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talking about ex's on a first date/meet

February 28 2013

deal breakers

exes

first meets

meets

Has anyone been on a date (first meet) where the person talks about their ex? Thought it was just universally understood that this kind of 'prattling-on' about a past partner was a 'no go zone' on a first or even second date?I find it to be a major turn off! I lose interest almost instantly and with the respect factor gone out the window with it, I back away very quickly. They don't get a second meet with me! As I feel like it has set the tone for everything to come from there on in?(I experienced it recently and I didn't even like the derogatory way this guy was speaking about another woman. Running her down. Listening to him spill forth I couldn't help thinking that I was next! It was awful.) I know most of us have had at least one significant past relationship, but that's not the point, as it should be left in the background and not shared until much later on in my book. If at all?No, no, no to being a third wheel? A free therapist or a sounding board for crap?As 'Kate Winslet' once said, quote, "I'm supposed to be the 'leading lady' of my own life for Christ's sake!!" (when her character found herself in this situation.)Also for blokes: Does this happen to the guys as well? Do women talk or whine about their ex when you go on a first meet?

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Comments

  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Once they start talking about an ex or even start putting down girls from here that they have fucked I switch off! I won't let them touch me...I openly yawn....I start looking everywhere and then while they are mid sentence I say "Well OK then, I'm off" and that is it...I don't see them again and I don't contact them again! Biggest turn off EVER!! xFunlovingx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    When a guy talks all night long (about EX's and other crap) BLAH BLAH BLAH and I can't even get my mouth open for 2 cents worth ...and then at the end of the night expects me to open my mouth for a BJ?? LIKE WTF?? as if that's gonna happen.... Foxy

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Loud and clear!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    because then you know what someone is really like,what they really think.The positive and the negative...chat away I say....and listen ...carefully,it could save you a lot of time, energy and effort later. Of course, sometimes you know in the first five seconds too.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    It depends. I don't mind the subject being brought up in passing, but if they talk negatively, or obsessively, or persistently about them then back away! Mind you a recent contact and I talked about past lovers all night and it was a turn on for him. He kept asking me about my past lovers etc... Each to their own I say! Just learn to read your audience! - Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I want a guy to at least be in the present moment. In the now and looking forward.(Not looking back over his shoulder while he's dragging a big sack of shit along behind him.)I like to form my own opinion but it's a shame that what could have been a good impression can be so easily jaded and ultimately eclipsed by the 'ex' thing.Good sign that, while he may say he is free and single, he has in no way dealt with his 'ex' on an emotional level.Too many alarm bells for me I'm afraid.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    ex involves the past, its called the past for a reason !

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'deepbluesumthing' I want a guy to at least be in the present moment. In the now and looking forward.(Not looking back over his shoulder while he's dragging a big sack of shit along behind him.)I like to form my own opinion but it's a shame that what could have been a good impression can be so easily jaded and ultimately eclipsed by the 'ex' thing.Good sign that, while he may say he is free and single, he has in no way dealt with his 'ex' on an emotional level.Too many alarm bells for me I'm afraid.DING-A-LING! alarm bells for me too!! Don't blame you.....That's the issue I am finding a lot with others when going on meet and greets.Turns me off as well!! Ex's in the picture...blah blah blahCall me greedy but not having 3 in any of my relationships- don't do those "Emotional" types of threesomes. Some people may think they have their sh*t together...but hello... SIGNALS and Reality check!!If I have my sh*t together ( MY baggage is a coin size purse) no way in hell am I taking on someone's else's sh*t load of luggage to unpack!! They NEED to have their SH*t cleaned up!!!!No Fool Foxy either.GREAT TOPIC OP xx

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'SubNymphette'It depends. I don't mind the subject being brought up in passing, but if they talk negatively, or obsessively, or persistently about them then back away! You took the words out of my mouth!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Ms_Devious' Quoting 'SubNymphette'It depends. I don't mind the subject being brought up in passing, but if they talk negatively, or obsessively, or persistently about them then back away! You took the words out of my mouth! Yes good point there! There is a difference between a passing comment and dwelling on it or continually revisiting it during the conversation!

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I believe that it shows they are not ready for any kind of new encounter and are still carrying the past baggage. A big no no for new encounters. From a guys perspective, I think sometimes it is a stratergy to see if you are up to the challenge of being "a better man" than the one before. A way of placing boundries before anything else continues. Thoes crafty ladies! Secrets

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    If you are on a first date of any kind, you NEVER talk about ex's. Why on earth would your prospective date want to know about your ex and your reasons for splitting up, or how much money you lost, or how you found out she was having an affair or she wont let you see the kids. Your date wants to know about you and your interests to see if you connect. Heaven forbid the guy should start talking about what he contributed to the split up but I bet he wont! Its a massive turn-off when a woman does it as well. If you become friends later and you need someone to talk to then thats fine, thats what friends are for but never ever on a first date. Listening to someone at dinner going on and on like this, well it would be more fun to stab myself in the eye with a fork...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'Canwehavefun' ex involves the past, its called the past for a reason ! Well said.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I also most definitely judge a man by the way he talks about his ex. Speak of "that bitch" and I'm out of there. My ex-partner's ex-girlfriend sued him after he broke up with her, yet he always spoke about her in a respectful way.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Move on. If we are out, you have my full and devoted attention, please grant me the same.

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  • Smilingwithfun

    Smilingwithfun

    13 years ago

    If they speak in a positive way or just a quick explanation of why they are single,no problem. Life's to short to talk about the past,especially when you are sitting across from the present & maybe longer. I hate when women start the sentence with,you men are all alike "sigh "

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    ..is going to involve hearing about the Ex at some point. This is how you learn a little about someone, so I don't mind. Some times I'll even ask if I think it's in context. Possibly not on a first date. But it's not a hard and fast rule in my book.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Chats about exes are sometimes a natural part of the conversation. Also, if the 'date' is just a prelude to no strings sex (as opposed to potentially something more) presumably it doesn't matter if someone still has feelings for an ex?

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Seriously! that's what friends are for, to help you through that difficult time and still like you and hang out with you even when you are a pain in the arse. But potential lovers are a different story, and spilling the guts re: breakup is very sexually unattractive, even you can sympathise. Maybe its best not to meet someone for the first time if the wounds are still raw, or maybe that's the best way to get over someone, but either way it's really best not to tell a prospective partner about how terrible the ex was/is. Likewise its also best not to mention that you had to move back in with your aging parents or that there is currently a WWIII scale custody battle either. I know these things happen and am deeply sympthatic to people in such circumstances but its not the right time and place to spill such things on a first, second, third or so date.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Talk of how AMAZING and ex was/is should also be avoided... deeply unsexy.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Quoting 'How_Far' Move on. If we are out, you have my full and devoted attention, please grant me the same. Both chivalry and equality personified here.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Pmsl....we are not "crafty" just wise Vixens me thinking? SPANK you for that one naughty boy...hehe Foxy- Posted from rhpmobile

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    You girls have some woeful luck when it comes to dates...

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I like to hear how they talk about their exes and their mothers. If they talk about an ex/mother in a respectful manner and not in a derogatory way then I think it shows he's respectful and a nice enough bloke. I like that in a man BUT if he is an arsehole in the way he talks about them then he isn't the man for me and I'm out of there quick smart

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    Well I think discussing ex's if you had children is fine as its part of your background. But once it has been said lets move on to better conversations. If a date and yes I have had one of those dates, talks about it in a negative way and continues on and on about it. Then it just shows they have not comes to terms with it and moved on. So that would be a big warning signal for me to not take things any further.

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  • RHP

    RHP User

    13 years ago

    I think its even more offputting when they discuss their sexual history with an ex.Or if they compare the way you do things in bed to an ex.Sybil no like

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