F58

What constitutes an affair...??

September 14 2009

Ive recently met an attached guy and we get on like a house on fire. We've been chatting on and off for a month or so and when we finally met, we spent most of the night talking. Mild flirting, lots of laughs etc. A brief kiss on the cheek when he left and everything was great.....but, left me wondering!!! Coz I just wanted to jump him! lol Met again 4 days later. Spent the evening at the beach watching the sunset go down and the stars come out. This time, alot of kissing, but he didnt want to get down with me as he said it "wasnt the right time or place". I talked to him later in the week about that and it seems that we both like each other a bit too much. He considers me more than a fuck buddy. When I mentioned the word "affair" it took him by surprise. Which got me thinking.....I have my own definition of affair, but I'd be very interested to know what your definition of affair is?? Ta Jen

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RHP User

16 years ago

I think there is a similar thread on here.......but for what it's worth my take on affair is anything you have to keep secret and that you know is going to hurt someone if they find out....simple really. K.

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RHP User

16 years ago

We married men dont like the word "affair". It conjurs up all sorts of emotionally complicated circumstances our parents programmed us to avoid. Nope, you did the wrong thing. If you dont use that word... everything would have gone along smoothly and you would be "the other woman" right now. We dont like confrontational sounding words like "affair".... but a bit of a snog and a shag are far less confronting emotionally. Hope this helps. Hugs GAz

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RHP User

16 years ago

I copied and pasted something I found and posted it on that thread that you might enjoy reading @ http://www.redhotpie.com.au/Forum/Have-you-had-an-affair-before-24731Cheers Mrs P

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RHP User

16 years ago

Unfortunately no matter what label you put on it it means the same thing. Affair A lovely little fing...Those are the worst kind arent they Andy :P Cheating He is still betraying someone emotionally and physically. I am not having ago, simply saying the definition is not all that important. For the record I define an affair as having an emotional element not just a physical Cheating a one off and a fling something you expect to end at some point.

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RHP User

16 years ago

I think there's a few different definitions of "äffäir". I"m sure the single and married RHP reponses may be quite different. If someone suggested they wanted to have an AFFAIR with me (a married woman), I'd run very fast ! I don't want a commitment. If someone said they "liked" me and wanted to be my "friend with benefits" then I'd give it some serious thought. BUT I would try VERY VERY HARD not to form a strong personal attachment to the one guy. So I therefore look around on RHP regularly just to calm my mind (or perhaps that's trick my mind) from becoming too attached or rely on the one person. I thinking cheating and betrayal are the same. Screwing someone else, chatting online, showing pictures... all without your partner's consent is cheating. An affair (in my mind) is when you do that over an extended period with one person exclusively. I actually think you can have an affair without having intercourse ! Anyone have an opinion on that ? I also think affairs (with or without sex) are a lot more damaging to a marriage than cheating. (although they are both very painful if the other person finds out.) I don't think it's possible to have an emotional attachment to someone else and still be emotionally attached to your spouse. I do think it's possible to fuck someone else but be emotionally attached to your spouse. What it all boils down to though is that all of this behaviour is WRONG ! We all need to take responsibility for our choices regardless of the words we use to describe them !

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RHP User

16 years ago

Put yourself in her shoes. How would you classify this if this was your partner doing this.Now put yourself in his shoes. I'm pretty sure that he made no mention of this situation to her.Now put yourself in your shoes, seek better for yourself. With all the single guys out there why settle for the measly scraps that he throws on the ground to you.

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RHP User

16 years ago

Interesting that you state in ur profile..."I consider myself to be honest and upfront"?? If you were honest wouldn't you steer clear of a married man? And if you were upfront wouldn't you ask him straight up what his intentions were right from the get-go instead of living in a fantasy land of pretend romance and sunset watching? Sorry but yeah what ur both doing is an affair no matter what way you try and sugar coat it. Ask yourself this....would his wife think the time youve spent together is ok ??? He needs to grow some balls and you need some perspective, as I'm sure you're a lovely person and don't deserve to play second fiddle to a man who's wife isn't putting out :) Hope I didnt offend. Cheers Elljae xx

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RHP User

16 years ago

Saturn86 - I agree with you 100% An affair is an emotional attachment on any level. Don't have to have the physical. Elljae - No, Im not offended at all. I appreciate your comments because you are right. I still play as it is not fair to me to become exclusive with this guy. Yes, I am upfront and honest and have been from the start with this guy. As for him... well, it is his choice to cheat, and its not the first time he has done it. I just found it interesting that people define the same thing with different words. Fuck buddy = cheating, friends with benefits = cheating, affair = cheating In my mind, if you are attached and doing any of the above, then you are cheating As for being the other women - in all honesty, I don't have a problem with it because for me it has become "friends with benefits"

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RHP User

16 years ago

Give it a go !

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RHP User

16 years ago

You know... it's interesting that others also think that an affair involves more than just "cheating"... i.e. an "affair" is more than just shagging someone outside of your marriage without your partner's knowledge. HUgs Gaz

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MsRisQ

16 years ago

I am inclined to agree, cheating is more brief whereas an affair is an ongoing emotional attachment where not all parties are aware of the status quo.Affairs have a habit of effecting self esteem due to the environment they require to function in, whereas cheating in my opinion does not have quite long lasting effects due to their brief and functional nature.I do think it is possible to love more than one person at once, however in terms of your own self respect you have to ask yourself the question if you are prepared to be a secret and make your relationship secret and secondary to any other relationship(s) the gentleman in question may have. You sound like you have this part sorted as you are not being exclusive to him and are staying true to yourself. Please don't be offended when I say this but just to be clear,my own ethics prevent me from playing in such a way. I strongly believe that it is my partner's duty to be transparent about his sexual and emotional activities across the board. I have a hard time believing that if someone is capable of obfuscating the truth to their long term partner that they are capable to be completely honest with me. ( From the standpoint of being the other woman.)I completely understand how the duty of care is firmly placed in his hands in regards to his long term partner and at the end of the day, you called a spade a spade! Sometimes it takes putting a name to a thing to bring it out into the light of day for what it is.

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What constitutes an affair...??

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