F45
Who in the couple initiates the idea of swinging?
November 25 2016
Comments
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Have struck on more the one occasion a couple where the male half is the keen instigator but when the actual meet happens and "swinging" a definite possibility it's the female who is keenest and the male suddenly is reluctant due to a sudden bout of jealousy at seeing his partner "enjoying" herself.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Yeah I'm always curious... it appears a lot of monogamous relationships take its toll and swinging seems to either make or break relationships. I still classify myself as monogamous, maybe I'm just fantasising, but still very curious about swinging. I really wonder how it's changed the relationship for the better or for worse...? (I guess if they are trying to mend any damage, I won't get any responses here, which will out swinging in a more favourable light lol). A lot have used it to save their relationship and made it better. As female said somewhere in forums here, once you bring it up, you can't take it back and you have to go in accepting whatever outcome it may present. Some people swing for decades...either way can be hard, but I think swinging couples are more courageous emotionally. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
DynamicCouple36
9 years ago
Every couple that we have met, in the swinging scene, has confirmed that the idea was male driven / initiated / instigated. We think it's generally always been that way , from the very beginning . The term "wife swapping" says it all. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
We met swinging so to speak... So once we had settled in our relationship it was a topic that was brought up and here we are.
-
patch4733
9 years ago
in our experience 70% male and 30% female. What is really interesting is that after you meet the female is as open as the male when play starts.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Having both had sexual experience before we met it became a bedroom role play early on to relive former times which quickly progressed to fantasy about future times. Fantasy became reality with mutual expectations and here we are today. Contrary to DC we know every couple is not driven by the male. We have met couples where the female is the motivator and the male is simply the pleaser.But in internet terms DC could be right where it appears a majority of the males in couples drive the profiles because if it's like here the female cannot be bothered with the rubbish that happens, but quickly gets involved when there's a live one on the go.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
This is an interesting topic... what would be the opposite to wife swapping in the new urban dictionary? Hmmm...throughout history, mens' sexual prowess have been glorified, but womens' have been shunned. Girls are taught to be prudent and play the part or they get called all sorts of derogatory terms. But it is slowly changing, as women start to fight for their rights as human beings :P Off topic but....Yay for "Sex and the City"! And of course the funniest character in that show Samantha omg haha! Women all over the world went out and bought sex toys and lingerie hahaha they also started talking about sex and sexual orientation more. I have to say, I went on a Sex and the City tour in NYC before I even watched the show and wondered why so many women were into it...then I got hooked too! - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
We both thought it was a great idea. Our relationship was and is rock solid. We did it to expand the joy of life, love and sharing each other. We have met so many wonderful people many who we consider great friends. We always discuss our thoughts so it was natural for us both to have the idea. We are glad we did. What a life.
-
Dirtyandfriendly
9 years ago
Jealousy is the killer in this and if one partner is more into it than the other it can be awkward. The ones I have met which has been MFM they are both really into it. My last encounter was a couple driving down from the city after a group session and she was still horny and he drove her to me and we both fucked her, he loved showing her off and she loved being used and treated like a sex slave. If you talk to both parties and they sound really keen its not a problem they both have something to share, if one is more talkative than the other id be cautious. Ive spoken to some online and its just the guy fantasising and have no intention of telling the partner.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I read a profound piece to understand more about swinging in a nutshell - googled "why people swing" He explains it really well and I've done sky diving before and it was so damn fun and I do get the lasagne analogy lol but seeing my partner have intercourse with someone else? Hmmm not such a turn on... Have any females initiated swinging and still happily in love? How do you deal with jealousy? Am still yet to buy The Ethical Slut, people on here rave on about. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ride2nite' Yeah I'm always curious... it appears a lot of monogamous relationships take its toll and swinging seems to either make or break relationships. I still classify myself as monogamous, maybe I'm just fantasising, but still very curious about swinging. We originally tried swinging because our relationship was going through a rough patch. It was a driven by my curiousity and the fact that we both had married with little prior sexual experience and were both interested in some variety and excitement. (my had had an affair which was a contentious issue between us) So we began no from a particularly strong point but although there were a few glitches it was definitely a positive in our relationship. We are still together, my wife is no longer interested in swinging and I am so hence I'm on rhp ( with her knowledge) Although due to recent medical issues I fall into the all talk no action catergorie now.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
That's interesting, I also think if I got involved with a swinger whether I would be in your wife's position. How did she deal with you swinging? Do you talk about your experiences or she prefers not to know? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Quoting 'Ride2nite' That's interesting, I also think if I got involved with a swinger whether I would be in your wife's position. How did she deal with you swinging? Do you talk about your experiences or she prefers not to know? - Posted from rhpmobile We still have very good relationship although penetrative sex is off the menu now. She preferred to know the basic facts about any meetings but wasn't interested in the details ( nor was I keen to share out of respect for my playmates). Mind you I'm hardly a rampant swinger as I have only had a handful of meetings ( and not all of them involving sex) in the few years I have been on rhp. I am not sure what my status or aims are now that I'm impotent. I will be very interested to see how my new sexual journey and persona develops
-
RHP User
9 years ago
@lovman Yeah I guess it's like reading a book.... I wanna know what happens at the end but I don't wanna miss the stuff in between hahaha You'll figure something out :) - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
" if I got involved with a swinger whether " If you got involved with a swinger, being single, you'd have chosen a player and someone that is not totally into you.Swinging comes from partnership and cannot be brought from 1 person to a new relationship. View is quite simple, 2 people into each other looking to extend or 1 of the 2 wanting to fuck anything and you'll do for now. We know many sexual past singles that now have partnered and moved to monogamy.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Didn't you just hit the nail on the head. Thanks. Is that all the possible scenarios? :P Food for thought. I see what you mean where swinging is mainly about couples. Singles have no commitment to anyone, but themselves and hence they are not "swinging", they are free agents. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Disregard previous post - wrong thread :P - Posted from rhpmobile
-
TakingMyTime
9 years ago
Trauma you are so right - well in my story anyway - the last guy I dated he had come from a swinging relationship with his last partner and I am fairly open minded and reasonably experienced myself however only as a single person. I have never been in a relationship where swinging is considered until the ex. We had discussed and he communicated with some couples however Mackay is a small town and I do have somewhat of a public job and had said to him I would like to be part of the process when talking to ppl just to make sure I wasn't rocking up to a clients house. Well clearly our relationship didn't last but as he told me after our relationship ended he is a sex addict and knew he would get caught out cos he never stopped playing with guys girls and couples during our entire relationship - I refer to myself as being his backup plan for when he couldn't organise something. ( not sure if just another excuse so I pity him ) Anyway his past relationship he said they used to swing but he was not allowed to penetrate the woman he could do anything but that but his partner could do anything with the man this apparently was so she wouldn't get jealous. What is the frigging point of swinging if there is a known issue ? ? From my past experience with couples it has been me that has initiated with the female from the couple and then generally allowed the male to join. It is always different tho being the single female I can choose and decide freely without having to feel any type of pressure or guilt if I don't play. Sneaks away to the corner - but I really do love to play! - Posted from rhpmobile
-
ReyandJean
9 years ago
We both decided it would be interesting to explore sex with others. It was daunting to open up the conversation with each other in the first place, but our relationship was solid and could withstand the impact of one partner being shocked in the, "You want to do what?" vein. Guess the reason a lot of people end up cheating is they are too scared to have that conversation. It helped that we had spent time nude in public and had done a few rounds of BDSM clubs and classes. Then it was down to logistics and he put in the yards to source "The Ethical Slut" and other research, and then booking us into a party. The open communication to get from the conception to where we are now cannot be understated. When we're at parties she is often the initiator, inviting women and men closer with her smile. Yes, if you're single and not in a committed relationship, then you're a free agent, not a swinger.
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Thank you for your profound commentary and sharing your personal experiences/findings! Loving it :) it has sorted out a lot of confusion for me as a curious noob lol @Traum246 I have to admit that "hubby hunting" (from your posts in other threads - yes I read how blunt you are lol) for female singles is something on the cards for every single female, who knows who you might meet. Whether or not they'd say no to someone in the lifestyle if they clicked, would be a topic of whether they are lying to themselves or not due to their own insecurities/fear and whether they could work it out or not. Yes people can have FWB for long periods without getting involved and it's nice but it's even more indulgent to go deeper ;) than sex. You tend to get lots more of it during the honeymoon period. Separating love and lust... still tough for me. I think more and more men are understanding this. The term "hubby hunting" (even when I first read it) was a bit confronting and the initial reaction is to reject it due to all different sorts of past experiences. I'm ready for single females to come on here and contend with that, but there's no denial that we all want a deeper connection to people. It's just that some are more afraid than others to lay their heart on the line. Sorry my last post was due to an app glitch... damn glitches. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Most single females don't intend to be home-wreckers! When they encounter jealous wife/gf as part of a couple, things get ugly because of some miscommunication somewhere. Nobody in their right mind wants drama. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
couplecourious
9 years ago
For us, it was the she who initiated the idea. He probably took more convincing. At the end of the day for us it's about new sexual experiences that sit outside of our relationship, and knowing who we love - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Female initiation! Mexican wave! ;)
-
RHP User
9 years ago
@TakingMyTime - maybe a little off-topic, but...Re-reading your story, I forgot to comment on the "sex addict" part. One of my kinky exes that I fell heal over heels for - was so different to me and the type that I usually went for, but man, I had the hots for him so bad, even though his kinks were a little ...different at first haha He was a B-boy and I love dancing, he had strong family values and a thirst for adventure and traveling. He taught me so much, admitted to me that he was a sex addict, never a swinger and never cheated. He would watch porn when he didn't have a partner because with his previous deep love/hate relationship of 5 years during his early 20s, a lot of the time he turned to porn to escape the reality of the painful situations. We also went through a lot of growing pains during our relationship. Strange how our brains go back to what we know. When he told me about it (we were really good friends, but not together by then), it was something nobody else understood but he felt better talking about it and he would go onto forums. It was almost like he had an alter-ego at night, paying through the nose on porn sites etc. You are what you focus your life on. So I think your ex couldn't break out of that pattern (or didn't feel a compelling enough reason to break out). In my early 20s, I wanted to be confident and extroverted and today I think I can say that I am just that. Not scared of confrontation, talk about topics that I like to and connect to people with. People that feel the same vibe are attracted to that. I used to want to be like all the skinny girls, but what if I didn't work on my personality...ouch I'd be boring as batshit haha sorry for the ramble. Had to vent somewhere. Here is an interesting animated video on Addiction and why we become addicted to things. Oooooh, educational ;)
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Forgot links are taken off but if you go to website where all community videos are it's called Addiction - the British accent is awesome. Amazing findings and it basically squashes the assumptions that we have about addictions and addicts. It makes a lot of sense. Studies done on rats and humans. People turn to addiction to numb pain, but once that pain is gone, they don't need the drugs anymore. Drugs used to numb physical pain is usually not addictive. The conclusion from the research is pretty cool :) addiction vs connection. But most addictions may be part of people's lives no matter what because it's what they know. Food for thought. Anyway, is anyone addicted to the swing scene? How long is your biggest break from the scene and why? Not counting physical health. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
TakingMyTime
9 years ago
You are too cute and thank you for sharing your memory with your ex it is precious how relationships can still evolve after the separation. I guess with my ex he had the opportunity to be truthful forward upfront during the relationship and I was and still willing to have an open relationship I am very open to swinging if in a relationship and I was even quite verbal with our friends and said to them I don't have jealousy and if he wanted other lovers I accept that cos he was an old man he should enjoy what he can as long as he came home to me. ( he was 62 ) cos I knew I also could not fulfill his bi side yes I would use toys on him but the second I did that he realistically stopped pleasuring & satisfying me yes of course I tried of course having discussion with him but that was unsuccessful. We argued a lot the few weeks before he broke off with me saying we just argue too much and then a month or so ago he said he knew I would find out about him playing around so he was doing everything he could to cause fights and that he thinks he is a sex addict could not get enough at home and when we were not together searching for it in any format - it is the deceit and lies that I won't accept from anyone He chooses not to seek help from anyone and really even if hurtful to me I still would have preferred to be told upfront and forward the truth and ended it amicably I am pretty strong and haven't cried over this again think it is cos I am emotionally numb. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
@TakingMyTime That is kinda beautiful and bittersweet. I feel your pain and the problem is his. Communication seemed to be his weakest point, which is the main ingredient for a trustful relationship. It seems like he was feeling a lot of guilt... but why? If you were open to swinging and having an open relationship, why would he need to snoop around? At least he realised that he was the one picking the fights. Still, it's messed up. At 62, I would've thought he'd be a bit more laid back about it, especially when you were letting him fulfill that lustful side of his, still keeping the companionship and coming home to you. That's more than most would do for him! I think you offered more than your fair share. All he had to do was be honest. I actually hope he realises how good you were to him. I don't think he could've gotten a better, more understanding woman than you. Even the bi side... could've searched for single M willing to an open MMF and if you were willing could learn some new bedroom tricks ;) for his bi side. The sex toys... does he feel embarrassment? He is clearly rejecting the thought of you willingly helping him with that side of him. Why would he stop pleasing you? Sounds like a "poor me" syndrome. Maybe he is used to women getting jealous over him. Or perhaps if the tables were turned he would get jealous... double standards. Knowing he is older and you have more time to play. Excuse me for being presumptuous, but it appears that he needs to get his shit together. If you outlined these points concisely and he listened, maybe he would realise how much you care about him. The games people play... I know this might sound a little cheesy. But I've been applying Simon Sinek's golden circle of business to relationships. Why is in the centre, once you figure out that, then the how will come, and the what is the product of all that. Seems like a pretty well laid out plan. You know his how and what, but don't understand the why. Why is he picking fights? Why can't he be honest? Sometimes it's previous experiences and patterns engrained into our minds. A lot of things we do in life, our brains know why we do it without really being able to articulate it. Once you figure out why people behave the way they do, you then become more conscious of how they do and what they do. That is the complete understanding, which you are missing, to no fault of your own. I don't think it's unsalvagable... just he needs to understand himself. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I was 19 and living in a Western NSW mining town when I got introduced to swinging and a whole new world. I was at the time very fit and healthy, I was hanging around with a couple 10 years my senior when we started talking about sex, porn etc. One night at a bbq I was asked if I'd like to "fuck his wife"..... not knowing what to say, though the answer was yes, he replied "if you tell anyone I'll kill you". The next thing his wife is undressing and kissing me. From there I was taken away on trips and 'used' amongst there friends till I got my own life style. 16 years later...... I've since been in open relationships, swinging and normal. I've never had an issue if my partner wasn't into it, as much as I enjoy it, I don't miss it to much of its not something mutually enjoyed. I think it's something either you can handle or not. Me I Love seeing my partner being enjoyed and seeing her wildest dreams realised, how ever that may be, sexually or not. J - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
@Outback6pack - get em while they're vulnerable *devils horns*, only jk :P I'm so against people manipulating other's vulnerabilities. In fact, I feel a need to protect myself and others from such things. Ultimately, it's their intuition that leads them. But good that you had the opportunity to try it and see what you like and don't like. That's very selfless of you too that's it's not just about sex. I guess you've been the instigator of open relationships or you've just gone along with whatever your partner wanted/could handle and she brought it up? - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Oh, ha ha ha. Oh, I can see your point, and couldn't agree more with you. I don't like any one to loose their innocence through manipulation. I most definitely was not, which I am very glad to have been introduced by the couple I was. I've heard some horror stories. At the time I was trying to 'belt notch' as most young men do. My frienday couple, sussed me out for some time in retrospect. The "being shared" was more in more to me seeing a whole new world with like minded people. I did not complain and luckily have no regrets or moments I'd rather forget. I am lucky, and I'm very grateful to those I shared time with. As for my open relationship, I met her on Hamilton Island and continued from there. It was a great mix, but life took its direction. As for swinging, I've always told all my gf about my history, some have shied away others want to investigate their limits. This is something if done right, and fortunately has always been a memorable time. I'm actually about to introduce a friend to it in the next few months, she's asked me as she trusts me, and now I'll be her +1. Love reading your posts and replies Ride2nite. I've recently joined RHP after many years on another similar site and finding this filed with more realistic people. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
More open minded females! It's really good to have a feel where a person's boundaries are :) that must be a good feeling for you being able to show her the ropes. I hope she will be excited and things go well! Ty for your compliments - love the party system on here. Great way to meet people properly. Although I find parties with various activities a bit more fun. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
In our case it was my wife who suggested swinging. I had shared my wife with other men and she wanted to be fair so she suggested we invite her hot friend and her hubby. I was curious to meet my wife's friend as I had seen her pics only. I was glad she suggested her friend. We all started in the living room and soon my wife took her wife's hubbby into the bedroomfor some secret games ;
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Are you guys seriously 21 and married? Wow. That's so beautiful 😊 I'm still unsure if I would want a swinger relationship but it probably would eventually happen because I'm starting to open up to the fact that if my partner is having fun then there is no jealousy and it's a fun, light-hearted topic to talk about afterwards with your best friend in the whole world 😊 apparently some if not most last longer than monogamous relationships. - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
FYI we are 37 & 30. Couples must try swinging at some part i life. When we were newly married I used to compliment my wife saying that she has the body of a pornstar. One night my wife asked if I'd like it if other men fantasized about her like everyone fantasizes about pornstars and I said yes. She asked if I'd get turned on if I saw her with another hot guy in bed. The imagination made me very horny and soon I was sharing my sexy wife with hot men. Whenever she returns home I demand her to share the details and she starts telling me what she did with another guy I rip her clothes off and pound her really hard. BTW its just not for talking with friends about it, you invite them too ;)
-
RHP User
9 years ago
Laughing so hard at your comment larocker00, so hot! I agree with you somewhat... Now that's what I would call an adventurous marriage 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
She plays separately? You don't actually watch? Just imagine from what she tells you? Oooooh... - Posted from rhpmobile
-
RHP User
9 years ago
I do get to watch sometimes and its sexy as hell. Recently my wife was with this well hung guy. Neither of them knew I was watching. She was wearing sexy lingerie and rubbed her foot on his chiseled chest and hinted him to suck her toe. Little later he pinned her to the wall and pulled her bra down wthout a warning. She got so turned on by his sudden moves that she called him names and shook her sexy boobs inviting him to play with them. And the actual was fucking was out of this world. I could tell from her screams, expressions and the way she was asking for more that he had penetrated her deeper than I ever did.
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15120 Comments: 88163
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10236
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11666
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9766
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1006 Comments: 5246
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5782
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1992
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share