M56
confused
April 11 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
looks like you have been relegated to the intractable position of FWOB. Cheers Nev
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RHP User
15 years ago
I'd guess just a friend. Woman dont always think of male friends in a sexual way. We think we can be friends no matter what the sex.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Having you as a convenient guy who lusts after her while she gets all the 'relationship stuff' from the other guy is all she wants from you and she's getting exactly that. If you want things to stay exactly as they are, stick around. If you want something different, move on and find another girl.xx Sarah
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RHP User
15 years ago
Ziffy... what newgirl said. People surround themselves with people who make them feel good. You're like a dog to this girl. If you don't want to be dissapointed, just give her a lick every now and again and realise that you'll probably only ever be humping her leg.... I'd suggest you do weird things... like ask her for a pair of her undies.... make her feel a little uncomfortable about how she is handling your affections towards her. Plus, her boyfriend... is he a friend of yours? I mean... what's the grass cutting all about?HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'stalky' Ziffy... what newgirl said. People surround themselves with people who make them feel good. You're like a dog to this girl. If you don't want to be dissapointed, just give her a lick every now and again and realise that you'll probably only ever be humping her leg.... I'd suggest you do weird things... like ask her for a pair of her undies.... make her feel a little uncomfortable about how she is handling your affections towards her. Plus, her boyfriend... is he a friend of yours? I mean... what's the grass cutting all about?HugsStalkyVery Succinctly put....and I totally agree. Plenty of women have a male friend like this It is up to you if you accept this or not.
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RHP User
15 years ago
you just her friend and thats all she see's you as some women just want a man they can talk to like a friend without sex getting in the way i dont understand why you are confused...she has told you your a great friend...where is the confusion??? roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Poor Mrs Pup and her open smiling face gets into trouble all the time...just because a girl is friendly to you does not mean she'll ever want to get down and dirty with you. You're confusing her being attractive to you as a sign. Just enjoy the fact that if she's a really nice and attractive woman that values your friendship then you must be a pretty cool bloke!I agree though it's hard for a guy to really like a girl as a friend without wanting to bonk her...my solution to this is to stay really good friends with exgf's as we've already got the sex issue out of the way :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
To my understanding her saying "you're a great friend" doesn't sound like a big come-on. She may even be relieved that you're able to be a friend to her without trying for anything sexual/romantic and respecting her relationship. If that were to change it could ruin the friendship she has said and demonstrated that she values so much. . I'd only suggest becoming confused if the compliments change from friendly to crossing the boundary. Friends of an opposite gender might occaisonally be able to get away with complimenting each other's attractiveness but in this case I'd suspect it'd be a sign her desires for you are shifting. Don't read too much into it if it happens to come up in conversation. But if she happens to say, "Wow, you're looking good, have you lost weight" or "That colour really suits you" or so on without any, er, provocation, that could be a sign that she's attracted to you. . And the real danger zone is when she starts confiding in you about ways in which she's not satisfied with her current boyfriend, as though you were one of her girlfriends but with an obvious difference. As soon as she says something like, "You're a great listener. I wish spoke to me like you do. He's always too busy and I sometimes think he doesn't care about me," that gives you the chance to say something like "There's no way he should be taking a great girl like you for granted. If you were my girlfriend I'd pay as much attention to you as you could stand." That really often seems to be the nail in the coffin of the current relationship and soon after the new one with the "just friend" is under way. . How do I know this? I may be young but I've seen it many times. Firstly I was the one being the good listener/nice guy/funny man - whatever my female friends wanted in their current relationships and weren't finding. Once I made the mistake of saying something like "you deserve to be treated better" because she told me she was being ignored while her bf was overseas and she suspected he may have been cheating. With dizzying speed in a few weeks she had left him and wanted me instead. The poor bastard may only have been busy visiting family and didn't have the time to pay what she believed was sufficient attention to her from Europe, especially given the time distance. And he may not have ever had a thought about cheating. But, no matter, because that's what was going on in her mind and then I with my friendship happened to say something that made her think I cared more than him. . Unfortunately that's not all. I also lost two loved girlfriends, in consecutive years, because they didn't have the communication skills to tell me what was wrong with our relationships and told others instead. Talking like that creates close intimacy on both ends. (Ever wondered my ministers of churches and psychiatrists sometimes have scandalous affairs? It all starts with talking and creating intimacy that should be with their partners instead). All of a sudden the woman feels listened-to, appreciated, valued, understood... and it's not with their current partner. Then the listen-ee expresses interest in a sidelong way, "If I was with you I'd treat you so much better," and that's that. I know this happened in the first relationship, to someone online in another country whom she'd never met. So there's the power of talking and listening to create intimacy for you. I suspect strongly it happened the second time too. They're getting married later in the year. . So what's your move from here? I'm not even going to pretend to be impartial, I think it's nasty for someone to do anything to undermine a relationship. Cheating is an obvious no-no but I'm also unhappy with people leaving their current relationship and striking up a new one without even trying to sort out what's not working. Or in the case of some, without the poor guy knowing that anything's even wrong on her end. So I'm not going to suggest doing that, especially if he's a friend of yours. . If she continues to send what you're reading as mixed messages, just ask her about it. Sometime when you can have a private conversation but where you can't start tearing off each other's clothes. Also make it daytime and avoid alcohol. Try something like, "You keeps saying that I'm a great friend and I don't want to let anything get in the way of that, but I'm confused, so let's just clear the air and then put it behind us. Are you attracted to me?" Adults in a male-female friendship should be able to maturely handle this question and I'd think it would be a common one in a lot of those sorts of friendships. Then you'll have your answer. Or, at least, the one she wants to be true. If it happens that she is a little attracted to you, as you know, I'd recommend she try and sort out whatever it is that's not fulfilling with her current relationship before jumping ship. Sometimes what we don't find fulfilling about a relationship is not so much them but us - and it's something we'll take with us into the next one too. . And finally, a word of caution. If you do have such a great friendship, are you prepared to completely stuff it up, to the point where you can no longer even have contact by email and you have to part ways completely? If not, don't risk an intimate relationship, because that's how they can turn out...
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RHP User
15 years ago
On this one. This had happened to me before and let me tell you how it feels from the other end I have a lot of male friends (yeah I know, go figure) But it's always been that way, I prefer to stand at the bar having a beer with the guys and talking porn, than gossiping and man bashing in the kitchen with the girls. . After my ex and I separated I found out exactly which of these friends were still friends and which ones just wanted to give me a tongue bath. Believe me if I wanted any of them in that way, they sure as hell would have known all about it, and they should have known better than to try it on just for the hell of it. It made me sad that they couldnt just think of me as a friend . . If you find her more attractive than she finds you, thats your issue mate , not hers. Either work out whether YOU actually want to be her friend or are you only her friend in the hope that she'll fuck you one day. because you need to be prepared for it to all change once she realises!!!!!
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RHP User
15 years ago
A recent study published in some Psychology Magazine (I read about it, but can't find the link anymore) says that more often than not, men misinterpret a woman's friendliness as sexual interest ( I want to say is was 90% of the time, but I might just be makking that number up to make my point). Anything from a slight smile, to a compliment, to a "Hello" can be, and most likely wii be misinterpreted by men. Now, I will be honest. I did not read the study, and I don't know what the findings indicate (or what it is thought they indicate), but it did make me wonder how often have I done that. And maybe that is all that is happening here. Simple misinterpretation of social signals.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Cos mate your not getting your end wet there....but you could tell her that your feeling a bit frustrated and lonely and blah blah blah, and let her do the work for you in lining up potential dates and hook ups with her friends and friends of friends etc............................There has to be some upside to this friendship for you
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'dontgothere'If you find her more attractive than she finds you, thats your issue mate , not hers. Either work out whether YOU actually want to be her friend or are you only her friend in the hope that she'll fuck you one day. because you need to be prepared for it to all change once she realises!!!!! This! DGT has nailed it on the head again. She sees you as a friend. You stand in the "friend" group. Why do you think there's anything else going on there?Oh, what does "catch up" mean?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'exitonly' Cos mate your not getting your end wet there....but you could tell her that your feeling a bit frustrated and lonely and blah blah blah, and let her do the work for you in lining up potential dates and hook ups with her friends and friends of friends etc............................There has to be some upside to this friendship for you That's using your noggin..... women love a good romance story, especially if they orchestrate it! So... what are you getting out of this relationship with her? Friendships are a two way street. Take advantage of your persistent arse sniffing!HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
I remember once driving a friend home....and meeting her boyfriend for the first time.She introduced us....I smiled and said hey, how are ya?A while later he contacts me...saying they had broken up...and that he was now free to hook up with me.Im like...um...what??what gave you the impression that I was interested in you like that??His reply?Well...you smiled at me and said hi.Go figure.JMO...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
I bet he was looking at your boobs the whole time though.... I mean to say... it was obviously worth a shot. ;pHugsStalky Quoting 'MissBJ' I remember once driving a friend home....and meeting her boyfriend for the first time.She introduced us....I smiled and said hey, how are ya?A while later he contacts me...saying they had broken up...and that he was now free to hook up with me.Im like...um...what??what gave you the impression that I was interested in you like that??His reply?Well...you smiled at me and said hi.Go figure.JMO...BJxxx
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RHP User
15 years ago
if a woman says "Wow, you're looking good, have you lost weight" maybe she isnt coming on to you, but maybe just maybe you are looking good and you have lost weight if a woman says "That colour really suits you"...maybe you just look good in that colour if she says "hello" maybe she is just saying Hi . how can men read more into that than there is??? what part of any of those statements says "i want to fuck you and swallow your cum"??? men have weird ideas sometimes roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
I think I must be DGTs male evil twin separated at birth. Poor mum...in labour for all those years and on two separate continents? Jearzus...no wonder she stopped at two.|I think you should just enjoy having the young lady as a friend...most of my very close friends in life are female. The guys...well, they may not be in the kitchen talking about the latest in the Avon catalogue but at the fire hydrandt in the office (some call it the water cooler) you do get tired of the constant leg lifting and pissing contests that go on.|I did catch one guy out as I happen to be very good friends with his wife...we worked on a project together for her business. One day he was cracking the shits about her and going on about not "get any" at home. She just happens to be a stunner an absolutely gorgeous human being...so I interrupted (gee...would I do that?) and told him he was a lucky man. His comment was "Well if you can get any...go for it". A couple of weeks later I was there working in the office in their home with her, laughing and having fun....and he was going to take their son out for a play to keep him out of the way. He stuck his head in the door and said he would be gone for about an hour....so I winked at him and asked if he could make it two? Now mind you...I would not go there...she is "just a friend" albeit close and the guy and I did together at the time, but guess what? He rolled back in the door in just under half an hour....and no more pissing at the pump, at least not when I was around to hear it.|Moral of the story....the cheerleaders are out there rooting for the players during the game. Smart guys will get to be friends with all of them and if you are lucky...you might just get to root with one of them under the bleachers at half-time. Cowboy logic...works for me.|You can never have enough real friends...they are rare. Keep your friends close...|...and root with the cheerleaders. ||....no way I was going to say "keep your enemies closer".
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'ChasingMidnight'I think I must be DGTs male evil twin separated at birth. Poor mum...in labour for all those years and on two separate continents? Jearzus...no wonder she stopped at two.| why I have a bugger of a time keeping this beard off my chin and why i love the smell of a cigar LOL
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RHP User
15 years ago
OMG woman....... how stupid are men...i mean, really???? Please don't tempt me into answering that.....Im sitting on my hands right now and stepping away from the keyboard
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' if a woman says "Wow, you're looking good, have you lost weight" maybe she isnt coming on to you, but maybe just maybe you are looking good and you have lost weight if a woman says "That colour really suits you"...maybe you just look good in that colour if she says "hello" maybe she is just saying Hi . how can men read more into that than there is??? what part of any of those statements says "i want to fuck you and swallow your cum"??? men have weird ideas sometimes roxxy That made me giggle Roxy.see we women read..If a man says- "Wow you're looking good, you lost weight?" to be ..."Yay those freaking shakes are finally working!!!" "That colour really suits you" = "Gee's what do I look like in other colours?"And "Hello" is just that.."Hello"Unfortunatly Roxxy I reckon we women are just as bad at reading into things that arn't said too.
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RHP User
15 years ago
To answer your question I think you are on the preverbial fence.Maybe it's exactly that she thinks of you as a great buddy who just happens to be male.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'ChasingMidnight' ....... A couple of weeks later I was there working in the office in their home with her, laughing and having fun....and he was going to take their son out for a play to keep him out of the way. He stuck his head in the door and said he would be gone for about an hour....so I winked at him and asked if he could make it two? For a second there I was about to target you as a grass cutter! :pHugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose'how can men read more into that than there is??? what part of any of those statements says "i want to fuck you and swallow your cum"??? men have weird ideas sometimes roxxy Hey.. it's learned behaviour.... you know when we were in kindergarten and infant's school whenever a girl would talk to a boy then they were girlfriend and boyfriend!! Men remember those things! I remember playing hopscotch with a girl... I can even remember her name.... and a Nun, the cranky old crow swooped down on me and gave me a paddling with her ruler... which is why I laughed my guts up when the old botch fell down the front steps of the school... mind you... I did not push her... and that's my story... and I'm sticking to it.HugsStalky
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RHP User
15 years ago
The beard comes and goes now about every three weeks...think it's time we got togethr and compared notes on DNA samples...and that "5 o'clock shadow".| Quoting 'dontgothere' Why I have a bugger of a time keeping this beard off my chin...and why i love the smell of a cigar LOL| So, the beards go on each of us...I don't like a pash rash either. The cigar stays and what are those naughty little things behind your back? A little bit of chain....hey, you might just get there. And even though Stalky might think I have an interest in your grass, you know I am a lot more interested in your red hot... | ...new outfit and inviting personality. | I won't say antying about your red hot ass...that would be crude. Don't tell mum!
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RHP User
15 years ago
Sniffin her crutch! hahahaha that was funny Stalky. Ladies, I think you are being a little unfair on our simple men friends here. I mean, they probably say the same about us shelias and that is, that we don't really listen to them and what they want. Because women twist things to suit themselves too. Don't we? Come on own up to this one. :) In defense of Roxxy's comments - So what part of " I don't want committment but I really like you as a f*k buddy" turn into a wedding. hehehe xx Meeka
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' if a woman says "Wow, you're looking good, have you lost weight" maybe she isnt coming on to you, but maybe just maybe you are looking good and you have lost weight if a woman says "That colour really suits you"...maybe you just look good in that colour if she says "hello" maybe she is just saying Hi . how can men read more into that than there is??? what part of any of those statements says "i want to fuck you and swallow your cum"??? men have weird ideas sometimes roxxyJust to be clear, I'm not stupid, and certainly not by virtue of my gender. I made those suggestions to the original poster in case he already has evidence (however subjective or tenuous) of her being interested in him. In my experience frequent statements like that can be indicative of liking on a more than just friends basis. Of course not always and I hope I didn't make it sound as though I thought that was always the case. I agree that compliments between friends can just be that and I prefer them when they're the case.
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RHP User
15 years ago
i am just guessing here but i think the answer is Your her Friend ...I know i know Weird hey
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'slippery_halo' Quoting 'TassieRose' if a woman says "Wow, you're looking good, have you lost weight" maybe she isnt coming on to you, but maybe just maybe you are looking good and you have lost weight if a woman says "That colour really suits you"...maybe you just look good in that colour if she says "hello" maybe she is just saying Hi . how can men read more into that than there is??? what part of any of those statements says "i want to fuck you and swallow your cum"??? men have weird ideas sometimes roxxyJust to be clear, I'm not stupid, and certainly not by virtue of my gender. I made those suggestions to the original poster in case he already has evidence (however subjective or tenuous) of her being interested in him. In my experience frequent statements like that can be indicative of liking on a more than just friends basis. Of course not always and I hope I didn't make it sound as though I thought that was always the case. I agree that compliments between friends can just be that and I prefer them when they're the case. i used your questions because they were the questions put out there....it wasnt aimed at you, it was aimed at men in general us women we are a funny bunch...some of us yes, play games with men and their heads, but some of us are straight to the point....if i say "gee you look hot in that pic" then god damn it you look hot in that pic...if i say "yes your nose looks big in that pic" then hun your nose looks big in the pic.....im not saying...."fuck i want to lay you down and do nasty things to you that will make you smile everytime you look at grass"...by the way i love that eye pic you have, but i dont get the purple plastic thing, shame your only 24 because if you were older and loved fat chicks id do you in a heartbeat no reading between the lines there...i said what i mean i guess when it all comes down to it Zif29 you know your friend and if she is a straight talker like some of us girls here then you are a good friend and you should treasure that because us girls love our good male friends to death, they dont come along very often so we appreciate them a lot....but if she is one of those girls that Halo is talking about and she is the type to do that then its up to you if you hang around or not roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'TassieRose' Quoting 'slippery_halo' Quoting 'TassieRose' if a woman says "Wow, you're looking good, have you lost weight" maybe she isnt coming on to you, but maybe just maybe you are looking good and you have lost weight if a woman says "That colour really suits you"...maybe you just look good in that colour if she says "hello" maybe she is just saying Hi . how can men read more into that than there is??? what part of any of those statements says "i want to fuck you and swallow your cum"??? men have weird ideas sometimes roxxyJust to be clear, I'm not stupid, and certainly not by virtue of my gender. I made those suggestions to the original poster in case he already has evidence (however subjective or tenuous) of her being interested in him. In my experience frequent statements like that can be indicative of liking on a more than just friends basis. Of course not always and I hope I didn't make it sound as though I thought that was always the case. I agree that compliments between friends can just be that and I prefer them when they're the case. i used your questions because they were the questions put out there....it wasnt aimed at you, it was aimed at men in general us women we are a funny bunch...some of us yes, play games with men and their heads, but some of us are straight to the point....if i say "gee you look hot in that pic" then god damn it you look hot in that pic...if i say "yes your nose looks big in that pic" then hun your nose looks big in the pic.....im not saying...."fuck i want to lay you down and do nasty things to you that will make you smile everytime you look at grass"...by the way i love that eye pic you have, but i dont get the purple plastic thing, shame your only 24 because if you were older and loved fat chicks id do you in a heartbeat no reading between the lines there...i said what i mean i guess when it all comes down to it Zif29 you know your friend and if she is a straight talker like some of us girls here then you are a good friend and you should treasure that because us girls love our good male friends to death, they dont come along very often so we appreciate them a lot....but if she is one of those girls that Halo is talking about and she is the type to do that then its up to you if you hang around or not roxxy Thanks for clarifying Roxxy, I should've known better than to take it quasi-personally. My apologies. The purple plastic (well, Latex) is a "dental dam" for safe oral sex - I only rim through one of those babies. But maybe it's a bit weird and I should take it down... Thanks for your compliments. I am told I have nice eyes. :) . So yeah, back to the original poster. If your friendship is indeed good with this lady and you're still confused, hopefully the friendship will be able to survive an honest talk about your confusion. I wouldn't suggest saying that you're into her, just that you're confused and want to hear it in as many words - that she wants to be "just friends" with you. Which, as the ladies have overwhelmingly said, is the most likely case. Hopefully she'll tell you as much and you'll both be able to put it behind you. I would think it would only become too awkward on her end if you said that you were interested yourself and put pressure on her to agree. Anywho, all the best.
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RHP User
15 years ago
"I stand corrected..."
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RHP User
15 years ago
if not and you are friends then you should you ould as all of us .. we can give a differing opinion .. the only way to really find out .. is to ask her :) then come tell us ;) Sassy xx
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'slippery_halo' "I stand corrected..." hahaha you can stand correct if it means that much to you lol i thought it was a dental dam but wasnt sure and i figgered those with late/pvc fetishes would know and thats all that matters so dont take it down...i guess rimming with one of those is a really good idea, but my arse is clean, i swear, you wont need one hahaha roxxy
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