M58

initiating sex

June 04 2008

There was recently a post by _kiss_ touching on this subject but it just seemed to scratch the surface. What i'm really interested to know is what sort of percentage of time does a woman actually initiate sex? I was in a long term marriage, too long but that's a whole other subject, anyway during this time other than the initial lust period i could count on one finger the amount of times she initiaited sex. Now i'm in a relationship two years old and the same thing has happened, we both have a huge sex drive but it's always me that has to get it happening. Our sexual relationship is fantastic, it's spicy, erotic,sensual, dirty, all that you would want it to be it's just getting there that's the issue! Now i've had short term GFs and the trend seems to be the same albeit that i have been with some assertive women as well but they seem to be the exception to the rule. One night stands, well we'll exclude them from the subject matter because they are what they are. I guess what i'm asking is, for the men is this a common situation that we find ourselves in and for the women is this generally the way it works? DJ

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RHP User

18 years ago

(not sure I'm directly addressing your question, but this is something 've argued about for awhile with people on both sides of the fence...) I realize that this is merely my opinion, but I truly believe that when it comes to the question of 'who wants it more/who's more aggressive', the ol' stereotypes come out regarding men's "insatiable drive" and women's "procreation tactics"... I come from a city (Toronto, Canada) that is full of incredibly attractive women (often portrayed as aloof or hard-to-get) - and I have seen them in full flight, acting like 'one of the guys' in terms of being straight-up in their lusty ways. I have a couple of very handsome mates whom I have watched being approached and 'solicited' in a way that might make Mystery the Pick Up Artist stand in awe! I think one of the reasons why these 'upfront' female traits are seen as 'the exception and not the rule' is the bullsh*t socio-cultural programming (perpetuated for a number of factors) that girls have to endure as they mature into women - the whole 'virgin vs. whore' myth. And the irony is, the same guys who complain about girls not being as 'up for it' as them, are the same guys who would tease/abuse a sexually-confident woman with cries of 'slut/slag'... On a biological tip - why oh why did the Cosmos/Creator/Flying Spaghetti Monster gift women with the ability to experience endless, cascading orgasms if they DIDN'T have a sexual drive AT LEAST the equal to a man? Doesn't that blow the whole "oh, they are just biologically driven to seek out a single partner strictly for procreation and protection" myth out of the water? (also, let's not forget, we all contain X and Y chromosones - it isn't either/or, genetically-speaking) Truly liberated, sexually-confident, self-aware women are the true Masters of the Sexual Universe, in my opinion. Now, as to what happens once a relationship settles down... so many other factors come into play, the variables are too great to put it down to a simple belief that 'guys just want it all the time and girls don't'... (oh, and I'm sure you'll receive a few "well bruv, maybe u just aint givin it to these bints proper like, innit?" jokesters in this thread, still_luv_it)

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RHP User

18 years ago

Your missus knows that you'll do all the work and the 'initiating', so she doesn't ever have to put any effort into getting things heated. Turn the tables around. Get flirty with her, but just a very slight sample, and then leave, or get distracted etc. Little bits here and there, but never anything more. It'll frustrate her in a good way, not getting what she wants. People always want what they cant have! Like out at clubs and the like, flirt and act like you're interested, but 'change' your mind, present a challenge to her. That's what makes them come to you, at least thats how i've done it in the past and present, hasn't failed me yet.

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RHP User

18 years ago

I really think that's up to the individual. In the all my previous relationships, I've usually been the one to initiate, but now that I'm married, I can barely pass a day when the missus doesn't want to jump me :). And before you say it's just a honeymoon phase, we've been living together for the past 2.5 years. It's always been like that. If your missus isn't initiating sex, then you've got to bring it to her notice in a nice way. Demonstrate that you know how to please a woman, make it romantic, and definitely no wham-bam-thank-you-m'am! There's plenty of strategies out there to make your woman initiate sex, go look for them.

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RHP User

18 years ago

To keep it short,Agree totally with gohkm,Rosanna n i have been together 18 yrs,To date Rosanna starts it,85% of the time. Personally i think it depends alot on the type of relationship you have with your partner ,and the feelings you have for them. For me as a man,I love nothing better then having crazy,sensual sex with the woman i love,and knowing she feels the same way.

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RHP User

18 years ago

Rhythmist you have hit the nail on the head. I, the female usually do the intitiating, i think i ended up with too much testosterone or something. But we are damned if we do and damned if we dont. The minute someone knows i enjoy sex then they think you are up for it anytime with anyone. Guys need to learn not too have that attitude. They want a woman who really enjoys sex, never has a headache, or whatever but then if they know of such a person, then more often than not their attitude is that she is a whore. You just cant win. XX

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RHP User

18 years ago

Lovingcpl,I think we are talking more about being in a relationship with a person.As in a couple,or girlfriend boyfriend. Not hanging out in the corner of a Swingers club.That,s just wrong.

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RHP User

18 years ago

I was talking about a loving marriage etc. I practically always initiate the sex at home. Haven't been to a singers club for months. and yes when i go i do have a giood time, but that is irrelevant to this

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RHP User

18 years ago

Gazpo,have you been married for 20 years? Cause what you are stating is not totally correct,however ,im sure it does happen to certain relationships.We have been together 18 yrs,and it just get better with age.

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RHP User

18 years ago

We've been married 19 years and it does happen to heaps of couples in fact quite possibly the majority, that they get into a rut. You have to work at it, like all aspects of the relationship.

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RHP User

18 years ago

Well put lovingcpl.

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RHP User

18 years ago

Totanrosanna, what planet have you two been living on?? Anyone with half a brain knows that after time, the majority of women go off sex or cant be bothered or what ever. Myself excluded of course (lol)

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RHP User

18 years ago

Daytimedelights,You are so wrong

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RHP User

18 years ago

Gazpaco,Have to admit ,do agree with some of the things you have detailed. Especially the 1st half.Good on you.

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initiating sex

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