F53
sleeping with your mate's lover
June 10 2016
Comments
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RHP User
10 years ago
I was going to post this myself the other day I have a few friends where we have discussed this and between us we would not play with the same partner. For me I feel uncomfortable about it. I can't really pin point why it makes me feel uncomfortable. There have been a few times now that myself and a friend have been attracted to the same man and its come down to a who was involved with him first basis, If a friend is there first I will happily back away - plenty of other fish to play with :)
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RHP User
10 years ago
I would not. Had the chance once but did not pursue, as it just seemed wrong. (even if he agreed it would have still felt wrong)
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RHP User
10 years ago
Very different question of it being sleep with (in an ethical open relationship) v having an affair. For me if it's an affair then no I wouldn't. Plenty of others to choose from. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
There aren't many golden rules in life, but you stick to them like a fat kid to a bag of M&Ms. Sleeping with your mate's girlfriend/wife is one of them. I had a couple of offers of that type a few years ago - the long time girlfriend of a very good mate of mine. Made me feel sick, and was actually relieved when they moved to WA not long after. No matter how long the drought, I'd rather go without. I'm a long, long way away from being a prude - but that's just all kinds of no. - Posted from rhpmobile
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LeMerovingien
10 years ago
I'd like to think I'd never knowingly be part of an affair and it would just make things even worse if it was a friends SO. I still don't think I could if they knew/encouraged it, too many weird interactions after that I would think.
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RHP User
10 years ago
A quick fix for lust and desire is definitely not worth losing a friendship or betraying a friend.
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RHP User
10 years ago
but I'm an advocate of the sisterhood/brotherhood code, just don't do it. I suppose though because my lovers are not my primary relationship, do I have any right to 'claim' them? Or feel hurt when others 'poach' them? In all honesty though, there are some special lovers I'm protective of and though I know they have other buddies/lovers/etc, do I want them sleeping with others in my circle? What makes what we have unique if they are sleeping with everyone else I know? This has been one of my biggest challenges to date as someone in an open relationship :). Mary xx
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RHP User
10 years ago
Real life stuff is a no brainer. Nope never. Here on Pie, its a different world,and there's so many players playing the players. Lol. I havent done it myself. If I was going to meet up with someone new, and found out that someone I know from here was currently seeing them, would I tell them? Ask for their blessing? Well Im not what you call besties with anyone on here. I know others from m&g's and we have a small brissy band of girls that go to venues together, but personally I dont think any of them would like the type of guys Im attracted to. So this is a hard one to answer Lily. I like openness and honesty, but Im not that close to anyone for my choices, or theirs, to effect a relationship with an ongoing lover. But Ive been known to recommend a lover.... Or 3. So I dont think Ive helped to give a straight out opinion here. Im sitting on the fence.
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
Because he slept with mine whilst i slept in the next room. But being the nice person i am, i didnt. Told her about it instead........That was much more satisfying.
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RHP User
10 years ago
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RHP User
10 years ago
Different times and places I've been flirted with, or outright propositioned by friends' wives, girlfriends, sisters. In all good conscience, I never thought it a good idea to pursue. Genuine friendships can take a long time to cultivate; sexual dalliances are frequently fleeting... I've always keenly perceived the damage and hurt it could reek on someone - especially where their are implications to someone's family life. For my own part, I don't believe it would even be worthwhile for purposes of 'revenge'. In my time, through many and varied errors of judgement, I've come to think there's more to respect for self and others. Now, of course I realise such admission may leave me open to derision by some in this forum - so be it. We each make our own choices and bear the consequences of those choices. In hindsight, I reckon I have enough to ponder and regret (sometimes perhaps even keep me awake at night) without unnecessarily complicating my life!
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RHP User
10 years ago
I like Willow's comment. Very different on here to the real world. In the real world, no I wouldn't, not if I knew both partners and they were good friends or even if I knew them really well, which I think is the context of your post. I don't think I would anyway, the situation has never been put before me, well not in recent years, partly because I think we subconsciously avoid putting ourselves in situations where that might happen. I do believe sometimes chemistry can drag people into those situations and I would never judge because of that. It has happened to me earlier in my life and there's no way I was not going there, the chemistry and heat was overwhelming. I've never experienced anything like it since. I still play with attached people occasionally, but don't know the partner, but I'm also very careful how I go about that, and it's sex only, no 'affair', which is entirely different IMHO. I do get confused why people on here worry about their play partners playing with other people. It is naive in my opinion to believe they're only having sex with you, and why would that matter? It doesn't to me. BUT and here's the kicker for me, I am put off quite often with the friends list. If there are people I think look dirty or yew or like they fuck everything on the planet, combined with their pictures looking really gross, there's no hope in hell I'm gonna want to spend time with them. Even I have standards lol I'm also very private off here and won't usually hook up with someone who may not be discrete, if I see they've been to a lot of parties, clubs, meet & greet's, I usually avoid. Not meaning that there is anything wrong with any of those things, but I don't want my business, life or sex life, everyone else's business. I refer to it as 'overswinging', become machine-like is another side effect that doesn't appeal to me. I like to get them fresh if I can. With gossip, a harmless comment to one person is all it takes, that person tells another person, and so on, and I avoid putting myself in that position. I would rather go without sex than getting too into the inner circle of the Perth swinging scene. It's my choice, I have real life to draw from, this website is only a part of it. Completely happy with my choices
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RHP User
10 years ago
without going into detail, my ex played up on me... So, knowing how it is from that perspective... As I've said, even if out of some sense of revenge, I see no victory; only hollowness. All of that said, she and I parted company six years ago now, and better still, her chickens are now coming home to roost. As Roger Waters sang some time back: "Give any one species too much rope, and they'll fuck it up." She and her new husband will be facing fraud charges before long (for quite deliberate and sustained activities). That gives me a warmer, fuzzier feeling than any revenge sex ever could (except for the impact I know it's going to have on our kids - but like I said we all make our own decisions, take the risks, and bear the consequences).
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RHP User
10 years ago
A. If theyre swingers, then yes. Ive done this and would still do it. Everything is above board as it should be..... (Unless you have experienced friendships/relationships with like minded swingers, it is hard to wrap your head around) B. If theyre not seasoned swingers, then not a chance in hell. I value my friendships above all else. Lily, when you say "affair" - do you mean cheating? Im not sure of the interpretation here? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
My ex and I have been very close friends with A&K for many years and tonight I was chatting with A on the phone. He told me that he and K had been talking about stepping it up a level in a MMF scenario...and he wanted me to be the second M. I am sure I am the only person that they know that K would be comfortable with, but there is always the concern that it may change our long standing relationship forever if it ever happened. Apparently K has been writing down her fantasies and she describes being blindfolded, knowing that there are more than 2 hands upon her, but not knowing who the 3rd party was. We discussed a plan whereby I would fly in unannounced, sneak in and join in, not a word said, with her blindfolded the whole time, and then leave. I would then jump on a plane and post a pic on Facebook (although I rarely look at FB) from somewhere like Thailand, giving the impression that it could not possibly have been me. It was just a mystery man that A had arranged just for that time. He said that I am the only one that he would trust and be comfortable with to make the fantasy a reality. I apologise Lily if I am highjacking the OP, but it is same same but different...and it just happened hours ago.
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sweetgem
10 years ago
I would never sleep with, or have an affair with, my female friend's lover/husband. I know that one should never say never, but this is a territory that I know I won't ever want to enter, too complicated, too much damages and hurts would bring on my friend and our friendship. Not worth it! Besides, I would be disrespecting myself to begin with, if I did that and respect is a huge thing to me! Therefore, no is my answer to your first question, and yes sisterhood code still exists with me, Lily :) PS. I rather use the term "female friend" than "girlfriend" when I make a reference about my girl friends, as "girlfriend" is the red code for partner, to me anyway 😛 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
sorry to go off topic for a second Lily, but I just wanted to thank Mary, you just explained my thoughts perfectly about being more protective about some partners! Exactly what I was trying to explain in a previous post but couldn't quite articulate! And back on topic; no way no how! there has to be some lines that are never crossed and that is one of them for me 😊 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
... is one that gets two top shelf blow jobs and gives you one. By referral to the lady of course! Really if it were a true close friend and the woman in question was a lover rather than a committed LTR then I would probably know about it before she did and avoid it if there were any emotional attachments. Friends are for life... the best ones share their wife!
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RHP User
10 years ago
... how high my standards go when it comes to that, lily. Never. I'll never sneak around and sleep with a mate's partner. The sisterhood / friendship code is very important to me and I abide by the strict moral codes. I love and respect my friends too much to subject them to this sort of grief and betrayal. Totally off limits. I will only consider proceeding if I have been approached by both the friend and her lover. I've never done a threesome before but if I'm fond of both, and I feel both are "safe" and STD-free, I will definitely consider.
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RHP User
10 years ago
was perhaps not intended to talk about "affairs". ? In the swing scene it it not uncommon. Some best friends share. I use to like my friend watching me and her hubby. It eas hot. We all loved it and we all saw it for what it was. Fun and frolicks. Maybe I view things a little different to most of the singles in here. Dunno. What I do know, you can't really make a call if you've not had first hand experience. Have I got this OP wrong? - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I must ask why are you quite judgemental? I have been to lots of greet n meets, organised many too. Met hundreds of Perth people. Fucked my way through a learning curve of my own sexuality at parties, clubs and of course one on one. Learnt more about myself being in the open swing scene than any shrink could possibly help me with. I learnt never to judge orhers for their sexuality and how they choose to go about it. Perhaps I read your post wrong, tho it seemed you were making a generalised sweeping statment, with out much thought. Apologies if I did. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Im thinking back a few yrs now, but heres a story of the sisterhood in the swinging world. Not me, but both were aquantances of mine and we had the same group of swinger friends. 2 single straight females, both good friends in the swingers world and in real life. Both going together to a private party. Girl #1, had organised a first meet/play with a guy online and had invited him to register and come to the party. She was very excited and was looking forward to meeting after chatting for a fair while. Girl#2 knew all this. So he turns up at party #1 is very impressed and tells #2 that she will be having sex with him.Then girl #2 starts flirting and preening all over this guy. "Nek minut" they skip off to a room and get it on. Girl #1 is extremely upset because her friend had snowballed her out of the picture. It did ruin their friendship, by the way. So is that what you are talking about Lily? Swinging sisterhood? Im not totally sure what you mean either.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Cutting ones grass Willow. Not very nice at all. Ive had that done to me, but Ive done it back in grandeur style and the best thing is, they don't know. I think its the evil in me. Cross my path with your blades and the last laugh will be on you. 😉 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have also seen in it the swinging scene. Then the woman will always make out like we are all sharing partners - interestingly they rarely bring their own lovers to the clubs. Wonder why. How are the women that show no interest in a guy - until someone else does - and then they all off a sudden are all over them. People that do that, don't tend to get asked back on nights out. Women always notice that sort of thing. ^_^
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RHP User
10 years ago
My take on it is that some people are so discreet they don't want on hang out with any swingers in case it gets out that they are up for it. Lol. Seems really bizarre thing to see when they have so many suggestive shots of themselves on line and write about their exploits?!?! Totally contradictory.
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RHP User
10 years ago
changing my response as I think I only took the question as would I play with someone on rhp that a friend (that I know via rhp or via real life) is playing with - my answer to that is no. If it was a friends partner or husband again no, even a couple I know swing his partner was happy for us to play together but I couldn't I was too worried about damaging our friendship and that comes first to me. I have, inadvertently though played with a friends husband. They were separated for 18 months or so and I figured they were never getting back together , the wife and I were only really acquaintances because her husband and my ex were friends. We all became single and I no longer spoke to the wife, anyway the husband and I played and they ended up back together . We told her we had played and her and I ended up talking again due to that and she's now my best friend. Always kinda awkward when she tells me about her sex life though :/
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Willow_1' 2 single straight females, both good friends in the swingers world and in real life. Both going together to a private party. Girl #1, had organised a first meet/play with a guy online and had invited him to register and come to the party. She was very excited and was looking forward to meeting after chatting for a fair while. Girl#2 knew all this. So he turns up at party #1 is very impressed and tells #2 that she will be having sex with him.Then girl #2 starts flirting and preening all over this guy. "Nek minut" they skip off to a room and get it on. Girl #1 is extremely upset because her friend had snowballed her out of the picture. It did ruin their friendship, by the way. that's just rude!
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RHP User
10 years ago
Without much thought? No honey, I was very happy with that post, it was honest and summed up my feelings towards hard core swinging. Whatever works for you, it doesn't for me. I need to 'feel', I need them to feel, feeling has to be there. Every guy I've ever hooked up with who was heavier into the scene, didn't do it for me, cold and detached, every time. In every case, I walked. I now refuse to have sex with a machine. A decision that has worked for me. I also look at action pictures people have up where wife is licking or sucking, she's being fucked from behind from some disgusting creep, but she's hot, hubby is busy with a couple of other chicks. Do they really care who's there? I could walk in the room, you could, the neighbour could lol sorry if you took offense, it was a sweeping statement, but about my approach and my opinion on how many men end up with the emotional part of sex, they lose the warmth and 'love in the moment'. It actually screws up a lot of men sexually, doesn't make them better, though they believe they are, the arrogance you see and dismissive attitude. I'll give you a different kind of example of this. Okay, so I met this guy about a month ago, ticked all the boxes, particular Nationality I gag for, but not just that, all went well, comms were okay, bit on the mild side, met and had a great encounter, not the best I've had but pretty great. We both came out of it feeling good. More communication followed, asked me to go to a club with him, actually asked before we met though hmm then had lined up to go few days after. So I said, have a great time blah blah was expecting to hear from him during the week. Genuinely hoped he'd had a great night at the club. I was thinking I'd found an ongoing fb, we all know how hard they are to find, and was excited about that. About a month then goes by and I get a message, I'd like to see you again. Would you really? I never replied. So he walked away from an awesome encounter with me and chose to go to a club when he could have had me the following day? Then no contact for a month. He's just working his way around the traps. Sorry, I think that's sad for him. Snooze you lose in my world dude. You snoozed. I have worse stories than that, a cop who was an arse, but others who seem to look right through you. You could be anyone, doesn't matter to them. Have you ever read on a profile how they're not fussy about body shape or looks? Or shaved or unshaved, shy or confident, they just fuck anyone. I don't, so sue me 😉😁 and privacy, well that's my choice. Whether you choose to take a comment personally or be offended by it is entirely up to you. Doesn't change how I feel and won't change how honest I am, on and off the forum.
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AnnieWhichway
10 years ago
You got that right
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RHP User
10 years ago
Haha omg that's epic lmao 😂😂😂 my longest post ever 🏆👌
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RHP User
10 years ago
TLDR
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RHP User
10 years ago
My friendships are all important in my life, I wouldn't cross that line. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
As you say each to their own and I whole heartily agree with that statement. I do however finf it quite sad you have not experienced true lovers of the swing scene. Sounds more like you have experienced.....perhaps players. You see, a player is a machine (so they think). They do not fuck with passion, it's all about their addictive behavour in making sure their cock is happy. They are emotionally closed. No, just because some single man heads to a club, it does not necessarily make him a swinger. Im not quite sure why you think this man lost because he chose a club over seeing your good self. Sounds to me you got a bit bent out of shape over it. (Just my perception from your post). Anyhooo....sorry for going off track OP. Oh and I Touch...I can honestly say, speaking from experience of course, Ive never heard the term "hard core swinger" and oh thx for the psychology lesson on swinging makes men fucked up. Or did I read that wrong? Ad break. 👅 - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Im missing something here. Oh look something shiny. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
whateva
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RHP User
10 years ago
yes I did experience 'players', they were the ones I was referring to who 'overswing'. And no I wasn't bent out of shape over this dude going to the club, why would I be? That's just picking something out of my post and putting your slant on it. Where did I say I wasn't happy for him to be going there? In fact, I think I said I was very happy for him to do that, of course I was. I was looking forward to hearing about it, hoping he had a good time, but not 5 weeks later. Anyway, he's not really one of the ones I was mainly referring to, the others were cold, as if they're looking right through me, detached. Not many of them and no, the majority of the guys I see aren't like that at all, but that's because I choose guys who fit what I want. And I'm very happy for you and your friends to do whatever. How is it you are offended by me not wanting to do what you do. What difference does it make to you? No need to be sad for me. I'm very happy and I'm happy for you, seriously. We are all different. I was just being honest. Took it a bit personally yes?
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' As you say each to their own and I whole heartily agree with that statement. I do however finf it quite sad you have not experienced true lovers of the swing scene. Sounds more like you have experienced.....perhaps players. You see, a player is a machine (so they think). They do not fuck with passion, it's all about their addictive behavour in making sure their cock is happy. They are emotionally closed. No, just because some single man heads to a club, it does not necessarily make him a swinger. Im not quite sure why you think this man lost because he chose a club over seeing your good self. Sounds to me you got a bit bent out of shape over it. (Just my perception from your post). Anyhooo....sorry for going off track OP. Oh and I Touch...I can honestly say, speaking from experience of course, Ive never heard the term "hard core swinger" and oh thx for the psychology lesson on swinging makes men fucked up. Or did I read that wrong? Ad break. 👅 - Posted from rhpmobile All of my comments have been general comments reflecting my thoughts about a subject, I don't make personal attacks unless in retaliation. What you've done here is made it personal. I never directed my comment at you, but you have at me, because you CHOSE to take it personally. Not my problem if you did that. But I have to ask you don't continue making this personal. Do whatever you want to do, say whatever on the forum, but don't make it personal
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RHP User
10 years ago
I don't think I'm the one who's bent out of shape
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RHP User
10 years ago
Many years ago I asked a mate could I take his sister on a date he laughed and said I don't care. Anyhow all the lads herd about this and gave me shit as mates do to which I replied you have respect for your mates you don't cut grass and if you have feelings for a sibling then you ask permission. I am a little old school like that. Anyhow long story short I stopped hanging with those lads because they had no moral or brother hood and brother hood I hold high. I seen them a year ago and one of them was bitching because a few of them had cut his grass I laughed at him to which he replied what's funny.. I said all them years ago you called me weak cause I showed respect now look your bitching because your boys cut your grass. There is no way I would cut a mates grass!! I don't care how bloody hot the bird is!! - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
Even on this site, yes an 'adult site, swinging site, rooting site' whatever, swingers have a bad rap! I am one, most of my friends are, they are incredible lovers (men and women) and don't look to just fuck anything! Even in this scene there's an expected code of behaviour! Anyone just wanting 'to notch up fucks' is quickly identified, and they have very little luck! Connections between people are made just as quickly or slowly in swinging as they are anywhere else! Sweeping generalisations about the scene are made by people who have had very little interaction with genuine swingers! I'm in an open relationship and am part of the swinging scene here in Melbourne! I've had bad experiences (and all of those) have been with people outside of the scene! In my experiences, men outside of the scene struggle with how to interact with a married woman, how to treat her respectfully and how to maintain connections with her. Other than one person, I have very little sexual interaction with others outside the scene! Why??? Because they have a narrow view of swinging and think I'm happy with a BJ in the back of a car and that I'd fuck them and their mates. They think a blow and go or quick dip of the wick will suffice! No thanks! So this swinger and her friends have a code we work by, and it works! Mary xx
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
It certainly does not make me want to sit around a fire singing "Kumbaya" with a bunch of women. Especially those, who say one thing, than action another and who are very competitive. Something I'm very weary of. Ms Foxy
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
Courious... What exactly is the sista/brother hood code in the swinging world? Who decides? Is there elected head chair person who decides? A panel? Is there a code bible ? Does one have to support same sex hood?? Are there different codes, for different peoople, ie-couples? singles?? Groups? Ms Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
My view is respect your mates never date or Fuck there missus or ex esp if they still have feelings for them. No rule book or panel just being a descent mate and having respect for them. I've heard same goes from my female housemate and her gf. - Posted from rhpmobile
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MsSuperFoxy
10 years ago
I agree, I question because I have seen so many people with two very different so called "codes", one in the swinging world and another in life outside of it. Is there two different "codes"? Ms Foxy
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RHP User
10 years ago
I agree. To me it sounds like superficial sex, no connections at all.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'Summersolstice' Quoting 'I_touch_myself2'I like Willow's comment. Very different on here to the real world. In the real world, no I wouldn't, not if I knew both partners and they were good friends or even if I knew them really well, which I think is the context of your post. I don't think I would anyway, the situation has never been put before me, well not in recent years, partly because I think we subconsciously avoid putting ourselves in situations where that might happen. I do believe sometimes chemistry can drag people into those situations and I would never judge because of that. It has happened to me earlier in my life and there's no way I was not going there, the chemistry and heat was overwhelming. I've never experienced anything like it since. I still play with attached people occasionally, but don't know the partner, but I'm also very careful how I go about that, and it's sex only, no 'affair', which is entirely different IMHO. I do get confused why people on here worry about their play partners playing with other people. It is naive in my opinion to believe they're only having sex with you, and why would that matter? It doesn't to me. BUT and here's the kicker for me, I am put off quite often with the friends list. If there are people I think look dirty or yew or like they fuck everything on the planet, combined with their pictures looking really gross, there's no hope in hell I'm gonna want to spend time with them. Even I have standards lol I'm also very private off here and won't usually hook up with someone who may not be discrete, if I see they've been to a lot of parties, clubs, meet & greet's, I usually avoid. Not meaning that there is anything wrong with any of those things, but I don't want my business, life or sex life, everyone else's business. I didn't read the part where you threw in M&G's as judgmental, more as your fear of being discussed in a group? Fair enough, not my thing either. But then came this: Quoting 'I_touch_myself2' Without much thought? No honey, I was very happy with that post, it was honest and summed up my feelings towards hard core swinging. Whatever works for you, it doesn't for me. I need to 'feel', I need them to feel, feeling has to be there. Every guy I've ever hooked up with who was heavier into the scene, didn't do it for me, cold and detached, every time. In every case, I walked. I now refuse to have sex with a machine. That I feel is judgmental. You've spoken many times about meeting men without knowing them, sharing one look and then taking of to the beach or your car. (Do correct me if I'm wrong).Yet you call swinging, where members are much more likely to actually know each other well, detached and mechanic? To me (my opinion of course), the way you have sex sounds void of emotion and mental connection. Like you said, to each their own, and if your way works for you great. It's no one's business, really.I think how you described the swinging scene is quite disrespectful though, especially because of the words you chose to use. Referring to guys in the scene as cold, and machines? Rude. Live and let live. Happy fucking! same to you, happy fucking
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RHP User
10 years ago
Im sorry, however I fail to see a personal attack. I made a comment in relation to your post. You know, the sweeping generalised statement.It was my perception of you post. I didn't think I put my own "slant" on it, if I did that, Im sure you would then have cause for thinking it was personal. I did not intend to offend you I Touch. I simlpy opened up your post a little and stated my thoughts. Considering you have taken offence, I suggest you articulate, you scripts with a little more thought, if you do not want your words questioned. You will find that making judgements, of people in the swing scene is not very constructive. I do understand how perhaps you thought, I was being personal, tho I was not. Feel free to put your slant on it tho. Perhaps I should of not used the word "you" although you did say what you said. Blurred lines. - Posted from rhpmobile
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RHP User
10 years ago
This has been a very interesting read Lilyorchid!!! At times it seemed more of a political debate, which of course can evolve when there are 2 different scenario's put on the table. There is DATING and there is SWINGING. Both can have same or different answers to the question posted. All responses though may feel right or wrong for the reader but are right for who is writing the reponse. A common theme in the responses so far is RESPECT, whether it be self respect or respect for a friendship. And that is important when it comes to intimacy of any kind. It is also critical in any friendship. With respect to some of my friends that happen to be swingers, they are open about who they are sexually and have a great deal of respect for self and friendships. What some may choose as a swinging couple/swinger, may be different to another in that scene. Every person involved in either swinging/dating/sex have the right to choose their own rules and boundaries to what works for them. Unfortunately, there are some that misrepresent swinging, either that have had bad experiences with people that call themselves "swingers" or have no experience at all, coming across as eager to be a "root rat"! And yes I am being gender specific, sorry guys, but there are guys out there who contradict SWINGING VS SEX ADDICTION. The sex addict types would stick their dick in a hole in the wall, or line up outside a swinging club panting, hoping they can get in, thinking inside is like sex on a conveyor belt! Haha!!! We all know these ones..... These sex addict types seem to be more the emotionally detached, disrespectful, have lots of photos of their dicks, as that is what they think about the most. Their penis would have no conscience and they would show more characteristics of sexual aggression and in some cases be abusive. Sex addicts are NOT swingers, they are sex addicts, who are more likely cheat and call it swinging. I think 'Insight' referred to these as players in an earlier response. Thought it was helpful to this post, to continue on that note and show the difference between the two There are also guys that are swingers, that have an enormous respect for all people, friendships and a new partner. They are very 'in tune' with people when it comes to intimacy and honest. They are capable of emotion, and would contact the next day, or in a suitable time frame at the very least. These guys would never be abusive or aggressive to anyone either. Probably not the ongoing fb type or relationship material though, although who knows, some could be? Personally, my rule for myself, is to answer your question "Would you sleep or have an affair with your mate's or girlfriends lover? would you put your friendship ahead of your desire and stick to the sisterhood or brotherhood code?" My answer is NO, my respect for valued friendships would always override any desires. I do admire those responses, that put communicating with their friend about it first. To me, that shows respect is valued in the friendship, no matter what the outcome might have been. Now , if the same question was asked if you would sleep with an ex lover's friend? There may be a whole different response rate (and shorter than my response here hahaha) that would add some comic relief from this sensitive topic......
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RHP User
10 years ago
Live by your own code Live by your own rules Respect others interpretations We are all on different journeys. One persons perceptions wont be the same as someone elses. Does it hinder the way you choose to experience YOUR life? Nope. Do your thing whatever way makes you happy. Pettiness is triviall dribble
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RHP User
10 years ago
Quoting 'inspirit' Im sorry, however I fail to see a personal attack. I made a comment in relation to your post. You know, the sweeping generalised statement.It was my perception of you post. I didn't think I put my own "slant" on it, if I did that, Im sure you would then have cause for thinking it was personal. I did not intend to offend you I Touch. I simlpy opened up your post a little and stated my thoughts. Considering you have taken offence, I suggest you articulate, you scripts with a little more thought, if you do not want your words questioned. You will find that making judgements, of people in the swing scene is not very constructive. I do understand how perhaps you thought, I was being personal, tho I was not. Feel free to put your slant on it tho. Perhaps I should of not used the word "you" although you did say what you said. Blurred lines. - Posted from rhpmobile no blurred lines, you took my 'general' comment, to which you could have commented on, I wouldn't have had a problem with that, but then chose to highlight peronal things about me. Did I do that to you? No sweetie I didn't. So who blurred the lines, not me, but go ahead and have the last say
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RHP User
10 years ago
No I wouldn't go there. I have broken a friendship because my "friend" didn't think it was necessary to tell me when she started seeing an ex lover. Some shit just ain't worth the aggro it causes.
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RHP User
10 years ago
Never behind her back but one of my friends was very insistent that I should be her husband's introduction to swinging. I have to admit, I was concerned that she might feel differently after the fact but they both seem very happy as a result.
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RHP User
10 years ago
I have no trouble with sleeping with someone as long as their significant other - whether that be a friend of mine or otherwise - is also aware and cool with it. If that's unclear, or definitely a problem then I don't sleep with them. It's really not that hard is it? Just be above board with what's going on and let grown-ups make grown-up decisions. B
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RHP User
10 years ago
As posted previously, my first date as a single was with a swinger of 5 experience. She got all upset by the second date and said that I make it really hard. Puzzled, I questioned her and she said that swinging is just sex...there is no connection with the other parties. She had actually just split with her man because he played with the partner of another couple and both parties considered that cheating. The impression that I got was that swinging was largely devoid of connection. However my first hand observations were quite different. There had to be a connection before escalating to play and the play was quite sensual. Yeah Ok...it was devoid of emotional connection, which is to be expected...as most couples are happy couplesk that are just spicing things up here and there. But there was a chemistry that defied physicality. Indeed the person who impressed me most, with his ability to satisfy a woman, was no oil painting, yet I felt humbled by comparison. And then there was the incident of the lady who wanted many. Whilst myself and another guy connected with the lady, at least one of the other guys just seemed to be having a self centred fuck. So what do I conclude? There are some that do look through you, but most look you in the eye and promote the sensualness that can only be between people that connect. It depends on your own experiences and how choose to interact. Back to the OP. I think that general principle of engagement applies....it has to be mutually consentual to all involved parties. Taking someone elses lover, without the knowledge or consent of the other parties is a no no and typically ends badly. Regarding, engaging when a relationship is over, is tricky. How long is the acceptable hands off period last? The is no answer. It depends on the feelings of thise involved.
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RHP User
9 years ago
By Robert W. Service A bunch of the boys were whooping it up in the Malamute saloon; The kid that handles the music-box was hitting a jag-time tune; Back of the bar, in a solo game, sat Dangerous Dan McGrew, And watching his luck was his light-o'-love, the lady that's known as Lou. When out of the night, which was fifty below, and into the din and the glare, There stumbled a miner fresh from the creeks, dog-dirty, and loaded for bear. He looked like a man with a foot in the grave and scarcely the strength of a louse, Yet he tilted a poke of dust on the bar, and he called for drinks for the house. There was none could place the stranger's face, though we searched ourselves for a clue; But we drank his health, and the last to drink was Dangerous Dan McGrew. There's men that somehow just grip your eyes, and hold them hard like a spell; And such was he, and he looked to me like a man who had lived in hell; With a face most hair, and the dreary stare of a dog whose day is done, As he watered the green stuff in his glass, and the drops fell one by one. Then I got to figgering who he was, and wondering what he'd do, And I turned my head — and there watching him was the lady that's known as Lou. His eyes went rubbering round the room, and he seemed in a kind of daze, Till at last that old piano fell in the way of his wandering gaze. The rag-time kid was having a drink; there was no one else on the stool, So the stranger stumbles across the room, and flops down there like a fool. In a buckskin shirt that was glazed with dirt he sat, and I saw him sway; Then he clutched the keys with his talon hands — my God! but that man could play. Were you ever out in the Great Alone, when the moon was awful clear, And the icy mountains hemmed you in with a silence you most could hear; With only the howl of a timber wolf, and you camped there in the cold, A half-dead thing in a stark, dead world, clean mad for the muck called gold; While high overhead, green, yellow and red, the North Lights swept in bars? — Then you've a hunch what the music meant. . . hunger and night and the stars. And hunger not of the belly kind, that's banished with bacon and beans, But the gnawing hunger of lonely men for a home and all that it means; For a fireside far from the cares that are, four walls and a roof above; But oh! so cramful of cosy joy, and crowned with a woman's love — A woman dearer than all the world, and true as Heaven is true — (God! how ghastly she looks through her rouge, — the lady that's known as Lou.) Then on a sudden the music changed, so soft that you scarce could hear; But you felt that your life had been looted clean of all that it once held dear; That someone had stolen the woman you loved; that her love was a devil's lie; That your guts were gone, and the best for you was to crawl away and die. 'Twas the crowning cry of a heart's despair, and it thrilled you through and through — "I guess I'll make it a spread misere", said Dangerous Dan McGrew. The music almost died away ... then it burst like a pent-up flood; And it seemed to say, "Repay, repay," and my eyes were blind with blood. The thought came back of an ancient wrong, and it stung like a frozen lash, And the lust awoke to kill, to kill ... then the music stopped with a crash, And the stranger turned, and his eyes they burned in a most peculiar way; In a buckskin shirt that was glazed with dirt he sat, and I saw him sway; Then his lips went in in a kind of grin, and he spoke, and his voice was calm, And "Boys," says he, "you don't know me, and none of you care a damn; But I want to state, and my words are straight, and I'll bet my poke they're true, That one of you is a hound of hell. . .and that one is Dan McGrew." Then I ducked my head, and the lights went out, and two guns blazed in the dark, And a woman screamed, and the lights went up, and two men lay stiff and stark. Pitched on his head, and pumped full of lead, was Dangerous Dan McGrew, While the man from the creeks lay clutched to the breast of the lady that's known as Lou. These are the simple facts of the case, and I guess I ought to know. They say that the stranger was crazed with "hooch," and I'm not denying it's so. I'm not so wise as the lawyer guys, but strictly between us two — The woman that kissed him and — pinched his poke — was the lady that's known as Lou.
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