M47
What is the hardest emotional decision you have had to make?
December 06 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
Having to choose to put a beloved animal down is so hard. But you cant be selfish and keep them in pain because you will miss them. But hardest and most heart breaking decision I ever had to make personally, that ripped my heart out, was walking away from my addict child, turning my back and not helping them up from the gutter because I was their crutch that enabled their addiction. 2 yrs of a broken heart and feeling like the scum of the earth. But I had to do it. Phone rings at night and you think it will be the call to say they have overdosed and are in the morgue. You already have grieved the loss of your child, its like a death. But fortunately,this was many yrs ago and my child got help when she was at rock bottom. And is now a productive person in their community who is a parent to a young child,and someone who shows compassion and support to strangers that need help in beating their own demons. Very proud I am. But I did the right thing by walking away at that time. My head knew it, but my heart didnt.
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RHP User
10 years ago
That I actually worked with addicts in rehab for many yrs. But I had blinkers on in the first stages of my childs drug taking. Didnt want to believe it, and believed all the lies and excuses.But when I finally saw the truth, I felt like a failure as a mother and also in my work, which I was passionate about. I felt like a failure in both areas of my life, so I resigned from my career as I felt like a hypocite. So that was another huge decision I made. I dont know if it was right or wrong decision for me.But to this day, I will never go back to that occupation I was so passionate about.
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RHP User
10 years ago
What a truly brave thing to do..I am so happy that you both got through that awful time hugs xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
And I still worry, because you cant switch off an addictive personality. But we have been lucky. So many other families arent.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Was eight she decided that she wanted to meet her father..He had never wanted to have anything to do with her,had since married and had another child..It was difficult.we lived in Queensland.he lived in Melbourne but I insisted.She frequently flew to Melbourne during school holidays staying with my mum.It has been a problematic relationship for her but now that she is an adult he wants to spend more time with her..AGuy I hope your decision making goes well,all any of us can do is our best,from your posts I detect a fair bit of emotional intelligence so I am sure that will hold you in good stead..hugs xxFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
Happy that things turned around for you and your daughter.. No one deserves that sort of pain . Sometime's life is so unfair ..
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RHP User
10 years ago
Still too painfull to talk about . All I can say is my 2 kids are now adults , and always tell me how much they love me. That's all that's important these days..
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'willowtree_2' And I still worry, because you cant switch off an addictive personality. But we have been lucky. So many other families arent. Wow. Thank you for sharing Willow that was an amazing moment. You are very brave and I can't even begin to imagine that sort of anguish. Thank you for sharing
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RHP User
10 years ago
My father had abandoned me when I was 13, and I had only seen him once since then, when I was about 22, at a family funeral. A child of his, that I didn't know existed, got in touch with me a few years ago, to introduce herself, and to let me know he was sick. I visited her, but didn't want anything to do with him. A few months later she got in contact, telling me that he was dying and only had a few weeks to live. She begged me to come and see him, as he wanted to see me before he died. It was a difficult decision to make, but I decided to visit him, and left a great many things that I would have liked to have voiced to him unsaid. It was really hard, but it also helped me close the book on the pain that he had caused me. The more recent one was the decision to end my marriage. It was heartbreaking, knowing that my decision was going to cause pain to a great many people in my life. My husband, no matter what his failings, has supported me through a lot of difficult times, so it was not easy to tell him that I was no longer happy in our marriage, and that I haven't been for a very long time. As it stands now, they have been a great many tears shed, but things are looking okay for everyone. I think it has been the best decision for me, for my children, and probably for him as well. OP, I'm thinking of you. These kinds of decisions are hard. I think it's worth talking to people whose opinions you trust - both those who know the people involved, and those who can be a little more objective. But ultimately, you have to go with your gut. I'm happy to be a sympathetic ear if it helps. - Posted from rhpmobile
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
The most most emotional decision was trying to decide on here, what my most emotional decision was. Waaaay to many.......
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RHP User
10 years ago
Omg that was so hard to read. Tears welled up. As a mother, what a horrible situation to be in, certainly puts everything else in perspective. God, that must have ripped your heart out. All the advice or knowledge you had wouldn't have lessened the pain. I'm so sorry but really great to hear there was a positive outcome and you must be so proud of your daughter. Thank you for having the courage to share to share that which can't have been easy. Stories like that can help and inspire or support people in their lowest moments xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
If you need a friend, pm me
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RHP User
10 years ago
I normally dont get that personal on here. I feel a bit "nekid" lol. But something made me write it. Maybe someone going through the same thing will read it and it will help.
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Interesting topic OP. I find that if I base my large and huge decisions based on my emotions, it normally backfires. Jeeez I've made some bad decisions based on my emotions. I need freedom, space and time to make the right choice. Therefore making Logic decisions work best for me to get the right outcome and make better choices. I find too, if my head space is is not in the right frame of mind I tend to make bad choices. So I need my head space to be in a good place to make the right choice. Hope that makes sense?? What ever choice you make OP (based on emotions or logic), I hope it works out well for you. Ms Foxy x
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RHP User
10 years ago
is to live or give up on things
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horneycouplewa
10 years ago
I have way too many, and prefer to leave most them behind me...most i have dealt with some not. Christmas is always tough, I miss my mother (she passed away when I was 23) I inherited everything and then I got conned by an older man, lost the lot, a guilty feeling hard to surpass even to this day, not about the money just being so naive.. I miss my step children and granbabies in the USA, do we or don't we move there ??? I constantly worry about my kid's future. But when it comes down to it...it's Christmas and my kid's are still young enough to enough it without any dramas of their own, so I will be happy and celebrate damm it.......xxx
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RHP User
10 years ago
With someone that I still loved... the how & why: too long to go into right now, but it had become inevitable. Like some of the other stories, sometimes it can be ultimately for the best, but that doesn't lessen the emotions at the time.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You're asking people to share their difficult decisions... yet.... you've not done so yourself. So.......what are yours?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sadly a lot of my too hard emotional decisions came before I was even 18! Most likely the reason I live with the life is too short mantra .... making the most of every day and every moment!! I already know how well the unsuspected can cut you down! Mrs Tefeela :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
with regards you post about your addicted child ,,,and having to walk away ,,,i to was put in that situation and did the same thing ,,difference was i recieved a knock on the door to inform me that my addicted child had commited suicide ,,,,threw hanging himself ,,,xxxxx catherine
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RHP User
10 years ago
i think my biggest emotional decision was to transition and become the person i wanted and had to be ,,after the death of my son and also my lover 2 weeks apart i was suffering from extreme depression and was suicidal ,,partly also because id been living in the closet all my life ,,regarding my sexuality ,,,i knew in myself that in order to get better ,,and to find true happiness ,,i had to become the real me ,,and be free to express myself the way that felt natural to myself ,,i then decided to transition and become a woman ,,,< something id always wanted to do > at the risk of loosing my daughter and my family ,,i transitioned ,,my daughter and 1 of my sisters stood by me my parents ,,my brother and other 2 sisters walked away and disowned me ,,but was it worth the risk ,,,,,,,,definaitly ,,im a much nicer person now and the sun shines every day for me ,,,,,xxxxxxx catherine
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RHP User
10 years ago
Willow and Hunni, both of you have inspired me. I have what I thought was a hard decision to make but it's nothing compared to what you have both done. Xo - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm absolutely humbled by some of these posts. I can't imagine what it's like almost let alone completely losing a child. Hugs xx
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Thank you for sharing. Just beautiful - very empowering and inspiring. Ms Foxy xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
No words. Just 💗
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RHP User
10 years ago
Just hugs from me too xxFreya
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
Hugs.
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
OP- you want to know how it turns out??? It doesn't, we live with guilt on a daily basis... I don't think anyone will ever understand the emotional pain of living with such extreme guilt. All I know is we do the best we can daily and that's ok. We don't look for pity from others. Just that it's ok to feel what ever we want to feel, when we want too, because we can. Words can never explain unconditional lost love. Hope that make sense?? Ms Foxy
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MissBishere
10 years ago
I've had a couple but am not comfortable to share. willow what a heart wrenching post. It made me cry. Catherine how amazing you are. What a strong woman. I'm just blown away.
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RHP User
10 years ago
God, i'm so sorry for the loss of your son. That's every parent's worst nightmare, heart wrenching story. After losing your partner as well, it's a miracle you're still here and surging forward, good for you. Your daughter is the most important and children are surprisingly adaptable and understanding, mine have been, well to a degree. What the rest of them think doesn't matter. You'll make new friends who will accept you the way you are and the others, well that's their loss. I don't understand that kind of ignorance, never have. Huge hug from me xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
To all who have shared your true emotions and stories, thanks for sharing. My simple life doesn't compare to what many of you have been through. It may one day, who knows what lies ahead. But for now your stories tell the rest of us that we all should be greatful for what we have. Mischievous, not everyone has to share. If the OP wants to, he will do so when he is ready. OP, take your time. No need to make swift decisions, whatever it is. When the time is right and your decision is made, you will know it is the right decision for you. It may hurt, but it will be your informed decision that you need to embrace, accept and move forward knowing, when you can. Easy does it.
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RHP User
10 years ago
The hardest decision I made was to become homeless at 14 years of age. Leaving behind a home with alcoholic parents that abused us in every way, shape and form possible. The hardest thing was leaving my three brothers behind knowing what was happening to them. Many years passed before one of my brothers made contact with me, telling me he loved me and wanted to see me. One brother committed suicide because our childhood ate him alive. The other brother refuses to acknowledge I'm alive. He blames me for not taking him with me, he was 4 at the time. Even today, after lots of therapy the pain is still raw. My godsend has been my darling husband who lets me vent when needed and holds me close and let's me cry on his shoulder. This wonderful man has never laid a finger on me and loves me unconditionally. To all you posters, thank you for sharing your stories. Merry Christmas to you all. xxx - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
What I find inspiring about threads like this is everyone's willingness to empathise, even if they don't feel comfortable sharing. And it always reminds me that everyone is capable of overcoming difficulties, no matter how big they seem. It also reminds me, too, that just because our own hard times don't seem as big or horrific as some of those that others have experienced, that doesn't necessarily make them less significant. Libbylou, I want to give you a big hug. xoxo - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
X
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RHP User
10 years ago
More tears. I don't even know what to say but when you said your brother was 4, god you poor thing. That's a shitty deal knowing you couldn't take them with you and I can only imagine how that guilt would never leave you, eat away at you, even though it wasn't your fault. My thoughts are with you and hope you have a wonderful Christmas xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Youre a good woman and mother. Thanks for sharing that. More people should hear/read that story. Stay strong and know that you made a difference. xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Mine seems so meaningless after some of these but it means a lot to me so here goes. 2008 married lovely lady. All going well as I was bringing in good $$. GFC comes along and I get made redundant. Good $$ stop. The $$ start to become less in frequency and amount. Took some contract work to make ends meet and pay for the lifestyle wife had become fairly quickly accustomed to. Contract work started to dry up. Decided to work on a few startups, knowing that some with take and others wouldn't. $$ become basically non existent in start-up phase and wife becoming angry. One of the startups gets some traction. Wife says, "i dont think this is going to work but it better work because if it doesn't we are over", so much for the "in richer and poorer, sickness and in health part. I took business to market raised a heap of capital to take national and the business was working. 2014 found out the 3 members of 5 member board were corrupt and when I confronted them, i was pushed out due to majority vote. Wife says, "told you it wasn't going to work. You're not good at business" even though i have been running businesses for 20 yrs. The little love i had left for this woman died that day. I ended up selling my stake in the business to the board and its still going today. Two weeks after the problem with the board, wife was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer. 5 masses in one breast 3 in the other. Extremely aggressive. Two weeks later double mastectomy and chemo ever since with 4 more large doses to go. What was the emotional decision for me, deciding to park the hurt that came from that lack of support, and stay put to care for her. I have been doing it for 12 months and every day that goes by I wonder if it was the right decision
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RHP User
10 years ago
My heart goes out to you..I ran away from home when I was seventeen,to this day I remember the liberation I felt after the physical and emotional abuse I suffered since the age of four..but it was never to the extent that you suffered compounded by the guilt you feel..but you were a child,how could you as a child help your siblings ?..please be kind to yourself ,I am so glad that you have love and support in your life hugs xFreya
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RHP User
10 years ago
You're a good man. Many would have walked regardless. But your decision was the right one in my opinion, even if things don't work out in years to come. At least you know you've done the right thing and stuck with your morals. Stick to being who you are.
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
Thank you. ❤️
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Lovinit28andKC72
10 years ago
The decisions we make, are the decisions we think are right for us at the time. Some will turn out to be the wrong decisions and some will be the best decisions we've ever made, but they are ours to make.. "A person who falls and gets back up is much stronger than a person who never fell" 💋
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RHP User
10 years ago
we will all experience a loss of life in our life time , a father, mother, sister , brother, a close friend, who all pass from a different circumstance. Its hard sometimes but their life has to be rejoiced and remembered with love and joy.
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RHP User
10 years ago
K1092; similar situation, my marriage was pretty much over due to me not being able to do my half of the childcare, renovate a house and earn enough money simultaneously, we had pretty much decided it was over when she was diagnosed with breast cancer, I made the decision to see her through it come what may and then leave when she was on her feet. The children were my priority, they needed me more than she did during the chemo. She hated it, being helpless me carrying the day, it was palpable every time I was in the room. It makes me cringe thinking about it. Then when she had regained some strength in the gap between chemo and radio she announced she was leaving, phew ! Leaving such an uncomfortable situation wasn't an option for me, anyway we have an agreeable relationship these days and had a painless separation even though she took all the friends, lol. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
strong and brave people on here. My decisions have been minor in comparison. Wishing you all the strength and courage to keep carrying on.....and a merry Christmas as well. Noella
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RHP User
10 years ago
So I am not the only one! I am so glad to read your message 50wetfigs. Thank you for sharing. Can you get your ext to contact my wife for me
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RHP User
10 years ago
Letting go of that 1 person you really cared about The one that got away - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
but I had been avoiding this one because it seemed too depressing. And having read the very honest, heart wrenching and difficult times some of you have been through I realize my own perceived difficulties are minor. I felt so sorry and moved by the stories of Hunni, Willow and Patchwork and my heart goes out to you. And the most inspiring thing about all the stories is that from what I see of you through rhp is that you seem to me to be bright witty and interesting people full of life and fun. And as a person dealing with depression perhaps the most meaningful one for me was redhot's simple one of deciding whether to give up on things or live. I wish you all peace of mind and thanks for sharing.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Never make important decisions or try to engage with another when yr both. In my experience you'll come to regret it & regret yr words. Once out u can't take them back. I'm a sleep on it kinda person, even a sleep on it for a few days til things simmer down. As Supersexxxy put it, "Ive made some bad decisions based on my emotions. I need freedom, space and time to make the right choice. Therefore making Logic decisions work best for me to get the right outcome and make better choices. I find too, if my head space is is not in the right frame of mind I tend to make bad choices. So I need my head space to be in a good place to make the right choice". If u don't have anything constructive to say don't say it. Before u do say something ask yrself, is it necessary? Is it helpful & is it kind? You'll come up with the right answer.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'lovman8' And as a person dealing with depression Please never think that depression isn't serious. Too often males don't share emotions so they take the wrong course of action. Only way its going to change is it people like you and I actually say out loud its okay to share feelings with your mates. As a man I want to reach out and say, if you ever want to talk about it with someone please don't hesitate to talk. I might not have any answers but I will be willing to listen and help you to see you are heard and that you do have a voice. I would also like to thank profusely the pure raw honesty in this thread, I am humbled by what you have felt comfortable sharing and in awe of the strength and fortitude you have all shown thrown those incredibly hard trials... Thank you... Merry Christmas!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Nice comment and lovman, i'm always up for a chat, you know that. I don't categorise depression as minor, far from it. It's something that can and most probably will change over time, the light will shine again, but a careful road needs to be taken to navigate through it getting there, like you're climbing uphill. The worst part, as you'd well know, is the isolation, people generally don't understand how hopeless it can make you feel or you think they don't understand. I do understand and I do care xx - Posted from rhpmobile
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