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Unwittingly part of an affair, help soothe my moral compass

April 27 2019

Hi Brain trust, Long time lurker, first time poster. This question has been on my mind for quite some time and I have quite honestly no idea what my action should be next. For a bit of context I will let you know that I work for a big company and don’t know all team members that well. So here goes my predicament, I met a man on rhp (as you do) and it was purely sex, he said he was single and we enjoyed each other’s bodies and mental connection. What I didn’t know was that he was actually married and in a committed relationship. And how do I know this? Because his beautiful wife and I work together! Could you just imagine my shock and horror (or more so the cold realisation) when we were put on a project together and became closer and shared stories and she pulls out the old Instagram and there HE was. It sounds ridiculous, but I’m just torn with wanting to tell her but also feeling like it’s not my role. My issue perhaps is more so with his blatant lying. I have approached him with this and he has simply blocked me (perhaps to avoid conflict). Thoughts? Opinions? - Posted from rhpmobile

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    That’s bloody tough, I’ve been in that situation but still don’t know what you should do. I don’t know what I’d want if I was the wife in the situation either.. In my case I ended up telling the mrs then severing all contact, she tried to contact me but I didn’t want to get any more involved so they stayed together & got past it I guess. I believe the wife deserves to know but I also wouldn’t want to be the one to bring her world crashing down. You have my sympathy, it’s a really shitty position to be in.

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  • FeistyFatty

    FeistyFatty

    7 years ago

    Small world for that to happen. Only you can answer your question.... everyone's moral compass is different. Best of luck.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    you are looking to have a discreet affair It could be one of those "be careful what you wish for" situations

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I’d let him know your thoughts re his lies but walk away with lips sealed ! Guessing you have to continue working with the wife and why should you conflict the pain her way. RHP has probably more couples seeking extra then genuinely single persons. Remember you are seeking discreet as well for some particular reason. Small world hey ?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Oh so sorry to hear you have been lied to. You are now working with her and I can imagine that it’s hard for you to be authentic with her knowing what she doesn’t. My advice. You had a relationship with him. He ended it when he found out and is likely shitting himself right now knowing you work together. Your relationship with him ended I assume. She has a work relationship with you. Him and her have a relationship that you are not involved in. You don’t know the dynamics and what else is going on. It is not your responsibility or right to interfere with it unless you are invited. So as unfair as it sounds. Their relationship is not your concern. You had one with him, that is over. You have one with her that is collegial. But you don’t have a relationship with their relationship. That is up to them. If you would tell, there will be a “shoot the messenger” type situation which likely won’t end well for you.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Hey it’s sad that people need to lie about there situation , as for your moral compass we live with the words of if you where on the wife’s side of the situation what would you want

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    I agree Chriscat !! Well said !!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Putting aside the moral issues. What will happen with your work relationship, who holds the greater power, can you afford to lose your job? Put yourself first and foremost.

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  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    7 years ago

    Him blocking you is silently telling you he wants no more further contact or relationship. That is his choice. His privacy needs to be respected. There are people at my work too, that state they are single when in fact they are married. I know as I have seen their single profile and know his wife. At work you are paid to be a professional, so best to behave like one. As they say, the best kept secret is never shared. Ms Foxy

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  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    7 years ago

    Thank him for teaching you life long lessons and redflags. He would have shown you, if you had picked up on the behavours, body language, etc. Married ones who do deceit, do infact give away signals without relizing it. A clever and smart person will pick up on them easily. So you will know what to do, IF ever get yourself in this situation again. But then again as you stated, it was just purely sex. Ms Foxy

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  • intheswing

    intheswing

    7 years ago

    There is another post on here about discretion or lack of We are are all horrified that someone on here actually told someone’s daughter that he had slept with the mother we are thinking what an awful piece of sh#t he is To tell someone’s wife or husband because you feel betrayed/ lied to is no better Everyone in this lifestyle should be discreet and expect the same from people we talk to or more

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Me foxxy what signs would you be looking for?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    If I knew how to edit the above comment I would but obviously I meant miss foxy

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  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    7 years ago

    Well for starters (as your profile states), "attached" and asking what signs to look out for (so you dont do them?) is a red flag.😋 Ms Foxy

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  • MsSuperFoxy

    MsSuperFoxy

    7 years ago

    Two nights ago, I woke up to a phone call at 11pm at night. My mobile displayed an ex lovers name. I answered and a female voice (his girlfriend) asked who I was. I didnt say a thing and hung up. I found out that the woman had gone through his phone while in he was in the shower saw, recent phone calls (he had called me that afternoon) and texts (appriopriate non sexual), then went into a fury rage and decided to call me and take her anger out. Everything was innocent between the guy and myself. I dont want to be involved in this shit. It is embarressing for everyone involved. OP this might happen to you (+more), if the wife finds out from you or another. You certinally do not want to be the target or someones else's emotional punching bag, if they can not control their emotions. Ms Foxy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    7 years ago

    Thank you for all your responses, it is appreciated. On reflection, I wouldn’t tell his wife as it’s not for me to tell, and I do agree with respecting his privacy too. I guess if I hadn’t know his wife, I would have left it with no second thought, but because I know her and saw her frequently (project over, easy to avoid now!) it was all a bit of a huge guilt trip. At the end of the day I have decided to leave it and be more wary in the future

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