F37
Women Who Cant Cum During Sex?
October 23 2009
Comments
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RHP User
16 years ago
They're not trying hard enough babe.
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RHP User
16 years ago
i ahve a small cock i never made a woman cum. i have never seen a woman cum, not even making herself cum in front of me. sex is nothing but the worst experience of my life not had sex in 2 years and 7 years before that. so i wouldnt have a clue, my cock is so small every women i have sex with feel like a bucket of water, i cant feel anything. i always have to make myself cum
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RHP User
16 years ago
In the days before marriage etc, i had met 1or 2 girls who found it difficult. That said they were ussually pingin off their heads, and when they weren't it was faily normal.Antidepressents can also have an impact on whether you can cum, andhow long it takes, for both genders.Not saying this is what your experiencing, but it is a contributing factor for people out there!In your case, i would suggest it is a little inexperience on your partners side, as you start mixxing with older crew, you may find a guy who is more experienced, and dedicated. Problem is at 20yo, all a bloke wants to o is get himself off hehe.As you get older, you find a whole lot of satisfaction in getting your partner off. Even if that means going down on her until the inside of your lips are bleeding from your teeth rubbing against them. good luck, i reckon you'll fid the guy soon enough ;)
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RHP User
16 years ago
I had that problem for a long time, during most of my 20's in fact. In hindsight, there were all sorts of factors involved... * I was on the pill or depo, which dampened to the point of almost killing my libido. * I had sex for the wrong reasons for me, I slept with people who I didn't have any real connection with, just had sex for the sake of having sex, or out of boredom or to prove something to myself. That in turn reflected in the quality of partners I had chosen, they weren't overly concerned too much about my pleasure, unless it was in order to boost their own egos that they're great lovers. * Inexperienced. I just didn't know what worked for me when I was with a partner. I mostly slept with older guys, 30-50, in the hope that since they're older, they'd be more experienced therefore can give me pleasure during intercourse. Older or younger the result was the same. * Basically through trial and error, I figured out what works for me. For me it's intimacy and connection, and taking more responsibility for my own pleasure and not just relying on my partner to do all the work.
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RHP User
16 years ago
roughfukr1 just wanted to add I dont find younger guys attractive. For me its older guys only around the 30 year age mark, so its not lack of exsperince on the guys side. lol My last playmate was 31 and we always had good sex and I always enjoyed it just never get close to "getting there". Im also very picky and I wont sleep with a guy if im not attracted to them physically and mentally. so its not lack of attraction either lol I just want to find out why I cant cum durning sex, bugs the hell outta me and im sick of guys asking why I cant, cause I have no answer for them.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi Taby001, Because you clearly have a hangup about it it might be more of a mental thing.Try and just relax and enjoy, dont think about it. You cay you cant cum during sex.What about oral sex? Try different things..im sure that something would work.....Imagine when it does?? Cheers
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RHP User
16 years ago
I too in my early 20's had this problem.Until I met a wonderful man that did just everything to me to get me to that climax..mmm....not all are going to rock your world..Finding the right man that you do click with more than just a physical way..Being intimate with someone doesnt always mean you can reach that wonderful peak...I have a girlfriend in her early 20's that had the same problem until recently..She now has a new partner who is rocking her world. She couldn't be happier..Which is wonderful. She found someone that she has more than that physical feeling. You have to learn to relax...You may think you are.But are you really? Just a thought as I found this is why I had that problem.. Hope you get that lovely climax real soon sweety. kisses sweetpetite41
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RHP User
16 years ago
Don't get hung up on this... I think you'll find that lots of women have or have had problems exactly like yours. My first boyfriend used to get extremely upset that I came with oral but couldn't cum when we had sex. He couldn't understand it, and honestly neither could I... I just knew it wasn't happening.. I still don't always cum vaginally.....I like lots of oral stimulation first and then if I don't cum with oral either, I'm usually so aroused by the foreplay, sex and anal sex that it takes 2 minutes of my own talented fingers to cum... if any guy is upset by that, it's his loss... I'm like you... I have a great time!!!! :P Don't worry about it... just keep having fun...you're not doing anything wrong and maybe they're not either!!! xxx
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RHP User
16 years ago
Pls don't take this as a "This is how you are supposed to have sex" post, as I know you are already experienced. But if you have not tried this below...give it a go: While on your back open your legs as though your partner is going on top. Then get him to insert himself just as he would on top, get him (while inside you) to sit up on his knees. While he pounds away :) He should lubricate his thumb and use it to stimulate your clit. You just relax and enjoy the ride. This has never failed me ever! He should be careful not to over stimulate. I have to say that most of the time it would be the guy not doing something right. However it can be other external factors for the women too. Also, instead of him pounding while stimulating, get him to stop a bit with the pouding so you can flex your inner walls around his penis. Then continue again. Changing sensation works well. I think the above with practice will work well for you, it will teach your body and give you "Muscle Memory" down there. Don't know what that is? Google it and you will see Just my two cents And no I'm not a Dr! Just experience.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Nope I def dont think I could cum during oral, as I dont find receiving oral a turn on. (sadly) But giving it to a guy is a completly different story, giving it turns me on more... in that reguard I'm also a freak lol
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hey Taby...I agree with SOPHIE...dont get hung up on it and SINGLE1 by thinking about it, just enjoy a good slow relaxed foreplay.....lots of women and men have times when it happens them hey!!...or...show ya man...how your fingers do their walking.Even he can use a strapon that vibrates..fun for you and him as he'll be able to feel its vibes.....and it wont matter if he gets off first...as you'll be able to still enjoy yourself.....best way is if i can say....is with you on top....with his legs closed together...im sure you can work the rest out..as its all to do with how you move yourself....just going by my experience hug to all
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi taby As long as you enjoy sex I wouldn't worry too much. It may change as you have more and different sexual expiriences. My wife (married 33 years) has never had an orgasm by sexual intercourse alone. She actually needs to have her legs together and her clit rubbed to cum so the only real position we have found that works is doggy with my legs spread and hers locked together (not actually that easy a position). However that has not stopped her enjoying sex or orgasm. She likes to be fucked and if she feels like orgasms, she is not satisfied until she has had somewhere between 5 and 20 orgasms for the session. She also has had several lovers and we have swung a bit all of which has been great fun for her. She gets very wet on two occasions has squirted. While some may be pointing the finger at me , I have been with women and had no trouble fucking them to orgasm. ( One woman met through this site who fucked for about 4 hours and twenty orgasms, for her, I could only manage about 4 and the last one was pretty arid) I also met with a woman from here who has never had an orgasm through sex but absolutely loves to be fucked, only could only cum from being eaten for quite a long time. You are only young so I suggest you just relax and enjoy sex and may be one day you will be surprised how easy it is to cum. Stay sexy and have fun
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RHP User
16 years ago
I’m not telling you what to do, but I thought I’d relate some of my own experiences. I’ve had a couple of girlfriends in the past who had never climaxed during sex. One thing I’ve found is that is you set out on a mission to cum, you never will…too much pressure. I think that sometimes the best sex is in the mind. Sometimes a thought, image, fantasy or a word can be enough to push you over the edge. I have found that an orgasm can be such a fragile state of mind. Another thing I’ve found is that you have to be relaxed and completely trust the person that you are with. Even for me I have found that I can’t cum during oral sex unless I completely trust that my girl is both enjoying herself and is not going to stop at a crucial moment. For this reason I think that sex gets better the longer that you are with someone. I also like a girl who is not afraid to show me what she likes or to do it for herself during sex. Just on that freak thing. I’ve had girlfriends the same in that they loved giving oral. One girl in particular would go down at every chance as it turned her on so much she would get unbelievable wet and ready to cum. Nothing freakish about that. Ps Just because your partner is older, doesn’t mean they are better!
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RHP User
16 years ago
I’m not telling you what to do, but I thought I’d relate some of my own experiences. I’ve had a couple of girlfriends in the past who had never climaxed during sex with previous partners. One thing I’ve found is that is you set out on a mission to cum, you never will…too much pressure. I think that sometimes the best sex is in the mind. Sometimes a thought, image, fantasy or a word can be enough to push you over the edge. I have found that an orgasm can be such a fragile state of mind. Another thing I’ve found is that you have to be relaxed and completely trust the person that you are with. Even for me I have found that I can’t cum during oral sex unless I completely trust that my girl is both enjoying herself and is not going to stop at a crucial moment. For this reason I think that sex gets better the longer that you are with someone. I also like a girl who is not afraid to show me what she likes or to do it for herself during sex. Just on that freak thing. I’ve had girlfriends the same in that they loved giving oral. One girl in particular would go down at every chance as it turned her on so much she would get unbelievable wet and ready to cum. Nothing freakish about that. Ps Just because your partner is older, doesn’t mean they are better!
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RHP User
16 years ago
oh and keep practicing!
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RHP User
16 years ago
If you can get off by yourself then even if you have a partner it's perfectly legitimate that Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands... There's nothing wrong with playing with boys and toys. It's exciting seeing a woman getting off. Hugs Gaz
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RHP User
16 years ago
Not that I'm pretending to be any kind of expert or pretend to know more about a females body than they do. Just some thoughts from past experiences.
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RHP User
16 years ago
A lot of women can't orgasm via intercourse. I had a girlfriend who just couldn't do it, but she would come via clit and anal stimulation. So i used that while have intercourse, just thinking back on it now, must have looked pretty fucking weird from a 3rd person perspective, But sex is all about fun, its not just about getting off (i no thats not what your on about anyway) I love getting to no a woman's body, and normally intercourse is the last thing on the check list.I must confess im not a fan of giving or receiving oral sex, I don't have a sensitive cock so it takes me a long time to cum, and I've never cum via oral sex. On the giving part, I'm just not a fan.
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RHP User
16 years ago
so...the problem seems to be "..why can't i get there with a guy when i can with my toys.."how about finding the link between how u feel when with your toys...and then trying to duplicate that feeling whenwith your guy...just an idea...alternatively, there is a pressure point which when pressed renders a man completely immobile...sort of like freezing him exactly as is...........and noooooooooooo, i'm not gonna tell u where it is...then u could use him as your toy instead...grins...sheesh...with gazza spilling his beans...next thing ya know some wiseguy is gonna make a post about the reasons why guys always have their hands in their pockets...ooopps...hehe...cheersjose...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi, I agree with jake88 on some levels in that an orgasm state is very fragile and I think that sex is half the physical feeling and half the mental excitement/thought of the act, I also think that sex gets better in some ways the longer your with a partner as you become more relaxed and feel less pressure on yourself (and your partner is the same) and you begin to explore more to find out what works the best and what doesn't, In your case taby it may be about what your thinking (the mental / thought side of things), I find it different when your fantasising about a situation to actually doing it and this may be why you can bring yourself to it but your partner cant, All in all i personal think the best sex you can ever have is when you are completely connected and relaxed with your partner :) Just my thoughts Hihellogday
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RHP User
16 years ago
Some women cum through external stimulation much better than internal. Hey do you cum with penetrative toys or are you always using your fingers on your clit? If a dildo will do it for you maybe it is the guy's technique?Some good advice in the posts above. I met Mrs Pup in her early 20's, she'd only been with one other and didn't know what an orgasm could be. She went from that to having ridiculous numbers of multiple orgasms with whatever stimulation. Now I'd love to accept the responsibility was my expert prowess but really it was more due to the fact we fell head over heels for each other and the intensity carried over to sex. Now we're older, have more stress, less sleep etc etc achieving the same results as often as we used to is just not going to happen. We just enjoy all we have (which is much more than just good sex) and every now and then when we have a few days off, the stress disappears and the moon is up my butt then we revisit those wild early 20's days with abandon! So life goes in ebbs and flows and it's all good! It's good you can climax and if this means you have to do it yourself then that's cool. I adore just watching Mrs Pup show me how it really should be done (also great when tired, lazy, stressed - "just do it yourself babe!")
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RHP User
16 years ago
i don't think the pill has hanything to do with coming. its more about the way you come easier, since guys don't care much if the girl comes or not and because they don't want to hold back and come in the same time or after i think it might start to make the girl less excited. (Taby001) maybe you're using a big toy and the guys were not as big. -check the dick size discussion- my ex was on the pill and things were great. i don't think the pill is the problem. the sex was good and we came together or one before the other. we tried many positions and we asked each other which do you feel more comfortable doing and which makes you feel you'll come faster. so after experimentation, now i know how to make her come before me and for 4-6 times a night and i don't even have to come once. if you and your lover/partne talk and take turns in who comes 1st, then you'll reach the point where you know when to change to that particular position or do what makes her/him excited and reach orgasme so that you come together. I didn't read all the posts but i hope what i wrote makes sense ciao
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RHP User
16 years ago
This may not be what you are into but maybe you would like it more in the ass? Have you ever tried that? Maybe a toy and a cock? let me know what you think
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RHP User
16 years ago
Sorry to hear that Trish.Taby, i think Sweetpetite may be onto something too.Maybe it's just the connection between you and your partner!I know when Mrs Rough and i first got together, it would take a lot of hard work from me to get her there.As we grew together, i learnt what it was that rocked her world, and can now get her there in 30sec's.Which is a whole new issue. I used to try to get her there, now i try to stop her getting there too quick ;PAs for prefering to give than to recieve.That ain't wierd, i'm much the same, and get a real massive kick out of going down on Mrs Rough, and i'm far from weird (Talented maybe, but not weird, i just love it but i digress)Trust me you'll make some bloke really happy, so don't worry bout them, do what feels right for you, get a bit selfish!good luck
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RHP User
16 years ago
WOW what a response, biggest yet i think :) keep your posts comming. just wanted to say a few things First: I can and do tell guys regulary what i want when having sex so no lack of communication i am not shy in the bedroom. Second: to answer the girls questions, I cant cum using my fingers only using my vibe and using clit stimulation.. confusing I know. Third: I agree with the guys, yes the more your with someone and the better you get to know their body the better the sex is... but no matter how well i get to know a guys body and them me i just cant get there. think may have come close few times but just cant keep it up long enough to get there :( Forth: Though I am on the pill I dont remember mentionioning anything about it? I have been on it long before I started having sex so I dont think it would effect me or that I would notice a lack of sex drive (actually have exstreamly high sex drive, or so have been told).
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RHP User
16 years ago
dont feel bad ur not the only one I am impossible to make cum ther r 2 types of cumming tho...an orgasim from penatration is different compared to an orgasim from playing with ur clit..and also it depends on how sensetive u r down ther and how expereinced ur partner is with ur sex and ur body...hehe i wud just suggest to make urself cum while ur partner is fuking u so put a vibrator on ur clit at the same time and get ur partner to dirty talk to u while squeezing ur nipples and that shud turn him on to and finally u shud ORGASIM ha ha...
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RHP User
16 years ago
Yeah ur right Hotazice. A vibrator on the clit or steady finger manipulation while being fucked will help. As for the male side and his helping a girl cum, alot can be achieved by sliding his cock in and out at different angles and length. The fella should have more patience with helping her i.e. tounge, fingers, tounge and fingers etc. There is nothing more of a turn on than looking in a girls eyes as she cums!! Patience with the ladies boys
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RHP User
16 years ago
Hi taby, I read your posts and the corresponding responses to your situation and I agree that it is relatively common. Without medical experience, I shouldn't comment on the physiology of the inablity to orgasm with a partner, however I have met women who cannot and know now that the situation CAN change. I am an advocate of BDSM techniques like breathplay, bondage, rolepay, corporal punishment and I have known instances where alternative techniques may unlock a similar block....if it is a mental one. So, my advce is to experiment a little....we all have fantasies and perhaps the key to unlocking you is embedded in your psyche..... What I do know is that you shouldn't worry yourself about it as you are young and it mey be a compatibility issue or a physical one (such as a hooded clitoris). You sound like you have a healthy sex drive and enjoy sex so I hope I am right in suggesting some experimentation to take you out of your (percieved) comfort zone and expand your horizons and maybe stretch your limits with someone you trust. A word of caution: Auto axphyxia (breath play) and other BDSM play in which you may be taken into "sub space" or altered states via sexual techniques should only be practiced with an experienced person, with limits clearly defined and safe words in play. Although one of these methods could have you cumming like crazy with wave after wave of rolling orgasms (somebody stop me !) a'hem...you should dip your toe in the water slowly and research what techniques you might find interestng or alluring and which may therefore work to enhance your lovemaking. I'm suggesting experimentation because your "vanilla" sex with a man to this point has not delivered for you, an orgasm. Having said that, it is possible to have beautiful, caring, wonderful sex without orgasm....as I am sure many here will testify. But it is orgasm....preceeded by the thrill of the chase, the intensiy of feeling and release, the "falling off the edge of the cliff" at the hands of another that seems to keep us coming (pardon the pun) back and back and back to sex. Too often BDSM is misunderstood, misinterpreted and therefore discounted as a method of dealing with (not curing) day to day issues like depression, stress and anxiety....blindfolds, silk scarves, spanking, roughness etc are arguably the sexual opposites of more tender, mainstream lovemaking but they often evoke far stronger sexual feelings because they are in the bottom drawer marked "taboo". The link is so obvious that it is often overlooked. So taby, pehaps you could try experimenting a little more ? With a partner whom you trust to guide you through... Very best wishes....I hope we hear you cumming from the other side of the country sometime very soon !!! lol Dog Xx
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RHP User
16 years ago
I've just watched a video about this exact topic, I hope this can help you too http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Hz8Jp1hOQxw
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Goodtime4you
16 years ago
Taby,To answer you question, it is not all that uncommon for women to not be able to reach orgasm. It is known as Female Orgasmic Disorder or Anorgasm. It can be the result of several psychological and medical problems including psychiatric disorder or distress (such as PTSD etc) or can be caused by medical problems such as diabetic neuropathy (problems related to Diabeties Type 1 and 2), multiple sclerosis, cardiovascular diseases, spinal cord injury, and as i would guess in your case, a hormonal imbalance that may be brought to the fore when you are with a partner (note the pil is desigend to also mess with your oestrogen and progesterone levels to convince your body that you are already pregnant). It is also known to be the result of genital mutation such as female circumcision, but i'm guessing this isn't your problem?!It could also be the result of the use of antidepressants, such as SSRI's (which are actually used to control premature ejaculation in men).I'd guess that your problem is that you suffer from what is known as situational anorgasmia which is where you are able to have orgasms in only certail circumstances such as you have described when you do it by yourself, couple this with the way that the Pill interacts with your bodies hormone secretion and circulation levels and you may find where your problem is.Good news! It can be controlled, often by medication which will enhance the receptors in your brain that respond to the chemicals/hormones released that stimulate your brain to make you cum. You can also control it with psychological interventions that allow you to relax more in sex (even though you think you already relaxed...)Try talking to your GP about possible referals to specialists in female hormone imbalances and check any medications that you are on for possible side effects and contraindications, and maybe talk about the mix of oestrogen in the current version of the pill that you are on.All the best!
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RHP User
16 years ago
or.....you could get someone to tie you up and go for it ! Xx Dog.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I've been married to my wife for 20 years, and in all that time I've never been able to give her an orgasm. She can occasionally make herself orgasm, but the way she describes the process it seems that she has to make just the right touch at just the right moment - something I can't do because it's all based on how she's feeling at that instant. She also has a very low sex drive, but I don't know if that's related to her difficulty in reaching orgasm.I make a point of not saying or doing anything to make her feel bad about her difficulty, but privately I do find it very frustrating. I have never had any difficulty with other women, and it was always one of my greatest enjoyments to feel a woman cumming.
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RHP User
16 years ago
Taby' Theres nothing wrong with you. You are working just fine. Having a orgasm with your dildo compared to with a guy is two different things.. With your dildo YOU are in full control' you know where the sweet spot is' if it needs it harder softer faster or slower and even control when you are ready to burst into climax. With a guy' you dont have this same control and your mind shifts to his needs as well as your own' all of a sudden there is two people trying hard to please the other which will often results in missing the bus completely. This goes both ways by the way.. Us guys are sometimes that intent on pleasing our lady we overshoot the mark and miss out also. Dont be concerned' if it happens' good... if it dont' its nothing that you doing wrong.
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RHP User
16 years ago
All the lovely ladies out there are different, in my life I have had some that just cant cum no matter what, and others that cum uncontrollably and multiply, just the way it is i guess!
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RHP User
16 years ago
You sound completely normal...There are times i cant cum..and others...lol well ... Though for some reason,and dont ask why cos i cant tell you why,but i cant cum from morning sex first thing in the morning.I can all night...but after having a sleep and then having sex again...its just not going to happen.
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RHP User
16 years ago
You sound completely normal...There are times i cant cum..and others...lol well ... Though for some reason,and dont ask why cos i cant tell you why,but i cant cum from morning sex first thing in the morning.I can all night...but after having a sleep and then having sex again...its just not going to happen.
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RHP User
16 years ago
My girlfriend never had an orgasm with a guy before me, from sex or head or anything else. It's not that I'm great at it, it's just that she was putting too much pressure on herself to cum, and the pressure held her back. Just relax and focus on enjoying all the sensations, rather than concentrating on getting off.
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RHP User
16 years ago
I'm with Goodtime4you on this one. If it bothers you get that referral, get to the root ( no pun) of the problem. Two notes on sex organs: The brain is the biggest sex organ, if it switches off, doesn't want the orgasm to happen blah blahblah....it won't. The next biggest organ in my experience is the (sensory organs in the) skin. Every person has a special spot that arrouses them, it can be the size of a postage stamp on their back or anywhere..........just think how much pleasure partners derive from non genital foreplay and how aroused we all get purely by being touched by our partners. Maybe you have gotten so used to the fact that guys cannot make u orgasm that your brain is preventing it from happening. Trying to force an orgasm to happen is also a big reason for it not to happen. Taby I would definitely seek medical advice and only then will you be able to preclude many many reasons and hopefully get the problem sorted Good luck hun Take care Woodyguyperth
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