single or attached male doms wild or selfish??

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  All I have spoken to I've never met. Simply because after a few sentences its made very clear they are not dom at all, they are just selfish men who take take take and wont give. A dom/sub relationship is NOT about a woman giving up her rights to be pleasured. It should be about mutual pleasure for both.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  DOM seems to be just an excuse... ...for self centered, selfish chauvinistic people to get others to do their bidding. Whoever approached us mentioning they are “dom” eventually got rejected by mrs as they showed their true colors after some intimate conversation. I have never seen anyone who call themselves “dom” try to please other person. BDSM may be fun but it attracts lot of predators and shallow people who doesn’t get the concept or what it’s about. Both myself and Mrs have dominant characters in our day to day lives but when it comes to BDSM play we do power play between each other. None of us have time or skills to claim that we are masters of kink or BDSM, it’s more a psychological dynamic for us. The problem with lot of people are they think and portray themselves as someone they are not. So those who approach them suffer.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  From my own personal experiences I would have to say selfish. It's been used as an excuse to get away with alot. I had a horrible experience with a young dom who I met in RL, it was 100% about him and not about me in the slightest. Current Me cannot believe I let what happened to happen to me but Past Me wasn't as strong as I am now. But it's one of the main reasons I'm not interested in it. I'm no sub anymore. From chats on here, it is very much about them but I usual politely say I'm not interested very quickly. The worst is when they try and convience you to "give it a go" or "try something different".

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  MsSuperFoxy

  6 years ago

  Doesn't need to advertise nor Bragg's about his conquests and are very respectful of others. Ms Foxy

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Every time I think I've hit the jackpot, they start to show signs of being just another guy after a quick root, but you nailed the real problem. Dom/sub is for mutual pleasure, to heighten pleasure for both, an engagement of minds. If they don't engage my mind and confirm/assure me they plan on putting time in (first hurdle), I'm out. What amazes me is when they do the whole sell job, pictures of the bdsm tools of the trade, how experienced they are, then in messaging no mention of it, just the usual back and forth about location etc. So I'm thinking are they going to bring it all to my place, should I warn the neighbours lol or are they just full of shit and will be hoping for the quick fuck. Not once has it happened. And please no fat old dudes making me offers lol

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  I agree to all of you true dom doesn't flaunt the dom side ..we both play fair give and take more focusing on the womans needs moreso..

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  Freaky_Fun

  6 years ago

  Everyones a Dom after 50 Shades 🤷‍♀️

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  SpicyKale

  6 years ago

  One of the most insightful comments we've heard comes from an interview with a female pro Dom... rather than a "what do you want to do" in a scene. She asks the question, "how do you want to feel?" Hope we've got the quote right, but it's so not about the "Dom"

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  It is funny, I have been this way for a long bloody time. I take pride in what I do, the consent clarifications, the understanding and settingnof hard limits, the getting to know your partners body.... their limits, their desires. On average it takes 3 to 5 weeks before a first big play date. I have had multiple subs over the decades and currently a stunning woman in Victoria that makes my heart sing every time we meet. Whilst I agree there are a multitude of idiot wanna be doms out there, for those of us that actually take their time and earn a womans submission it is always worth the effort.

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  HarleyQandMrO

  6 years ago

  The fact that this happens, really angers me, and I just want to say we are not all like this at all. I am sorry you’ve had bad experiences, there are some real pieces of work out there that use the guise of BDSM to abuse and control others in order to fulfill their own sadistic needs and this is not how a true Dom operates. I have been a Domme for over 18 years and my husband a Dom for 15 years.As true Dom’s, we do not abuse, control, harm or disrespect our subs – beyond the agreed scope.We are not all self centered, selfish chauvinistic people who get others to do our bidding or out for personal gain at the expense of others. What we do is conduct consultations with potential subs, covering what their kinks and fetishes are, what they have experienced or would like to experience and most importantly what their hard and soft limits are. This give us our foundation, from where we familiarise ourselves and asses suitability. Through this stage we explore boundaries and what excites and pleasures, whilst building a trusting relationship. This can take days or months, but once reached, there are no limits of what a sub can experience in the hands of a trusted and experienced Dom. Duty of care is a priority, as during a session, a sub can experience a full spectrum of emotions, to the extent they can lose themselves. As it takes time for the sub to become centered, being mindful of the all to common sub drop, we follow through providing aftercare which is essential to their mental health and well-being. They are provided with a comfortable area, blankets, fluids and lollies, are held and spoken to until they can demonstrate they are coherent and capable. We are also not big-headed enough to think that we are actually in control, we do the bidding of the subs. Think about it, they set the limits, they dictate what can and cannot be done, what they are willing to try as well as what they want. The only control we have is how everything is administered and how far to push those boundaries, without breaking their trust - knowing they can stop at any time, simply by using their safe word, which we have no option but to adhere. I hope this lets everyone know that there are some genuine Doms out there and what qualities to look for when searching for one

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  Libertine001

  6 years ago

  Absolutely agree A true D/s relationship is all about the sub and the Dom is all about giving the sub pleasure and push their sexual boundaries having spent months knowing what those boundaries are and the body language a sub gives off. Not to mention the most important part which is aftercare. A fake Dom would be all about himself and having a little plaything to do whatever he wanted for his own satisfaction. If you were to consider entering this scene do some research and educate yourself on what it means to play either part. There is an enormous amount of literature on the web and only a naive person would do this without some form of education. TDH

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Whats a DOM anyway? I never liked labels, every second guy on these apps is a dom now, and if you look at other apps there are plenty of women who call themselves “domme”. Perhaps BDSM should have never gone mainstream, it just ruined it. I find lot of things about present day BDSM to be pretentious at best. People call themselves “slaves” so easily as if it’s a random word to be thrown around. I grew up with Marquis De Sade, Levon Sacher Masoch, Anais Nin, Story of O. Power dynamic between consenting adults used to be a very intimate thing, now it’s out in the streets for everyone to see. Mainstream made BDSM more acceptable but it drained its core from substance. And that’s why you are getting all these con artists whose main priority is to sit back and receive blowjob, calling themselves dom.

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Dominance isn't something you learn from watching 50 Shades and definitely not from watching porn (Read Stoya & James Deen).It's learnt through negotiation, from learning about your partner(s), by trusting their gut feeling and from talking with and listening to them. I have a small group of friends who enjoy the BDSM lifestyle, their are both men and women who are dominant, who arer submissive and some who switch between. All of us constanly talking about what they have learnt recently, we talk about safe practises (SSC - safe, sane, and consensual) and we haven even brought in RACK (Risk-Aware Consensual Kink) principles into the group. It absolutley isnt a one sided. (BTW, A Dominant knows that in the power struggle between them and the submissive - the submissive has 95% of the true power; the ability to do something or to say stop (safeword... etc)

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  50 shades has a lot to answer for..

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Well last mfm guy never said he was dom i did ask him he never replied to it .when he got here he looked rather abusing in his movements in bed looking a tad like a killer dog let off the chain doing all the porn star talk.. Anyhow i deflated his ego after i threw him out on his ass im no dom but i can be protective of friends and family ..

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  RHP User

  6 years ago

  Just before i threw him.out i asked he said yes i am dom

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  MsJonesy

  6 years ago

  Devil's advocate, wouldn't the sub want to ensure, well before meeting, that they have conducted their own due diligence? For example, when messaging, would they not ask many questions, set parameters, even use a checklist (examples of which can be found on the internet). If they don't get satisfactory answers, don't proceed! From my understanding of BDSM, the sub sets the rules, so be proactive in doing so.

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