M56 F51
What is your goal of sexual activity?
November 07 2015
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
That's interesting, and I guess I would tend to agree. Sex for me isn't about orgasm - it's about exploring my desires, and developing relationships. Orgasms are just a lovely little side effect ... and sometimes, quite a big side effect! ;-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
is? ...
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RHP User
10 years ago
Been part of a couple for gazillions of year sand when I was there was not much sex sadlyXxFreya😣
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RHP User
10 years ago
But orgasm properly = want it and want it bad. Truth is many women still fake orgasm or say they do, but they don't, i used to be one of them. There's a feeling of failure if you can't orgasm. But every woman can, i could show women how to achieve different types, it develops and gets better over time but it's a skill that needs to be learned. When you have those skills in place, trust me, you'll initiate sex, and long term relationship has zero effect on sexual needs. It's much harder for a woman to learn to orgasm than it is for a man, and i'm not talking about 'cumming'. Women need to educate themselves and move forward with this. How long is this stigma and embarrassment going to go on. Articles like this don't help women's sexuality, it's not getting to the core issue. And PatchWorkGirl, 'a lovely little side effect' really? Is that all it is for you? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'cwhereitgoes' is? ... that women tend to appreciate the moments of cuddling, being touched, intimacy, visual stimulations etc SOMETIMES MORE than the minutes spent with pounding genitals together
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RHP User
10 years ago
I get what you're saying but the article suggests that all this stuff has to happen before a woman starts getting aroused. It shouldn't be like that, some stimulation, yes, even guys need that, but they shouldn't have to beg for it. Most men lose interest if they do - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Bahahaha love it - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sex..... is the ..."everything" ... before, and after the hokey pokey parts. Gee. Who knew
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
Not the destination (orgasm)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree. With the right partner the whole experience can be satisfying, with or without the orgasm. With long term relationships both partners can't always be in the right mood at the right time so there's times when it's your turn to be satisfied and times when it's theirs and then when you are both fired up you satisfy each other and they are the best times.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Firstly, there's no judgement here from me - if orgasming is such an important thing to you, that's fantastic. As one of those women you referred to who has had difficulty with it, though, to the point where it has only been very recently where I was actually able to orgasm as a result of intercourse, I'm quite comfortable and happy in saying yes, it IS just a side effect for me. As a few people have commented, it's about the journey, not the destination. As someone who has struggled with her own sexuality, and thought for a very long time that there was something wrong with me because I couldn't orgasm, I'm quite comfortable now, in viewing orgasming as something that may happen whilst I'm enjoying my body, and the body of whoever I'm with, but it's not my goal. If I cum now (and I usually do, multiple times), that's fantastic. If not, I'm not going to get stressed about it. And can I just say, whilst I'm fully supportive of you enjoying your body and sex however you like, your attitude towards my comment isn't really appreciated - especially as it comes from someone who expressed concern about women who experience difficulty orgasming. It was only as a result of letting go of the idea that orgasm was my goal that I was able to experience it more fully. For me, your apparent judgement about the way others enjoy their sexuality is what makes your post unpopular with me - not your want/need for orgasm. Which I fully support. :-)
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RHP User
10 years ago
"There's a feeling of failure if you can't orgasm." There absolutely is. Often that feeling of failure is magnified when women feel like they have to every single time, and that there is something wrong with them if they don't see orgasm as the point of sex, but rather as a "side effect". Let's try and avoid helping a greater sense of failure on people because they don't view orgasms the way you do. I don't think judgement of anyone and how they experience their sexuality helps, if it isn't hurting anyone else. You like to cum a lot, and hard? Awesome. You're comfortable with not cumming ,but really enjoy getting to know your body? Fantastic. You can only cum when wearing a Wonder Woman costume? More power to you, honey. Your orgasms, and your sexuality, are your business. Let's keep our judgement to ourselves, and celebrate everyone's ability to fuck who and how they want, shall we?
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree with Patchworkgirl & Annie, and I think Krissy summed it up beautifully in mentioning 'the moments of cuddling, being touched, intimacy, visual stimulations.. " I don't need those things to become aroused & to cum, but for me that's what sets having an orgasm during sex apart from having an orgasm while masturbating. Give me an orgasm with both physical and emotional satisfaction any day, over one that's just physically satisfying.
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
dont cum every time. Factors of alcohol, age, condoms etc. If i dont, no biggie. I make sure i do the next time. I get satisfaction from satisfying and just being in the moment. And of course an understanding partner is important, for both sexes. We forget that guys put pressure on themselves. Its expected of them. Get it up. Keep it up and time the finish perfectly. But its not a perfect world.
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RHP User
10 years ago
All I can say is that if there is no emotional closeness or intimacy in a relationship, there won't be any sex either. Been there, done that, not there again. Actually, when it comes to long-term relationships, I'd pick closeness and intimacy over sex any day. Satisfying my inner being is more nourishing to me than satisfying my body.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' I get what you're saying but the article suggests that all this stuff has to happen before a woman starts getting aroused. It shouldn't be like that, some stimulation, yes, even guys need that, but they shouldn't have to beg for it. Most men lose interest if they do - Posted from rhpmobile Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' But orgasm properly = want it and want it bad. Truth is many women still fake orgasm or say they do, but they don't, i used to be one of them. There's a feeling of failure if you can't orgasm. But every woman can, i could show women how to achieve different types, it develops and gets better over time but it's a skill that needs to be learned. When you have those skills in place, trust me, you'll initiate sex, and long term relationship has zero effect on sexual needs. It's much harder for a woman to learn to orgasm than it is for a man, and i'm not talking about 'cumming'. Women need to educate themselves and move forward with this. How long is this stigma and embarrassment going to go on. Articles like this don't help women's sexuality, it's not getting to the core issue. And PatchWorkGirl, 'a lovely little side effect' really? Is that all it is for you? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Sorry my comments didnt show up on my message. Women are made to feel guilty if they dont cum in a certain amount of time thats why they fake orgasm. I have had several guys say have you cum yet after a couple of minutes I mean give me a break lol. I love sex dont get me wrong but I get nervous in every new encounter when it comes to cumming.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Great response, thats all i want is for the right information or honest comments, being a public forum, thousands, millions of womens are searching the internet as we speak reading forums like this trying to help them. The point of my post/s was that women don"t tell the truth about it. Judgement? God no, like i said, i've been there and felt like i couldn't tell anyone, especially when there was so much talk about sex toys etc. My first clit orgasm happened by accident, vaginal/squirting i taught myself from instructional porn and it has developed 1000 fold and is way more intense, anyway, 'cumming' isn't something specific i'm aware of certainly if i do, though i probably do because i have cream pies in my pants lol so there are different types, we're all different, but 2 things here, firstly thank you for being honest, we're not helping women out there unless we keep it honest. Finally though, i still have to ask the question, why don't women ask for advice, for tips on how to discover what their bodies can do. This discussion will help women though, absolutely no judgement from me about women not reaching orgasm, plenty of judgement about how much bs they come out with about it, total bs in a lot of cases, but all good, we're talking about it, that's the important thing. I want to help women, they need to want to help themselves though - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2'But every woman can, i could show women how to achieve different types, it develops and gets better over time but it's a skill that needs to be learned. When you have those skills in place, trust me, you'll initiate sex, and long term relationship has zero effect on sexual needs. It's much harder for a woman to learn to orgasm than it is for a man, and i'm not talking about 'cumming'. Women need to educate themselves and move forward with this. I feel you may be perpetuating the idea that if a woman can't come she needs educating, learn how to relax, etc. etc. I'm sure that is true for many women, but certainly not all. Besides those women who actually aren't mentally or physically able to climax, there are also plenty that just aren't interested in having an orgasm, whatever their reason. They may find pleasure in different things, be a-sexual or ...? I don't claim to be an expert by any means. I think for those whose orgasms are amazing (not aimed you, but I hope you're one of them!) that can be quite hard to fathom. In my opinion it should be perfectly ok for any man or woman to say they can take or leave climaxing, instead of being made to feel they're missing out or that they are "just not there yet" (pun intended). My 2cts.
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RHP User
10 years ago
You say in your first post that you're 'not talking about cumming'. Is there a difference between cumming & having an orgasm? I've always thought that they meant the same thing, and therefore I use both words interchangeably. So now I'm curious about your implication that they're different things?
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MissBishere
10 years ago
My goal is orgasm
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'purplehaze4u' Sorry my comments didnt show up on my message. Women are made to feel guilty if they dont cum in a certain amount of time thats why they fake orgasm. I have had several guys say have you cum yet after a couple of minutes I mean give me a break lol. I love sex dont get me wrong but I get nervous in every new encounter when it comes to cumming. This is troubling in three ways: that you have managed to find several guys like this, that the guys have managed to acquire this attitude somehow, and that it now has an affect on you (and apparently other women). As for the OP's query: I could certainly write something deep and meaningful here, but this time I won't :) Instead, I'll repeat what I have mentioned on my profile. My goal from sex is simply to do my best to be invited back!
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rupamohan
10 years ago
Though I am in extra long relationship but routine sextra long separation is fuelling my spontaneous desire. I mean it is not just a matter of 10 or 100 or even 1000. Sometime the separation is over 100000 seconds. However I enjoy low intensity multiple orgasms much more then one strong one. So toys are once a year event.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Of the spiritual, interpersonal and physical kind. Depth and abandonment. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Honestly it's a mixture of things for me. I won't lie, orgasms are great, but I also enjoy other aspects - the tactile feeling of body on body and being inside someone is pretty awesome too, kind of like an extension of cuddling and kissing I suppose. It's nice to be able to get comfortable with/get along with somebody enough to decide you want to spend some time out making each other feel awesome. I'm generally a person who's pretty hard to get close to so it's not very often I *get* to be that sensual/tactile with someone, but when I do, my god it's awesome.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Yes i'm glad you asked Astrild. Very big difference, or at least can be, but not all that common, hence why i always speak up about this. I'll try to break it down how it works for me, hard to in a short forum post but i'll do my best not to write a book. Okay so first the clit orgasm is the holy grail for me, so to explain this, forget about cumming, it's entirely different, and doesn't require internal, little tease of the gspot occasionally, that's it, then just playing with the area below the clit, getting everything swollen inside, teasing the clit from the side or whatever, but waiting for full arousal before letting rip on the clit, blanking out the minf, that's the tough bit, then when i orgasm, it feels like an explosion of little electrodes inside my pussy/abdomen, starting with the clit obviously, then it happens fast, it goes nuts and races up through the body to the brain. It's incredible, like i said, the first one i had was by accident, it scared the hell out of me but i knew what was happening. Changed my life, can't tell you how intense and good for the body it is. It also has healing and health benefits, makes your hair shine etc and prevents you getting sick, so hard to put this into a forum post, there's so much more i could say. This takes longer and is harder to achieve than a vaginal orgasm. It used to frustrate the hell out of me, it would take hours, bloody hard work, i just couldn't blank my mind out, so it's very much about mind control as well as clit stimulation. As far as i'm aware, i don't cum when this happens, i may do though. BUT the key sign after the event is throbbing, if i put my hand on my pussy after, i can feel it pulsing and other muscles contract down my legs. I don't have words really to explain how amazing it feels or how much good it does for a woman's body and welk being. I'll have to do another post for the other orgasms, well mainly squirting/vaginal but sometimes the 2 come together. Interesting to me that i don't cum as such or like i said, i probably do, being that i have cream pies in my pants (most days i'm always aroused) but i don't know whether i do or not during sex. So i'd be interested to know how it feels to you or others who cum when they orgasm. I'm always wanting to know more and am aware that as my body and hormones change, so to will the way i orgasm. So it's great if there are different ways to get there. Very importantly though, the more the body or clit is stimulated and taken to this, the more it wants, i can feel the sebsitivity, arousal, little electrodes, for want of a better expression all the time now, sitting here now, driving to the beach earlier, i'm always feeling like i need to pull the car over and do something about. Anyway, i'll write another post about the other orgasm which has developed with time and help of some experienced guys and instructional porn. Final note, someone above mentioned a guy asking if she had cum, i also hate that, i had one guy ask me that and as we all orgasm differently, it's not necessarily the desired outcome for all women, as with me, squirting is however but more about that in another post. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
On the mobile, sorry for typos - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
To me it was only about orgasming. With maturity it's so much deeper - yep no pun - the depth of sensuality the depth of caring the depth of looking into her eyes as she rides into pleasure - I love to watch that. I always have even when younger. It's seeing her enjoying herself which really does it for me... Does it matter if I do not orgasm - it's nice in fact it's great - but it's not everything. Suppose it's why I love MMF so much...seeing her Buck uncontrollably is bliss.
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rupamohan
10 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' But orgasm properly = want it and want it bad. Truth is many women still fake orgasm or say they do, but they don't, i used to be one of them. There's a feeling of failure if you can't orgasm. But every woman can, i could show women how to achieve different types, it develops and gets better over time but it's a skill that needs to be learned. When you have those skills in place, trust me, you'll initiate sex, and long term relationship has zero effect on sexual needs. It's much harder for a woman to learn to orgasm than it is for a man, and i'm not talking about 'cumming'. Women need to educate themselves and move forward with this. How long is this stigma and embarrassment going to go on. Articles like this don't help women's sexuality, it's not getting to the core issue. And PatchWorkGirl, 'a lovely little side effect' really? Is that all it is for you? - Posted from rhpmobile The clinical approach to Primary anorgasmia is that if women is satisfied with her situation then no further intervention is required. You are right orgasm can be almost learned. Issues apart from behavioural aspect I can only guess can be less blood flow to sensitive places or more severe medical conditions.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I think is ruining the FUN both for women and men...neither should be obliged to have an orgasm..if it happens then hurray if it doesnt and they still had FUN then HURRRRRAAAYYY :) :) sometimes orgasm can actually hurt...the contracting muscles can be so powerful that one gets cramps - in the back, in the leg or in the pelvis - now I get that a lot of men would enjoy watching their woman in that situation but that is not pleasant..it can kill passion in a heartbeat and given this would happen for a lady wwwwaaaayyy before he has cum it can be a dealbreaker...of course there are relaxation and physio techniques one can do to A, avoid B, deal with these cramps but then it takes the focus away...and isnt that the best part of an orgasm...letting it go both for your brain and your body..almost like an out-of-body experience :) but if one is caught up in cramps then the letting go is very short lived..
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RHP User
10 years ago
So are you saying you don't orgasm because it's too painful? Cramping from orgasm doesn't usually cause pain. Does it with you and in what part of your body? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' So are you saying you don't orgasm because it's too painful? Cramping from orgasm doesn't usually cause pain. Does it with you and in what part of your body? - Posted from rhpmobile I am not saying that...I love my orgasms...but for me that is not the goal..and reason for that is that I have had a couple of really strong ones where the cramps were just too much and I had to "shuffle" left and right which made my lover worry that he has done something wrong when it is the opposite so it is just opening up a can of worms...and I reckon there are many women out there in similar shoes...sometimes..it can be far too strong.. I think that the "performance anticipation" can a hurdle..Sex should not be a competition - or a race of "who is better" "how good it was"..it should be an interaction of 2 people (or more ) to give their partner(s) pleasure...if there is the big O in it then hurrayyyyy if there is no big O in it then it should still be pleasurable, enjoyable, fun, satisfying etc...that is time and energy well spent..why bother otherwise? :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Orgasms and sex are great but what I seek is a deeper connection and companionship in the form of a deep friendship whether that be in a relationship or just enjoying someones company. I am always amazed and amused at these models as so many of them about the same shit tend to differ so very much depending on who and what the test subjects were. Too many variables in people and lives to really take anything from any test or statistic.
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RHP User
10 years ago
from the original question...sorry OP. Posts about orgasms from all genders here, has be an educational read. I'm thankful to find myself in an online community that are willing, and able to express / offer insight into topics that may still be difficult to voice (Thanks everyone!). I'm wondering what the origins of the male mindset, "My rule is I won't cum unless you [the woman] cums first" is? And how one goes about reshaping some paradigms of sex, for example that sex reaches a "Great!!" classification, only when both people climax? I ask (perhaps as stupid question #834), since most have pointed out that sex is more than experiencing an orgasm. How does one bring it back to enjoying the moment of the whole act(s), rather than the need to 'cum'?
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RHP User
10 years ago
As a young man (can you hear the aged quiver in my voice as I say that?)... it was wham bam thank you Maam... not saying there was no tenderness... cuddles... appreciation of the beauty of a woman and attentoin to a ladies needs. BUT... as you make mistakes, you learn from them (well some do) and the complex tapestry of life emerges (not just in sex). I am not as "dynamic" or "pneumatic" as I was in my 20's... BUT I KNOW... I enjoy what happens between me and a woman... and I know that the person with the big grin also takes more away from the interaction. Yes... I would love to have a 25 yo body and a 40-50 yo mind... but hey... I value the women I relate toooo and with... I respect and connect with them... or it does not happen. They may be mature... they may be young but all of them understand that everything is to be enjoyed... orgasm or not. We have one shot at life... it is about enjoying and relishing the moment... looking back and valuing every experience... that does not say I do not work towards shared orgasmic experience... brought about by physical or mental stimulus! Blah blah blah...
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