M44
Will I ever be able to settle down or is this the life for me?
December 02 2010
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Do you think you can't have the closeness of a relationship as well as "free love".... well, we all know there's no such thing as free love, but as a lot of people on these forums can attest too - monogamy isn't the only state of play that works for many people. You're a good looking boy, and you profile points to you having all your shit in one sock, I think for you, be honest about what you want and move forward from there. There are plenty of girls out there who love fucking, different people, and who are also capable of being in a loving relationship with the one, or a couple, of people. Seek what makes you happy. Life is way too short to do otherwise.
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RHP User
15 years ago
go google it right now - i'll wait here. it could well be your thing.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Clearly some people have more love to give than one person can receive. Some people love more than "the one", openly. It's only fair, being one of those givers, that you share yourself around mate. Now that you have worked out how you tick.. it is only rational that you should try and find a partner who is shares some of the same traits with you. However this is the rub... it's not your fault if you fall head over heels in love with someone who doesn't have the same capacity to love "the two" or who isn't interested in sharing..... that is because people stumble into love, it's not a planned thing. You don't get a choice to control it. So just go with your instincts and do what you do, do well... and let yourself fall in love, regardless. You'll have many years of delightfully slothful old age to analise your life's situation.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Less pressure more action, and everything will look after itself man..
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RHP User
15 years ago
For me I have knocked back relationships in the last 2 1/2 years. Or been rejected.. lol.. I wont swing enough or the guys don't want to swing just a litlle. There is always someone right out there for us. In the mean time just enjoy and be openly honest from the start. This is something I do and always will. I have to be happy first. No point going for a relationship if your not 100 % happy. huggies sweetpetite41xxxxxxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
My last relationship crumbled when I finally faced the fact, that I cant escape who I am, and I am a swinger. I had never cheated on her, but in the last year my mind kept wandering, and I ended it , as when we disscussed it, she couldnt accept my position on it. People in my position crave the unexpected, in random situations, but also can still see a family and children in their lives. Some do the " Gallant " thing and either deny their feelings or not become part of a relationship so as to not hurt someone in the future, and others find it easy to cheat on their partners to quench their thirst. One day I will find someone I absolutely adore and have complete and utter trust in, who happily reciprocates the love and trust, and who is grounded enough with themselves to be able to play with others while staying devoted to their love. Maybe Ill find her here, maybe somewhere else, but until then, Ill play as hard and fast or slow and deep, as I want, hopefully making many more good friends along the way, and not leaving behind anyone disgruntled or upset/hurt. Great thread BTW! :) LB
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RHP User
15 years ago
Do you feel the need to change for another person? Obviously if they were not into the lifestyle and you "went cold" then they were not as perfect as you thought. Oh I have no doubt that they were wonderful people. Just not the one for you. Always be honest with yourself. The rest will follow.
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RHP User
15 years ago
You can't change who you are, you just need to find someone who accepts you for who you are.Monogamy is completely unnatural to me!! Like Sweetie said...a fuck is a fuck!
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RHP User
15 years ago
What I want to know is how come these younguns know so early what they want..... Didnt they attend the indoctrination classes ?? Were they away on the brainwashing days ?? Never heard a fist thumping sermon from the pulpit ?? Dont they suffer with guilt from their lusting desires ?? Is there no tsk tsk tsk from their friends because they arent married and settled down yet ?? Dont they fear being austricised by their society for non conformist behaviour ?? AINT IT WONDERFUL !!!! To know oneself so early in life (ok so your not really that young hehehe) is soooo......mature ! Be upfront and build a relationship from there.......... Poly......... wanting more than one cracker
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RHP User
15 years ago
I have the same problem. I feel lonely being single & I miss being held & feeling wanted but at the same time as soon as a guy mentions more than sex or friendship I start acting weird. I dont know why I do it and it confuses the hell out of me. Ive been single for over 2 years now & my previous relationships where not what you would call normal or long term. I love the single life & I love to play with different men but sometimes like right now I get depressed & think maybe I should have a go at having a long term relationship as I have never had one. But then I think what If I start a relationship with someone & get tempted? I dont know if I could do the whole swingers lifestyle because when Im dating someone I dont like to share. So what the hell am i ment to do? Stay single for the rest of my life? Taby.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Your age is set at 21. If this is the case you should be out there and not even thinking of settling down. I always taught my kids that you dont buy the first pair of jeans you try on, you need to shop around to find the bargains. You MAY go back to the first pair you tried on but only after trying a few more for size and the bargain is not always found in the bargain basement or clearance rack. Admittedly at least ONE of them is still out there shopping for her bargain. Yes it is nice to have THE ONE. Nice to have all those snuggles and someone to share with. It is the closeness that I miss from a relationship. Someone who will put up with you looking less than your best. But at 21...you have so much more life to live. To me you are still just a baby. Go...enjoy life...play...shop for your bargain for a few more years.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'taby001' I have the same problem. I feel lonely being single & I miss being held & feeling wanted but at the same time as soon as a guy mentions more than sex or friendship I start acting weird. I dont know why I do it and it confuses the hell out of me. Ive been single for over 2 years now & my previous relationships where not what you would call normal or long term. I love the single life & I love to play with different men but sometimes like right now I get depressed & think maybe I should have a go at having a long term relationship as I have never had one. But then I think what If I start a relationship with someone & get tempted? I dont know if I could do the whole swingers lifestyle because when Im dating someone I dont like to share. So what the hell am i ment to do? Stay single for the rest of my life? Taby. Many years ago I had a friend just like you...she was your age and was "depressed" at being single. I remember on her 22nd birthday, I heard crying from her bedroom. I walked in and asked her why she was so sad (she was a gorgeous, bubbly, happy girl, so this was weird). She said "I'm old, I will never get married"...I was shocked! I think at the time I was 25 and couldn't understand her thinking! I told her "go out and just have fun and enjoy until the "THE RIGHT ONE" comes along. Anyway, 6 months later she got engaged to a guy she had only met not long before and they did indeed end up getting married. The last I heard she is now on her 6th marriage!!Still miserable and still looking for "THE RIGHT ONE"! My point is, don't get so hung up on being with someone just for the sake of not being alone! As RuPaul says "How the fuck can anyone else love you if you don't truly love yourself"? Don't settle, have fun, when "he" comes you will know! xFunlovingx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hmm ok maybe what I wrote before came across wrong. What I was trying to say is that yes I get lonely being single but I am not in any way one of those girls who needs a guy to be happy. I am quite fine being single, I have been for 2 years. Its just Im at a loss to exsplain when a guy mentions dating to me or more than sex I start acting weird and distant but at the same time im lonely. Did that make sense?
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RHP User
15 years ago
taby I think t's normal to want to be with other people as there is a evolutionary need to communicate and interact, a reason why solitary confinement is a punishment...... As for acting weird and distant, i think when you find the right person, you both understand each other, and want to be with eachother, it's something that you will feel from the heart and not a decision made by the head, again human's have the need to be loved, and also give love, if we allow oourselves to..... But saying that we still need to think, and finding that balance between brain and heart, thought and instinct is half the battle we all face :) That might have been a bit confusing..... you tell me.... haha!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Fear of commitment, simple as that.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Simple, fear of commitment.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Taby001 - that makes perfect sense to me - I am the same. A few times in my life I have met and been with a man that turns me on so hard that I can imagine forever with them - it is rare but it will happnen. And Taby believe me you will know when that happens to you! You will not be able to help yourself but want more! It will happen when you least expect it so have fun in the mean time and don't question why - you will know when it happens. Good luck gorgeous girl - you certainly are very adventurous and have your shit together so much more than I ever did at 21 ! Actaully I am 40 and I still don't have my shit together. LOL. xxxxxxxxxxxx Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
In 2009, the world's population was 6.744 billion, of which 50.5% were male and 49.5% were female; 3.8 billion of these were ages 18 - 60. Assuming that 80% of these are in the worst Third World countries, in jail, insane or generally unavailable, there are 380 million normal people who are the opposite sex to you. It is estimated that around 1 in 50 of the opposite sex has the right chemistry for you - that's 7.6 million people who can make your heart beat, on sight. Assuming that 1 in 5 of this group has similar core values and beliefs to you, there are at least 1.52 million perfect partners somewhere out there waiting for you. (Meeka comment - so where the bloody hell are you??? LOL)
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RHP User
15 years ago
According to the World Health Authority, 100 million acts of sexual intercourse take place every day. Right now, based on the world population : 69,763, 395 people are having sex. 48,816,098 are kissing. 27,250,951 are relaxing after having sex. 1 poor, lonely bitch is typing this book extract........... Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Meeka100' In 2009, the world's population was 6.744 billion, of which 50.5% were male and 49.5% were female; 3.8 billion of these were ages 18 - 60. Assuming that 80% of these are in the worst Third World countries, in jail, insane or generally unavailable, there are 380 million normal people who are the opposite sex to you. It is estimated that around 1 in 50 of the opposite sex has the right chemistry for you - that's 7.6 million people who can make your heart beat, on sight. Assuming that 1 in 5 of this group has similar core values and beliefs to you, there are at least 1.52 million perfect partners somewhere out there waiting for you. (Meeka comment - so where the bloody hell are you??? LOL) Meeka, see life is just like RHP, it is a bloody numbers game! And shame on you for plagerising Lara Bingle pmsl Mooka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'taby001' Hmm ok maybe what I wrote before came across wrong. What I was trying to say is that yes I get lonely being single but I am not in any way one of those girls who needs a guy to be happy. I am quite fine being single, I have been for 2 years. Its just Im at a loss to exsplain when a guy mentions dating to me or more than sex I start acting weird and distant but at the same time im lonely. Did that make sense? It's human nature to assume that seeing the same thing happen a couple of times means that there's a pattern and that you must be somehow "defective", but that's not necessarily the case at all. It may just mean that the men that this has occurred with were somehow unsuitable for you and you were following your own good sense in not allowing things to develop further. Far from being defective, you may be sensible and acting ethically, preventing pain for both you and the man.Have patience. If fated to, the best chance of meeting the man of your dreams is to keep your standards high and not to succumb to the pressure you place on yourself to be "normal". It may also help to occupy yourself with men with whom you'd be unlikely to feel those pressures - say... a guy my age in a place like... dunno, Sydney?
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RHP User
15 years ago
"Maybe I should be upfront from the outset and not lie to myself thinking I could sustain such a relationship. How have others managed with this?"yep, go for it... let her in on your little other world and see what happens... I think you might be surprised that if youre into someone and they are also into you that much then it will turn them on as much as you if you bring it up.But my advice would be to do it early and be frank about it..."I really like where we are going and can see something really good developing between us so I just wanted to bring somthing up; have you ever considered a sexually open relationship? where we work together to help each other explore our fantasies?"if she flips out give her time... it can be a heavy topic... but girls get much more access to good material about sexual exploration through their teens etc so they are ususally a lot more objective than what guys imagine them to be.I think you'll be surprised with the response :)some people say "You cant have the cake and eat it"I say: "Bullshit, thats what cakes are for!"LS
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'Snowshoe' Quoting 'taby001' It's human nature to assume that seeing the same thing happen a couple of times means that there's a pattern and that you must be somehow "defective", but that's not necessarily the case at all. It may just mean that the men that this has occurred with were somehow unsuitable for you and you were following your own good sense in not allowing things to develop further. Far from being defective, you may be sensible and acting ethically, preventing pain for both you and the man.Have patience. If fated to, the best chance of meeting the man of your dreams is to keep your standards high and not to succumb to the pressure you place on yourself to be "normal". It may also help to occupy yourself with men with whom you'd be unlikely to feel those pressures - say... a guy my age in a place like... dunno, Sydney? Well said Snowshoe... in the short time since ive joined this site Im already rethinking a couple of things related to my own experiences to date. Finding the right people and the right way of living is a process that is on going and ever evolving.Your sentiment is of optimisim, patience and self belief. All things that people in general cant have enough of in my opinion!Thanks for chipping in :)LS
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