M63 F65
selective or fussy?
May 26 2012
Comments
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RHP User
14 years ago
Selective/fussy, pretty much the same thing in my book, it's only the applied degree there of that varies. I can think of a couple of times when we were swinging and took a chance on people, even people without pics, and ended up having the best time with them.Other times people who as you say "tick all the boxes" turn out to be no fun at all.It's a bit like going shopping for an apple, you see the organic apple but it has a blemish on it, and you think yuck, not buying that! so you go buy the flawless looking chemically produced apple, take it home to discover it's rubbish, when the organic one most likely would have been bloody delish..but it had that little flaw....you missed out through a silly prejudice.When I read through the Forums or profiles I can easily spot the people who are going to get the most out of swinging or any other type of relationship, and those who are going to lose out...even though they think they're the winners. It's going to be those that will give the little organic apple a taste, blemish and all. Long after you have forgotten about the little blemish you will remember the taste.Unfortunately you can't give people the benefit of your own experience, it's a waste of breath...they know what they want...right or wrong.You rolls the dice you plays the game. come one come all, roll up for the greatest show on earth!Cheers Felonius @2143hrs-260512
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RHP User
14 years ago
Only you know what your looking for and how your going to go about it. I guess from experiences some good and some bad and by putting your self out there over time and experiencing life you do stat to refine your choices.We know what we like and have our own criteria on that we use on many different levels. Admittedly it's a criteria that's still slowly evolving with us but the foundations haven't changed much at all. No one person or couple is perfect and I guess nothing in life is. We all shine in different areas. That said though for us It's defiantly about quality not quantity.Tim
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Paradisepair
14 years ago
We don't rush into much IRL. This usually results in informed choices with less odds of regrets. Makes sense to do the same here.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Not only am I selective, but I am particular, fussy and flat out refuse to "settle". Yes, you must tick boxes and if there are any you don't tick, well then I would usually make the assessment that they matter less because there are two ticks in other, more important boxes. I totally stand by my position on this. For me, it has been a tried and trusted method here over the last few years and as a result, there is not a single person I have met or had sustained contact with, that hasn't been or become a very good and trusted friend and/or playmate. In a nutshell, I value connection over contact. . Flirty x
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QLDtwo4fun
14 years ago
I don't think we completely know what we want so it's not a case of 'tick all the right boxes', it's more a case of not ticking any of the 'no way boxes' and then seeing what they are really like.
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RHP User
14 years ago
... it's all about the chemistry & comfort factor. KK x
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RHP User
14 years ago
but beautifully stated Flirty Im fussy and selective.............this btw leads to many lonely Saturday nites...(hence why Im posting tonite) but it is what it is...Im very Bridget Jones like, Id rather be at home, couch surfing, dvd watching, red wine sipping and reading a good book, than for want of better words "lowering my standards" and just being with anyone for the hell of it. I need more than just a quick roll...I make no apology for that...we all have our selection criteria and mine is I desire a connection.....if your first few messages to me dont intrigue me, then you know..its not gonna happen..and trust me, I expect the same to be said of me in return.......the main box to be ticked for me is mental stimulation....which is a rarity I know, but I do know that it exists...I have encountered it on here...so you know, I live in hope it will happen again. The couple of times that I have given into lustful desires , Ive been damn sorry and really at the end of the day, Ive only myself to blame for selling my soul for a warm bod next to me for a couple of hours......to each their own Slightly off topic but indirectly relevant - I caught up with an ex last nite..we are still mates which is great...his a good bloke...he recently though married, rather hastily after his last marriage failed after only 18 months. He has had two marriages within the last 3 years..hell my phone contract runs for longer and nope I was never his wife - just a gf who shared a few years with him on his journey...Anyway I asked him last nite if he was happy within his new marriage, he said he was content (yes he missed swinging but ......the new Mrs believes swinging is what you actually do on a swing !!!....) ..and he had settled....and he was ok with that, as he was now too old to ask for more from life.....(his a whole 50 !!) Mmmm I thought...ok happiness is a state of mind and in some cases can be fleeting...but at the age of 50, is that too young to "just be content"..??? My point is do you really want to wake up each day for the rest of your life....settling for as MikeShel said "good enough"......nope ...not me...give me lust, passion, love, happiness, intensity, desire, my boxes mainly ticked.. ...over contentment anyday....yep I can ever handle being home alone on a Sat nite...I mean after all Fox is showing a repeat of the Geelong game from last nite...what more does a girl need ????
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RHP User
14 years ago
Both of the above , fussy, selective and never changing . I just got told in a thread to take my expectations down a notch and is get laid more often :) I'd rather not! Sometimes it gets frustrating when you have an event or free night not to be able to find what you need/ want / desire , but at the end of the day, I've got it pretty good at home with MrD , so this little black duck is NEVER taking one for the team ! I realize my criteria is slim pickings here, but they are out there , and when i find them, and the dates Aline .......I know it's worth the wait!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MsVelvetblue' but beautifully stated Flirty Im fussy and selective.............this btw leads to many lonely Saturday nites...(hence why Im posting tonite) but it is what it is...Im very Bridget Jones like, Id rather be at home, couch surfing, dvd watching, red wine sipping and reading a good book, than for want of better words "lowering my standards" and just being with anyone for the hell of it. I need more than just a quick roll...I make no apology for that...we all have our selection criteria and mine is I desire a connection.....if your first few messages to me dont intrigue me, then you know..its not gonna happen..and trust me, I expect the same to be said of me in return.......the main box to be ticked for me is mental stimulation....which is a rarity I know, but I do know that it exists...I have encountered it on here...so you know, I live in hope it will happen again. The couple of times that I have given into lustful desires , Ive been damn sorry and really at the end of the day, Ive only myself to blame for selling my soul for a warm bod next to me for a couple of hours......to each their own Mmmm I thought...ok happiness is a state of mind and in some cases can be fleeting...but at the age of 50, is that too young to "just be content"..??? My point is do you really want to wake up each day for the rest of your life....settling for as MikeShel said "good enough"......nope ...not me...give me lust, passion, love, happiness, intensity, desire, my boxes mainly ticked.. ...over contentment anyday....yep I can ever handle being home alone on a Sat nite...I mean after all Fox is showing a repeat of the Geelong game from last nite...what more does a girl need ???? And so VERY VERY TRUE ...
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RHP User
14 years ago
sounds good everyone..... we dont see that our standards will ever need to fall, as so far we've been fortunate enough to meet the sort of people we do like, without having to dip into that pool of 'others'....... not wanting to play every spare moment probably helps us, as theres always time to look properly, and to get to know anyone who is a 'maybe' before deciding....this is 'our fantasy', and it looks like the things people say echo our own feelings......that we arent too selective, and that its ok for us to be as close to 100% happy with who we pick, as we can...... cheers people!
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RHP User
14 years ago
cant add anything else and since we don't have a "like" button will just .. Quoting 'DeliciousCplBris' Both of the above , fussy, selective and never changing . I just got told in a thread to take my expectations down a notch and is get laid more often :) I'd rather not! Sometimes it gets frustrating when you have an event or free night not to be able to find what you need/ want / desire , but at the end of the day, I've got it pretty good at home with MrD , so this little black duck is NEVER taking one for the team ! I realize my criteria is slim pickings here, but they are out there , and when i find them, and the dates Aline .......I know it's worth the wait!! + 1
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RHP User
14 years ago
selective <si-lek-tiv> Show IPA/sɪˈlɛktɪv/ Show Spelled Part of Speech: adjective Definition: discriminating Synonyms: careful, choicy, choosy, discerning, discriminatory, eclectic, fussy, judicious, particular, persnickety*, picky, scrupulous, select Antonyms: open, uncaring, undiscriminating, unselective * = informal/non-formal usage #link_to_div{ *padding-right:4px; } .the_content a.nud{color:#4D4E51;text-decoration:none;} It's your right and it's better than being uncaring, isn't it?
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RHP User
14 years ago
procrasterbation.The best times are often the most spontaneous
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RHP User
14 years ago
and also applies to the other couples, why on earth people expect you to lower your standards I will never know, as most of you say..you already have your ideal partner at home, accepting some sub standard sex just doesn't make sense does it? not when you already have far better sex at home any day of the week.It makes perfect sense to shoot a little higher here, just because you are married and have great partners doesn't mean you shouldn't still want for anything like a truly sexy third part to your equation.tell them to get stuffed...your high standards are just fine, gawd can you imagine what the world would be like if we all lowered them and didnt have a cut off point *shudders at the thought*
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RHP User
14 years ago
We have our criteria others have to meet that is not negotiable. We have been to parties and have found not one couple has ticked our boxes, on that night but in the future who knows?We have made contact with couples on line here, swapped phone calls, photos, organized a 4.5 star apartment for the night with everyone agreeing they have the intention of playing on first met and the night has been great. (Still means anyone can say no) But our level of expectations we don't think are so high that we want to marry them! nor are the swingers we are meeting too ugly. We avoid meeting as soon as we hear others say "we only play with 1 in 10 we meet. "We think its a subjective question. Its fun and only sex. Sluts with expectations of high standards.
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RHP User
14 years ago
An interesting thread,Mike and Shel.Sometimes when we go outside our comfort zones, we can be delightfully surprised. However generally speaking there has to be ,the whole connection for anything that is meaningfull,the physical,the mental,the emotional. If all that is required ,as Erica Jong put it'the zipless fuck',then perhaps ,the only requirement is the physical. If you have an intellectual connection with someone ,or just lots of commonalities then there is a basis for friendship. A forunate person is indeed, one who gets all their needs met by just one person,and that is rare. My standards seem to bend ever so slightly on a daily basis...er somtimes more than slightly x Hugs H
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RHP User
14 years ago
mrs delicious....... but yes the wait can be sooooo dam frustraiting sometimes
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RogueGeek
14 years ago
It's not worth it.Neither is trying something for the sake of trying it.You have to want it. Without the wanting... It's just boring.Cheers,MSPS - the 'it' can be anything, not just sex.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I'm fussy. And selective. And particular. And endlessly patient :) There are few worse feelings than that of being 'used' which is usually how I feel when I settle for less than I'm looking for. There are wonderful, sexy men on this site, and I'm more than happy to hold out for someone who's the right kind of wonderful and sexy for me. I've met one or two, but as often happens, the feeling wasn't mutual. It hasn't changed my mind though, I have no inclination to 'settle' :)
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RHP User
14 years ago
I've noticed that often it's the people who aren't being selected who will wheel out the "picky" and "fussy" labels. Surely everyone is selective? We don't have that many hours in the day to intereact with everyone who contacts us and wants to shag.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'lil_bit_angelic' I'm fussy. And selective. And particular. And endlessly patient :) There are few worse feelings than that of being 'used' which is usually how I feel when I settle for less than I'm looking for. There are wonderful, sexy men on this site, and I'm more than happy to hold out for someone who's the right kind of wonderful and sexy for me. I've met one or two, but as often happens, the feeling wasn't mutual. It hasn't changed my mind though, I have no inclination to 'settle' :) well said....we agree..... patience for us has had its 'rewards'.......lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'DontGrabThat' and also applies to the other couples, why on earth people expect you to lower your standards I will never know, as most of you say..you already have your ideal partner at home, accepting some sub standard sex just doesn't make sense does it? not when you already have far better sex at home any day of the week.It makes perfect sense to shoot a little higher here, just because you are married and have great partners doesn't mean you shouldn't still want for anything like a truly sexy third part to your equation.tell them to get stuffed...your high standards are just fine, gawd can you imagine what the world would be like if we all lowered them and didnt have a cut off point *shudders at the thought* thanks for that, wasn't looking for confirmation, but its always welcome when it comes from someone held in high regard....you are a stand out DGT, with how you express yourself..thanks............. we too have 'shuddered at the thought' after reading some profiles, and seeing some of the pics sent us........lol
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RHP User
14 years ago
....if no one 'settles', what hope do I have???
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'feloniusfossil' Selective/fussy, pretty much the same thing in my book, it's only the applied degree there of that varies. I can think of a couple of times when we were swinging and took a chance on people, even people without pics, and ended up having the best time with them. Other times people who as you say "tick all the boxes" turn out to be no fun at all. It's a bit like going shopping for an apple, you see the organic apple but it has a blemish on it, and you think yuck, not buying that! so you go buy the flawless looking chemically produced apple, take it home to discover it's rubbish, when the organic one most likely would have been bloody delish..but it had that little flaw....you missed out through a silly prejudice. Totally agree Felonius! Some of our best experiences were with people we weren't 100% sure on at first. And some of our worst were with absolute hotties (the thread about "so beautiful, yet so lame in bed" (or something like that) springs to mind). I dont think we are saying fuck everything that moves though, just sometimes give people who may not tick all the boxes a chance and you may be pleasantly surprised.....Mrs Waterbabes xxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
....I think it's important to think about 'standards' and what that means to different people. Are we saying that our 'standards' are what separate the wheat from the chaff and if so, does that become a value judgement? Does it even matter? I kinda think it does We are particular in who we play with and we recognise that we play the way that works for our partnership; just as I'm sure everyone else does here. What things people are particular about will be different clearly. For us, we are particular in the presence/absence of chemistry. Beyond that, I have a thing for bald men, but that doesn't stop me from meeting men of the haired variety and I don't see that I'm lowering my 'standards'. Likewise, I prefer men to have pubic hair; to me, it's what makes them manly, but provided the chemistry is there, he can be completely bald and it simply doesn't matter. His hair (head or otherwise) isn't what makes or breaks good sex, or a fantasy fulfilled...that's just a small thing in a big world. Am I lowering my standards? Absolutely not. Am I settling for playmates against my preference? Not at all, because I see beyond those things and that is what makes great playmates.Isn't this really about compatibility rather than fussiness?Just my thoughts!Great topic, will follow with interest!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Not enough hours in a day to interact with everyone.. Quite often my GF will say to me when she see's a good looking woman on TV or out and around " look at her' is'nt she pretty" yet I may see her in a totally different light... ?So what one person perceives as attractive another may not.. just the law of averages.. Mind you' I cant talk when it comes to being fussy' I know what I like and dont settle for just anything. But one thing I learnt a long time ago is' the best is not always the prettiest package in the room.. Being down to earth with a personality to match is far more attractive than looks alone.. Nothing wrong with expectations as long as they are reasonable and not snobbish' I dont see a problem..
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RHP User
14 years ago
Can we take the word "standards" and replace it with "criteria"? When people say they won't lower their standards it makes them sound arrogant but if they say we have strict criteria then they sound discerning rather than fussy.Set the bar high by all means if that is what makes you happy. Screen potential play partners by ticking boxes and strict criteria if it makes you feel more secure about your final choice. But I have found some hidden gems by dropping any judgement and saying hi over a coffee.
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RHP User
14 years ago
we did that for a while MistressT, and just ended up having encounters that we'd now rather forget. we like the idea that we aim 'high' and seek 'quality' encounters only....there wont ever be any 'quantity' as we are just not that available....our work commitments and rosters leave us very little time to socialize or play.......... but thats life.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think at the beginning we where both just excited and it was a numbers game and it was becoming a job. We would go out Friday and by Sunday morning we would have been with at least 3-4 couples.Six years later we had come to an agreement that I wouldnt settle for less as I had the best and myself and spouse would not lower our standards. Doing one for the team was not an option anymore.We have been together for 30 years and life is a roller coaster and dont want to complicate our lives with dramas from other couples. Thats our view !!! Regards to all!!!
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RHP User
14 years ago
Hi Waterbabes, I do agree on the points on dont judge a book by its cover!!! xxxx
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' we did that for a while MistressT, and just ended up having encounters that we'd now rather forget. we like the idea that we aim 'high' and seek 'quality' encounters only....there wont ever be any 'quantity' as we are just not that available....our work commitments and rosters leave us very little time to socialize or play.......... but thats life. By broadening my criteria I met my partner. Had I taken a more judgemental approach I would have missed out on some absolutely fantastic life experiences and, best of all, meeting my soulmate. I didn't lower any "standards" or change the "quality" of people that I was looking for at all. I merely reserve judgement until I have a good reason to do start doing so.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'mikeandshel' we did that for a while MistressT, and just ended up having encounters that we'd now rather forget. we like the idea that we aim 'high' and seek 'quality' encounters only....there wont ever be any 'quantity' as we are just not that available....our work commitments and rosters leave us very little time to socialize or play.......... but thats life. By broadening my criteria I met my partner. Had I taken a more judgemental approach I would have missed out on some absolutely fantastic life experiences and, best of all, meeting my soulmate. I didn't lower any "standards" or change the "quality" of people that I was looking for at all. I merely reserve judgement until I have a good reason to do start doing so.
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RHP User
14 years ago
I haven't read everyone's responses. But I would say I am too fussy... and I probably miss out on lots of opportunities to meet great people. So I do try and be.... NOT LESS selective, NOT lowering my standards, NOT being with people I don't have a connection with or sexual chemistry... BUT allowing the thought that giving people a chance may mean that you find that there is chemistry there even though they may not match all the things you are looking for. Sometimes trying something different Mike.... opens up a whole new area of fun that you didn't even realise was there. Live a little dangerously and open your horizons. LOL... just had to put that in. But there is truth to the saying.. you don't know what you don't know.. until you try it. So I am not saying you have to bang a dog... but sometimes someone a little different may bring something wonderful to your sex life. xxMeeka
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'MistressT' Quoting 'mikeandshel' we did that for a while MistressT, and just ended up having encounters that we'd now rather forget. we like the idea that we aim 'high' and seek 'quality' encounters only....there wont ever be any 'quantity' as we are just not that available....our work commitments and rosters leave us very little time to socialize or play.......... but thats life. By broadening my criteria I met my partner. Had I taken a more judgemental approach I would have missed out on some absolutely fantastic life experiences and, best of all, meeting my soulmate. I didn't lower any "standards" or change the "quality" of people that I was looking for at all. I merely reserve judgement until I have a good reason to do start doing so. in know you didnt....but we broadened our criteria, and relaxed how critical we were being, and all it lead to was unhappy evenings. we began meeting people for coffees, even if we were unsure, and all it did was eat away at our free time....nothing came of any of the meets with couples....so we went back to meets with single guys only...dropping judgements, or reserving them lead to nights at home, working on intuition and 'feeling' we had much more success....the 'quantity' comment was for us alone.....as we have very limited free time, so like to make sure we like whats on offer, before taking it up......
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RHP User
14 years ago
Mistress and Meeks. Cheers Felonius
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RHP User
14 years ago
You're on the money here.. I too find it arrogant to suggest unless you fill a criteria you're not worth a look in ?. If of course you fall into the Brad Pitt / Angelia Jolie catogory, then it's understandable... but most of us are everyday attractive with some above and some below average.. Meet a really pretty girl a few months back who when we meet told me she felt unsure if she suited what I was looking for. When I asked her why' she replied she thought my looks were better than she expected and so' presumed she probally was not what I was looking for .. This surprised me ' but I thanked her and reassured her there was not a problem.. We then went on to have a great time.. and is still a good friend today... Goes to show how unreal expectations can effect a persons judgement and the self esteem of others... A passing comment to one person can mean something totally to another..Even though I have my criteria, I never say never until we meet face to face these days.. Just my take on things...
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RHP User
14 years ago
To add to my other post. I think by us being very particular when looking for playmates We just might have rejected our way out the loop or something. As a couple seeking Male's, Females & couples boy we got a ton of messages over the first year or so on RHP. Lately though we are lucky to get any even from the guys. I was joking to Jane the other day the other day when she jumped on RHP and asked if I had deleted the messages as the inbox was looking dead. I replied no you just didn't get any because you have rejected 99.9% of SEQ swinging community.Don't get me wrong we have met and played with some great people and prefer regular playmates than teams of new people. I guess not knowing whats going to pop up in your inbox is part of the excitement. Its always a thrill when get that unexpected message from someone one that fits what your looking for.Tim
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RHP User
14 years ago
meeting others is different for a single than it is for a couple.....if its for a guy, theres 3 people to please, if its a couple, its the 4 who have to be 'happy' or at least 'satisfied' that the others meet their desires...... single guys will go places and be with people they normally wouldnt, but we really see no point asking anyone to join us, who wasnt at least as attractive as our partner, and who didnt at least stir some interest.... for Shel, its an absolute must that the guy be pleasing to the eye, be well presented, and conduct himself as a gentleman and be at a minimum 'bi friendly'....unfortunately tho, guys like this are rare here..............its really a very good thing that we never intended playing often, as there just isnt enough suitable guys to do this............lol.
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RHP User
14 years ago
yeah thats a good question , i think it comes down to your own standards .... and at times they may increase or decrease a tad due to circumstances , but think it's easy to say that a majority of people on here would have thier own list of prerequisits they want filled before taking serious interest , and some lists are bigger then others or others bend the rules of thier own list because they find a quality in that person they find attractive .... soooo at the end of the day .... if it's a case of you being satisfied with the company you invite to join you , then yeah being over selective is worth while
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RHP User
14 years ago
I would say a bit of both...... I wont meet a person for sake of meeting a person and do whatever. I like to be able to sus somebody out mainly for safety reasons, I have heard some horror stories. But I believe in not wasting a persons time, if I am interested in them I will let them know in my own little way. I know what I do and dont like, I make no apologies for it and if I offend someone for not wanting to meet them, well thats part of the game in here. I have had men not interested in meeting me, I just cop it on the chin and move on.
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RHP User
14 years ago
Simply if we weren't picky why would there be profiles, ratings of.your self & information to distinguish what you have to offer. Yes we are super picky but it pays as we its only fair we get in return what we offer. HOTNESS! S&s
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RHP User
14 years ago
I think it is good to be fussy and selective.....and for everyone this means someting different. For me sometimes weeks go by until I find what I am looking for and the time is right for both of us. I like to be fussy........when I let my guard down, I get disappointed.....not always the man's fault often even mine, because I should have listened to me.....but sometime I get so "damm" horny and forget.
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RHP User
14 years ago
beauty is in the eye of the beholder, one mans meat is another mans poison..........etc etc sorry to be cliche!but agree we all have to have some sort of criteria or something that attracts us to the other person and appeals to you ! so, hopefully it all evens out in the end! (no pun intended!)
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RHP User
14 years ago
Agree with Builder2 nail you, depend on circumstances. Criteria is a guideline, you'll never know who you'll attract to but you are going to need something to guide you to the right direction. Otherwise you'll end up going around in circle meeting people you are never attracted to.
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RHP User
14 years ago
i think that there is nothing wrong with being selective...we are all looking for different things, when it comes down to sex...starting with what gets you interested at the first place...mentally as much as physically....followed by what keeps your interest going...what turns that interest into desire, excitement, want...for us, as a couple...any kind of play with others (couples, single girls/guys)...is only a sexy addition, an extra spice,in our already complete, and very, very satisfying sex life...and there's nothing wrong, with trying to choose carefully, who we want to share that experience with...who we want to share our bodies with....so yes, there are boxes to be ticked off, if things were to proceed from the realm of RHP to the reality of our lives/bedroom...lolwe cant/dont want to meet with everyone, who expresses interest in us....dont have the time or the desire, to do so....so there has to be a personal gauge, a few "boxes " to be ticked off...before we decide, that there is a very good chance, that we will actually "click" with the people we meet....and has to be more, than just a physical attraction to each other's bodies...otherwise it's a waste of time....:(
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RHP User
14 years ago
Selective / Fussy only reflects "What you are looking for"
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RHP User
14 years ago
Quoting 'kinkisthenewpink' Forgive me I have had waaaay too much Sangria buuuut..... I don't think selective or fussy or even picky are the words necessarily. One persons fussy is another persons not fussy enough it's all relative. Wow I'm doing so well for someone who is as skunk as a drunk :P Anyhoo....yup....that's all I got. Relative Must..Nice teef, filthy cheeky naughty smile, lots of fun, likes a laugh, smart really really smart, smells nice, decent human being. everything else is negotiable I'm horny where IS he?Saw a great pair of tits tonight toonom nom.........zzzzzzzzz missed this one...lol.well said? funny tho!
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