M76 F71
joke of the day
February 13 2008
Comments
-
RHP User
18 years ago
On their first night together a newlywed couple go to change. The new bride comes out of the bathroom after she showered and wearing a pretty robe. The proud husband says my dear we are married now you can open your robe. The beautiful young woman opens her robe and he is astonished oh, oh, aaaahhh he said my god you are so beautiful let me take your picture. Then she asked him my picture? He answers yes my dear, so I can carry your beauty next to my heart forever. She smiled and he takes her picture and then he heads into the bathroom to shower. He comes out wearing his robe and his new wife asks why are you wearing a robe? Were married now so the man opens his robe and she says oh oh oh my let me get a pictureof this he smiles and asks why and she answers so I can get it enlarged. How about that one LOL!!
-
RHP User
18 years ago
A boy and his date were parked on a back road some distance from town, doing what boys and girls do on back roads somedistance from town, when the girl stopped the boy. I really should have mentioned this earlier, but im actually a hooker and I charge 20 pounds for sex. The boy reluctantly paid her, and they did their thing. After a cigarette the boy just sat in the drivers seat looking out the window. Why aren't we going anywhere? the girl asked him Well I sould have mentioned this before, but im actually a taxi driver and the fare back to town is 25 pounds.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
LOL them jokes are crazy I will try and think of one to post up later... Just had to let you know that I think the one about the dog is the funniest so far LOL
-
RHP User
18 years ago
well this joke is a not dirty but i found it quite funny!! A blonde was on a flight to london when she sat in first class with her economy ticket. When the first flight attendant went to her and said: I'm sorry Mrs. but you are supposed to be in economy class you are going to have to move. She replied: I'm blonde, i'm beautiful and i'm going to london. So the second flight attendant went to her and said excuse me Mrs. but you are going to have to move to economy class as you did not pay for a first class ticket. The blonde replied: I'm blonde, i'm beautiful and i'm going to london. Well by this time the head pilot heard what was going on so he said to them don't worry I will move her for you. He simply went up to her whispered something into her ear and before you knew it she got straight up and moved to the back of the plane. Well the 2 flight attendants were stunned and then asked the pilot how on earth did you get her to move. He said simply I just told her that this part of the plane wasn't going to london
-
RHP User
18 years ago
How is sex a lot like air? b/c it aint a big deal unless you aint gettin any
-
RHP User
18 years ago
An elderly couple was sitting on the porch swing when suddenly,Granny reared back and slapped grandpa upside his head. What the hell's that for?That's for 40 years of bad sex. Grandpa thought for a second,then knocked Granny on her ass. What's that for she asked? Grandpa replied, THAT'S FOR KNOWING THE DIFFERENCE !!!
-
RHP User
18 years ago
In a trial, a Southern small-town prosecuting > attorney called his first > witness, a grandmotherly, elderly woman to the > stand. He approached her and > asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know me?' She responded, > 'Why, yes, I do know you > Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a boy, > and frankly, you've been > a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on > your wife, and you > manipulate people and talk about them behind their > backs. You think you're a > big shot when you haven't the brains to realize > you'll never amount to > anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I > know you.' > > The lawyer was stunned. Not knowing what else to do, > he pointed across the > room and asked, 'Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense > attorney?' > > She again replied, 'Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. > Bradley since he was a > Youngster, too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a > drinking problem. He can't > build a normal relationship with anyone, and his law > practice is one of the > worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated > on his wife with three > different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I > know him.' > > The defense attorney nearly died. > > The judge asked both counselors to approach the > bench and, in a very quiet > voice, said, > > > 'If either of you idiots asks her if she knows me, > I'll send you both to the > electric chair >
-
RHP User
18 years ago
John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha has long ago given up trying to get him to change. One day, John came home about noon and told Marsha that he had gone to a nearby city and purchased a Robot. It was no ordinary robot, but it was in fact a Lie Detector. He said it had to charge 4 or 5 hours, and then he would show her how it worked. At 5:30 that afternoon, Tommy, their 11 year old son, came in from school, nearly 2 hours and 15 minutes late. Both parents were understandably angry. 'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late getting home?', they asked. 'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project,' said Tommy. The Robot walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair. 'Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school.' 'We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.' 'What did you watch?', asked Marsha. 'The Ten Commandments.' The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.' 'I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents, never tried to see dirty pictures much less dirty movies, told dirty jokes, nor did I misbehave.' The robot walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that not only knocked him out of his chair, but out the back door and half way across the patio. When he came back inside, Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, He is your son!' The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and literally slapped the piss out of her, not once, but three times.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
A YOUNG ventriloquist was doing a show in Accrington . With his dummy on his knee, he started going through his usual dumb blonde jokes, when a blonde in the second row stood on her chair and started shouting: "I've heard enough of your stupid blond jokes," she screamed. "What makes you think you can stereotype women in that way? What does the colour of a person's hair have to do with her worth as a human being? It's people like you who keep women like me from being respected at work and in the community and from reaching our full potential as people. It's all because you and your kind continue to perpetuate discrimination against not only blondes, but women in general - and all in the name of humour." The embarrassed ventriloquist began to apologise, whereupon the blonde yelled, "You stay out of this. I'm talking to that little bastard on your lap.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
One day a fourth-grade teacher asked the children what their mothers did for a living. All the typical answers came up - teacher, nurse, businesswoman, saleswoman, doctor, lawyer, and so forth. However, little Justin was being uncharacteristically quiet, so when the teacher prodded him about his mother, he replied, 'Well my mother's an exotic dancer in a cabaret and takes off all her clothes in front of men and they put money in her underwear. Sometimes, if the offer is really good, she will go home with some guy and stay with him all night for money.' The teacher, obviously shaken by this statement, hurriedly set the other children to work on some exercises and then took little Justin aside to ask him, 'Is that really true about your mother?' 'No,' the boy said, 'She works for the Democratic National Committee and is helping to get Hillary Clinton to be our next President, but I was too embarrassed to say that in front of the other kids.'
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Jack: Wanna enter a marathon? John: Fukk that! Jack: C'mon, it's for deaf & blind kids... John: Shit, I could win this. lol Smart
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Eight years later your post is still current xxFreya
-
RHP User
10 years ago
I was on the bus today and the girl in front of me sneezed. I said "bless you" She responded with "I have a boyfriend" Two rows backs "I'm vegan"
-
RHP User
10 years ago
Guy visits a wife's country house, where she is sleeping around on her husband. The husband is away. They are having some hanky panky when a car pulls up. "Oh shit, it's my husband", the wife says. "Oh shit, I parked out front", the guy says. Then they hear yells from downstairs from the husband, telling them he knows she's been cheating and he's coming up to take them out. Still naked, they both run for it, grabbing the keys, with the guy slipping on his shoes and they climb out the window as the husband is coming up the stairs. They get in the guy's car and flee as quick as they can. Unfortunately some time later the guy loses control of the car and they end up in a ditch. The guy is stuck in the car, but the wife is free and fine. The guy tells her to go and get help. She says, "I can't like this, I'm naked". There nothing else much in the car, but the guy manages to reach a shoe and gives it to her. "Cover yourself with this, it's all I've got". The wife goes looking for help, and is walking for ages before a stranger's car pulls up. She says to him, "there's been an accident, my boyfriend's stuck!". He looks at her, and at the shoe covering her privates, and says, "I can't help you, he's in too far!".
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15123 Comments: 88157
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1417 Comments: 10230
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2521 Comments: 11668
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2506 Comments: 9759
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1008 Comments: 5262
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1303 Comments: 5776
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 782 Comments: 1988
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 867
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share