M59
What's is the best approach if a woman thinks you disrespected her
February 25 2019
Comments
-
MsJonesy
7 years ago
By making your "into BDSM" part of play without her consent. Showing verbal interest is not (put that word in bold, italics, red and 45 point font) anywhere near enough for any woman, especially one with a tumultuous past.. Seriously, I really can't believe you did that. Gentle touch...what is gentle about biting a woman's nipple without consent? Your alarm bells should have gone off when she had to get inebriated to have the courage to go to the hotel with you. Actually.... the word assault is what is buzzing in my head. You need to have a damn hard think about all of this, and I don't think you should even contemplate having another sexual encounter with this woman. Respect what she says, listen to her, and back away.... to somewhere quiet where you can do serious research into the issues of consent, what BDSM actually is, what consent in a BDSM context means, and how to actually listen AND comprehend what someone tells you. Yes, this is harsh. Deliberately so. I'm hoping it may jolt you back to reality and out of your own BDSM fantasy world which you so clearly inflicted in this woman.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Ok.... so.... where to begin MY personal view, which will not be everyones view.... is that as a Man, it is incumbent upon you to ensure that someone in your presence, is also under your protection. And the moment you decided to get drunk and pursue a sexual agenda, you let her down. Now as I said, that view will not be everyones.... for which I do not care. But when people are drunk, communication, inhibitions and consents.... fall down. That much, you found out the hard way even though you already knew about her past, and requirement of a "gentle touch"......... and from where you find yourself now, there is no easy return. HOWEVER..... as you are still speaking with her, and she is now openly sharing her fears, (assuming youre not obsessively pleading)...... then she obviously still cares enough to tell you and consider you might take those fears on board. So you do still have a window through which you can restore her faith.... but you'll have to drop your sexual aspirations to build sufficient comfort first. Forget the flowers, and gifts and those types of gimmicky gestures.Forget trying to get her into bed. She will need your time, your attention, and your nurture for her to regain her trust on a human level...... before you can consider that she will give you opportunity to be on a sexual level. Her past, as you said, was tumultuous. Give her the masculine, peaceful, stability.....
-
MsSuperFoxy
7 years ago
DO NOT DO IT AGAIN! She stated that, so action and back it up. If she said she's scared, she is scared. She's communicating, that's a good thing. Listen, as in really listen to what she is telling you. Forget the BDSM and all that gimmicky stuff. That can come later. Take it at her pace, not yours. From here on it is about her and getting to know her. Communicate well. Good luck Ms Foxy
-
countrytouch82
7 years ago
Rule of thumb is drunken sex is hardly consensual sex. Your disrespect was getting her drunk not necessarily specific actions you did. As far as I'm concerned getting a new person or stranger drunk enough with alcohol so they will go with you is only one step short of slipping in a date rape drug. Of course I could not state that drunken sex is ALWAYS non-consensual, because the concept exists, just as one example, of an existing couple sometimes having drunken sex together.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
As much as I appreciate you reaching out for opinions, your post rubs me wrong, and it starts with you saying she thinks you disrespected her. No. You disrespected her. Big time. This is not in her head, this is about what you did, and until you don't see the difference, there are not enough 'sorry's' or flowers in the world. You crossed various boundaries, and I think you have a lot to learn. But fromher, definitely not with her, so let her go and learn from this experience. My 2cts.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
One word in your OP has the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, and make me think you really don't get it. The word "but" at the end of your post.
-
FeistyFatty
7 years ago
There is so much wrong with your Post and the Date itself no wonder she is scared...... I'm actually scared you can't figure out of your volition where you went wrong! You've made an apology (despite it appearing here that you are clueless how you disrespected her) now I think you should just leave her be.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
After that you fucked up and pissed her off. There's nothing you can do to "un-piss her off", she will either forgive you or not.If you really piss me off you can't come back from that,game over you'll never be friend again.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
So what would a "gentle touch " be ? She told you what she needed.,you not only refused to listen you pursued your own selfish ends not just disrespecting her but sexually assaulting her IMO. You were drunk,she was drunk ,to have sex with someone who is drunk means they have diminished responsibility. You should leave her alone,your last comment says it all. Now do the right thing.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Mate... Knowing she needed kid gloves, what on earth did you think was going to happen when you bit her on the nipple?? That suddenly all was going to disappear?? Naievity is not a defence in a moral jurisdiction....especially at 52 years old....so here’s your consequences.... Walk away....
-
RHP User
7 years ago
...and if that doesn't do it, forget it. Right now she probably thinks you're a bit of a freak-show and even if you do recover, this toy is busted! Kind of a cardinal rule... go slow until you know the speed limit. ʗɱ
-
RHP User
7 years ago
The golden rule of an apology - be sorry for what you did, not sorry that she's scared. If the latter then you are not really sorry but just pursuing your agenda. Apologise and walk away.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
I agree with all previous comments, however I appreciate you are seeking advice to make amends on your mistake. Your last sentence “But I’m into BDSM....” IF you are into bdsm you should know the rules already. If so you broke them. Take ownership of your behaviour. No ifs no buts. If not then you need to learn and play by the rules; Safe Sane Consensual Every single one has been broken. You lost control. Thank goodness it was only a bite on her nipple and not impact play or rope or much worse. Flowers won’t fix this. Man up learn from it, Apologise profusely and genuinely.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
One more point, why have you not written in your Bio that you are into BDSM, your profile therefore is rather deceiving as well.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Like pretty much everyone else who has posted so far - mate, you are lucky that the matter ended when it did. I can add nothing further to what others have said except to say that you sound A) like a selfish prat, and B) I don't detect any real remorse in your post (the last line is you absolving yourself), only attempts at justification (''I had a previous partner that loved it''). Why the absolute fuck would you bite someone's nipple unbidden? I am fairly sure that would constitute assault in terms of law. You are lucky (and I don't believe you deserve to be) on two fronts - the first in that she didn't pursue things further, the second that she wants anything at all to do with you still. You bit a vulnerable woman (who needed ''a gentle touch''). You actually bit her. You need to have a good hard look at yourself - and certainly don't come to the forums seeking absolution, which I suspect is your true motivation. You're 52 years old, and we have to explain this to you?
-
RHP User
7 years ago
... that you have not faced criminal charges yet. If you did that to me unexpectedly you would be in a world of trouble!
-
usrightnow_Again
7 years ago
You wrote the following:"we went out and got blind drunk before she felt comfortable enough to come back to the hotel we had booked to stay in." .. Read that, think about it a moment, then read what Ms Jonesey, Solitary, Anti., Q., OD45., FFF., and ladylover said. Think some more, and if you really need to, repeat. .. Mr. urn. .
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Wow . Blind drunk and taking advantage says it all you fool , you did not look after her you used her and abused her , I know what its liked to be abused and not looked after, and I survived because some one else took me away from the bastard who did that to us no way would I ever trust you again ,, ,,ever,,,,, because you failed and cant be trusted … are you really 51 and should know better , is no wonder I don't trust men and even spend time with a few I,m allways on guard and to give my trust means I give my all so I,m holding back what you said just made me think do I really wont to trust a guy ….I mean can I, what you said has made me think do I really wont to allow myself to even wont to trust . oh dear me, , I,ll be thinking very seriously . ...noeleena...
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Some how like in all situations the telling of a story is by far the full tale, and we are not talking of a scared little angel here, that I know of she bedded 5 men and one woman in the 5 weeks before we went out. I know what I did was wrong, in the very depth of me and if I had any chance I would undo it, but my balls are not magic or crystal. And it was her that plastered me with drink, I tried to stop hours earlier because I dont like being that drunk and drunk sex sucks. What all you people failed to see,but one guy, is I was looking for sensible advice on how I could make things better, unfortunately most if you are two bitter to see it. It wasn't an active or contemplated attempt at bdsm, it was a drunken habit formed with someone else that had no contemplation. So before you go of on your holier than thow crusades, because none have you have ever fucked up drunk, I would apreaciate some positive advice.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Was positive but still you blame the victim and take no responsibility.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Fuck off will you yeah??? By your own admission, you disrespected her.... By your own admission YOU got drunk...No one forced you to drink... By your own admission you lost control.... And you want us to pay you on the back for it?? Fuck off...
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Pat** Fuck autocorrect too
-
boobsandbusted
7 years ago
the part that’s wrong with your post is you wrote the word thinks , there is no THINKS about it ,you DID ,,plain and simple ,say sorry no if no buts ,no excuses ,and find someone else , mr b
-
boobsandbusted
7 years ago
sorry forgot to add , and don’t be an asshole again , mr b
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Ghost and move on. Whether you did or did not disrespect her is irrelevant, if she thinks you have it's not worth the effort to redeem yourself. Put your effort into new prospects. This isn't Red Hot Long and Prosperous Marriages. Its Red Hot Pie, just grab another slice.
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Damn straight DP
-
RHP User
7 years ago
Quoting 'VagaTerian' Some how like in all situations the telling of a story is by far the full tale, and we are not talking of a scared little angel here, that I know of she bedded 5 men and one woman in the 5 weeks before we went out. I know what I did was wrong, in the very depth of me and if I had any chance I would undo it, but my balls are not magic or crystal. And it was her that plastered me with drink, I tried to stop hours earlier because I dont like being that drunk and drunk sex sucks. What all you people failed to see,but one guy, is I was looking for sensible advice on how I could make things better, unfortunately most if you are two bitter to see it. It wasn't an active or contemplated attempt at bdsm, it was a drunken habit formed with someone else that had no contemplation. So before you go of on your holier than thow crusades, because none have you have ever fucked up drunk, I would apreaciate some positive advice. Holier than thou? I've never bitten someone during sex. Your comment about her promiscuity in the weeks leading up to your encounter was completely unnecessary, and irrelevant to what happened - so because she was promiscuous anything was on the table? You are implying that she is a slut, and thus fair game. After all of that, I will give you some advice - apologize to her for what you did (if you haven't already), tell her you will be there to help if she needs, and back off. My biggest advice to you though would be to not entertain any future prospect of bedding her again. If you do, in my opinion, you have only reinforced my other opinion of you as stated earlier (i.e you are a selfish prat). Not being into BDSM or having had any encounter with it, I am still fairly certain that if you encounter a partner that expresses interest in it, you don't go in guns blazing. There is a big difference in expressing an interest in nipple clamps and having someone bite you on the breast.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15121 Comments: 88163
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10235
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11666
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9766
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1006 Comments: 5245
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5783
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1992
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share