M53
didnt want to hijack kinks topic high quality men
April 17 2014
Comments
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madotara69
12 years ago
So easy to wander apart from each other at times, (relationships) Sometimes too far and things can get lost. I think that is not what women want, in men, nor men with women. It happens by choices, sometimes choices are materialistic mistakes. You seem to be an honest bloke allsorts. Are you being honest with yourself? Mado Mado Tara xx
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RHP User
12 years ago
"women don't really know what they want." All generalisations seriously suck.
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RHP User
12 years ago
in my experience, when a girl says "it's not you, it's me" ...... then yeah, it's you. But having said that it isn't necessarily your fault. And you are totally right, women and men are no different to each other when it comes to relationships. we play our games and they play theirs and its a roll of the dice as to who ends up getting hurt the most out of it. It's all a very complex game of keeping them interested and keeping them guessing whats coming next. As soon as u get into a boring routine in life then u can be assured something has got to give. Once that honeymoon phase of any relationship is over then u really need to be careful and be attentive of your partner and their needs because its easy to get comfortable and neglect the little things. In my opinion cheating or looking for something better doesn't need to occur so long as you are paying attention. It will happen sometimes, we are only humans with animal instincts so people will do stupid shit and unfortunately stuff up a good thing. I think some or maybe most women are looking for that.....what shall we call it, the Channing Tatum effect. That mythical fairytale person who is just going to be the perfect mate, attend to every need, whim and desire. romance pouring out of every pore and a firecracker in the sack. Know what I mean? But reality is as u said, no ones perfect but they are still seeking their perfect person. sadly at that moment, you are being compared against it. case in point my last partner. first year or two I was perfection personified. then shit started changing till it all crashed into a screaming heap. in her parting conversations I was the perfect boyfriend, I did everything right......but it STILL wasn't enough. Because as I said she had the fairytale dream in her head and I just did not compare no matter what I did. You can't always control what happens. Just be the best u can be for the best person for you. Can't go wrong with that theory
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RHP User
12 years ago
We are all flawed and I don't believe any of us are the complete package, the difference being is that some are willing to put up with some more than others. As much as you believe you embody all the perfect qualities, even some of these begin to grate on people. Look at the holier than thou types, they are good people, they don't get in trouble, good citizens, role models but their attitudes that everyone should emulate them make them irritating to say the least. So just because someone has these 'qualities' doesn't mean they are perfect to or for anyone.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks mado its given me something to think about and Arkangel very insightful. Guys it helps to have someone else's insight to the topic Meander really! I started the topic to try under stand women and relationships better (it was an observation one persons view) your not helpingif you have something constructive to add fine I'll listen
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RHP User
12 years ago
I wanted something dfifferent at 18 to what I want at 47. In your marraige...she cheated that sucks but after 20 years people drift and turn into different people. I cant quite get my head around when people say we are not meant to be monogomous.....I believe people can easily be monogomous but maybe not with the same person for ever. Different people have different wants and some people give more than they take. The thread I made about nice guys finishing last is a big eye opener...as look at how many people believe they are the nice guy. Are they? Do they think they are but maybe they are narciissistic and believe what they want. Who is to say. I come across people all the time who think their ex is the devil and robbed them......truth/fact/fiction.........or the way they see the world. I choose to believe if you keep looking you might be lucky enough to find your future. So seek and yee shall find.
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madotara69
12 years ago
Oh to the tranquillity. he he. But I do have an original chromed Mongoose BMX pushy somewhere in the shed. What else could a man want with his wife and kids playing in the dirt, marbles, who is up next. Keep em close fellows, centre of your life always.
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RHP User
12 years ago
You can be perfect, as apparently I was in the first ten years of marriage.... but after that the harder I tried to do the Channing thing the worse it got. I had to try harder and harder just to stay on what was considered a level playing field, but was all to no avail in the end. I must say that RHP gave us an extra couple of years that we wouldn't otherwise have had, so thanks peeps - you know who you are :)! I truly don't wish to generalise, but I believe now women (and men too) get tired of a good thing, and that in most cases it devolves into an unhappy relationship. No good for everyone, including kids. The needs of us all change over time - it's no use throwing the toys out of the cot (as I was well entitled to, I believe) but really there's just no point. You have to man up and get on with it - that's not having a crack at you, it's just what experience has taught me. You may or may not be surprised that many people in previous generations who had/have been together for 40/50 years plus and have the diamond anniversary parties etc can't stand their other half in private. That was never going to be the way for me - I need to LIVE my life, not just exist because convention says I should. BTW I still share my boy 50/50 with his mum, he's a fantastic kid, knows (most of the) score and knows he's loved. Can't beat that. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
But basically it boils down to a good man, with quality attributes. The problem is once you do find it, you have to nurture it. You have to work on it every day. When you start becoming too comfortable with each other and taking each other for granted, that's usually when you go fark this, there has to something better out there. You know how it goes. The start of a new relationship and it's exciting and thrilling. You bonk yourself silly a few times a day, every time you see each other. You send sexy messages, saying how much you can't wait to see each other, etc. Then you start getting too comfortable, too predictable and eventually it's nah, can't be bothered to try any more. Maybe monogamy isn't all it's cracked up to be! Ok, I think I might have got a couple of forums confused here. But yes, I do want all of those qualities, and I am prepared to take the bad with the good, provided it works both ways.
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RHP User
12 years ago
thanks ralf I hope you don't class me as the holier than thou type but you have some good points.Cest_la_viebaby I like what you said that's why I posted to get a better understanding and different peoples point of view is enlightening. "nice guy. Are they? Do they think they are but maybe they are narciissistic and believe what they want. Who is to say".This is a good point. I can only go by what I was told, and if you aren't told you cant fix which is what I cant understand, she gave no hint there was something wrong. RunAwayjoinCircz no you cant build a scene, light hearted while being constructive okay though. I'm trying to get a better understanding of women, relationships and where I went wrong. I can't think of a better place to come for that. The experiences every one has to offer is ample. We come from all walks of life white collar, blues collar, unemployed, defence forces, emergency services and lots more. We are all here for one thing or another some purely for sex some to find that special someone some for the forums some looking for answer, but we all have one thing in common. if we can have a little fun while doing it, it makes for some great experiences.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'looking4quality' But basically it boils down to a good man, with quality attributes. The problem is once you do find it, you have to nurture it. You have to work on it every day. When you start becoming too comfortable with each other and taking each other for granted, that's usually when you go fark this, there has to something better out there. You know how it goes. The start of a new relationship and it's exciting and thrilling. You bonk yourself silly a few times a day, every time you see each other. You send sexy messages, saying how much you can't wait to see each other, etc. Then you start getting too comfortable, too predictable and eventually it's nah, can't be bothered to try any more. Maybe monogamy isn't all it's cracked up to be! Ok, I think I might have got a couple of forums confused here. But yes, I do want all of those qualities, and I am prepared to take the bad with the good, provided it works both ways.
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RHP User
12 years ago
to understand women more. Usually means he doesn't know himself well enough and is looking to act, or be, the way he thinks 'women' (as if they are all the same) want a man to be. OP, the truth is both men and women want the same thing. We all want an authentic, honest and respectful partner whom we are compatible with. But while we are trying to be what we think the opposite sex wants we aren't being authentic, honest nor attractive. If we try to sell the "Im a nice guy" routine...forget it, who gives a shit, anyone can be "nice" - be authentic, then there is nothing to 'sell', the behaviour speaks volumes. Just my thoughts :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
And so do our wants and needs. Sometimes, when you've been with someone a while, their changes don't quite match your needs, which may or may not have changed. Some also don't really show who they really are but develop traits that they think you want in a person. Only later on to find they're not really who you think they are.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'arkangel1978' in my experience, when a girl says "it's not you, it's me" ...... then yeah, it's you. But having said that it isn't necessarily your fault. And you are totally right, women and men are no different to each other when it comes to relationships. we play our games and they play theirs and its a roll of the dice as to who ends up getting hurt the most out of it. It's all a very complex game of keeping them interested and keeping them guessing whats coming next. As soon as u get into a boring routine in life then u can be assured something has got to give. Once that honeymoon phase of any relationship is over then u really need to be careful and be attentive of your partner and their needs because its easy to get comfortable and neglect the little things. In my opinion cheating or looking for something better doesn't need to occur so long as you are paying attention. It will happen sometimes, we are only humans with animal instincts so people will do stupid shit and unfortunately stuff up a good thing. I think some or maybe most women are looking for that.....what shall we call it, the Channing Tatum effect. That mythical fairytale person who is just going to be the perfect mate, attend to every need, whim and desire. romance pouring out of every pore and a firecracker in the sack. Know what I mean? But reality is as u said, no ones perfect but they are still seeking their perfect person. sadly at that moment, you are being compared against it. case in point my last partner. first year or two I was perfection personified. then shit started changing till it all crashed into a screaming heap. in her parting conversations I was the perfect boyfriend, I did everything right......but it STILL wasn't enough. Because as I said she had the fairytale dream in her head and I just did not compare no matter what I did. You can't always control what happens. Just be the best u can be for the best person for you. Can't go wrong with that theory I couldn't agree more!!
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'arkangel1978' in my experience, when a girl says "it's not you, it's me" ...... then yeah, it's you. But having said that it isn't necessarily your fault. And you are totally right, women and men are no different to each other when it comes to relationships. we play our games and they play theirs and its a roll of the dice as to who ends up getting hurt the most out of it. It's all a very complex game of keeping them interested and keeping them guessing whats coming next. As soon as u get into a boring routine in life then u can be assured something has got to give. Once that honeymoon phase of any relationship is over then u really need to be careful and be attentive of your partner and their needs because its easy to get comfortable and neglect the little things. In my opinion cheating or looking for something better doesn't need to occur so long as you are paying attention. It will happen sometimes, we are only humans with animal instincts so people will do stupid shit and unfortunately stuff up a good thing. I think some or maybe most women are looking for that.....what shall we call it, the Channing Tatum effect. That mythical fairytale person who is just going to be the perfect mate, attend to every need, whim and desire. romance pouring out of every pore and a firecracker in the sack. Know what I mean? But reality is as u said, no ones perfect but they are still seeking their perfect person. sadly at that moment, you are being compared against it. case in point my last partner. first year or two I was perfection personified. then shit started changing till it all crashed into a screaming heap. in her parting conversations I was the perfect boyfriend, I did everything right......but it STILL wasn't enough. Because as I said she had the fairytale dream in her head and I just did not compare no matter what I did. You can't always control what happens. Just be the best u can be for the best person for you. Can't go wrong with that theory We all need to NOT take each other for granted.This applies to friendships, mateships, relationships, families......everything and everyone.As soon as you take something or someone for granted, it's gone and you can't get it back.
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RHP User
12 years ago
I think that it is your hurt and resentment that basically posted this topic. You have mentioned in quite a few forums how your wife cheated on you, and also your confusion over why your second relationship ended. Obviously you are carrying some feelings and uncertainties over those relationships ending the way they did - and that is perfectly natural - and you are entering into that territory that so many of us - both male and female - end up in at times like that; the All Women are Selfish Bitches, or All Men are Lying Assholes territory. You made a negative generalisation about women, based on your recent experiences. I'm sure you know, however, that women are not a homogeneous group and you can't judge all on the actions of a few (or in your case, two). Also, you are making things too simplistic, i.e. blaming your wife's cheating and your partner's breaking up with you simply on them changing their minds about what they wanted. I'd be willing to bet that it was not that simple, particularly in the case of your wife. You had been together for 20 years, people change a lot from their late teens / early 20s to their thirties / forties. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that you were to blame; we have no idea about the reasons, it's not our place to judge, and you don't have to share anymore details with us. I'm just saying that I think at this point in time you are looking for a simple way to explain things - particularly given that you yourself don't really know why your second partner broke up with you - and to try and make sense of some painful experiences. Again understandable, we've almost all done it, but it's important that you don't let your experiences make you jaded and bitter over the long-term. If you do then you will go into every interaction with a woman thinking that she will do 'x' just like the others did, and it will end up being a self-fulfilling prophecy (I speak from experience).
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RHP User
12 years ago
The common denominator here is you. I separated from my wife 5 years ago this year. Gutted me completely. Sure I can blame her for not being loyal, and not being committed... But.... She simply responded to the stimulus that I gave her. So..... You can have all the said qualities of the "high quality man" but if they're not applied in a way that she recognises each quality, then you're going to get the arse!!! And that's what I love about women. Each woman recognises each quality in a completely different context. But.... All you can do is be the you that you choose to be, and sooner or later, the way you display each quality, will be recognised by a lady that recognises them. Or.... You could marry your hand :p - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thanks LD your insight is much appreciated. I wont deny I'm carrying some hurt, and having people like yourself point things out is a great help. I apologize for the negative generalisation about women, I wasn't thinking it would offend. I'm understanding now that people can grow apart. What I'm having a little trouble with is why couldn't they just talk to me and say I don't love you as a husband / boy friend any more, instead of going behind my back or saying its not you it me lets be friends. I don't want to let my experiences make me jaded and bitter. It's why I'm posting here, to get better insight and learn from it.again I apologize for offending it wasn't my intention.
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MissBishere
12 years ago
That was amazingly said. I don't really have anything to contribute. I haven't read all of the other thread. But I do know there is no way I could define what I do or am looking for in any man. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
... The best version of brand 'you' that you can be. Who gives a wet rats ring piece if that isn't everyone's cup of tea. I can promise that you WILL be to those who are important to you. End of sermon, now hug it out DG - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
can't be what anyone else wants,all you can hope for is that someone will want you,want to be with you,want to love you,and for you to want and love them back.Whether you are a man or a woman,that is what most hope for.....xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
I told all females I knew who were about to embark on marital life to have a 5, 10 or 15 year contract, to be be reviewed every 5 years. Basically what I meant was review your relationship at regular intervals and talk about what was wrong/ right or just plain needed tweaking. Seemed a sensible thing do, for me at least.
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sweetgem
12 years ago
I cannot agree more, and I hope that others would read your comment from a neutral position too. - Posted from rhpmobile
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sweetgem
12 years ago
That some women do not know what they want, just like some men don't know what they're doing either, and that is not abnormal, because that is life :-) We are not little children where we would be easily satisfied by given a lollypop. Just because we possess the qualities that some people like at one stage, it doesn't mean that we can satisfy them forever, because human's needs and wants do change over years! When that change occurs, some would handle it with dignity for themselves and respect for others. Some won't and will take the easy way out or make a terrible mistake in the interim. The world is so huge and we are like the small stones amongst the mountains. So having the generic theory of "women don't know what they want" is not gonna help you move on without holding any grudge towards women, and/or reaching the true happiness that are awaiting you. Life is a challenge. It throws obstacles and hardships at us when we are least prepared. I (touch wood) haven't had the same experience as you where I got cheated on, so I won't say that I know how you feel, but I believe that things do happen for a reason! :-) Your last two relationships didn't work out maybe because they were not meant to be, and you simply have not yet met your destined partner :-) therefore, do not let these pains get in your way of finding your true happiness OP :-) So yes, us women do know what we want, and it's the same with men, I believe they know what they're doing too :-) - Posted from rhpmobile
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MissBishere
12 years ago
I find a piece of advice my mum gave me always echos in my head. When I struggle to make a decision I make a list. On one side the good things (the pros) on the other the bad things (the cons) if the list comes out balanced then it's all good the pros and cons are weighted equally after all everything is a negotiation and trade offs and compromises will always need to be made. But if the list had all these cons and not enough pros...in my experience then it's time to get out. I know it sounds really simplistic but for me it's just a way to put down on paper what is in my head and to clear my mind. I have used this with every major relationship I have had, some I stayed in, some I left. Some I left easily, some nearly destroyed me to leave. I do think people can outgrow each other and be in different places in their lives at different times. Ultimately happiness comes from within. I don't know that I believe that there is a perfect someone for everyone. A soul mate or whatever you want to call it maybe there is a "perfect someone for right now cause this is what you need". I do believe people come and go from your life for a reason but sometimes that reason is not always clear at first. if that was completely off topic I apologise. It's an early morning ramble BC (before coffee) :) - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
12 years ago
Is an awful waste of time.....trying to figure out what you want is hard enough without trying to figure out what others want.....I don't believe that things happen for a reason,but I do believe there are reasons that things happen....bad things happen to good people, why?.....because they do.....you can revisit the pain, over and over again but you are just letting the one who hurt you hold you hostage ,keep you in those painful moments....you can live your life in bitterness and regret or you can choose to live your life focussing on all the positives....you have amazing gifts and talents OP,you have shared with us here,lots of the positive aspects of your life....the truth is,that you might never meeet "'the ONE"'....but you will meet many lovely people on your journey...there are many different permutations of love......romantic love is only one of them.....I believe that the best gift they we can give ourselves is forgiveness,when we forgive the ones who have hurt us,caused us sometimes unbelievable pain,that's one of the most liberating things we can do...for ourselves.xx Q
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'bi_for_cpls' to understand women more. Usually means he doesn't know himself well enough and is looking to act, or be, the way he thinks 'women' (as if they are all the same) want a man to be. OP, the truth is both men and women want the same thing. We all want an authentic, honest and respectful partner whom we are compatible with. But while we are trying to be what we think the opposite sex wants we aren't being authentic, honest nor attractive. If we try to sell the "Im a nice guy" routine...forget it, who gives a shit, anyone can be "nice" - be authentic, then there is nothing to 'sell', the behaviour speaks volumes. Just my thoughts :) - Posted from rhpmobile you summed it up just nicely. Nothing wrong with a bit of kookie :)
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RHP User
12 years ago
Quoting 'Cest_la_viebaby' I wanted something dfifferent at 18 to what I want at 47. In your marraige...she cheated that sucks but after 20 years people drift and turn into different people. I cant quite get my head around when people say we are not meant to be monogomous.....I believe people can easily be monogomous but maybe not with the same person for ever. Different people have different wants and some people give more than they take. The thread I made about nice guys finishing last is a big eye opener...as look at how many people believe they are the nice guy. Are they? Do they think they are but maybe they are narciissistic and believe what they want. Who is to say. I come across people all the time who think their ex is the devil and robbed them......truth/fact/fiction.........or the way they see the world. I choose to believe if you keep looking you might be lucky enough to find your future. So seek and yee shall find. ...on sooo many levels.
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RHP User
12 years ago
Thank you to all those that contributed. Your advice and insight to this topic has been much appreciated.
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