it to "possessiveness" or "envy" .. it may be motivated by the purest emotion of all ?Thanks Copernikiss , That is well put, I seem to have a bit of trouble expressing my thoughts to be understood for what they mean, I will keep trying, though you have helped me with your thoughts.Mado
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RHP User
12 years ago
If that jealousy emotion is deal with, and discussed with open-communication between people involved...Do you think it always makes those people move closer together or do you think sometimes it distances the relationship?Just asking, to hear others point of views...FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree with DG GG♒- Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY' If that jealousy emotion is deal with, and discussed with open-communication between people involved...Do you think it always makes those people move closer together or do you think sometimes it distances the relationship?Just asking, to hear others point of views...FOXY All depends on how strong or overly sensitive the people involved are... some I know let jealousy tear them apart at the slightest thing, others treat jealousy as nothing more than a passing experience to grow from and get over it with no repercussions.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Amicus75' Quoting 'SUPERFOXXY' All depends on how strong or overly sensitive the people involved are... some I know let jealousy tear them apart at the slightest thing, others treat jealousy as nothing more than a passing experience to grow from and get over it with no repercussions.Yes I agree, depending on how strong the relationship is and how secure they feel of themselves. I think it's about having that feeling, being safe and secure, each persons attitude and the way they feel about that relationship.If it has meaning and the people involve work together to feel safe and secure, then I believe, it makes room for growth and can turn into something beautiful. I think to it's about having adult relationships and being able to speak up and not let things feistier (as others have said) - open and honest communication is defiantly the key.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
Jealousy is a destructive emotion. People feel jealous because they are insecure & scared. Think about it, if you had 110% faith in your partner you would not feel jealous no matter what they did. Sometimes people with low self esteem or certain issues will always feel jealous no matter what their partner does to reassure them. Personally, I think that would just be hard work to always reassure someone when they didn't want to believe in you and your relationship. Open communication between any two people would always bring them closer together even is its to disagree .... Well unless they disagree on certain core values which can be a deal breaker.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I agree -it's true...FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I have a two friends (a couple known for years) and his actions and the way he behaves, sometimes is totally wrong and disrespectful in my eyes. She keeps standing up to him and when ever she does he turns it around and says to her "stop being so jealous".It just annoys me when he goes out of his way it's like he deliberately does stuff to make her jealous.I say to her "It's not you, it's his behavior".Don't think it will last much longer - I can not get involved.I can never understand why someone would try and make another jealous.To me it's destructive, toxic and unhealthy.FOXY
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RHP User
12 years ago
I would rather put my attention and focus into another area than be jelly !Trust ,well i am a trusting person ,if people want to be un trustworthy with me well shame on them.Nothing i can do about what other people do.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Trust is available immediately on gaining a new acquaintance. They can only behave in such a way as to lose your trust..Jealousy is an inner torment fueled by that little voice in your head (You say to yourself "What little voice?" - Yeah, that little voice). The rational thinking mechanism (little voice "What if" generator) runs rampant with scenarios of negativity allowing feelings of panic and anxiousness to take over..We all know of this to varying degrees? So also realize panic anxiousness anger and helplessness are not who you are. They are aspects of who you are. Control that little voice, stop imagining what you've possibly done in your sneakiest behaviours - will be done back to you. Get busy and out of your head - a mind can be a terrible thing.
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