M48
When a FWB wants more
February 16 2018
Comments
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RHP User
8 years ago
consider how she felt. That's all
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RHP User
8 years ago
You and your FWB sorted out your boundaries and so on, and why you were hooking up (ie for physical fun only and nothing more) then it shouldn't have been a problem. I wouldn't have done anything differently, although if you thought your FWB time was over letting her down nicely would probably be appreciated. Back in the day my ex and I both had FWBs we had to cut loose as they were growing too attached. Just one of those things, I guess.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I get the rules thing, tho 1 - 2 days a week is not just FWB. In my view. I always assumed we have FWB's because we are not seeking a committed relationship with anyone. I'd suggest not making rules and see how things go. Too much emphasis is put on just sex. Emotions and feelings are always evolving and at times not in the direction you think. Just keep the communication open. 😁 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Communication is a big must in any "relationship". How someone acts isn't always how they feel. As Inspirit said, feelings evolve, especially seeing each other 1-2wk. We're you in contact in between your fun times? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit'I'd suggest not making rules and see how things go. Too much emphasis is put on just sex. Emotions and feelings are always evolving and at times not in the direction you think. This. Feelings happen. The trick is not to try to avoid them, but for the relationship to be flexible enough to be okay with them developing. I honestly don't think it's possible to guarantee that sex will remain "just sex" - when it's between people who like each other enough to keep seeing each other over and over again regularly. Even if it really is mostly just for sex, and even if you avoid personal details, things can just click emotionally, on a chemical level. This is, in a nutshell, why I avoid 1-on-1 FWB scenarios with single women. Unless they are very much solo polyamorous minded and can handle a casual nonexclusive relationship. ie Basically a FWB where feelings have developed but you just keep seeing each other as FWBs indefinitely, and everyone is cool with that.
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RHP User
8 years ago
We did not contact each other between our times, it was really just to hook up. We didn’t really also talk much about what else was happening in our lives.
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MissRedFox
8 years ago
And spend 1-2 nights a week together and there's a good chance feelings will develop. Obviously she did - didn't say anything for fear of you ending all together because you probably told her you weren't "looking for a relationship" and she's ended up hurt because well you found one elsewhere. While you didn't do anything wrong it's just the nature of human interaction - it's usually not simple. Btw what your describing to me is more of a "Fuck buddy" friends with benefits to me suggests that there's a connection first, with sex as a bonus XX - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
You’re very rigid in your thinking.... But.... if SHE wanted to change the agreement, SHE should’ve opened her mouth.... And.... If YOU were open to more from someone else...YOU should’ve told her that from the beginning too as clearly YOU didn’t give her the option to evolve anything so SHE felt as though she wasn’t ALLOWED to change the arrangement... A simple statement from the beginning like “yes I understand the rules, and am happy to accept those, but I’m also open to evolve further if it so presents itself, so please, if things change for you, or I, we should talk about it and make a decision as to where WE go from there...IF the need arises....” - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Us women, even though it's a mutual agreement as a nsa relationship do develop feelings for someone that they are intimate with with regularly. It's called being human. Sometimes us humans want a little more than just being a fuck buddy. Let's face it there were no benefits with you two. So when you actually met someone else and did the things together that she would have liked to do she was hurt and didn't feel good enough. Feelings change so original rules can be changed, they are not set in stone. Why do most men only think with their dick and have no empathy? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Hey Outbax, you didn’t do anything wrong. Entering into such an arrangement has risks, that is that one of you may become more involved than the other, regardless of what rules you have established at the beginning. I’d say most of us would have been burned at some point with this, and once you do, you are more aware or wary in the future and are able to handle it better. I think so anyway, except for some who never learn! So you can’t do anything differently really, but have empathy and be understanding. Perhaps if you see future casual lovers are becoming more involved you can stop seeing them so much? For me, that is why I would always state that you are not exclusive and still seeing other people, it stops others thinking that the arrangement is leading to something more exclusive/committed. :)
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RHP User
8 years ago
I get what your saying, but it’s comments like yours that scare men away from FWB. That’s what you’re all looking for... but straight up you are saying (from your comment above) you are going to fall for him. From the other perspective, did she say she wanted to change the rules? Did she say she was developing feelings. Sorry blokes are simple creatures - the agreement was sex a few times a week, no real contact between times, not much discussion on a personal level - he took her at her word. Was that wrong of him. No, no it wasn’t.
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RHP User
8 years ago
I had FWB many years ago with a girl I met on here. Key to all this is open communication. It is possible to keep a FWB as pure sex and lust. Having said that, it’s a very fine line to walk, because as time progress, you both get to know one another, which can change the dynamics of the sexual relationship. I made that mistake of not being honest with myself and communicate how I felt about my FWB. When I realised, that I was feeling jealous and insecure, I had to stop seeing her. It was at that moment, when I had developed feelings for her, I wanted more. What I had being denying, I couldn’t put of anymore. It meant we were no longer on the “same page”. In your situation, your FWB wanted to go beyond what you had agreed to. What you have to be clear on is, if either one of you get attachment feelings, it must be brought honestly out into the open, otherwise it will end messy. A FWB that goes beyond wanting more, is a no longer FWB relationship. It is at the moment, where you both either agreed to go full relationship or you stop. There is no other way around it, because you are dealing with feelings. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Im not sure you could have done anything different specifically as I don't know your interactions or conversations. But you were fwb, but you were open to a relationship but never asked her out. In essence you told her she was good enough to fuck but not enough to date. She may not have been interested in a relationship with you but at the least you hurt her ego. Mrs A x - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Quoting 'outbax' We did not contact each other between our times, it was really just to hook up. We didn’t really also talk much about what else was happening in our lives. The 'F' and the 'B' stand for different things in the relationship you had. Having someone as an FWB depends on things like not just hooking up, meeting out for a drink after work somewhere or a coffee on the weekend or something nice and friendly like that, as well as talking about stuff in your lives, being interested in each other as a person. If it was simply once or twice a week you got to hook up and then left, then hello 'FB' arrangement. It should never simply be about how hard your bit is and how wet her bit is and how often you can schmoosh them together. You need to learn what FWB really means. Setting rules won't help you if you don't work out what having a friend with benefits is all about. Your lack of understanding dooms you from the start if you can't work that out.
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RHP User
8 years ago
Well if that’s the case, it was more FB, however the fact remains I wasn’t interested in a ‘relationship’ with here, just a bit of fun. I had assumed that is exactly what she wanted too. If she had said something at some point during those months I may well have reassessed the route things were going!
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RHP User
8 years ago
In my own forum question. Agree with Inspirit. It is OK to set boundaries. Intentions change depending on how often your see your FWB. Found myself getting attached and so was he so the boundaries went out the window. Every situation is different and I now think that it is hard to see someone so often without some attachment forming. It is so much about that thing called communication and if you really aren't interested in anything long term and the other party is please let them down gently as it can still be a painful experience for some people. Ms Midnight
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RHP User
8 years ago
i would personally have taken it as a compliment... if you were a crap lover...very likely you would have not created those surges of endorphin rush, that can so easily be confused with something else...clearly you were rocking her world but yes...feelings are one of the few things we cannot control, no matter how hard we may try..we can ignore them..suppress them...lie about them...but they will still be there ! also seeing and fucking someone on weekly basis will create a bond, that although may not be "romantic" in nature...( i.e. the person isn't in love)...but the fact that one has allowed another person into one's intimate space ...on weekly basis...will make one a lot more vulnerable emotionally too...unless you are a machine , and can fuck like one (not referring to stamina lol)...you will show your most vulnerable side when you get intimate with another person ...(especially if its twice a week, every week...)things that normally would not matter, now do...things that normally wouldn't hurt you...now do...it can happen to the best of us, rules or no rules... if you enjoy the intimacy , familiarity and comfort, that an ongoing, regular play partner can provide...as opposed to the one night stands with random strangers...you also have to be prepared to deal with the emotions, that such relationship may evoke in the other person(or maybe even you).... you have to take the good with the "bad"... I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.” ― Marilyn Monroe
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EarthQueen
8 years ago
Perfectly said. I agree with everything you mentioned. Maybe women are different than men? I'm not sure? I can't have regular sex with someone in a FWB situation without feeling emotion for the other person. Its impossible and I celebrate and own that.I want to be feeling and connecting with another person because thats who I am. So I do invest somewhat and also carefully, because otherwise I would feel like a robot and I wouldn't get turned on. Its keeping that balance that can be sometimes hard. But if you don't want to get hurt you have to keep checking in with yourself and see where you are sitting and possibly end it if you know you are looking at an emotional dead end no matter how good the sex is. It doesn't matter what the boundaries are that you set if one person gets the feels they just do. You probably didn't do anything wrong and it sounds like you kept touching base. She just grew to like you more than as a friend. Feels happen, its the risk you take with FB or FWB.
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RHP User
8 years ago
as a well designed self-promotion, but let us say it is not and you are genuinely interested in what you should do differently this time. First, if you are so scared to repeat the mistake, see each other once every two months not 1-2 a week. Second, do not lead her into believing she means more so your sex would be better. Finally, emphasis is on friends not on sex. Are you sure she was so into you that she wanted more or she was just disappointed in seeing the real you? (Ms)
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RHP User
8 years ago
as a well designed self-promotion, but let us say it is not and you are genuinely interested in what you should do differently this time. First, if you are so scared to repeat the mistake, see each other once every two months not 1-2 a week. Second, do not lead her into believing she means more so your sex would be better. Finally, emphasis is on friends not on sex. Are you sure she was so into you that she wanted more or she was just disappointed in seeing the real you? (Ms)
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RHP User
8 years ago
Makes sex sound so switched off may as well get the dildo out and do yourself People complicate sex in many ways you must of liked something about her to start with in order to Hook up with her twice a week lol At the end of the day your expressing your most sexual desires with that other person Irgoing and not showing enough respect to communicate with each other openly on what level you both sit at is more of a head fuck then a enjoyable time I don't call that fun at all and I have no idea why she would of bothered if you didn't communicate That's my opinion if you grow feelings then grow them if you don't then move on It's fairly simple Who cares your only human Learning to have fun times with someone is the best memories made nothing is long term in this life not even ourselves ❤️🤚 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
8 years ago
Did your dating partner know that you were keeping a FWB on the side?, going on the tone of your post, wouldn't think so, So here is the rub, Nd it is a large concept too swallow, this new era of online dating, and perceived instant gratification is a road to unhappy monogamous relationships... Unless when you meet (real life) the one you want to be with you instantly cut ties with this online world and stay in the moment with your chosen One, By all means have discussion with them as the relationship evolves if you want to come back here together to strengthen ties , but is here really anywhere wants to be, isn't in the moment in real life what we are all searching for here? - Posted from rhpmobile
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