F47

Would you stick around and give your support?

February 09 2014

I am interested to hear from both genders on this topic. Say, you're a single person and you are in the process of establishing your own small business, as well as working part timely or casually for someone else because you need the money to pay the bills while setting up your own business. As a result, of course you won't have much cash plus free time plus on hands to go out on the weekends, or to travel as you used to do. However, you're only a human at the end of the day, and you do wish to have a partner who you could turn to for emotional support when needed. Would you still look out for a relationship opportunity in this case??? Or would you be worrying too much that nobody would want to stick around and wait for you while you're establishing your business, so you rather not looking in the first place in order to prevent heartbreak and heartache from happening??? Put yourself on the opposite ground, say you are financially comfortable and ready to find a partner to enjoy life with you, then you meet someone who you really like and is compatible with you on most levels, but he/she is not in the same position as you financially because of the new business starting (hence career change). Would you still stick around and give your emotional support? Or would you rather go and seek for someone who is financially comfort and ready as you are??? I would appreciate genuine thoughts on this topic, and thank you in advance for your time spent on responding :-) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

12 years ago

What's the difference between starting a new business and simply having a large amount of your weekly wage committed through your own personal desires??? I say nothing.... However, just recently as late as just last year, I met a lovely lady, not from RHP. We went out a few times. I enjoyed her company she enjoyed mine, or so I thought. After about 3 weeks, she asks me if she could see other guys.....hmmm.....this is a dicey one loaded with emotive catch 22's. My reply was simply this. "Until such time as we both agree on taking things to an exclusive level, then you're single. So if you're wanting to take this to the exclusive arena then now is the time to speak up. However after only 3-4 dates could you honestly expect me to be wanting exclusivity??" "No. I guess not" she replies. Cutting a long story short she went off with some other guy that was physically available as my weeks are spent driving etc. and my availability is weekends usually. Then after 2 weeks decided to come back after it failed.... Needless to say, my life is like a baseball game. I'll give you my all unconditionally but fuck up 3 times and you're gone.....she's departed by the way of my proverbial foot up her proverbial arse. It's my understanding that people WANT to be living out of each other's hip pockets like moths....that's something I just can't do right now, and it penalises me quite often. I hate it....with a passion... However, it's the way it is....people can accept you how you are in it's totality or they should just fuck right off. - Posted from rhpmobile

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oralalot

12 years ago

The financial status or stability of someone shouldn't have any impact on a relationship. If you want to be with someone, you will find a way. Don't put your life on hold because of money. If I am financially stable and my partner wanted to start a business that involved a lot of time and energy, wouldn't I just help her.

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RHP User

12 years ago

Hi Sweetgem I'm coming from the perspective of being successfully self employed for the past 2 years, and single for the last year. I hope my insight helps :) As you would know, starting a business involves an incredible amount of work, long hours, commitment, passion and drive. And it's as scary as hell! For me personally, I had a significant career change, going from an executive corporate career to a creative tactile career. I love every minute of it. There are highs and lows, but from each of those you can take away something positive. We're not talking a 9-5 job anymore, we're talking living, breathing, dreaming, working your butt off, complete absorbsion in what you are doing . This inturn affects the people around you. Some of these people are naysayers "omg what are you doing! It will never work!" Some are indifferent, and don't say or think much about anything you're doing. Some are opportunists "oh awesome! Mates rates " (urg I HATE that one lol) And then there are people that are there for you and support you, if not financially then emotionally. You can bounce your ideas off them, vent your frustrations and disappointments & celebrate your successes. Love in a lot of ways is no different to being self employed. They both require the same traits and commitment and both are as scary as hell! We need the people around us to be supportive emotionally. But not necessarily financially. We need to acknowledge the 1st 3 people types, as existing, and distance our selves. Not from them personally, but from the negative influences they have over us. One significant difference is that money doesn't buy love. And you MUST always take the time away from your business for you, but also for the people that are important to you. And if that 1 person, who is significant to you, can't give you the same love, time & commitment. And can't work with you and understand the initial financial restraints....then in reality they just aren't the one for you. And one of you needs to walk away. Good luck xx - Posted from rhpmobile

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oralalot

12 years ago

Excellent advice from Rubenesquered.

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oralalot

12 years ago

Excellent advice from Rubenesquered.

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oralalot

12 years ago

Excellent advice from Rubenesquered.

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RHP User

12 years ago

Your post is very timely sweetgem, I don't think I can answer your question...yet. I'm in the process of starting my own self employment.I don't know if I'm a glutton for punishment or just following an evolutionary path, this week may well be the week that see's my business spread its wings. Those who are in the know are aware of the due diligence of ABN's, name registration with ASIC, tickets, licences, public liability and other insurances.I've had a gutful of paid employment the local government...*whisper this one* bludging mentality was a key turning point for me then back to private enterprise and the politics that every workplace has...this makes self employment and all its risks and pitfalls seem attractive.The bottom line is that, amongst other things, love is blind. Life is what happens when your making other plans...John Lennon.

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Smilingwithfun

12 years ago

I have been involved in business since 17. Started in the family business which was 9 to 5. We sold that & bought a business in the Accomodation sector 23 years ago. Means being on call 24/7. I have been through the highs & lows of being in business. Have seen several relationships come & go in that time. It is hard to have a relationship & be in a position where you need to pore a lot of time into your business. I think the 2 most important things to remember is 1/ Possible partners have other interests other than your business. They may or may not understand your passion. You need to be able to disconnect from your business when with a date, partner etc. 2/ Make time to be away from your business, mentally & physically. In answering the second part, I think that if you have been successful then you would be an ideal partner as you have experienced what your partner is going through. I wish you well in your endeavours.

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MsSuperFoxy

12 years ago

I learnt a huge financial lesson years ago when I met a man. When we met he had nothing, left his divorce with nothing. When I say nothing I mean as in not set up. He had no financial security backing and he had a full-time job. that was it. We eventually lived together and during that time I lost over $75,000. It mainly went on his children setting them up, as in new bedroom suites etc. I did it out of what I thought was love, it was not now that I look back, I was vulnerable. I had turned into a "rescuer". Never again will I put myself in that situation where I will support another "financially" like that. I was given wise words "To look after ones self and financial future". Now, I have set myself up for myself and daughter for MY future. I have to, as a single working mum and the situation I'm in. I know it sounds selfish. However in saying that if I met someone starting up a small business, I would support them "emotionally" but not financially..There is a difference. I would support them as much as I could to where boundaries are put in place. I understand people starting up new business as that is what they have chosen to do. I would be very cautious. I hope what ever it is you are going through SweetGem, it works out for the best for you. Foxy XXXX

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RHP User

12 years ago

Hi Sweetgem I too started my own business about two years ago after many years working in the corporate sector. Yes I'm familiar with the 'scary' bit. I love what I do now and enjoy being my own boss. I hope this happiness rubs off on whoever I meet. In relationships I think it comes down to a basic respect for whatever career path a partner chooses to take. For me being flexible with hours is really imortant to me and if there was that special someone then work can wait. Financially I'm worse off but ive got a better work life balance in all respects. If it turned out I was doing more hours than before I would have to reconsider doing it at all. I'd better go- got work to do :) - Posted from rhpmobile

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MsSuperFoxy

12 years ago

If I were to set up or had a small business, I would still put myself out there to meet other people, why not?? I see it as my small business, my choice. It's what I've chosen prior meeting them. If one explains the situation then it gives the other the option/choice to judge for them self if they want to support "emotionally" or not. I would expect after a period of time, if things progress then they would be "emotionally" supportive, they would want the best for me?? That's part of being there isn't it, accepting that other person for what they have chosen to do, part of who they are??? I wouldn't rely on them for "financial" support tho. Foxy

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RHP User

12 years ago

Everyone has a different opinion. Last year a friend of mine who is a serial dater...looking for Mr Right was contemplating returning to a man who had just had a backoperation, I advised her against it because of his health issues. Soon after she was considering another man who not only had divorce issues he had a serious liver problem possibly life threatening, I also advised her away from a relationship with him. Then whilst she was dating an amazing well established and future goal minded man she developed heart failure this man stood beside her and I was in awe and told her so, wow how lucky to find someone who didnt seem fazed, but it was short lived as they soon split but I am unsure as is she as to the reason behind that. So obvioulsy in my mind health is a consideration maybe thats because I cared for my selfish ex who had a chronic health condition. I think of myself as a practical person and I do consider financial security in a partner. At my age if a man has no assests or home I sincerely wonder why. I also look at his paternity issues if he has children and will be paying children support wow. Is that selfish GOOD its my time to be selfish I worked hard for what I have and gave and still do to all around me (financially and emotionally) I am way to generous but I dont care. I think many men will not answer honestly here only because men inparticular seem to be consumed by what they consider they gave up in their divorces and I cant speak for them as I know many wives did not work and so they feel they didnt contribute financially. I worked and went without a lot in my marraige whilst mm partner spent however he saw fit. Anyway rant over.......you need not worry what may or may not be because we are all different have varied reasons pasts and experiences. With this new venture as you realise the future is uncertain and exciting. Ces La Vie my darling ...

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RHP User

12 years ago

Personally I'd love to meet someone with the drive, passion and determination to live life on their terms. I support my partners in any way I can, whether it be a few bucks when they're short, a sympathetic ear and shoulder to cry on, or a motivational kick up the bum. A persons financial position means nothing to me, unless they're poor due to laziness or lack of work ethic and motivation. "Being broke is temporary, being poor is not" If someone isn't prepared to weather the storm with you, they are unworthy of your time.

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erotictouch4u

12 years ago

I agree with you Foxy...it is their business and so it should financially support itself if they wish to continue it, otherwise they might have either bitten off more than they can handle or they are not suited to the demands and rigours of managing and operating their own business. I also expect that if it was my own business then the same applies to me...if it does not financially support itself why should I expect anyone else to support it ? Emotional support comes with any relationship and any job, not just for the self-employed. It is free to give and receive and should not be held back.

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RHP User

12 years ago

I personally don't look for things like relationships or friendships, as i have found the more you look the less you find and its time that can be spent doing other things that are more productive.As for your question would I stick around,yes most certainly why? Well simply because i only enter relationships where i am loved unconditionally and can return love unconditionally not when the conditions are right for them or me.

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luvsilver

12 years ago

In 2000 I started our own business. Walking in the door on the first day thinking of the lease for the premises, stock you have bought and not a single customer booked in yet. It is a very big step and also a very scary step so like you I also worked a second job driving and security for escorts and strippers.Although we were already married ,Mrs Luv had her own employment for someone else and so up until recently it has been solely run by myself at all times.You hopefully are going to be as busy as all hell Sweetgem working weekends and all sorts of crazy hours .My advise is to work your arse off for sure-you have to. But if someone comes along ,grab them with both hands.If someone doesn't want to stick around and be there for you while you grow your business then they are not the person you need in your life and not worth it.Remember to take time out with your friends every now and then but more importantly make time for your self. It doesn't have to be anything grand,just take the time to do the little things you enjoy. Good Luck. Mr Luvsilver

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sweetgem

12 years ago

Thank you everyone for your responses to my thread. I truly appreciate your precious times spent on giving your thoughts and advices. Thank you :-) - Posted from rhpmobile

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sweetgem

12 years ago

RubenesqueRed and Luvsilver who have given the most relevant advices based on their own personal experiences, which are also direct and relevant to my points. I understand that "finance" or "money" is a sensitive subject to some people due to their personal reasons, but my thread isn't about the financial support that one might or might not want to provide! It's about whether or not one would be willing to stick around and give emotional support to someone that they find compatible with and like, but whom is lack of free time to keep the weekends free, etc. etc. I am a very independent person in all aspects, and have achieved a lot to date. Hence, I have zero interest in other people's wealth nor will they have one bit of a chance to even show their $$$ to me!!! Therefore, please do read my Forum post carefully before responding! Thank you :-) - Posted from rhpmobile

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RHP User

12 years ago

It's human nature Sticking around is a hard choice... It's interesting the Book "Why Men Want Sex & Women Want love" goes into a lot about relationships & why both sexes do what they do & who is more likely to stick around in good times & bad. The answer is interesting. In terms of supporting someone elses dream - it's a difficult one. I personal would let a women do as she pleases but in unless she could prove to me that what she's doing is going to make more money then me. I'm probably not going to offer much beyond basic emotion support.

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