M46
Why do nice guys finish last?
January 07 2009
Comments
-
RHP User
17 years ago
get your self a book ( I am hunting it down ) called Dangerous men adventurous women, this will explain the Phenomena. nice guys = Dependable, Pay the mortgage will do anything for them Jerks = Thrill, has an agenda that doesn’t include her, so she “wants” to be included (a human characteristic) doesn’t require approval from others (something most people would like to have included in their own personality) Girls ? your opinions?
-
RHP User
17 years ago
nice guys often pussy foot around instead of being straight to the point.... sometimes girls loose interest while the "nice guy" is trying to find the right moment to make his intentions known...
-
RHP User
17 years ago
and I always thought that was about sex!
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Only in my experience the girls have made thier decision within 10mins of entering the party. It has little to do with the intentions and offers, its the girls who choose. I have to agree with hoodlem that the ones they choose do seem to be the ones with the tattoos and/or reputations. A nice guy may get there but only if he discovers, or she has inspired, a heretofor unknown "gift of the gab". Pretty simple, if he'd had it all the time he would be one of the "bad boys" lol.
-
playfulminx
17 years ago
I think in terms of a sexual partner, women will go for what gives them a thrill. For something more meaningful, I think all the nice guys I have known over the years have hooked up with a long term partner, but f&*k knows what the un-nice guys are doing these days.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
What I see happening is that the "nice guys" end up getting a "nice girl" in the long run, but might find themselves struggling to get anywhere whilst they are younger. When girl mature they start looking for someone who is more reliable, someone who can provide for them and not the dangerous type any more. Of course this doesn't necessarily have anything to do with age though. So in general the trend goes: Nice guy doesn't get lucky whilst assholes do, girls blow off nice guys for assholes Latter on the nice guys have found a nice girl and settled down with them sometimes this leave the girls spending time with assholes a little short on nice guys themselves and means they end up with a asshole and wishing they'd spent more time earlier trying for a nice guy... The irony hey?
-
RHP User
17 years ago
OK justlookingaround....that's all well and good, but what self respecting "nice guy" wants them after they've spent their younger years stepping over guys like him to fuck a bunch of losers? Not me, that's for sure. (this was obviously the male half of bobbyandsara speaking)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Over the years i have come to lose a little respect for the opposite gender. I need them, without them being around there would be a part of me missing. Still i wonder, no i don't, i know why i'm slowly getting more and more popular amongst them. You have summed it up very well. The wonder now is am i supposed to appreciate my slowly growing popularity? Mr i am not a support machine, Woody
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I have to say that give me a nice guy anytime over ones that are either up themselves or are absolutely crude with their messages... It's the messages i read and if i find them interesting and intelligent then i will reply! Have met 3 guys in person so far and all have been NICE guys!!
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Also depends on the definition of nice guy. I consider myself a nice guy and certainly seem to be looked over and am not sure why. On this site I thought it was just because the women have so much choice they go for the model looks or if it is their preference the biggewst dick they can find (both physically and mentally). Fact is that there are the 'nice guys' that are better in bed than a lot of the jerks because the jerks are only in it for themselves. So if it takes them 1 minute to cum, they believe jobs done, who's next. Never had that problem myself but I have been told by women I have been with that I was not what they expected sexually as they thought I would be more conservative. Maybe in the nice guy image. Sometimes nice guys can surprise you with what they are like in private. Maybe sometimes not. As for hooking up with a nice girl, does one exist. Possibly but I think they are the ones that are too conservative for me. Never managed to find a woman that I would consider worthy of spending my life with. Mind you a lot of them failed basic criteria, like having a job, or a car, or liking sex more than once a week. Had two girlfriends that have wanted to marry me and another non-girlfriend as well. Unfortunately none of them came close to what I want. Maybe I am after the 'nice girl', as long as she wants sex no less than 4 times a week and has a job and is decent looking and likes other girls as well, then yeah I want a nice girl. Oh and must be good in bed, don't like wasting time on women that aren't, only met a couple of those though.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Your spot on hoodlem79 and I think it's because nice guys generally will get passed over because the others are better actors than we are. Picking up women is like a sport to them and they are generally pretty good players, read the play well and know when to strike and what approach to take and can vary their act. They do and say what the woman wants to hear/see and women in general haven't wisened up to this shit basically. Then when a nice guy does make a move, he is the one to be considered full of shit and given a cold response or even nasty rejection. We may get them when they are older and needing financial support but we would prefer you ladies when you are more in your prime, not because your social circles require you to have a more established man with a nice character. At the end of the day, this is a fact of life and we have to accept that there are some women out there who will fall for nice guys and have the intelligence to see through the bullshit of the players. I know this post will not do me any favours but I don't really care either.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
lol well you guys seem to know it all, hope your not expecting any women to set you straight....
-
RHP User
17 years ago
is that the last word on this topic?
-
RHP User
17 years ago
No Perth_Damo that was not the last on that topic, and hoodlem and murrisj, I beg to differ. My tale on it all is this. I have 2 sons, one has just finished year 9. He loves girls and always has, but he is not one of the "cool" kids. He has red hair for a start and gets teased mercilessly, which he takes in his stride. He has gone thru puberty and is still reasonably sensible in so far as he is not interested in alcohol, smoking and drugs. The "cool" kids are. Last year he really liked a girl and when most of the kids were at camp they spent a lot of time together, holding hands,cuddling etc. She even came here for dinner. As soon as the others came back from camp, she backed off, probably cos she did not want to be seen with an "uncool" kid. My boy told her in a very mature way that if she didnt want to be friends with him it was okay and to do her own thing. I guess the point i am making here is that it all relates to insecurities. Oftentimes girls/women who are insecure dont want to be seen with the "nice"guy cos quite often he is not "Mr cool." I just hope that one day girls/women can see the folly of their ways and appreciate "the nice guy."
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I married a nice guy 20 years ago this year!!! AND it was HIM that suggested playing to ME lol!!! :-*
-
RHP User
17 years ago
You said you begged to differ with hoodlem and murrisj and yet your story seems to back thier posts up completely. Lost me there ;) Yes i am finding this thread of interest... lol
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Well written there desserts and I agree with that. I think a lot of it comes down to social circles and credibility of a man being seen as attractive by a woman. I mean Kerry Packer was butt ugly but could pull a woman who wanted someone successful. You see Arts/Music types that are rake thin with shit clothes, bad teeth and long hair but if they are popular within their social circle you will generally see them with a hot chick (dressed similiarly). Even in derro circles if a guy is popular amongst other derros or tougher/done time/more tatts etc, he will have a hot derro chick (and probably 4 kids). I think a good avenue to take if you want to remain reasonably normal would be to dress as alternatively as you can to stand out a bit, try an afro or some crazy hairstyle if you have enough hair for it and dumb down your language and make everything you say sound as cool as you can possibly make it. That way you can meet tonnes of superficial bitches out there.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
murrisj, I think you hit the nail on the head to a point. But it works both ways, yes a lot of women who go for the "rebel" are superficial and thats because they only look at the actions of the person and not the person himself, deep down he could be lacking something, like self confidence. Same thing goes for guys who go out with or only look for women with the "perfect body" or looks. It is unfortunate, but the fact is women do have to put a little effort into getting to know a nice guy and yes we can surprise them sometimes hehe. PH
-
RHP User
17 years ago
For the bad boys girls lust in thier loin, then as women want a nice guy to join, they looking for security, they call it maturity, but nice guys's bad boy still stirring in his groin. Many years seeking my good tart, in doing so sex become art, the best that i've found, relaxed, became too round, and in any case thier biggest lust was thier heart. The One no easy find though i seek, knows what she wants not mild or meek, sharing joy in cots, and she likes it lots, still fun looking though i'm becoming antique.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
some very interesting responses there, but what it seems to boil down to is this: looks like 9 times in 10 nice guys get treated like leppers when there young while all the inseccure women mess around with the "bad boys" then when they actually decide to go after a guy for there personality/financial support and settle down, the nice guy gets handed the wooden spoon, its almost like we are the booby prize or the fall back plan..... not the most appealing thought...... No wonder im emotionally dead :P
-
RHP User
17 years ago
i disagree.. shy blokes may finish last.. but nice bloke do ok i think.. i'm pretty happy and so are most of my mates (that aren't shy) LRE (sorry if i call my self nice)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I would like 2 find a nice guy, though nice alone is not enough. They also need to be witty & intelligent, humorous, fun & exciting. Looks & income are entirely irrelevant to me. I do believe that what is meant to be will be. So if you have had bad experiences & luck with people, perhaps it's the worlds way of shaping you into YOU. These experiences may have given you qualities that make you the ideal nice-guy or nice-girl of some one's dreams. Nice is definitely a term that is open to interpretation. I consider myself to be a nice person, 4 reasons such as, i am honest, polite, friendly, thoughtful, helpful etc, yet that's not all there is to me! Hmmm, since we are on this topic, i wonder how many of us nice girls have been passed up for typical barbie doll bimbo.... Good luck in your searches everybody. xx iama xx
-
RHP User
17 years ago
when I was in my early 20's i worked out that girls fell for the guys who were the best bullshitters. It seems to be an age thing,once the girls get a bit older they or at least the smart ones wake up to the crap being fed to them and move on. Now I've been seeing it in my own daughters where they are impressed by the guy who's all flash and no substance. No matter what I say they keep falling and so far I've been right every time and I can pick them from the 1st meeting... takes one to know one??? I finished last plenty of times,I've just got a good bullshit detector lol
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I suspect most blokes can see it in other blokes, women in other women, yet niether very good at seeing it in the opposite sex. Just maybe... wants, needs and desires get in the way... ;)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Last year I was asked to meet a girl who was looking for a nice guy. We met shook hands I went to buy her and her friend a drink - she left with another guy. You get shafted sometimes.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
sorry to hear bout your bad experience, some people are just mean & thoughtless. I wonder whatever happened to treating ppl with the respect we all want to be shown...*sighs* Hope you have better luck next time. xx iama xx
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Indeed "nice" guys finish last because they are too "nice". Being nice to a woman also means having the guts to go up and show her a good time and swallow your pride. Nice does not really mean being a total pussy. You need balance, and being the guy we still have to muscle up the courage and go up to her. Although research indicates that females instigate around 80% of all successful meetings. But they do it subtly by looking your direction and smiling. So look out for it and act. But if you get good at it don't expect to be impressed by many girls you meet. Besides each gender is only as good as the other.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
There is never a defining black and white on this subject concerning Nice guys and assholes. There's always a shade of gray revolving this subject. Perhaps my explanation might but put you lot on ease... =========================================== Concerning Assholes: There are many types of Assholes. the following are:- 1. In point of women's view: Assholes are just plainly assholes. These assholes have such a big arsehole, they attract bigger arseholettes. 2. In point of Men's view of an Arsehole Part A: same as point 1. 3. In Point of Men's view of an arsehole Part B: Those guys (regardless they are arseholes or nice guys) have a nice girlfriend in their arms and they are happy together, despite a few issues they still need to iron out. This is normal, these issues. 4. In Point of ANYONE's view: They are a bunch of idiots that whinges alot about not getting any, and yet despite their claim they are nice guys, they abuse women for rejecting them :P 5. they are nice guys that are truly confidence and knows how to tease without offending. And is strong and is capable of leading the way. And knows how to live a life without bringing harm to self and to others. An d they speak their minds about subject without fear, which could lead to heated debate. ============================================== Concerning Nice Guys: 1. Nice guys that finish last, are those guys are too slow to make decisions. And/or rather wait for the female to make a move (which rarely happens). Lack Confidence without fear. 2. See point 5 under Arsehole. ============================================ So, in conclusion, 90% of those "arsehole" you see women hang out with.. are really nice guys that knows how to thrill females. Females desire Adventures of this sort. It sparks them, it interests them. For these guys do alot of things, rather than "go to work, come home to a cooked meal, talk bout the day at work to partner, go to bed reading a book" Not that there is anything wrong with that, just that remember, do you want to spend a day with a boring person? no? hence why girls loves "arseholes" (re: point 5 under Arsehole list). Im an arshole myself. Not THE aZZhole but one of them anyways. Oh yes.. many would agree.. in fact most would. in different points of view. Most knows im a nice guy who knows how to thrill a woman. And i dont mean Doing something dangerous. I mean speaking my mind without fear. Stating my opinions without a care factor of what abuse i get. And commenting things or doing things that 99.999999999% of the guys would not DREAM of doing.. eg: I grope tits (in the most apropiate way of course, that is, once they established on who i am and my personailty and thus comfortable with me) without being standing too close and openly staring like an idiot pervert. :P I guess it sums it down to this: Girls like guys that are fun. Period. And guys being Fun.. connects to what i posted ages ago: Being happy within yerself with the empire you have established. That is.. something you love doing.. like painting, music, career, art, etc etc Spartanis The one of the "arsehole" has Spoken :P
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Thanks. I wasn't too upset it was just 10 minutes of my life and I wound up having 1 1/2 beers and dinner with friends. It all ended up okay :)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Wonderful post. Loved point 4!!!!!!!!!!
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Read a book called 'The Game' by Neil Strauss. It explained everything for me. In short - - GO OUT! Meet people! DO STUFF! - talk to ANYONE, not just women you are interested in. Practice being exciting and interesting to talk to - approach a woman within 3 seconds of seeing her. Otherwise you look like every other weirdo staring at her - tease her a bit, have fun, BE FUN, treat her like a bratty little sister - if you really are a great guy, then she should have to impress YOU, not the other way around. Don't sell yourself short - don't over compliment her, or buy her drinks. Wait for her to buy you a drink first. - ask for her number, ask if she wants to kiss you.. the worst she can do is say no. Of course, easier said than done. The difference is the assholes are doing it, and the nice guys aren't. Good luck with stuff dude.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
i liked your post, great comments. I do wonder though if i am alone (womens perspective) on not wantin to be asked if i want a man to kiss me. I think kissing should just happen. If it feels right, take a chance. If i was asked, id prob say no.... I think! Assholes only get lucky if people let them, so nice guys, take a chance & jump in there b4 the assholes have a chance to!
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I don't think women have any idea how scary it is for a guy to bridge that small gap and kiss a woman. I would say it is most guys sticking point, because after you've kissed her everything is pretty obvious that she likes you. And if I said 'do you want to kiss me?' and you said 'No.' I'd say, "well I didn't say you could anyway" :D Whereas asking 'can I kiss you?' or going in for the kiss means that rejection is absolute! And NO ONE wants that! Of course, girls could actually make the first move and kiss us guys for a change. Then they'd get to see what a vulnerable position it puts you in! Cmon! WOMEN CAN DO ANYTHING!
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Hi Blasphemer, I'm reading the Game at the moment. I totally agree with the point: GO OUT. Take a class, whatever as long as your not at home staring at a wall. It doesn't need to be a friday night a night club either. A friend and I have started going to a coffee lounge, we're like regulars now. I may not get a girl out of it but I at least get to talk to pretty ladies. I also agree that an asshole depends on your perspective. When you're out don't think,"Who's going to notice me?" Think,"Who will *I* notice?"
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Quote "Assholes only get lucky if people let them, so nice guys, take a chance & jump in there b4 the assholes have a chance to!" The thing about assholes is about being quick and confident, nice guys consider consequences. That slows them down so by the initial statement here the assholes are the ones you going to meet. Simple logic...
-
RHP User
17 years ago
If the guys considering becoming assholes or the girls considering slowing down and take stock a little more... rofl
-
RHP User
17 years ago
hmm well this would be tough to answer coz ppl have different perspectives of other. i find that i do go after assholes because its easier to walk away and feel indifferent about a one night stand or a casual fling. if i go for nice guys, i feel like im being lead on or that im doing the wrong thing for being on a site like this. i guess what im trying to say is a lot of ppl dont want to be alone forever, and to have casual sex or what not with a nice guy means you automatically loose the respect for it to develop into anything else, where as with an asshole its like well i dont really care if i see them again. dunno if that makes sense :s
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Your point makes sense. People need to feel wanted and sometimes the easiest way is one night with a random person (hey, guys do it too.)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Wake up to yourselves, all of you, women don't really like any guys ... there's just a whole lot of other stuff going on .. you'se don't seem to realise, or give credit for how pragmatic women really are about sexual relationships..... From an ass hole ......... :-)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
The woman i've been looking for was happy to meet the "good guy". Whether it all clicks yet remains to be seen but its fun finding out, not the first time i've been here... You self confessed a/hole can do what you like, with the women who want you. I'm happy :)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I have initiated a few kisses when it felt right... In fact, i was not so long ago at a new friends home, we were going out 4 dinner. Him being polite told me to make myself comfy & do whatever i like....that being said, i gave him a nice 'ice breaker' kiss. Later he told me he was suprised & he liked it! Lol, we didn't make it out 4 dinner either! ;-p
-
RHP User
17 years ago
What about women who exploit men for financial security? Either way they are using their sexuality for profit. Case in point - all the stunners who date/marry otherwise unattractive dead shit footballers and high-powered businessmen they wouldn't be caught dead with if said bloke was a laborer or cab driver. Or is this reverse exploitation? The male knows said female is shallow as folk but chooses to be with her because he knows that otherwise, she is way out of his league? There is no real love or spiritual connection there, just a glorified marriage of convenience that assures both parties' validation in the social construct and the selfish benefits they both desire. He gets a trophy bride and she has achieved her goal of financial security and both are seemingly content with the transaction, so superficially at least, no harm no foul.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Bad boys let a girl know what he wants the moment he sees her. Nice boys wait for her to figure it out and sometimes for her to make the first move. Bad boys take no as .. not yet. Nice boys take no as .. never. Bad boys say next after the first, second or third date without serious action (depends how bad). Nice boys wait months or years. Bad boys will proposition their mates girl, their ex's sister/mother/daughter. Nice boys wait until a girl has no boyfriend and is "available". Bad boys will have several girls going at once. Nice boys hang out for the "one" - who is usually taken or worse undecided. Bad boys accept disease as a possible price to pay for sexual activity. Nice boys fear disease as retribution for behaving badly. Bad boys see relationships as rides at a theme park. Nice boys see relationships as the fulfilment of their purpose in life. Bad girls are like bad boys only tastier.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Slowhands, couldn't said it any better.. well done mate.. that was spot on... Sparty
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Bad girls are like bad boys only tastier. lol *contemplates being a bad girl*
-
RHP User
17 years ago
A great topic and interesting read. I have learnt from reading this that I need to be the bad boy from time to time. At the moment I am too much of a nice guy.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
"Bad girls are like bad boys only tastier." Very good! :D And sweet girl, I'm glad to hear you're out there kissing guys, sounds like you had a fun night!
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Am I a bad girl? Or am I a good girl? And do I date bad guys? Or good guys? I thought I dated men with whom I had chemistry happening. I thought a lot of them were nice guys. Apparently I was wrong. So I need to take lessons in bad/good guys now. I'm reading The 3 Minute Commitment............which would account for most of the guys I've met on here. I was the outcast at school. The only redhead in the school. Didnt fit in because my family didnt have money and I was extremely intelligent academically. I was also 5'9. I never had a boyfriend until well into my late teens and he was always a bad guy because the nice guys wanted something else.......hell knows what. I suppose what I'm trying to ask is.......... what defines a nice boy from a bad boy? I just thought that if chemistry was right then it should be a happening thing? Mind you, I;ve met some real wonders on here who were looking for someone to keep them financially as well as supply them with some friends. And they were of both sexes. So now I'm even more confused......which ones should I date? And why? And do I date them even without chemistry even if they are good/bad? I need a coffee now.........I bought the coffee myself with my money I earned from my own job and drove there in my own car and brought it back to my own house and made it in my own percolator which I bought with my own money..........which I didnt inherit from either husband because I gave them everything I owned which I bought from money earned in my own job...... you get my drift
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Value people by how they make you feel about yourself. No one is more important than someone who helps you feel loved, cherished, supported and safe. People who cause you to feel degraded, insecure, judgemental or guilty would be better left alone. Funnily enough identical behaviour can cause one person to feel loved and cherished and another degraded and guilty or even the same person at different times/places/relationships. Its all timing, chemistry and baggage. Since I was a teenager I have always detested being called Nice. It is such a bland word that for me is evokes the idea of being too scared to say what you really think, too worried of consequences to act and being too fragile to risk rejection. That is part of my baggage. Interestingly a woman who called me a Bastard (when she loved Bastards) inspired me to behave at my best and my worst. I think she was more disappointed in me than I in myself. I suggest you start with the chemistry, lose the baggage and inspire someone to be the best, most honest version of themselves they can be. To do that you need to be honest with yourself and them. What do you want from them? - and tell them. Ask what they want from you and accept without judgement. This doesn't mean you necessarily do what they ask - simply accept that they want that behaviour from someone. Unfortunately most of do not really know what we want - we just do not want what we have.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
nice guys might finish last but we get the cream of the crop, i just found that out PH
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I don't consider myself to be a full on nice guy and I'm far from being a bad boy but I'd just like to be in the running. Never seem to get off the starting block in here.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Is that her holding up the catch? Looks like you been doing some good fishing ;)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Sweeeet :-D Happy Valentines Day! :-PP
-
RHP User
17 years ago
You didn't look far enough... Nice validation PH... :-Deb
-
RHP User
17 years ago
You continue to amaze me. And yes there are many who would consider that a pretty near perfect validation ;)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
yes mate thats her
-
RHP User
17 years ago
i find myself in a difficult situation i look like a bad boy (big scary shaved head 6ft2 beard tats "battle scars" the lot) but if im with a women im nice guy (considerate sweet caring loyal and treat her like a princess ) . i seem to attract the women who want the bad boy but once they get to know me they dont like it and on the other hand i scare the nice girls away. As being someone seeing things from a unique perspective i can say that for all the nice guys out there its true that you will find a nice girl just when you find her have the balls to act and not pussy foot about lol as for me i am who i am and if my special someone is out there she wouldnt want me to change ....
-
RHP User
17 years ago
just my opinion of course .... I look for a man who is confident, decisive, direct and is willing to initiate. If he has these qualities and is also an arrogant cocky pig, I'm not interested - assholes don't turn me on at all. Sometimes the arrogant cocky pigs can mask those unfortunate characteristics though, and I get seduced by their confidence. I work it out eventually. Sadly, in comparison, the things that turn me off about nice guys are not things they can usually cover up, so they never get to first base with me. And even if they did, if they weren't confident and decisive etc, they wouldn't stay on first base long. My definition of a 'nice' guy, and therefore someone who finishes last in my book, is someone who is not confident, not decisive, doesn't pursue, doesn't initiate, but waits for me to do all that. I tend to respond best to the 'he hunts, I resist then surrender' model ... not as a game, but as a more instinctive dynamic. Best book that explained it all to me ... Way of the Superior Man by David Deida. *braces herself against the flood of criticism ;)
-
RHP User
17 years ago
What you sound like you're looking for is either a guy who is confident in himself, best case scenario. Or a guy who very much ignores kicks to his ego because he is simply too focused on the goal or insensitive to start with. I feel sorry for you. I'm not a nice guy, nor a bad boy, as defined in previous posts. I feel sorry for you because it seems you still need definitions... lol
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Most women work the same way which is why nice guys bitch so much when it is usually their own indecision, face saving, rejection avoiding and gutlessness.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
You haven't nailed it at all woodyperth - you missed the point completely! Slowhands got it in one though - definitions aside, confidence, decisiveness etc wins over inertia, indecisiveness, fear to initiate - every time! Be a man, grow some balls, take action but don't be an asshole - is it really that hard?
-
RHP User
17 years ago
The key is in Blackveleteen's profile, from her perspectve! because her personality type is "Shy" so I guess she relies on blokes to make the moves, because she can't do it. Always easier to reject than be rejected i suppose. Cheers Nev
-
RHP User
17 years ago
But not with some head game player, not interested in cat and mouse games at all lol.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Just because I'm shy doesn't mean I can't and don't make moves - what, do you want references as proof - for goodness' sake??!! Sheesh, the q was about nice guys, not about my 'dating' behaviour - and my response remains the same - a guy who has confidence and can take action is generally more attractive to women than one who is passive, uncertain etc. This is not just about 'moves' or sex, it's about life, someone who can take charge of things, make things happen - whether it's a holiday, sex, an important conversation - whatever. I like these forums because they're a chance to talk about some really interesting things. I don't enjoy how some people need to make them personal. *shrug*
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Harden up, jeesh, easy as that, what is it with everyone wanting sympathy and attention in here, either you get lucky or you dont. not2
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I don't understand all this nice guy, good guy, areshole guy, bad guy, sympathy guy bullshit. I think you meet someone and you just know pretty much straight away whether you are connected or whether you are not. That's called empathy. When people have empathy for one another, stuff seems to happen effortlessly... all the rest (a well spoken, educated, respectful, caring, open and generally a great person) is just fairy floss and sugar coating.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
You are right in one sense in that these forums are for interesting conversations and viewpoints. I didn't mean it as such but my post is very much like attacking you personally rather than comparing points of view. I'll try in future, again... as i have and still learn a lot from these forums, to not centralise my difference when disagreeing with someone elses opinion. To disagree with their point of view, rather than with them... My apologies
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Most women think they can change men so if they are with a nice guy its not a challenge. I hate the term nice guy the term I like better is a well adjusted guy with no hang ups. Snag as people call them these days are almost self reliant which girls find not attractive. The so called bad boys gets a lot of attention because they are hunters and women like to be the prey upon even though they say they don't. so its best to be middle of road if there is such a place
-
RHP User
17 years ago
It is amazing that nice guys can bitch with the best in an online forum but lack the balls to put themselves out there to be shot down in flames. If you lack the guts to approach get in the habit of just talking to anyone. Then pretty girls are just more of the same.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
..cant get a root , so "crikey " i must be a nice guy !!! Iffen you be knockin at a gals door dressed in that get up !!! They be runnin out the back to get the hose so they can wet the " god botherers" or tryin to shred their tax documents.......juzz maybeee !!! "ANYWAYS",,.! stop bein a mama`s boy !!! ( slap) !!! and let em open their own fukkin door !!! ~~~Horrible~~~ But if ya be right ,, then im a fukkin saint !!!
-
RHP User
17 years ago
what if Ur kinda stuck in the middle - i.e. sheilas seem to see ya as a "bad boy" n dont bother, or care to see the "nice guy" & i know shy guys like me self deffinatly cum last - ive cum to the conclusion that the only way to deal with this situation is quiet simmple really - do what U do, say wat U say n be who ya ARE - if a sheila dont like it, she aint for U - pritty simmple really, just dont try n be sumthing Ur not n watch the fakes n players fall as there found........ & no girls - nice guys really dont like being Ur last option when Uv had ya fun with ass holes n want sum1 "nice" 2 look after ya when Uv had enough of "bad boys" or when the "bad boys" have had enough of U...... next time ya out ladies - give a "nice guy" "shy guy" or that kinda "uncool" lookn guy a chance - he may just suprise U.....
-
RHP User
17 years ago
ok, now me head hurts ;-P i just read thru sum of these posts n now i dont even know anymore - i think i was a "nice guy" untill i seen the apparent deffiniton of a "nice guy" or a "bad boy" i s bassiclly a bloody sook or an ass hole - apparently there dosent seem to be an "inbetween option" just 2 different types of fakes - um, can i just be ME???? i dont think im really all that interested in trying 2 measure up for either of them deffinitions - i reckon i'll just stick 2 be'n me n if ya dont like me - thats sweet - i probbly dont like U niether.....
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Yeh i think its not so much nice guys but the confidence factor, they take too long to get anywhere
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Well, many of the comments in here appear to be about on the money - it's generally down to confidence. That being said, always remember, whilst nice guys may finish last, the generally finished longest. Being a bastard can get you in the door, but you'll be out of it again pretty damned quickly.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
nice but naughty is the way to go, depends on the time and circumstances... there are times when nice works, then times that being naughty is the thing... its usually the timing that is off; ie, when ur being nice when she wants naughty and naughty when she wants nice... you just need to figure out the when and where these qualities work... we women dont like guys who are nice to the point of being a boring doormat, but we dont like to be treated like crap either.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Sounds like too much trouble to me, next...
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Unfortunately I know all too well about this topic, I'm forever being told how 'nice' or 'sweet' I am, I've learnt that this is no longer a compliment, it is not a kiss of death... don't ask me why. Someone was telling me the other day, that up until they reach their mid 20's all females want a bad guy, then when they eventually grow up, they will wants a decent 'nice' guy..... I can only hope that this is true
-
RHP User
17 years ago
im a nice honest hard working male with a bad arse inside waiting to be released just need some one to leave the gate open and im off.........lolol
-
RHP User
17 years ago
as my grandpappy used to say; "a gentleman always lets the lady come first" nice doesn't mean you have to be a fawning "yes man" (or ma'm) it means being considerate and polite, considering and accomodating your partners desires. think of it like a transaction- "you scratch my back (or something more interesting) and i'll scratch yours. its in your own interests to be "nice" to a large extent. if you give a man a fish, you'll feed him for a day. if you give a woman a multiple orgasm, odds are you'll be asked to give many more. getting to that point seems more the crux of the original post. i would suggest that if you're "finishing last" then maybe you should play a different game: consider altering your profile, particularly the pictures you use. pay attention to feedback- a lot of the girls/couples profiles seem to make a joke of guys cock pics (can't say i blame 'em.) empower yourself- try to think of what YOUR best features are, and why people have been attracted to you before are you being honest? are you really a "nice guy" intending to meet a "nice girl" to settle down with? or are you really a kinky bastard with a nice exterior that wants to find a pack of pleasure partners? consider the odds- you don't drop $1000 on a 100-1 horse without inside info, why do you think a girl/couple/whatever is going to pick your profile/response above the multitude of others. and final lesson (euphemism) for the day "Horses for Courses"- if a profile your responding to has certain listings, are you addressing them? think about it like a job interview with selection criteria. if you have the wrong qualifications, and no job experience, and haven't even bothered to make up some bullshit to respond to them, why the fcuk would you give them the job? think of it as if your business is the pussy you're trying to get into- would you let just anyone take over and do what they want? (just remeber Telstra-Mr trujilo and the pacific brands apparel chief chick if you can't see why members are selective as to who 'wins')
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Well as a nice guy you treat wemen with respect you dont bull shit them and your always honest and up front with them and i belive we finish last becouse we dont bull shit and tell wemen what they would like to hear and you know its the kiss of death if a women smiles as says your such a nice guy lol.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
Nice guys dont finish last....They usually finish in the shower! so stop being a nice guy and buy yourself a gold tooth.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
I am considering myself to be a nice guy here. So straight to the point, most nice guys from the start are not just in it for pure sex. they want to connect and get to know women, while this is a admirable quality in later life younger girls just out for fun are not after this. It is only till they wish to settle down that the nice guys shine through. On the topic of finishing last it is not always a bad thing. Just to sum up if you want to be a nice guy but still have fun be honest/direct do not beat around the bush and stuff women around they are smarter then that.
-
RHP User
17 years ago
This answered a lot of things for me, thanks all!
-
RHP User
17 years ago
They say good things come your way when you have the patience to wait. eventually that happens!!
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Bad boys have confidence, and women seem to thrive on a mans confidence.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I think its because we're not pushy or sleazy. But more than likely because we're shy although i'm not anymore but most nice guys like me always aim too high. I'd love to meet ladies on here but all i get is sorry don't see our planets colliding. Its all good though
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Another very good book to read by Dr Robert Glover is "No More Mr Nice Guy" .. very very interesting points about what he terms as Nice Guy Syndrome. The man's an experienced psychotherapist who researched the phenomenon for over a decade, so the findings are quite accurate, quite valid (in my opinion) and very very interesting. It also gives a clear and defineable path of 'recovery'. Needless to say it in general means forget what women think of you, live your own life, be proud and powerful and strong, love what you do, don't take bad behaviour from anyone, especially women who are testing your boundaries, make firm decisions, be confident, and don't waste your time trying to be something you 'think' women want you to be. Be yourself, be proud of your masculinity and your needs and desires as a sexual being. Never be embarassed or feel like you have to hide that.. If they dont' like it, tough shit. Someone else will. Be true to yourself, be honest and act with integrity. It doesn't mean be a rude, mean spirited arsehole, it means have some self confidence, self esteem, keep your boundaries and speak up for yourself. Some will accept that, some one. Those that wont' ..well..who cares. Do things for yourself. Connect with other integrated men (integrated meaning emotionally and psychologically integrated men), believe that you're perfect the way you are whether you're with a woman or not, you are perfectly imperfect, as we all are. Read the book. Its worth reading in conjunction with others like The Game etc.
-
RHP User
16 years ago
"No wonder im emotionally dead :P " rofl love it good thred what can you do they want what they want and in the end they get what they didnt want crazy
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Sounds like a bit of a stereotypical perspective to me ...Women, like men are individuals who like/want different people for different things ...Under what circumstances are you being passed over for the 'Assholes?'
-
RHP User
16 years ago
I think I can honestly say I'm a nice guy. I recently met a nice girl, who said she wanted a nice guy. When I told her nice guys get nowhere, she disagreed and asked whether I would rather she know me for who I really am or for someone I was pretending to be. So when being a "nice guy" appeared to be getting me nowhere fast, I changed tact and started playing hard to get. Then I got the reaction that she felt I was not paying her enough attention all of a sudden. But part of my playing hard to get was just not going out of my way to talk to her etc, rather letting her do the chasing. The response from that was that she was angry that I was ignoring her. So I am now thinking the "treat them mean, keep them keen" tactics don't work with this girl because ultimatley she is a "nice girl" Confused
-
RHP User
16 years ago
i just try and do the right thing... be polite as i wanted to be treated with the same respect as i show to others... But people tend to just look at me from face value... and write me off... Im no goody goody but sometimes i think im written off too soon and that is a real shame because they dont get to see all of me lol :oops:
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Nice guys finish last because they don't talk shit, they don't present a fake flashy image and they respect women.Women fall for assholes because they're pre-conditioned genetically to fall for the flashy " Bell's & Whistles" type of guy full of promises and presents!! Why do women fall for money and jewellery? Simple....it's material possesion and gain.So the "Bad Boy's" use this insecurity,amongst other tricks,to suck a woman into sex.Once he's got sex he moves on or if he's really insecure in his manhood,strings a few suckers along at a time. It's interesting to read and hear women say they're not into casual sex,how men are scumbags for looking for sex....all these dating sites with women saying " Not looking for casual or one night sex" and girls in bars rejecting the advances of decent men .....blah blah blah!! Yet I'm told if you want sex you go online or to a bar and you go home with the bullshit 6Ft tall player...cause a 6ft tall man can protect you better than a guy who's not 6ft,the height makes all the difference....whatever! It's pretty simple from what I've learnt over time....women love being lied to,told false promises,given a false sense of social status,given attention by a man thats "desrable" in other womens eye's and fucked like a peice of meat by a "Alpha-Male cromagnon protector and healthy speciman procreator".Why do women go for 6ft tall and dark hair all the time?It's got to do with the way you're raised as little girls by your insecure mothers...it's bred into you to fall for the guy who image wise,is the "Strongest & fittest" of the bunch.Normal men who don't fit this social image make a woman feel like she's settling for second best and that another woman is getting better than her.It's only when in the modern age, that money is everything,that the woman will settle for second best image wise because his money will support her and her offspring. Now I know the insecure women will jump on the bandwagon and attack me but come on....wake up and look around at reality.Any guy who's got a shit load of money can get any woman he wants, no matter how fat/short/ugly he is.....just look at the millionares of the world!! Yes men go for fit,slim,healthy women because in our dna...thats what we are attracted to.Youth,health...a woman who can supply us with healthy offspring.A woman who is smaller than us,the weaker sex,dependant on us,needy of us as "her" man.....we all love being wanted,lusted after and needed by our woman.Modern day femenist rights has been skewed so far off track now that it's a womans right to fuck as many "hot" men as she can before her biological clock stops ticking,whereby she settles for the Alpha-Male with money that she can divorce and financially ruin for her offspring....oh and don't take away her independance by demanding she obide by the "equal rights" she so vehermantly stands on her soap box and whinges about.I love pulling women up for not getting off a seat or opening a door for me.....equal rights hey? Your men hating lesbian femenist sisters whinged for it....you now got it,so live with it.You wanted what men apparently had been enjoying for centuries, but when it comes to reality you want your cake as well..... The 1950's "Stepford Wife" image was seen as oppresion of womens rights...rights to what...fuck around and find the best financial,social status raising and fittest of the bunch man to have control over?Alot of men are now getting over this insecure bullshit and going for submissive women who just want to look after her man,raise his children,give him physical and sexual attention.The real men, the decent non player men,will appreciate what they have and look after it because they are getting what they want.The players...the "Bad Boy's", will always want more and more pussy because they will never be secure honorable chivilrous men.They find self security in the number of women they can fuck and it's all about spreading your seed throughout the land. So I guess in short we're both to blame as male/female society...it's just now that money and image are everything...and femenist rights has given women the "right" to make her mistake and not have to be responsable for it...that players get pussy and honourable men get fucked over emotionally.I consider myself an honourable man and yes I'll admit that if I had women throwing myself at me I'd be wanting to fuck the too, but the difference is I don't go out lying to women and bedding them just to make myself feel like a real man. If a woman wants me sexually,yes it makes me feel amazing as a man and seeing as sex is not on tap like 6ft tall ken doll players have it,I'll take what I can get within reason of slim/young/fit/petite/femenine/submissive women.No...I don't just take any pussy I can get.Yes I like my women to be smaller than me and a lil submissive,but sexually confident.Yes I'd like to be able to fuck Barbie Dolls too....but barbie never came with babies and accesories in the box....same as ken doll never had a real cock! So I would be thinking seeing as she feels the need to set that image to make herself feel good about her insecurities and find that Ken Doll alpha male to mae her feel more successful than other women.....she's not going to be a very good mother to my offspring.On the flip side....if you can't even take care of your physicall image and body, how the hell will you be able to take care of my offspring. So can you see what real men want?We want a woman who's an equlibrium.....a great mother,lover,partner and friend who loves men and adores who we are,but is also submissive enough that we don't have to portray this fake "Bell's and Whistles" image to keep you desiring us.Sexually confident,intelligent,fit and healthy who loves sex and admits it.Not a hypocrite who attacks a man because we adore women,your bodies and sex.How man womens magazines are full of sex sex sex and pushing you to go for the 6ft takk Ken Dolls as a successful partner and lifestyle choice? Sure men's mags have Barbie Dolls in them, but from a guys point of view....alot of girls out and about on the street,if they just put on some make up and heels would look just as sexually appealing.Women are emotional,men are sexual...women need security,men need to be desired/needed. So as much as women bitch about barbie dolls....men will also love pussy and boobs.Women however will always love security,and in this day and age of feminist rights,social image success and financial security...the alpha male 6ft tall dark and handsome liar with the flashy image and cash will always suck insecure women into sex.I read a book written by an american guy who was a complete nerdy loser,but learnt from such people as Ross Jeffery's how to be a "Player" by becoming a peacock and lying to women.become the alpha male,brood ignorance and confidence,flash your peacock feathers and behave like a loudmouth idiot and women will want you,especially if they see other women want you.Women will always compete against each other to the most successful.Why do you think when you're a single male women treat you like shit and reject you,yet if they see a woman on your arm suddenly you're attractive? Because if she's with you on your arm,there must be something of worth and value about you,so she wants what that girl on your arm has. I'm beginning to think if I want pussy I need to behave like an asshole full of bullshit and fake image.I know if I want long term I have to look after my girl and prove to her that I'm an honourable man,loyal,affectionate,loving and a protective father who can provide for my family.It's taken a long time (almost 6yrs) to figure out why my fiance cheated on me and aborted our baby.She was the one who was never happy with second best in her eye's,and I pity the peacock she ran off with and married,because as soon as the body loses it's appeal and the money dries up,she'll be out slutting around behind his back looking for the better image. Correct me if I'm wrong,but the reasons why nice guys miss out on the fit healthy slim petite sexually appealing women is not because they're bad pathetic loser men.It's because they don't become "bad men" and lie to women with false icons,images and promises.If you want pussy....give the women the image they desire and don't expect her to stay with you.Have your fun and find a real women.That won't happen until she's been through enough men to figure it out for herself because we all know you can't tell woman what to do and expect her to listen to you as a man right?
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Well.. maybe Im reading you all wrong.. but a guy can be a bad guy as well as a poor guy, unable to provide the presents, WH.. so your introductory volley is as far as I got this time. Before I got married.. in a land long long ago... I considered myself a good guy.... and there was a point where women basically had to throw themselves at me before I recognised their interest... not much has changed... but I am not such a good guy atm, although I don't feel good about that. Point is, I didnt feel bitter about "bad" guys getting all the women. It seemed to me that if there is a connection it finds its own centre of gravity, no matter what kind of person you are. Hugs Gaz
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Waylon Jennings AND willie nelson both sing a song called "Ladies love outlaws" - youtube it :) it is corny in parts, and doesnt tell you "WHY" it just tells you "IS"
-
RHP User
16 years ago
Oh I've done a little experimenting in my single days and yes out at a bar acting like a cocky so and so I picked the girl I wanted and ended up in bed with her. She was actually very nice and with such a bad start I couldn't continue the charade and set her free. Yes the cocky, good looking, well built maybe "not so nice" guy may get his foot in the door first but does he really finish the race first? I think not! The nice women in the world aren't stupid and they figure it out in the end and then seek out these nice guys to live happily ever after with. I do love how a certain self professed nice guy is always down on the better looking, more financially secure and successful men yet demands that he must find the hottest of the hot, young, kinky "it" girl and she better be nice!!! I know quite a few genuinely nice guys and whether they have tatts or wardrobes full of suits they seem to have fallen on their feet and are very happy with their lot. Maybe guys aren't seeing all the nice girls out there or is it just that they like the hot, arrogant type of women?
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15096 Comments: 88159
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1416 Comments: 10251
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2520 Comments: 11715
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2503 Comments: 9786
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 994 Comments: 5017
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1301 Comments: 5771
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 779 Comments: 1981
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 869
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share