F71
Why would you
February 21 2016
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
He inspired trust in me... and ticked all the boxes. We were friends before we were lovers but then we moved right along, moving in together and getting married 18 or so months later. We never doubted we were meant to be together after an initial hiccup at the beginning of the getting together stage. It has proven to have been well placed trust. 🍑 Peachy 💏
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RHP User
10 years ago
And by that I assume you mean commitment regardless of whether it is completely exclusive (monogamy). Long term couples here are often completely committed to each other regardless of extra activities. I think the core question is: is commitment between partners a net positive thing? Of course. But only for those in a situation where both parties are in the right time & place & mindset so that the two lives compliment each other, and the whole "couple" becomes more than the sum of it's parts. I don't mean that each are not independant and free thinking, but as a couple you can achieve things together, and get through hard times together, that would be much more difficult by going solo. Going solo has advantages of course, as there are always pros and cons to all life situations and choices. As the saying goes, each to their own. The other connections (fb/fwb etc) also have their purpose, and are beneficial for the people involved. Some say they are less restrictive; although I like to think a commitment shouldn't be necessarily restrictive, for the right person/s. For me, I would commit to someone who was going down the same path of life as myself. Someone who wanted to live and build a similar life, to have similar experiences; certainly not identical, perhaps different but complimentary ones. Some people can get through life without a commitment in the form of a relationship, either by choice or circumstance. The point of a partner though is essentially that: a partner. As well as the intimacy, you have the friendship, the companionship and the support through life as long as the connection lasts. Short of being a hermit in the forest, no one wants to be completely alone. But some may find everything they need in their general social network. I know a guy who had been through two divorces, and was understandably quite down on relationships and such commitment in general. Not that it really fazed him, he was now content with his freedom and doing his own thing. But lo and behold, he meets a woman in an almost identical circumstance and thought pattern and guess what? They get along now like a house on fire! They might last the distance, even if little actual commitment or "hard work" is involved. But that's the point, when you commit to something (anything), you are holding out for a desired outcome. Two people looking for the same outcome, and via similar means, can help rather than hinder each other, and perhaps make things easier for both. And like any team effort, when one is in trouble, the other/s can help with the load, and thus leads back to word "partner/partnership" again.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Mr LAL and I worked together as young 14 year olds. We were friends for 2 years first although I was madly infatuated with him almost from the first time I saw him work. He was kind, reliable, and a hard worker. His other long list of attributes kind of built up to me knowing I really wanted to get to know him. So at the old age of 16 we went on our first date and have been together ever since. We are not the same people we were as we have fought hard to grow together over the years. His fundamental characteristics that I fell for have actually gotten better over the years- as life difficulties presented themselves he has risen to the challenge and is hands down the best friend I have ever had. I feel very very fortunate to have this relationship xx Mrs LAL - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
serotonin ,oxycontin and dopamine impair our decision making ability, but what decisions are important to Helen or to one person might not be to another, so it depends on how you want a relationship to be. For me, sex is everything, the urgency and fire has to be there first. Friendship is a side thing, that's easy to find, but I could never be friends for a long time, then lovers? Begs the question, wouldn't you want to get into their pants and if not, why not? If you didn't straight up, what's your sex life going to be like, careful and considered like your decisions? (Disclaimer, 'your' used in a general sense, not meant for anyone in particular). Careful and considered sounds boring and dull to me, but I have a really high sex drive so whatever turns you on, each to their own 😉😀
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RHP User
10 years ago
my life and his would have to be enhanced and made better by being in each others lives in order for it to be worth it
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RHP User
10 years ago
For me my idea of partnership has changed over time. If I were to enter into a committed relationship there is only really one thing that ticks the box in a big way and that is a similar thought on lifestyle choice. I have been long overdue to go back to where my childhood started and back to my roots in self sufficiency. I never really fitted in to the flow of today's society in fact I have tended to always fight it and it me. Mind you it would probably take someone pretty special and tolerant to put up with me
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RHP User
10 years ago
Thought of the song from Sweet called Love is like oxygen..... Thats me...off chasing my heart on an amazing adventure
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RHP User
10 years ago
Decision if I had to make it again. Hubby and I have been together for 16 years and married for nearly 12. I married because he was sweet, kind, generous and supportive. I realised more recently I actually married him because he was safe. He was the opposite of my anusice partner before him and he rescued me from that situation. Safe being he was soft not macho, didn't drink, didn't disagree with me etc. I realise I married him because he wouldn't cheat on me, leave me or abuse me. He knows all about my light bulb moment and understands. I still love him. But if I wasn't so broken I would never have married him. If I am ever in the position again in summary: Someone authentic Confident on their own They inspire me and don't try to change me They let themselves me vulnerable They don't sacrifice instead give freely They make me laugh! And most importantly they allow me to live freely trusting I will come back to them.
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RHP User
10 years ago
"Abusive"
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RHP User
10 years ago
What is this commitment you speak off. Obviously not the one with the gawjus man I see every Friday eve. He is so kind and quite affectionate in helping choose a new SB to try. 😂 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
to be as honest as I can be.... As, at the risk of sounding jaded, it's a dog eat dog world.....eat or be eaten..... - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Stirry' to be as honest as I can be.... As, at the risk of sounding jaded, it's a dog eat dog world.....eat or be eaten..... - Posted from rhpmobile Stirry, you'd have to find the one you want to eat? ;)
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sweetgem
10 years ago
It would take a lot of communication and understanding of each other's goals in life and/or circumstances, that is, to see if he and I are on the same page in terms of needs and wants, etc. in order for me to even consider making the commitment. Pardon me if I sounded arrogant, but I am not. I am only being very realistic and knowing exactly what I want out of a relationship. For example, I love travelling and staying in luxury hotels when I travel; love fine dining and giving myself little treats here and there as a reward for working hard. I can give myself all these treats independently. So, if a man doesn't like nor enjoys these things too, then it is highly unlikely that we would be forever compromising for each other's needs and wants in the long run. So, in that case, what's the point of committing into a relationship together when the gap is obviously enormous?! I had committed 100% in my former marriage with an open heart and zero expectation of my ex, but it didn't even get half way to where a marriage should be! Therefore, I learned my lesson and am not going to be so blind next time and will take my time when I'm ready to find love again. However, having said the above, I am not afraid to love and be loved again. I am just going to be even more realistic, have certain level of expectations and live for myself too in my next serious relationship. Hope I have answered your questions correctly Freya 😛 as my vampire brain doesn't work the same way as my human brain does lol - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Every Friday night? Now you're just bragging lol 😀
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'countrytouch' For me, I would commit to someone who was going down the same path of life as myself. Someone who wanted to live and build a similar life, to have similar experiences; certainly not identical, perhaps different but complimentary ones. I reckon this sums it up :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I find many of those ;) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
No disrespect to the ladies of rhp , but she will need to be something really special as I have no intention of getting into any serious relationship. I like being a FWB and a FB with females I'm attracted to and who are happy thinking the same. I think there's plenty out there like me including females.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I'm not saying I'm ready to commit just yet....but I have been spending an extraordinary amount of time with one person(which is new for me). I have known this person for well over a year, initially as a friend, then a FWB. The "why" is what keeps me awake at night. I have been staunch about never being in a relationship ever again for so long, but this person makes me happy and our time together is so much fun!! My broken heart from my last relationship is still keeping me in check at this point in time....
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RHP User
10 years ago
....at the moment. Only if someone came along who I couldnt imagine not being in my life, would I consider a relationship. But Im like Uni, my defensive walls are still up. Even then, I am thinking it would be non exclusive, that we would still have fun together and apart, hence why I seem to be spending more time with bi guys. But the friendship part would be just as important as sexual compatibility. I dont see myself in a relationship where sex is the most important factor. Important, yes, of course, but not the be all.
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RHP User
10 years ago
LOOOVVVE your latest pic! I guess I am the same - I have huge trust issues so to commit to someone would be a very rare event indeed. I have trusted under a handful of men in my life and two of those are my dad and stepdad. So it's an extremely difficult requirement for someone to fulfill. Having said that monogamy wouldn't enter into the equation only openness and respect with regard to sexual activities. So that cuts down some of the more "traditional" trust aspect. Anyway I think if you're happy within yourself you're the type not to just settle - which is exactly how it should be.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Im partial to a pearl necklace....... Yes, I agree, 2 years ago I would never have considered not being in a monogamous relationship. Changed days.....
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RHP User
10 years ago
not good at relationships. I've been single for nearly 5 years now and I'm still too fucked up and damaged to even consider another relationship for quite awhile yet. At least I'm well past the stage where I'd jump into a relationship just to avoid being alone. Never doing that again. I've also realised that I'm probably not very good at monogamy, which makes it even more complex. Ah well, as long as I can have my menagerie of animals one day
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