F40
sex
October 04 2007
Comments
-
Mr_Invisible
18 years ago
Its not everything but it is important I ended a relationship a few years ago where there was no sex 12 months of sleeping next to a woman with no sex drive I stayed that long because I loved her.... but it wasn't to be So you do need some from time to time.... but its not the cornerstone of a decent reelationship Trust, honesty and communication are
-
deltoid
18 years ago
Depends totally on the people in the relationship If sex is something that is not of great importance to both and both are happy with no sex or just as you put it OK sex, then this will not be an issue as to whether the relationship survives or not. If though sex is important to one partner but there is no sex in the relationship because of lack of interest by the other person, then the relationship can still survive if the partners are prepared to reach some compromise. If no compromise can be reach then the relationship in my opinion is doomed.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I would imagine it depends on those involved. If at least one member of a couple really enjoyed and valued sex as a form of intimacy or relaxation (or whatever), then i would say sex is very important. I know some people who are rather apathetic toward sex and could easily take it or leave it. However, their partners dont quite agree and whether the trouble begins now or later, it will occur. Oftentimes people stay quiet and dont mention when they are dissatisfied in the bedroom as it is a sensitive subject. I tend to think a lack of sex is often a lack of communication and we all know what happens when there is a lack of communication! For my part, i love sex as a form of intimacy, excitement, relaxation and erotica depending on the situation. Id be most unhappy without it and think many would struggle to remain in a monogomous relationship (if thats relevant) without pulses rising now and again. fingerscrossed
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Why not!
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Dear ella_bella, Relationships take many different forms... some are largely physical, whilst other are deeply erotic... for example tantric. The erotic aspect may go so far as not involve penetration... yet achieve orgasm purely through touch, smell, taste and suggestion. Words may not even be spoken and with the partner wearing a blindfold... where the brain becomes the paramount sex organ. Some go to extreme lengths to stimulate various hormonal responses. Exploration is usually the result of needing newer ways of gaining satisfaction and avoiding boredom. I guess a lot depends on what you want out of a relationship... and how long term... as so far I've not touched on love, comfort and company. The sad news is that researchers at Hamburg-Eppendorf University in Germany found that the female sex drive starts sputtering to a halt as soon as a woman has got her man. When they believe they are in a secure relationship, after about four years, the proportion of 30-year-old women wanting regular sex falls below 50 per cent. They questioned more than 500 people about their sex lives in order to measure changes in their libido. One wonders these results when we see so many sexually charged women on this site.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
If both parties are happy with a non sexual, supportive relationship then why shouldn't it work out? If both parties are total hornbags who love to explore constantly and relate thier experiences then there's no reason that can't work out either. So many different kinds of people, so many different kinds of relationships, squared... What's with the stereotypes? The only time i can see it doesn't work is if the two people have different needs or desires, hmm? Change is inviteable over time but if two people communicate and had the basics to start then they should be able to change together. If that can't happen, and i know i'm going to get shot down for this..., then someone wasn't honest from the start ;).
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Interesting findings there VNG. I heard a stat recently that a man's libido will also decline when he finds himself in a "secure" relationship. The belief was that it related to our biology where the man's testosterone drops to ensure loyalty to his partner and her children.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Thanks, must research that one further Mammalian.... meanwhile here's some more on the previous subject... In 2005, a University College London researcher conducted a study which indicated that married women were much more likely than single men or single women to have sexual problems... with 4 per cent of women reporting an inability to have an orgasm. One in 10 women in the survey, aged between 16 and 44, admitted to having lost interest in sex for at least six months out of a year. David Goldmeier, of the sexual function clinic at St Mary's Hospital in London, when commenting on this study said, "Bringing up a family, they are just tired and exhausted as opposed to the men, who have 10 times the level of testosterone. A lot of women are very active sexually in the first 18 months to three years of a relationship and have a lot of spontaneous sexual desire; but then that goes." It's interesting that menopausal women had more sex and were happier about it when using a testosterone patch... having sex about four times more than they usually did... but taking testosterone pills isn't advised because it can cause excessive hair growth, liver complications and other problems. This 2004 research was sponsored by Procter & Gamble Pharmaceuticals, which developed the patch. Then there's a new gizmo that I haven't heard anything further about since it was announced... In 2003 an American surgeon patented a device that triggers an orgasm in women. He is a pain specialist who made this discovery by accident whilst treating women using electrical nerve stimulation. A clinical trial was approved by the Food and Drug Administration in the United States, where women in the trial described it as "really excellent foreplay." This was reported by the New Scientist magazine. Meanwhile, German researchers have added up how much time people take up doing a number of activities, over the average lifetime of 78 years. It seems just 16 hours is spent having orgasms in the average lifetime. But at least we do spend two weeks kissing. Sleeping takes up the most time, using 24 years and four months of the average lifetime. The research, published in German science magazine Geo Wissen, was the result of a study of national statistics and personal questionnaires.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
woodyperth you've hit the nail on the head when you said, "The only time i can see it doesn't work is if the two people have different needs or desires". That is something that has impacted on many men and I guess women too. In my case, I have attempted to learn why and find solutions... but they can be elusive. It's a very complex situation... and too often people jump to the wrong conclusions. Look how many people here are attached in some way... and play outside the partnership. Some doing it more openly as swingers... others are less extroverted and do so discreetly. People often discriminate against the male here, and not the female. Reading the many profiles indicates this.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Sex is important for an individual that is his/her genetic needs, but I dont think sex is important in a relatiionship. People say "sex is sin" why? It is easy to blame it on religion but I think the reason is because sex is selfish. Again anyone can say by doing sex I made her/him happy, but while pleasing him/her you got what you wanted. That is what it is to be selfish. Relationship based on sexual argue wont last long. We shouldnt use the word "relationship" in that kind of situation. Better use the word "relief". Many marriages break after 1 or 2 years, the reason behind that is that person called the "Mr.Self".
-
RHP User
18 years ago
If either party feels it is important, whether it be not enough or too emphasized then they bring it up with the other. If you can't talk about it then you have no business being together ;).
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Just reflecting on roccoaction1's thoughts on self... and you do make some valid points regarding sex... The older we get... hopefully the more we learn from life experiences... dealing with birth, survival and death. The ideas one has as a teenager will alter by mid-life... and that change may have nothing to do with selfishness. Your profile indicates that you have established some ideals for yourself... which seem admirable. Though we cannot always judge others by using oneself as a reference. Life is much too complex for that... and not too many people are perfect. Nothing wrong with being idealistic... as it sets a benchmark for our aspirations. A lot depends on what is served us from left field and how we and others deal with it. Often there are the most unexpected outcomes. No doubt many of us would like to meet a partner, fall in love and live happily ever after... then years later we count the toll.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
it all depends...with me i lust sex got to have a great sex life in and out bedroom am a bit of a everywhere woman.....as well as honestly trust friendship to make a relationship work you aint got either of these end it........
-
RHP User
18 years ago
*****I am not judging anyone, I am not perfect either ***** tit_witch I may have misinterpreted your post but from what I understood, i have a question for you how can anyone be trustworthy and honest when a person is ready to sleep with anybody ? (by Anybody I mean anybody who you click with, not just ANYBODY). Respect Rocco It seems like a hard task to maintain a relationship more atleast an year, we may need lot of alchohol to forget the past. Is it really worth it? Lets start a alchohol dealership atleast make some money out of someones greif. If we take 100 people about 99 have or claim, high sexual drive. If all that 99 going to have a life without any boundaries where is this society going ? Oh yea its scary to me... I reckon its will be scary for few other too..
-
RHP User
18 years ago
What our society expects now days is less constrained than a few decades ago. There is much less of a stigma attached to sex out of wedlock and a more open discussion of issues in the media. As long as there are no casualties, then consensual activities between adults is reasonable in my books... if it brings more joy to the world. Even those who entered the priesthood with the best intentions have been tempted by sin. I think it much healthier to have a friend with benefits than be a deviate who interferes with children. Indiscriminate sex without care for the consequences can have it's toll both emotionally and health wise. Some cultures are stricter than ours, but they often discriminate against women or nonconformists. So I would rather live here, even though we are not perfect, and hope that society does not go down the proverbial gurgler, than be subject to a moral code which is too repressive.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
a relationship can survive with these point ......but only if you are honest with yourself and your partner.......of course won't last if you got to hide the truth...........theres no need to sleep with everything and anything.........no need to sleep with anyone what so ever........and roccoaction we are all perfect in out own ways......but we aint perfect in anyone elses way
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Hi ella_bella I the male half of us beleive sex to be very important to a good relationship and dont think "well for me "that a relationship could last without it. I beleive it is the closest 2 people can be phisicly and also has very strong emotional value's to.If you have ever looked into your lover's eyes when makeing love then you would agree that they are eye's that you never see any other time.we have been married for 14 years now and will be the first to admit that after about 7 years we preaty much ran out of things to try in the bedroom, and we all know what happen's then yep you guessed it ,you start to get board and it just become's a routeen thing.So like many of you on rhp decided to give the swinging thing a shot and have enjoyed most of what we have done. im not saying swinging saved our relationship but it certanly stoped our sexual relationship falling into that "same old thing" catagory. Its also important not to become complacent after a while and forget that there are 2 people that should be enjoying them selves not just one.Just emagin being on the other side of a non sexual relationship. What would you start thinking if your partner didnt want sex anymore, i'd be thinking well i must be preaty boaring or im not man enough for her or i cant get her there so i must be useless. Those sorts of thoughts can play havoc with your relationship .So its not just the physicle part of not getting it its also the emotinal stress that come's from a non sexual relationship aswell
-
RHP User
18 years ago
A relationship in all aspects always needs continual effort and affection contributed to it, and that includes sex. Everyone works hard to get the relationship started, but once established we tend to lack in the effort and affection that is needed to keep it going and the relationship then starts to turn stagnant. And we all need constant stimulation to keep us interested, or otherwise we start to look elsewhere for the much need attention. Sex is one of the many parts of a relationship that is needed to keep us close and interested in each other, and when those attributes are fulfilled and encouraged the relationship will keep moving forwards and evolving. Is a constant give and take equally for both involved for it to be a good strong healthy relationship. Another attribute that coincides with a good sex life is positive communication, through verbal and body language combined. If non of these are prominent in a relationship the relationship is already dead, could possibly be revived but both parties need to be 100% willing to change, if this cannot be given an equal effort from both then your best to walk away and find someone that does. thats my view of it in short. xx Gypsy xx
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I empathise wholeheartedly with VeelahGypsy, as that's how it should go... But then some people sacrifice their personal joy to give the kids a stable upbringing. The libido varies so much between individuals... complicated further when ingrained notions exist, which considers the sex act to be essentially dirty. Once the child bearing is over, which may be the result of voluntary sterilization, so can be the sexual relationship. This can have nothing to do with violence or abuse in a partnership. No matter how much one party tries... the other party has lost interest. This at first can seem very stubborn and cold hearted... yet otherwise the arrangement works through shared duties and common ownership of property. It becomes more sharing a house and sharing costs... as they are no longer lovers or emotionally attached. Eventually both develop separate friendships and reach an agreement that sex elsewhere is acceptable... as long as the facade of respectability is maintained. This is less disruptive for grandparents and relations... and makes Xmas, birthdays and other special occasions a more amenable environment. The unfortunate thing is that a stigma is attached more to the male than the female... as even the swinging and BDSM communities are wary. It's different when both partners are present... but when one feels the practice is that of sick people... then that plan goes out the window. Yet a female in this situation is welcomed as most males do not discriminate if they think there may be something in it for them. So in conclusion... yes sex is important for bother partners to be happy... how that is resolved is another matter.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
if its a purely sexual relationship, wouldn't witholding sex effectively terminate the relationship? if you like/respect/admire the person and aren't completely selfish would you be compassionate and accept that facet of them willingly? some will be selfish in that instance... if your relationship is more like a business plan then wouldn't an open relationship make more sense? i didn't intend to answer with questions but theres more ways a relationship can succeed or fail than just from lack of great sex. your winning if you can openly and honestly discuss such things with your partner
-
RHP User
18 years ago
In some circumstances this will work such as a disability, religious beliefs etc. But in these circumstances there would be a mutual understanding of sorts, and where the close intimacy of sex is lacking or void, others areas to show affection, love etc may be enhanced to compensate. But obviously if both parties are happy with the situation, as touch is important for humans. If you are talking about a lazy lover, who doesnt fulfil your needs, and just talking on an average rate here. Obviously there is something wrong and some communication is required to find out the problem. Maybe your just not sexually compatible, maybe he/she is getting it somewhere else, or it could be work/stress related etc. But intimacy, affection, sex, touch are all important without it, its bloody frustrating!!! GRRRR. Nettles
-
RHP User
18 years ago
For a site one would first expect is devoted to sexual liaisons... it does attract a lot of thoughtful people, who are open minded and obviously worldly in matters of relationships, regardless of the reason for an attraction or the purpose. Unfortunately not all people are so wired... though this in no way distracts from their worth as loving parents. On first meeting the lady in question, I was surprised to learn that she had little faith in men being faithful... and that if her man strayed it would be expected. When quizzed further, she pointed out that in her opinion there was no need to dissolve the partnership, unless the man was abusive. I was sure that this scenario would not eventuate... but things changed after childbirth. She claimed that sex was no longer relevant, and had more important things in life being a career woman. This took a bit of coming to grips with... and in the course of conversations I asked if she expected me to remain chaste for the rest of my life. To which she replied no... what ever you do in that regard is up to you. Everything else continued on with joint child rearing and the sharing of property. Sharing accommodation is certainly cheaper than not... plus I was relied on to resolve all manner of daily problems best suited to a man. We are good friends and there are no arguments... just no longer sex partners. I've never met anyone so easy to get along with, though obviously not in the bedroom. Only a very small few of my friends, who I've known from school days, are with their original partner... and most of them are unhappier than I. Often they make the same mistakes over and over again. Whereas I share accommodation with someone with a history, who is easy going, though in most other aspects we live separate lives... whilst still maintaining some semblance of respectability for family and work acquaintances. She seems attracted to an older group... particularly business people of both sexes. I associate with like minded people both socially and on occasions intimately. Her social life is much richer than mine, though I'm more content to make friendships with people in the same industry or people I meet here. I can't see how this makes me a bad person... as no one seems to be disadvantaged or complaining. But yes it was bloody frustrating at first.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
sex is the foundation of any relationship you interest in any person is sparked by " jezz she's or he's hot wouldnt miond doing the deed with them, so to speak. then you spend ends hours together exploring each other that person become in seperable with you, you'd do anything for them then come compacency ive won there heart there mine i dont have to try as hard any more. you become involved in your work, you think you have to proved for the future, work becomes to much your focas, your partener becomes the child raiser or the bread winner, familiararity becomes the norm of life, so what the problem your parents did it, IT HAS TO WORK. but we live in a different world to them and the sooner they relise this the we can move on with this generations faults, ok ok i hear you say 'what the" but have a think about it, maybe thats an other subject. think of this if you dont maintaine your car ( servicing , tyres, wash it , ect) it will break down wear out and you have tpo discard it. so much like todays relationships, we are so easily encouraged to walk away when it get a bit hard. just watch th tv read th gossip< magazines am i wrong. if we all worked as hard at our jobs ( to make the boss happy) and polish our cars ( so as to shine to the world ) at our relationships just maybe there wouldnt be so many divorces and alot more happy families, efforing what the world has to offer us. at the end of the day sex is a tool that require work to keep the interest going in a relationship. and then it is the ultimate way to feel totally connected to that loved one. im up for any comments here aswell have fun friends mal ( they are my feelings to the subject)
-
RHP User
18 years ago
Thats funny, you pose the question "Is sex important" on a sex & swinging website LOL. I cant be the only one who sees the irony? Or can I? Mind you I was pretty impressed with the diversity of some of the answers. I've gone through a few of the posts in here, and excuse the conspiracy theorist in me, but one could get the suspicion that RHP has hired someone to go through and pose some really grey matter thought provoking-response provoking questions just to liven up the threads, just like they put fake profiles on here with gorgious girls & guys! Ooh, I better run outside to see if the sky is falling down hahahaaa!
-
RHP User
18 years ago
OK i will throw in my two bits. I was married for years to a woman with very little sex going on between us and it was an important part of the marrage breakdown. My current girlfriend was in a sexless marrage as well and likewise it greatly affected her relationship. So the straight up answer is yes. Its certianly not the most important part of a relationship, but it is one of the funamental building blocks of one. Ps I have accumulated a large surplus of sexual energy, it should'nt go to waste, thats just plain wrong,so if you want to help convert this energy in to pleasure, give me a call.
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I think sex is important in any 'sexual' relationship, whether it be great sex, or at least 'ok' sex. I wouldn't intend to be in a relationship and still have to rely on a bottle of 'Wet Stuff'! Likewise I don't think the woman would expect me to have any problems putting 'steel' in my cock lol!! Ciao, Dave
-
RHP User
18 years ago
I think sex is very important. Its as important as the guy opening the door for me on the first date......... Sex to me says alot about the rest of the relationship. Samantha on sex in the city once said you are in life what you are in bed....... While I dont totally agree with the statement I think it is the case with relationships. I think we need to express ourselves with our words and well as physically to be really connected to the person we are sharing our life with and raising children with.........
Boards
-
Hot Topics
Topics: 15103 Comments: 88168
-
Girls Ask
Topics: 1416 Comments: 10239
-
Guys Ask
Topics: 2519 Comments: 11677
-
Couples' Corner
Topics: 2504 Comments: 9758
-
Swingers Lifestyle
Topics: 1003 Comments: 5165
-
Fetish & Fantasy
Topics: 1302 Comments: 5782
-
Hot Travel
Topics: 781 Comments: 1992
-
LGBT
Topics: 170 Comments: 868
Forum help
-
Something related with that
-
Going somewhere & want to hook up?
-
Hasn't that topic been posted before?
RHP's popular dating tool
-
Where the heck did that topic go?
Discover what RHP is doing offline
-
RHP member's RL secrets
reply
like
Share