M55
Unsolicited compliments
June 27 2017
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
It's a lovely thing to get a polite and respectful comment. It's a shame that so many decent men are disempowered by the few that choose to be disrespectful. I know Mr LAL thinks twice about even helping a female..... he has on more than one occasion been blasted by a female for doing things like even holding a door open or offering help. Wouldn't it be lovely if everyone just played nicely??!! Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
So I can't say for sure, but I would say that provided the approach was respectful and genuine, I think I would be flattered :)
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RHP User
8 years ago
happens to me, so I can't say. I'm not someone that gets a second glance, let alone a first! I've come to accept that fact a long time ago (I'm definitely not doing the whole 'woe is me'!!) lolBut knowing that, is why it irritates the crap out of me when men's first or opening message or comment to me is "you're gorgeous/sexy/hot, etc". I know it's used on all women, it's not original, and it's not true...in the sense that they wouldn't look twice at me in the street. That's not to say I don't make an effort, I can dress, look and feel sexy for myself. And I do. I just know what I look like lol
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EarthQueen
8 years ago
I would take it for what it is. A compliment, and says thanks. Like you say there's a difference between lewd and friendly. My workmates was in Woolworths car park , dressed professionally when two men, also dressed professionally in their late 30's walked passed and said to her loudly "nice tits." I doubt they would have said it if either one was alone. The pack mentality vibe makes it even more uncomfortable when it does happen. She was left feeling upset and taken aback and of course wished in hindsight that she had pulled them up and asked how they would have felt if it was their daughter, wife or sister getting the same comment. I true compliment, delivered with sincerity and without agenda is fine for me. It's the nobs that spoil it for the rest of you though and create these grey areas. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
It might be to do with who is delivering the compliment,and how they deliver it. I receive regular comments,about what I am wearing.But it's always other women:). I have often thought that being drop dead gorgeous,whether female or male,could be a great burden,particularly if you are an introvert and would rather be anonymous not attracting attention. I have a male friend who in his twenties was stunningly good looking.So was his brother who is married to a major Australian film star.He didn't mind the attention but my friend hated it. Nw he is in his forties it's no longer a problem...sometimes aging has its advantages.:) Q
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RHP User
8 years ago
Years ago when I was in uni, there was a 50ish old teacher. She went to the gym twice a day and seemed to look after herself. Dressed nice and elegant. During lunch 2 younger girls and 3 guys were sitting at the table. The teacher commented on how political correctness and other forms of expression could be considered as harrassment was going to kill alot of from the heart thoughts and genuine comments or compliments. She mentioned that in the old days people complimented her on a smile,dress, maybe how she carried herself. It would come out of no where and it would be a surprise on a crap or dull day. Also the comment was random and unexpected.So she would not do things to fish for compliments either.She did it for herself. I mentioned that men do, if they see something may want to comment. And not in a nasty or sexual way. But because of political correctness and how wide sexual harrasment can be or interpreted and possible understanding of harrasment. Young and older men will not comment on something genuine. Wow your freshly done hair looks nice, or that is a real classy dress and a great design. They choose never to speak up. So they remain silent second guessing things on how the comment will be understood. It makes chivalry become a thing of the past over time. Sad..real said...
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DynamicCouple36
8 years ago
That because there is a perception out there, that lewd & disrespectful comments are made so often, many of us are "on guard" and pretty much expecting a lewd comment re our appearance, to come our way. And so when a lone male, or even a group of males, looks our way / approaches with the intention of making a comment, we might go on the offensive expecting something lewd, hurry off and or ignore them. Of course not all males are going to pass lewd & disrespectful comments. Some like you, OP, merely wanted to pay a compliment . But alas the bad guys have spoilt it for the good guys. Pretty much the same happens on RHP - messages sent to the mailbox are often lewd & disrespectful, not to mention unsolicited whispers in the chat rooms. They certainly condition one to react negatively to most, if not all unsolicited messages. That is the nature of the beast. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I have to say it depends on who it's coming from and how it's delivered. I try not to judge others but I'll be honest - a sweet compliment from an old lady will be received better than one from a sleazy looking man. I try to say thanks and move along but some people make me feel really uncomfortable. Usually it's their delivery. Or if I'm out at night and it's happening a lot I tend to glaze over a little. I appreciate that the intention might be sincere, but a lot of compliments are a means to open further conversation, get my number etc. I love giving compliments though, and while I hope they are received well, I'm not that bothered if they aren't. Giving a stranger a compliment and expecting a certain reply will often lead to disappointment. My friends know I don't fluff around with them, and I love telling them what I love about them often.
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RHP User
8 years ago
It's highly likely you'll be damned if you do and highly unlikely to be damned if you don't. I studiously ignore women in public, well, at least to their faces. 🙄
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Freaky_Fun
8 years ago
Bullshit woman, l give you first glances all the time 😜😜 and you are gorgeous 😘. You just don't know it. I like compliments sleazy or otherwise at least I'm not invisible. And l like to give compliments to random men and women usually on my way to work. Whether it be about shoes, hair, dress etc. Who knows you may just stop someone from thinking the worst about themselves. Women tend to take them better than men l think. I did once tell a gentleman who sat next to me on the train that his aftershave smelt nice. I didn't realise that was code for "how about we go fuck" as he quickly told me his wife bought for him and moved 😂😂😂
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RHP User
8 years ago
There's been a topic like this before, your op is almost word for word? Anyway, mixed feelings about this. I get a lot of attention, most of the time it's welcome, I enjoy the attention, however there are times I will feel so uncomfortable because of either who is staring me down and/or how creepy they are with the way they kind of stalk in public. I got attacked over saying this once before, class act suggested it was the way I dressed that would invite the attention and if I was afraid of some men, my own fault apparently for looking good 😏 So not engaging with anyone who wants to open that can of worms. Some men scare me but I'm not going to dress like most of the other wooden invisible women I see in my day. Most of the time a compliment is a come on. Nothing wrong with that, but I would follow the usual signals to see if there's some interest being returned. Never pursue a woman or continue to look if she looks like she's trying to get away. There's a line in the sand for men, creepy and non creepy. To highlight this, I had 2 older men do a double take the other day and they were so funny, they were obvious in the sense that they couldn't hide their reaction, but it was plain to see it was innocent, they looked nice, they didn't continue to leer and follow me around. There is a very big difference between welcome attention or innocent harmless attention, and the ones where you worry for your safety, long as you don't become the latter, all good 👍
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RHP User
8 years ago
I decided recently that I would break our of my comfort zone a bit and try to give a nice compliment where it is due, without expecting or desiring any sort of response. Qefenta1's reply above: "I receive regular comments,about what I am wearing.But it's always other women" is what I am trying to get into myself. For instance, at a social event recently I mentioned to one lady that her hair looked nice (and if did - she'd done some tricky curls and piling up thing), and she was I think both surprised by the compliment and appreciative of it. I noticed the other week that someone at work had some funky new shoes - they were white and devoid of any marks or scuffs so I could pick them as new, and again I think she was chuffed that somebody noticed. But to someone random on the street? I fear it would come across as something quite different. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I do and it does not bother me. Though I do have the maturity to understand it us just a compliment. It's nice to receive. I also compliment others, in particular men. It's nice to see their faces light up a little. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
inspirit... 100%. I quite often simple send a message complimenting a woman or for that matter a man n something they have said r how wonderful they are...
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Seachange73
8 years ago
Are good if delivered sincerely and well intentioned. I do receive compliments when I'm well dressed and put together, from my boys to the office general managers and colleagues. I also compliment people, men or women, on something nice about them. It brings smile to their faces. Two weeks ago, when I spent the afternoon at banks and post offices preparing for my trip, it was a beautiful winter's day like spring. I wore something yellow 50s retro style with lace up heels and deep red lipstick. Maybe the colour stood out or the whole look but I got endless compliments and smiles and nods from strangers on the street and at the banks and offices. Mainly from women. it was lovely and boosted my ego . There were a few men who smiled and nodded but I agree with previous posts about how men are made feeling awkward about genuine compliments.
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Seachange73
8 years ago
Mrs Lal. True. World would be better if people are nicer.
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RHP User
8 years ago
When people compliment without expecting anything in return that's ok. But when you can see it's been done to try and see if you'll bite and then a further comment made when you simply brush it off with a thank you, then it begins to take a different tone... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
I take all compliments with good grace and when a genuine and nice comment is made to me on the street I reply with a thank you and a smile. But, I agree that some men come across as sleazy or creepy. If you are young ans dressed well that really helps. I often don't feel comfortable when older men are complimenting me, if they are old enough to be my father say. But the most important thing is coming across as genuine and respectful. In that video those guys were being creepy, aggressive, obviously expected her to... do what? I'm not really sure. Just losers with no job and too much time sitting on sidewalks playing with their dicks.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Of course the preferred case is always to give without any thought of return. However, even when I have done it (paid a compliment to female of interest), or more commonly thought about it but not followed through, inside I am always secretly hoping for some kind of lead in to an actual conversation which may then lead to something further. But this is of course the case for women who appear to be a similarly aged, and potentially single. I am much more likely to compliment people who for various reasons, are not compatible with myself or I have no ulterior interests in. This can include other men. In this case there is no possibility, or desire, and therefor no thought of anything more. It also means no self-pressure or worry, so compliments are then easy to give without a second thought. But with that beautiful lady walking down the street... it's different. And I almost always err on the side of caution, especially considering my interest in the possibility of dating (her or in general), and so it wouldn't be a genuine "no expectations" comment. I do feel no matter how it is worded, that it would feel contrived and that she can see straight through me. The best I can hope for is that she finds my stammering effort cute and takes some pity on me :)
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MsJonesy
8 years ago
I often conduct training on office etiquette to young adults about to enter the workforce. We look at a couple of training clips, where men compliment women and vice versa, then discuss the differences. In the clips, the way a man complimented a women always involved descriptions of the woman's body...for example "hey, new skirt, good to see your legs again now its Spring!", "your makeup looks awesome, really emphasises your eyes". In the reverse clips, where women complimented men, some of the descriptions were "great tie, the orange colour really pops!", "I like your new suit, very fashionable". The most important thing to note is that the training clips are real....from the first time I ran the course a couple of years ago. The participants had to pay compliments to each other. Is everyone who watches the clips shocked at the differences in language....you bet! So for me public compliments are great...just as Meander describes....as long as they are not about my body. (In private...feel free to go to town lol).
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RHP User
8 years ago
I was window shopping looking at all the sexy outfits which seemed rather to present a bit of a challenge to my plus size so much so l started laughing at how absurd l may have looked if l had on ventured inside to try on. It was at that moment when l was really having the loudest laughter escape from my lips as l began to move on past the shop, l noticed a cute Black American Negro man just standing there looking at me and grinning from ear to ear. I smiled at him and he then spoke, ma'am l can just see you in that outfit, yes l can. I think he was kinda giving me cheek, so l just burst out laughing and walked on, then he whistled one of them wolf whistle at me, which made me turn back towards him with me now grinning and smiling! He then said the outfit would match your smile. I never said one word throughout the encounter but it certainly made my day! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Great observation, women and men are different.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Sometimes a little compliment can go a long way it just depends how it's delivered and timing. I compliment co- workers often both male and female often which sometimes has them stop and smile. I've also complimented men in places like an elevator or waiting in line, nothing sleezy. When is it considered crossing the line? A compliment at the gym on your physique is the timing wrong? With so much negativity and body shaming something polite can make your day. I've had unexpected compliments on my red hair often by men and women which is nice, however, the worst was someone said out loud 'damn that ass' by a guy in his late 40's clearly no decorum.
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Sawadee
8 years ago
You can rest assure you did something to deserve it.. I don't willingly hand out compliments, I need to feel comfortable with you to do that. If I sense you're a bitter defensive type that seem's to find wrong with everyone , it doesn't matter how hot you are , it not happening.. However , If you have a sweet smile , sense of humour and a personality you're well on your way... When I give a compliment I mean it, and definately never come cheap Jay..
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RHP User
8 years ago
Perhaps he should have tried to add at least at little bit of class: "Forsooth, fine lady, but I do declare that thine derriere is indubitably a delightful object most deserving of the highest level of adjectival mellifluousness." 😜😷 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
What a charmer you are. Hahah. I'm sure the bitter ladies are just devo about it. 🤣
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RHP User
8 years ago
Bitter women are everywhere, and they just love to throw shit back in your face because offence is so easy to generate, we live in the age of the victim olympics.I've been verbally abused for holding doors open, smiling, and being out alone with my daughter. As stated above in my previous post I don't interact with women in public unless there is some indication they are friendly first, and I don't mean "interested" friendly I just mean good natured friendly. And no I'm not playing the victim, I just choose not to play. Easy.
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RHP User
8 years ago
The only bitterness I'm seeing on this thread - and many of the other threads on here - is from men. Honestly, some of you guys should enter the Whinging Olympics
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RHP User
8 years ago
Irony indeed.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'Luck_Dragon' The only bitterness I'm seeing on this thread - and many of the other threads on here - is from men. Honestly, some of you guys should enter the Whinging Olympics And that dear friends is why men don't communicate their feelings, emotions, values and experiences.Because the moment they do,Bam, stop your whinging, grow a pair, man up etc blah blah blah.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hi. Waimate , Oamaru, and Timaru in the south isl of NZ, We , and I have lived in for many years so because I,m well known people do know who I am and I do get comments in how I,m dressed and a few guys honk their horns going past me while I,m walking around , .3 weeks ago this happened and as I was walking past a shop one of the guy,s who works there was a feet away and he heard the horn and said to me well looks like they think your hot. this was in Oamaru, Where I live in Waimate most people know me and some of the guys I see have just called out and my name as well as they drive past. being known nation wide TVNZ, people do know you, and the schools here allways had some of the young adults say hi, if your news worthy your known, ...noeleena...
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Seachange73
8 years ago
I felt sad that you had to cop abuse for being nice to people, like opening doors, or even being with your daughter. so sorry to hear that. What's going on in this world that we take offence so quickly for so little specially if people are nice? Where have manners and common courtesy gone.? I wonder what impression does that leave your daughter? I'm sure you would have explained to her that those people are not the norm. Best wishes.
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RHP User
8 years ago
My daughter is mature enough (late high school) to see it for what it was, nasty minds choosing to see the worst. It was just a cheap shot at me but it was a bit of a wtf moment for both of us.
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Seachange73
8 years ago
My apologies for my ignorance but you say you are famous in New Zealand. That's great!! Not often are we in the midst of a celebrity. May I please ask what exactly is it that you are famous for? Just curious. Cheers.
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RHP User
8 years ago
It is something I find myself pondering from time to time. Especially in a professional setting. In my job I deal with a lot of architects and interior designers, a lot of them are female, and intrinsically a lot of them have excellent, if a little edgy, fashion sense and great taste. I often find myself wanting to compliment them on their outfit or whatever it may be, but I stop myself. My litmus test is usually "would I say/do that if it were a male"..... probably not. Although I might compliment a guy on his watch if it's a high end one that I like, or his car if it's a sporty one that I like. Or for that matter, a female might have a car that I like too. Not really the same thing though... I'm sure most of them would take the compliment in the spirit in which it is delivered, but it's a murky line that I'd prefer to steer clear of unless I have worked with them for a long time and know them quite well. Outside of work setting I would be more likely to give a compliment. But I would still be pretty cautious. It's impossible to know whether a woman dresses up in the hope that they might get some nice compliments, or whether they just want to look good to feel good. Part of the mystery and intrigue of the opposite sex I guess... There is a line from a Hilltop Hoods tune: "Ladies, chivalry's not dead, it's on the couch where you made it sleep" Probably a grain of truth in that... - Posted from rhpmobile
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