M56 F54

Ugh! Really, where should we start?

August 22 2011

Hi allwould love a bit of advice here! I know this has probably been covered before but hope to get away with raising it again because I have a specific question.... We are complete and utter greenhorns, but are both equally intrigued by the lifestyle and have decided to give it a go.The big question is - where would you advise we start? Should we subject some poor long-suffering couple to our inept fumblings, or is it better to attend a party of some sort where we can check things out but not commit?I prefer the idea of the personal meeting with a couple but acknowledge that there may be expectations, things we haven't thought to think through, or fails on our part and really wouldn't want to put someone(s) through that - unless they really understood the potential issues and were ok with them. Maybe better to look for a more generic experience...... However, the idea of the impersonal party where I have to have my imperfect ass hanging out of a g-string scares me shitless (visions of being chased through some sordid under-lit, glory-holed club, by some leering bloke wielding a spreader bar, abound ;) oh! and add the whole image of RUNNING with an imperfect ass in a gstring, and the scenario becomes horrific :)) Chip (annoyingly perfect ass) rolls his eyes when he thinks I'm not looking, but manages to keep a fixed smile on his face most of the time. I think he thinks the party route would be better, but is no help, because he is determined that I make all decisions in these matters to avoid the whole pushy-male-partner-coercing-his-unwilling-female stereotype. He wont even reply to flirts without my say-so at this stage... So what would you advise? what worked for you? Is there a middle ground between my fevered imaginings and reality ;) ? and if it is to be a party how on earth do we decide which?Ugh again... :)chipNsparks, well actually sparks, if we're to be completely honest lol

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RHP User

14 years ago

Hey guys .. love your post above. Everyone here was new once so we have all been in your position. The problem is, by the message you left here you sound delightful and if we give you the wrong advice it might end badly for you and then we will wear the guilt forever lol.There are "halfway bets" where you could do a bit of both above. We will send you a message here with a few suggestions )

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RHP User

14 years ago

I (the lady of the couple) would be happy to explain what we went through with our party or private meet and greet type situations but we cant message you about it as we dont fit into your selected age, realtionship etc category. You could try to send us a message however should you like to chat.

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RHP User

14 years ago

If it was me, I would start with the couple and think about the party later. If you're open and upfront about where you're at then the other couple can make their own informed choice about 'inept fumblings'. You've both had sex right? So you get the idea of how it kinda works which is great place to start. And you never know, the other couple might really get into meeting some pep's who are not so experienced. Having said that, I'm sperated so keep that in mind when reading the above advice ;)

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RHP User

14 years ago

Hey Sparks, and Chips,Sounds like you're starting very well with the communication lines open and the not so pushy male on your side!Whether it's parties or intimate meets there are really, really oh yes I mean REALLY freaky, scary people out there and you're sure to bump into them. Just make sure you have a solid escape plan and don't think you are required to do anything you're not happy to do.We tried the party thing, Mrs Pup felt like a piece of meat and I can't say more than a good perve it did much for me either. But that's us and lots of people love them. For us play parties are a bit too "Look at moi, look at moi" and I guess we're not really into flaunting it, we'd much rather dress up sexy and go out to a nice bar for the same effect.There are some nice couples out there that will understand where you are at and will not be worried in the slightest about any fumblings. We have always gone into new meets treating them like meeting a friend of a friend for the first time, we may hit it off or we might not, at least we're meeting new people and having fun!That's just the way it is for us, if we can help feel free to drop us a line too, after a long, interesting and yes sometimes scary road we have found what is just right for us - I suspect there is no way of making it a shorter road as the journey is needed to learn where you want to go.Good luckMr Pup

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RHP User

14 years ago

Love the humour in this thread, i think you guys are off to a great start, you are obviously discussing this openly and honestly and are not taking yourselves too seriously.My advice would be maybe go check out a club (not sure if there is one near you) but often clubs are a good place to start because (from what i understand, having not been to one yet) there is usually a mix of regulars and 'newbies' and you can mix and mingle with people and chat and if the mood is right take it to the next level. Some parties can be a great way to got but others not so much it really depends on the hosts, thier 'party rules' and generally the expectations of the hosts. It would be wise to chat with the hosts of any party you are interested in and explain to them that you are new and that you may not go so far as to play first time round at least that way they know where you are at and if they dont invite you along with that knowldge then it is probably because you arent a good match for the type of people that are going in that they may expect everyone to play. If you do still get the invite then rest assured everyone will be so busy having fun that they will not be picking on your wobbly bits and if you are really self consious then go shopping for some sexy lingerie that you can leave on while you play (you would be surprised what is out there)When we were starting out we did find that a lot of couples who have been in the scene for a while tend to avoid 'greenhorns' as you put it mainly because they dont want to deal with any 'issues' they might have and so it worked out best to look for other new couples but having said that we have met some lovely more expereinced couples who have been more than happy to show us the way so really it comes down to just being true to yourselves, being honest with people as to what you want to achieve and what you are comfortable with.Best of luck and happy swinging,Mrs

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rupamohan

14 years ago

Are you are trying to have a perfect dream start? Hope not my guess is you just want to know how other started so that you can build on it...lol As far as we are concerned...we have never got into a debate about what is best way...or this way or that way...we just try whatever comes first.... This was possible bcos we started when we were mentally fully ready. So our mental readness and physcal involvement was two step process. But we do understand many PPL need practicals to get ready. Mental readiness and physical experiments run in parallel. Then it can be more important which experiment to start first.. There is one thing I can say dont make too many assumptions what others will think about you...most PPL we met were normal enough to understand what is normal...

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RHP User

14 years ago

Quoting 'Ice_Fire'When we were starting out we did find that a lot of couples who have been in the scene for a while tend to avoid 'greenhorns' as you put it mainly because they dont want to deal with any 'issues' they might have and so it worked out best to look for other new couples but having said that we have met some lovely more expereinced couples who have been more than happy to show us the way so really it comes down to just being true to yourselves, being honest with people as to what you want to achieve and what you are comfortable with.Best of luck and happy swinging,Mrs really found this interesting so looked back in the forum and found a couple of threads where things almost became heated with pretty much there being 2 schools of though - namely1) newbies? wouldn't touch that shit with another man's hand2) aaah poor things, everyone deserves a fair go...Maybe simplistic but have found this interesting (and its been a discussion point with longsuffering Chip too) the whole question of why we/others do this - is it about getting laid or is it about connection or is there some karmic middle ground...I may be naieve (hahahahahahahahahahahaha) but I look at it like, lets say....Birdwatching... you belong to the local club. One Saturday afternoon some newbies come bumbling along. You pretty much ascertain quite quickly that these are pleasant people, with whom you have something in common and who you wouldn't mind interacting with. So you invite them along on a birdwatch (noun?). And because you kinda find them amusing/enjoyable to be around you dont mind that they scare the birds, ask stupid questions and dont know a galah from a macaw. Or is it all about the scores in the bird sheet, rather than the social experience of it? I'm guessing that this might be the biggest minefield we/newbies need to negotiate....Thanks so much for the responses and welcoming private messages we've received - this certainly feels like a "community" and hopefully one where we can find our place.chip (yeah yeah, not really) Nsparks

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Ugh! Really, where should we start?

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