F50
Why are girls so mean to each other?
November 23 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
It's a shame that the sisterhood dont stick tighter sophie..... Perhaps women set the bar of friendship so high that friendships are destined to fail.... Eyes Wide Shut ? (I have had a problem with my kids that I set the bar so high sometimes that they have no chance of living up to my hopes for them....they're just kids after all. It's taken half a lifetime for me to understand where I went wrong.....but the upside is I now understand that encouragement and support is what they need.....) Women need to encourage and support each other more.....isn't that what a Sisterhood is all about ?....through thick and thin....? If the sniping that goes on here is an indication....its no wonder people get hurt.....the guys are just as bad if not worse.... I've noticed the forums used more and more for complaining and bitching (mainly about the chat rooms) when surely we'd all be better served by posting interesting, fun and sexy topics that educate and are enjoyable to read ? I see people asking legitimate, if silly sometimes questions only to be shot down, never to return by the small minded cliques that prevail in here. I come here less and less and I see other interesting people here less and less......but I'm gettig off topic....and falling into the trap of complaining myself !! lol Women are wonderful, beautiful, funny, strong and precious.....but perfect ? Um no....no more or less perfect than men....and that my wonderful sophie....is LIFE.....a mixed bag.....but remember....it's also what makes each one of us special and unique........ BadDogma. Xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Dont think its women in general,men do it too. Maybe its the nature of the beast on these sites. More so competition than dateing.. More so nastiness than niceities, I generally think its human nature and to "look" is just that. I wouldnt worry about it as much and dont let it ruin the time you do enjoy here ,,,
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RHP User
16 years ago
Finally a woman who says the same thing as me....
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RHP User
16 years ago
I've never understood this one as a male that has a lot of close female friends. Men can be jealous of each other too but usually would hide it as we wouldn't want anyone to know but women just can't seem to control this spite/insecurity/?whatever it is!I have a special little looking glass into this as Mrs Pup is nearly completely void of this kind of display. The damn girl is just too nice, it's a part of her lovely naivety she missed out on the bitchy gene altogether (lucky I got loads of that gene to compensate!). I find it interesting to see her relationships with other women. Nearly all other women adore her and feel comfortable around her and have glowing things to say about her. Women that have her as a boss love her to death, which is quite a rarity. It is interesting though that the only women that actually dislike her are the A-type, high achieving, self-assured and usually very attractive (esp in their own minds) ones. This baffles her (and me) as she isn't that threatening at all. Maybe these predatory types can smell the quiet but strong will she has. Maybe they see that she doesn't bitch about people so avoid her as a bitch needs another bitch to revel in the cattiness? This nicer state of being actually makes her feel a little lonely sometimes as she can't immerse herself in the normal girly conversations. I feel the same when the boys get around to the marathon discussions on the finer points of BoofBall (footy mate!).I really like seeing the camaraderie that a lot of people show in here, it's a pity we all can't be a little more caring in the real world. Oh and sorry for any posts where my bitch gene rares it's ugly head!
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RHP User
16 years ago
That's all there is to it.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey Sophie, this isn't a new thing with humans you know, women have had to compete with each other for the Alpha male since we came down from the trees, lol. It's biologically programed into us. Guys use violence and confidence (beating of the chest), women play mind games. You would think we would be a bit more civilized these days, but nothing really changes. It's just up to you whether or not you take offence. The best advice I was given is: "They can't get your goat if they don't know where you tie it up" ie; it's your decision if your going to let what they say upset you.So yeah, at the end of the day it is all about getting your man.RHG
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RHP User
16 years ago
hmmm....interesting. I'd say probably due to heirarchy, habit, power, ego and maybe heightened emotions. I'll see if I can elaborate. *Hierarchy* I guess the degradation of others for self elevation is part of society thats not really specific to women but women just happen to use bitchiness as their form of combat. Bitching seems to be regularly used in maintaining status and elevating status. *Habit* Women have more practice at bitching. Since school, conversations either stem from, contain, or develop into some form of bitching. These type of conversations are usually the most popular therefore the girl with the most bitchy content becomes the most interesting and therefore popular, the ego soaks this up and most grow with their ego leading the way toward popularity. So basically women learn from a young age that bitching about others builds rapport and increases their popularity. Over time, bitching day in day out, autopilot eventually takes hold and the art of bitching becomes like a reflex action and many women are oblivious of it . *Power* I think sometimes just because they can they do. Some people just like to flex their snide muscle from time to time. *Ego* The ego is the main foundation of bitchyness. Everyone has ego but I think the women ego has an increased opacity. The women ego is a major tool used in getting by and succeeding in popularity in the critical stigma of day to day life as it's required in assessing and adhering to the rapidly changing criteria that fashion and trends have women jumping through. For this reason, the ego creates a form based on what is socially acceptable however the foundation of this form is unstable as its completely based on the market rather than the individual. This causes insecurity and the need for validation which makes for an ego that is, susceptible to insult, defensive, and also offensive as a form of defense. *Heightened emotions* Women are also more emotional and more susceptible to emotional detriment and this is not always socially logical which means that many of the issues are not verbalised in fear of not being justifiably valid and these therefore bottle up and in time manifest into one great big chip on the shoulder. Women also seem to need to vent and release regularly where men seem to be able to either forget or implode (not that that is a good thing). For this reason, the inability to release can create fury and unless liberated tends to be released in increments of erratic shots from the bitchiness gun. My thoughts, J :)
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RHP User
16 years ago
Definitely insecurities...thats all i can put it down to,as basically,im the sort of girl that other women love to hate. Which is silly cos im far from a threat to anyone...but try telling that to the woman across the road who banned her husband from talking to me..and my sisters of all people!!!....i find one of their bf's profiles on here,and it was an active profile,not one that hadnt been used in months,and yet...im accused of trying to break them up and get him for myself..umm no thanks!!!...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Just a part of the wonder of life sophie...casually got it spot on i think...jealousy and envy...omg...if i was to take notice of the cattiness of guys at work...my head would be well and truly done in i reckon...yeah, when u r the center of nasty attention, sure it hurts, but hey, revel in the fact that people secretly covet what you already have...and rise above and ignore...our journey is about finding our inner strength...and then using it...to make our life better...and then others as well if you can...people tend to cover up their insecurities by trying to show mine up...pffffftttttt...good luck on that one...not everyone is gunna like ya...tis better ta have one brilliant friend rather than a whole heap of wishy-washy ones...well, may not make sense to u, but it does for me...now sophie, please hold out your hands...so i can put these lovely soft handcuffs on...that's a good girl...now turn around nice and slow...yep, yep...stop!...now bend over...mmmmmmmm....you have been such a bad, bad girl....spilling some of those girlie secrets... jose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
The girl im currently dating is like this. Though abit possessive i think. Every woman i no is either a 'skank' or a 'slut' where as every guy she knows, who are actively trying to fuck her/and or cock block me (an ex 'casual lover' who did his dash with her calls twice a night) but its ok coz 'he's not trying it on' yes he is. She's just become that little bit harder to pants, and that little bit more rewarding.It only annoys me because alot of these women are actually my friends, who have been around alot longer than she has, and believe me, I like this girl but im not going to get rid of all my friends because of her, especially when she goes out on 'dates' and out to dinner with these men who were fucking her and still are trying to fuck her.Then im 'the jealous boyfriend' .....you just cant fucking win i tell ya.
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RHP User
16 years ago
A lot of the attraction for some people to come to this site is they have the chance to indulge their desires for exhibitionism and the attention it gets them.They dont like competition. They dont like rejection. It brings out the nasty in them. For me....I dont like some of the small minded but big mouthed skanks that get into the chat room.Theres only a few....but they are enough to sully the waters. They think we have the right to their opinion...but refuse to listen to reason or logic. Oh...and that includes men too.Oh...and the little cliques that get around and mouth off only knowing half the story...yet another of the joys of here.Just my opinion...BJxxxOh..and if you think Im talking about you...feel free to attack. I know who Im really talking about, you dont.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey Miss BJ, I respect all of your opinions and have always actually admired your comments in the forums. I'm afraid I can't say the same for everyone, but, then, I'm sure others would have the same sort of opinions about me too... LOL... actually, I know they do! :) And that's fine with me. You certainly can't agree with everyone all of the time. Personally, I have a hard time with judgemental, arrogant people so I can be pretty intolerant at times, with both men and women who judge others. But this is what I mean, can't we all agree to disagree at times? Do we always have to convince people that "our way" is the "right way"? Voice an opinion, by all means. But respect other people's as well? I'm the first to admit to not always being able to do that... but I do try!! I quite often say if I agree or disagree with someone, regardless of whether they've become friends or not. I can't help it if I like funny, smart, open-minded men and women though :P And I'm a self-confessed opinionated, exhibitionist, attention-craving slut some of the time too... yay!! woohoo!! Life's short, let's have a good time!! And live and let live! :P And this post wasn't meant as a personal attack. I've always wondered why women are nasty to other women, when.. wow.. women really have so much to give. And I've seen more petty mindedness recently than ever before.... and I don't even chat LOL :P
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RHP User
16 years ago
Quoting 'sexygal78' but try telling that to the woman across the road who banned her husband from talking to me.. i guess it depends what youre wearing when watering a lawn ;-) may I ask how you found out about the ban? ive dated my fair share of possessive women, who hate my female friends a few seconds after first hearing about them. One in particular, hated my friend Tiffany before meeting her, becauase "every Tiffany she knows is a slut"... I might start applying that logic to all other aspects of my life. I'd never leave the house....
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RHP User
16 years ago
''I've always wondered why people are nasty to other people, when.. wow.. everyone really have so much to give.''
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RHP User
16 years ago
Its cool hon...i do not consider your post a person attack...and I totally agree...why cant people agree to disagree??Hence my comment...big mouths but small minds.There are lots that mouth off...yet if you disagree or rebuke them for being nasty...it just gets worse!!Im sure some have no farkin idea that there even is a high road!I am not judgemental...but i will say that i dont like people that are...but i wont waste my hate on them.Sometimes though...its hard to stay nice when people just wont leave you the fuck alone!!If i dont like you....I will just ignore you....but dont keep asking me why....dont do anything....just fuck off and dont talk to me...and you will be fine.If you keep hassling me....I will fuck you up. Simple.Just my opinion...BJxxxbtw...some of you haters....if you just stopped and considered what else might be going on in someones life....you might not be so quick to spew out your nastiness. Just a hint....
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RHP User
16 years ago
Another great t-shirt there BJ.....I Will Fuck You Up.:-)xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Some kids are reared..to be competitive which to me can cause insecurities or with just insecurities.one can see it in the schools.The media in all it forms, dont help either, feeding into peoples insecurities.and selling false ideals/ideas.wtf.even shopping centres use subliminal messaging...to sell products that they say we need..??The media stated that women dress for other women among other things ...wtf...i dont, i dress for me and my kids..no one else..as im sure that im not the only woman..i dont seek or need attention...i get that from my family and friends.in a possitive way...The way some people carry on, only do it to get under other peoples skin.to get an reaction and to make them feel good about themselves!while dissing other/s..These ones need an urgent attitude adjustment..and how they treat peopleWell Miss_honey some of the attitudes can be passed down in families...usually the wrong ones...hence every thing you have mentioned in your post.. pi**es me off...as well as bulls**t..that people carry on with as i see it, there's no genuine needfor such ones to speak or treat people with a bad attitude....Words or deeds said or done in anger only inflames the situation....by ignoring them..it will backfire onto these people...karma has that strange way of bitting when least expected...there was a saying in years gone by...it didnt make any sense to me at the time..as i thought wthell...lol.....but when taken in a possitive light...is true....i love me...who do you love..?.(.well it took some work)We women have to not only love ourselves but to like what we are warts and all...and validate ourselves daily and how we treat people as well as..family and friends....and not to overly think of oneself.(.with nose up.)Again we women..have to develope this healthy love and self respect and confidance in self..(.i call it faith/ true to self)....what ever nasty mean catty snide remarks..or any attempts to undermine ones selfconfidance or the feeling of rejection...wont have much affect it be like water running of a ducks back and say to self...whotf are these people/person..they dont know zip about zip...hmmm not worth knowing anyhow..words are only words that blow in the wind...we women can be sensitive..at times..thats part of what makes us women..as to tend to others needs in a healthy way.some of us maybe more so..due to other factors that play a part in our thinking process.Remember that it's that those ones that have a attitude problem..insecurities..what ever they maybe...avoid them..some dont want to change, so surround yourself with great people...that want the best for you!!..not for themselves...no man / woman is worth any unhealthy/ unhappy conflict. fighting for attention...if they are enjoying the situation..kick them to the kurb...xoxoxheymumma...off my soap box...lmao
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RHP User
16 years ago
Oh, this is all so true, everything written...all insightful and all with merit. For me personally, to be on cam, to receive the attention if and when I do, it fills some huge holes my self esteem has. Rationally, I know how completely shallow and meaningless it is. Men cannot see the imperfections I have on the low resolution RHP offers. It is a salve of sorts based on half truths and shadows. This is my own reason for being here and I say it because it underlines the vulnerability so many of us as women, have, and the hotbed it creates when we feel we are being compared unfavourably with other women.I myself have felt a stab of jealousy of many of the beautiful women on here..and why wouldn't I, they are worthy of being envious of, slim, willowy women who's physical attractiveness emanates in waves across the cam and most of them, wonderful individuals too boot. It is a sad fact of nature, that there are always going to be bigger, better, best, but of what value is it to me, to carry harsh thoughts of them because of what genes have embued them with and to give in to my own insecurities and potential green eyed monster.For me, I try and remember that no matter what our outer shell, we are all human underneath and all of us, feel the pain and heaviness of times when we dont feel perfect or 'pretty enough' or 'paid enough attention to' or 'worthless' in some manner..all of us, women, men, even our beautiful children, and this more than anything, drives me to see beyond my own insecurity, to reach beyond my own fears and to realise the beauty and human frailty of us all. My only wish is this, when in the chat rooms, I wish some men were more sensitive to the vulnerability of women. I see and hear men comparing women in the public domain. It lacks thought for the recipient who may feel uncomfortable at being singled out and it lacks respect for the feelings of the other women in the room. I think this is where whispering becomes a valuable tool, those things can be passed on discreetly and preserves the feelings of all within the group, just a thought.Mostly though, I wish, we as women, could embrace each other and know the beauty that dwells within each of us, to be united in what a writer here previously mentioned, a sisterhood, to not be overshadowed by thoughts of insecurity and feelings of unworthiness that fuel the bitter backbiting and bitching that only serves to bring us all down in the end but to be raised up my our sisters, and lauded for our own unique value.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I'd say I can be oversensitive lol... kisses n hugs... Mrs P :-*
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RHP User
16 years ago
awwwhhh Peachy. I dont know about that... but at least you for one, are sensitive. :P Hugs & kisses Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
u r a hunny!N that there's why I luv ya just the way u r... big kisses n hugs bak n enjoy that feel while ya got the chance... Mrs P'
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RHP User
16 years ago
I've seen jealousy/insecurity/cattiness bandied around here, but isn't it mostly fear??? That he may find her more attractive, you may lose him to someone better looking or with a better body.It's not the wrapping that's important, it's what's inside and like any human, we're not fantastic at sharing......I go through it all the time, I have to suck it up and pretend it isn't happening and TRY not to make the other person feel bad. If I get hurt, so be it, I asked for it, not them.Not all women view others as "competition" - if you're secure in your relationships, then the friendships shouldn't matter - it's insecurity and the "not knowing" that brings out the lioness in us.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Trish, I bet they are - in their bitchiest form too.What this lovely girl needs is support, a shoulder to lean on, someone to just vent with, not a pack of "we're better than you" cows.Buy her the flowers/pizza and a bottle of champagne - to celebrate the fact she still has her health/job/kids.Losers like him need to be castrated.
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RHP User
16 years ago
nah harley,she was working nights,and my kids would go play with their kids,so i would go over as well,as i didnt like the idea of leaving her husband with 5 kids.So we would sit on the lawn and have the kids run around us..neighbours could all see us.She just got sick of hearing from her kids how much fun they were having with me and the kids.He came over one day and told me he wasnt allowed to talk to me anymore..lol.. She does though..if i run into her at the shops,she is all sweet...whats with that?! OMG trish that poor woman!!...so low of those people gossiping about her..
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RHP User
16 years ago
seriously no offense but i found some satire in the heading of 'office gossip sucks' and then the opening line of 'a close friend of mine....' lol, just comically contradictory.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Now this is going to cut the flow of pc and will probably highlight my inept ability to white lie but my thoughts are that rather than feign perfect morality, realize that everyone is, and has been, capable of saying some pretty nasty things, it just seems many people are incapable of admitting this. I think salvation from the arena of gossip and bitchiness lies most in an introspective aim toward ones own ego to resolve the reasons why they are able to take offense. If you do not have an ego to tarnish, wouldn't you therefore be immune from the effects of a tarnished ego? Now with the above scenario, whilst its obvious the guys a jerk, i'd find it very difficult to tell this woman that everything she did was right and everything he did was wrong, even though i know that is probably what she is wanting to hear. I'm personally burdened as the voice of reason rather than the ever so popular voice of reassurance or solace. It may sound cold but its not. Its just that women are probably more nurturing in such circumstances and men more resolution oriented and I think a balance between the two works best. Anyway, hopes she springs back. J
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RHP User
16 years ago
Miss BJ, I rarely dissagree with what you say... but your last BTW.... is really easy to agree with. People should also remember not to use what is going on in their lives as an excuse and it seems to me that's exactly what lots of people will do... they'll excuse their own bad behaviour like it's a good reason.... like.... go off the handle and then they say.. "Oh sorry... it's my..." whatever. Of course some never say that they are sorry... but hey. Who cares for them. Anyway, I prefer to take the approach that, if I'm having a bad day, (I don't just mean feeling a little grumpy) I try to remember to withdraw from other people in an effort to try and avoid hurting my friends, or anyone really. Of course this means I spend vast amounts of time alone.. lmfao. But if I am being quiet, my friends quickly learn that I am best left that way. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
When confronted with gossip, bitchiness or stories about others I always try to apply the rule "There are two sides to every story and somewhere in the middle may be the truth." As said so well above, may people may have something going on in their lives that we don't know about that may be not allowing them to present their best to us. Or maybe we have something going on that is colouring our judgement... In the end.. those who are perfect or don't live in glass houses are entitled to throw stones... lol.. and we are certainly not in either of those catagories. Everybody has some good things about them and something interesting to offer... forget the crap and listen and talk to people as you would like to be spoken to and all our lives can be enriched in so many ways.... Stay well and enjoy the posts... Mr&Mrs Av.
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RHP User
16 years ago
JEALOUSY Jealousy is an evil knife Its blade an infinity of pain digging and gorging right through your soul with a hurt that drives you insane. Jealousy, is power, yet weakness A mongrel of mixed emotions Selfishness, fear and anger A labyrinth of mad frustration. And when it's got you struggling... To free yourself, you'll try But the knife it just cuts deaper and the blood is the tears that you cry.
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