M49
honest or stupid? To tell or not to tell?
March 01 2011
Comments
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RHP User
15 years ago
Something very similar happened to me recently, except I had disclosed my HSV2 status, and we had protected sex, and I was taking Valtrex. 6 months after the last time we shagged he calls me upset that he now has herpes. Of course it must have been me, because everyone else he'd been having sex with was "clean", even the chick who he had unprotected sex with the week before the outbreak (she is married and never has unprotected sex apparently and besides it was just in her arse).So, with everyone denying they have herpes except for me, I copped the blame for that one, I apologised, said well, you're going to have to assume you caught it from me and I'm sorry, but unfortunately there's nothing I can do about it. Much like you I don't believe I passed my "gift" on in this instance, however being the open one I have to cop it. All I can do is offer advice if it does happen.Another HUGE problem is that the medical profession, generally, really suck balls when it comes to being educated about HSV (I'm going to assume it's the same with HPV). Dr's will regular tell patients "Just don't have sex when you have an outbreak". If a Dr says that doesn't that mean you're fine the rest of the time?I'm a firm believer of tell. Let people make up their own minds, do their own research, consent to taking the risk.I also find it really hard to tell even though I work hard on breaking through the herpes stigma. That's why I have a profile on a sex site that states I have it, I know I probably do myself out of a shed load of contacts (although often guys don't read profiles anyway).
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RHP User
15 years ago
you should be damned ashamed for not telling and having unprotected sex with these girls if you were standing in front of me my boot would be aiming for your balls somethings you can tell a little white lie about...no i didnt sleep with your sister/mother/cousin/best friend some things you DONT lie about...no i dont have an STI having now given you more guilt...well i hope i have there is a girl on here that has in her profile upfront that she has them...maybe you should think to do something like that, at least that way they know upfront, you dont have to have that "oh by the way" conversation before you have sex and you know whoever contacts you has done so with the knowledge that you have them roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
I think it's honest and probably also stupid to tell because so many will just cut you off from that point. :)
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RHP User
15 years ago
I wonder how many people on here who promote themselves as clean and disease free really know that they are. Unfortuantly passing on a STI is a guilt you will have to live with forever. But having said that she is just as responsible. She could have insisted on using protection. A lot of people don't even know they are carriers because they don't have any symptoms. All ways pays to play safely. I'm a nurse and after seeing a poor woman with a very severe case of herpes and how painful and disabling it was for her I"m probably over cautious. I alway ask for STI test when I have my pap smear and wait a few months after a realtionship has ended. When someone tells me they are disease free I always challenge them to find out how they know or why they think they are.
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RHP User
15 years ago
My working life seems to revolve around rubber and with good reason. I use rubber gloves before touching any genital area and condoms cover every single toy whether I penetrate with it or not. Because of the risk of contracting warts or herpes from oral contact I do not allow body worship from my clients.If you use my professional services I would expect to be told before and not after we started play. In case the glove develops a hole or the condom splits on the toy I need to take the appropriate steps to prevent this happening.Honesty is the best policy. Think of it this way - what would you like your sexual partner to reveal? Everything or nothing?
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RHP User
15 years ago
Looking4am8 and Polar_Bear_Girl, good on you both for being upfront! (albeit about different things) . Some statistics everyone on here should know... . 75% of Australians have oral Herpes. It is possible for someone who has oral Herpes to give someone genital Herpes even if they are not having an outbreak. . 25% of adult Australians have genital Herpes and the number is growing very fast. 80% of these people are completely unaware that they have it as they have never had symptoms and standard STI tests do NOT include HSV tests. Even if they did, it does not always show up in tests, (which is why it isn't included). . If 25% of the general adult population has genital Herpes then the percentage on RHP is likely to be even higher. Even if it weren't, that means 1 in 4 people on here has it. It is extremely common. Shame that most of the people on here don't realise that if they have been with at least 4 other people on here then they have exposed themselves to genital Herpes. . Never assume because someone tells you they are D&D free, that they are. They may be lying, or they may be completely ignorant. Everyone on RHP should be doing their homework as to what they may be exposing themselves to. It is very much up to people to take responsibility for their own actions.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'irresponsibility' Looking4am8 and Polar_Bear_Girl, good on you both for being upfront! (albeit about different things) . Some statistics everyone on here should know... . 75% of Australians have oral Herpes. It is possible for someone who has oral Herpes to give someone genital Herpes even if they are not having an outbreak. . 25% of adult Australians have genital Herpes and the number is growing very fast. 80% of these people are completely unaware that they have it as they have never had symptoms and standard STI tests do NOT include HSV tests. Even if they did, it does not always show up in tests, (which is why it isn't included). . If 25% of the general adult population has genital Herpes then the percentage on RHP is likely to be even higher. Even if it weren't, that means 1 in 4 people on here has it. It is extremely common. Shame that most of the people on here don't realise that if they have been with at least 4 other people on here then they have exposed themselves to genital Herpes. . Never assume because someone tells you they are D&D free, that they are. They may be lying, or they may be completely ignorant. Everyone on RHP should be doing their homework as to what they may be exposing themselves to. It is very much up to people to take responsibility for their own actions. Everyone here could benefit from reading these statistics carefully. And perhaps even consider giving the respect due to the people above who openly disclose their situation for you all to be aware of. Still ignorant most likely, but at least aware. . Alternatively, if these statistics are unpallatable, maybe it's just best to consider practicing totally safe sex so as to protect yourselves, but also, for moments like these, to protect everyone else from your ignorant, uneducated judgement of those who have bothered to understand the risks of unprotected sexual activity and have chosen to be honest with their partners.
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RHP User
15 years ago
It is pretty much the end of fun when you find you brought something home... but it is better to be safe than sorry I'd say. Unfortunately it is easy to accept other people's assertions of how "clean" they are. Most people wouldl not eat with the same spoon as someone else without washing it first - yet they are happy to fuck whatever moves with little or no protection... there is no other way to say it, sorry...But having said all that - we might all be unaware of what we already have been exposed to... the best way is to develop real friendship with your playmate, bring up the topic, make sure you're got mutual trust and then you should still consider to be as careful as possible - condoms at least ...xox
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RHP User
15 years ago
Some indifferent replies here... but interesting none the less. Tassie rose sounds like your full bottle on all things STI... you must be part of the 20% of ppl who actually have a clue about hpv what it is who has it and the fact that it potentially stays in your system long term. I certainly dont think i deserve a kick in the balls for being honest... i just wonder how many guys would have even bothered to admit it in the end. i certainly question yr moral balance... you slept with my best friend is a little white lye.. honestly? in my experiance ppl who take the moral hight ground are gennerally less than morraly squeeky clean them selves... just an observation. No one on this site can honesly say they are D and D free... its an unknown... all the tests in the world cnat tell you. so well pointed out guys! I for one will be honest with future partners...
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RHP User
15 years ago
I won't comment on stupid or dumb...I think anyone in their lifetime would struggle not to put their hand up and say they have been either, myself included.|The only stupid thing any of us do is ignore our health...and when we consentually enter into the world of more casual encounters and different partners, common sense may not be that common. One simple guideline is to make sure you are checked regularly and treat yourself with respect regardless of whether you think you have ticked every box. |I do...it's a personal rule. While I don't or won't carry around a roadworthy in my wallet, I am happy to know that for me, I am not bringing anything to the table that I would not want served to me. It's one of those non-negotiables that just might save your life...or the life of a friend. |A friend with benefits, maybe...but I would prefer the benefits with friends that I know have enough respect for themselves to look after their own health. I try to choose my friends well...and be chosen wisely as well.|What anyone else does...is a matter of their own choosing.
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RHP User
15 years ago
We are all responsible for our own sexual health. Condoms can decrease the risk of STI's but are not effective completely and this goes for gential warts as well as herpes. l Yes in hindsight you should have told these women and maybe used a condom instead of getting carried away BUT I give you kudos for owning up to it. Surely these women should take part of the responsibility for ther own sexual health? Why weren't they reaching for the condom? Hindsight is a wonderful thing...it gives us 20/20 vision. l Unless we are in a monogamous relationship and both have been tested for STI's, there is always going to be a risk. Yes we can minimise this risk but it will still be there. I have no intention of wrapping myself from head to toe in latex and not kissing my partner to avoid coming in contact with an STI. l Kitten you get tested with your pap smear? That is once every two years. I get tested every two to three months. l The best we can do is adopt the safe sex practises and hope for the best. There are no guarantees in life except death and taxes.
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RHP User
15 years ago
With all those statistics STI's are almost as common as the flu, the difference being that instead of passing genital warts to everyone on the train, you only give them to the more attractive passengers. . I for one am sick and tired of people coming into the office coughing and spluttering their flu germs everywhere... Everyone does it, with a complete disregard for the people around them. Given you are having sex with the same sort of people, I am amazed only 80% of us have genital warts. Particularly given the shame attached to STI's... I mean everyone is happy to admit they have the flu as the sneeze on you without shame... you don't see many people openly scratching their genitals saying... "hmm just a nasty rash I picked up in Bangkok". Maybe we should encourage it... a national 'Scratch your genitals and fess up day"
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RHP User
15 years ago
People really have to take responsibility for their own protection. It's really simple.... you should presume the person you are rooting has an STI and take all the precautions you think necessary in the circumstances. Should you tell her? My hed says yes and my dick says no. I'm clean.. but following my own advice just recently I put a rubber glove on one hand and lubed it up...... that was going to be my fingering, fisting, thumbing one... but I must have made the conscious decision at one point to remove said rubber glove and use it a an arse spanking device.... My problem from there on in, I say.HugsS
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RHP User
15 years ago
People blame everyone else but never themselves. I NEVER believe anyone when thy wheel out the "I get tested regulrly and I'm "clean"" line. I have cold sores on my twat occassionally to remind me of this and I'm thankful every day that I didn't get any other sti that could affect my insides, make me sterile, cause blindness or make me really sick.Oh, and you know what, having a virus doesn't make you dirty! We've all got hundreds of them living in our bodies. (OK, OK, the unclean thing does get to me, especially this morning as I have the flu coming on, funny eh?)
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RHP User
15 years ago
Hi looking4am8. First of all, I want to applaud your bravery in posting this here to discuss it and get it out in the open. You've demonstrated that you're now no longer going to be gagged by the same in having an STI. Instead you're going to aknowledge it, talk about it and try to move forward. In posting you've also risked harsh criticism, which is sometimes neccessary but rarely pleasant. Finally, you've also addedd accountability to your RHP experience. Potential partners can click from your profile to see which topics you've started and can read this one. Posting this topic is, I think, a good step in the right direction towards honesty. . Personally I think you used a good choice of word with naive. It was your responsibility to do some research on the condition - you shouldn't have assumed it was no longer contagious. Now you know, and not in the most ideal of circumstances. So this is your opportunity to act differently in future. Yes, you need to have an honest discussion with future potential partners before any sexual contact. You need to have a solid grasp on the facts that you can tell to said partners honestly. You also need to have a bit of a thick skin and expect rejection on those basis sometimes. You felt guilty about what happened before. It's simple - make sure it never happens again. That means honesty, bravery and condoms. . I don't think RHP needs graphic pictures of infected genitals to tell us about the risks of STIs. All of us have the information at our fingertips and it's our own responsibility to become informed and protected. . And to finish up - I think you may need to forgive yourself. You've admitted you did something wrong. Maybe it'd help to apologise to the person, if she'll let you. Ongoing guilt is neither healthy or helpful. If you learn your lesson and don't repeat the mistake in the future the guilt has served its purpose and you can let it go. All the best!
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RHP User
15 years ago
We think you have behaved responsible, six years no symptoms, using condoms and a accident, Warts are one of the things condoms dont protect. Hell looking at the numbers quoted above here 90% of population should not be having sex if you are guilty. Cold sores ...not genitail but can spread there Warts ........not genitail but can spead there Then add in all the STI / STD ....we can only access the risk acknowledge there is some risk and take the protection measures us and our partners are happy with.
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'looking4am8' Some indifferent replies here... but interesting none the less. Tassie rose sounds like your full bottle on all things STI... you must be part of the 20% of ppl who actually have a clue about hpv what it is who has it and the fact that it potentially stays in your system long term. I certainly dont think i deserve a kick in the balls for being honest... i just wonder how many guys would have even bothered to admit it in the end. i certainly question yr moral balance... you slept with my best friend is a little white lye.. honestly? in my experiance ppl who take the moral hight ground are gennerally less than morraly squeeky clean them selves... just an observation. No one on this site can honesly say they are D and D free... its an unknown... all the tests in the world cnat tell you. so well pointed out guys! I for one will be honest with future partners... the reason i said you need a kick in the balls...is because to start with you were NOT honest...yes you come clean AFTER you had unprotected sex with this girl....but you were asked before having unprotected sex if you had anything to own up too...you lied that to me is lower than low...yeah great you have come clean and i hope this girl hasnt caught anything but you should have given her the choice of risking it or not my advise to you...read polar bears profile...she just has a couple of lines about it but it tells it all im not taking the moral high ground...i just like honesty, even in a one night stand...im honest and i expect others to be too if your going to lie to me than id prefer you lie about sleeping with my best friend than lie to me about having an STI roxxy
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RHP User
15 years ago
Quoting 'fionabee' lKitten you get tested with your pap smear? That is once every two years. I get tested every two to three months. l Yep an oops on my part. I have 6 month paps at the moment due to gynae prob which is not STI. Oh yeah and I've been on one hell of a sex drought.
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N4November
15 years ago
and accept the consequences of those actions accordingly.
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